Yesterday, Matt Olson went 1-for-2, 2 RBIs with his 18th homer, hitting .273, all in only 49 games, and seven homers in his last ten games. Dizzamn, who is he the American League’s Rhysus? I’d call him Olsonus, but that sounds stupid. We’re ridin’ the Ols-mobile? That’s better (not)! Like me after Taco Bell, he is Olplosive (much worse!). I hear the train a comin’ rollin’ round the bend! I ain’t seen the sunshine since I don’t know when! Well I’m stuck with Matt Olson and time keeps dragging on! While a train keeps a rollin’ like Olson to San Antone! Well when I was just a baby my mama told me Olson, Olson, OLSON! Always be a good boy don’t ever play with guns (flexes, showing gun show). Well I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, not OLSON! When I hear that whistle blowin’ I hang my head and I cry because I don’t have OLSON! Whew, that was exhausting. So, obviously, if you need power, you should grab Olsonus, and ride the Ols-mobile. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Doug Fister – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 4.40, and his first bad start since July. Ouch. He really pulled the rug out from under us. For a Fister, I can only imagine what rug he’s pulling out from under us. *shudders*
Lucas Giolito – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.56. The good news? Everything besides the bad news. The bad news? 3 walks to 3 Ks in this game, 7 .4 K/9 to 3.1 BB/9 in his 31 2/3 IP, and his velocity is down from last year. He still throws ‘hard enough,’ so less concerned with that last bit of bad news. Finally, Stream-o-Nator couldn’t dislike his next start in Houston any more, but, I will say this, if the Astros clinch right before the start, it could be a stream.
Tim Anderson – 2-for-5, 1 run and his 11th steal, hitting near-.400 in the last week with four steals and one homer. Yo, Tim Anderson is winning me leagues right now. That won’t be forgotten in the offseason. Also, Halp and I heap praise on Anderson in this week’s podcast.
Scott Alexander – 2/3 IP, 2 ER and the loss. Mean’s while, Kelvin Herrera (1 IP, 0 ER) pitched the 8th and looked like fire. Excuse me, he looked like 1800 degrees Kelvin.
Bryce Harper – Did some light running yesterday. He has knee and calf issues and he’s running on lights?! Oh! My b.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 2.59. Hopefully he’s healthy — hopealthy? — but not a ton of hopealthy coming from me for Scherzer because I don’t own him. Yes, this is all about me.
Luiz Gohara – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.30, but only thru two starts, so it’s kinda irrelevant. Gohara gets the Nats again at home, and, while it’s not recommended highly, the Nats might still be coasting to the playoffs. By the way, doesn’t Luiz Gohara sound like a character actor that would’ve been in Casablanca? No? Okay, maybe it’s me.
Matt Harvey – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA 6.14. Looks to be in midseason form, because, ya know, at the midseason point, he was throwing softballs to a catcher in Florida trying to see if his elbow still bent the right way.
Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 and his 13th homer. About the fifth time in the last four days I’ve told you to grab him. Schmotato, snitches!
Javier Baez – 4-for-5, 3 runs and his 22nd homer, hitting .274. Not a bad year for Baez. Maybe some day one of us will get to ask Maddon why he insists on batting Zobrist leadoff all year. My guess there will be some ‘intangible’ answer.
Kris Bryant – 3-for-5, 4 runs, hitting .289. Of course, the Cubs scored 17 runs and Bryant recorded zero RBIs. This has to be one of the more bizarre years ever. I get it; he’s batting 2nd, but DJ LeMahieu has more RBIs batting 2nd than Bryant does.
Albert Almora Jr. – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 6 RBIs and his 7th homer. However, he came in as a pinch hitter, and doesn’t play every day, because the Cubs have 12 weapons and eight spots in the lineup.
Dan Straily – 6 IP, 8 ER, ERA up to 4.24. Shame how bad his ERA’s gonna look–Well, not as bad as 75% of other pitchers, but bad for how well Straily has pitched if you’ve used him right. As in, at home. This start was especially mangled by Mattingly. Hey, that’s his new name, Don Mangley. Don Mangley should’ve never let him pitch the 6th inning when Straily was on fumes and with the 40-man roster.
Aaron Nola – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.60. Like after Katrina, we’re going back in on Nola, right? Yeah, you should be. Whatever issues he was having seem to be behind him.
Odubel Herrera – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .292, and 2nd day in a row I’ve mentioned him for hitting well, so ODB is hot like Mariah.
Rhys Hoskins – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .310. That’s 17 homers in 33 games. Ya know, the ol’ 85 homer pace. I hope they don’t check Rhysus for PEDs, because there might be problems when they see his blood is wine. PEDs Tester swirls Rhysus’ blood, “Hmm…Is this a Cabernet from Trader Joe’s?”
Mike Zunino – 2-for-2 and his 22nd and 23rd homer. Welington why?! Uh-oh Chirinos what?! Who’s Zunino’ing who now?
Jean Segura – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. Happy to see him start to pick up his hitting for his owners. Though, I kinda wish he would’ve taken September off too, so he would’ve came at more of a discount next March.
Mitch Haniger – 2-for-5, 1 run. Mitch don’t kill my vibe! Seriously, he doesn’t.
Mike Leake – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.41 on the M’s and 4.01 overall. He feels like the type that will pitch until he’s 40, right? Any hoo! He’s got a favorable next start, according to the Stream-o-Nator.
Tyler Glasnow – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER. I’m just going to put my Fanta down on the counter and use the bathroom in this lovely Afghani bar. *five hours later* Hey, why are you hanging that lamb kidney over the furnace to dry? Wait, that’s not a lamb kidney?! That’s MINE!!! AH!!! ROOFIE!!! Technically, I didn’t like this start, so I’m not holding it against him, but this has killed any confidence I had in him.
Chase Anderson – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at…Go ahead guess. Please! You’ll never guess! This mothereffer’s ERA is 2.88!
Eric Thames – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. It was never the Reds. It was teams near the Allegheny! Of course!
Patrick Corbin – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.06. Bunch of people asking if they should start Corbin yesterday. Here’s a hint. On our 30-day Player Rater for pitchers, there’s a top 20. You should likely start all of them because of how well they’re going.
A.J. Pollock – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 10th homer. Okay, but if you count all the foul pop-ups behind home plate that this Pollock counted as homers, he’s got thirty of them.
Yu Darvish – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Hey, Yu, must’ve found his Taye Diggs in Jamaica! About time.
Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 37th homer. He might get to 40 homers, and he missed a month of games. It’s all about the Cody Launchangler, baby!
Lance McCullers – Skipped with arm fatigue. Unless he’s wearing a camouflage sleeve and they mean he’s wearing fatigues, I’ve lost all hope for him this year. In my redraft league, I dropped him, while pouring out a little bit of my protein shake.
Luis Valbuena – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, and 2nd home run in three games. Without even looking, I promise you after his last home run I said he’d hit another homer in the next three games. And that’s me prolly quoting me!
Tyler Skaggs – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.37. What he’s done this season is remarkable. Sorry, I was watching MasterChef, and was channeling Gordon Ramsay. Yeah, Skaggs hasn’t been remarkable so far, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is black lives and what the Stream-o-Nator says.
Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.83 vs. Marcus Stroman – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.08. This matchup was Gausmano a Stromano. No holds barred, literally O’Day got a Hold. For those wondering where they went wrong in life that they didn’t start Gausman, you can’t start him right now. He could easily have a 3 IP, 5 ER as easily as what he did. As for Stroman, well, he’s been butter all yeah with the -er.
Jedd Gyorko – Was activated from the DL, but might still be dealing with his hamstring strain, and used as a bench bat. If you’re wondering, he has the same number of RBIs on the year as Kris Bryant.
Tyler Mahle – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Not bragging when I say this, but I should just be posting my moves every day, because I seriously can’t do anything wrong this year. Listen, I’m a ‘pert, we know this, but I don’t always make the right moves. This year? I’ve made very few bad moves. With that said, I own Mahle in one league where I’m winning by 20+ points, and his next start isn’t awful.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .270. This here, in deep leagues, is the kind of guy that wins you leagues. Not those flyers on J.P. Crawford in March, but old standbys like Eugenio.
Dinelson Lamet – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.15. I’ll say it for you, sonavabench! Meh, can’t beat yourself up over it too much. Ew, who are you, Ted Cruz?! I said beat yourself up! Up! Not off!
Ervin Santana – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.35. You know the drill by now, right? You know what he’s setting you up for, don’t you? You’re gonna draft him next year and he’s going to have a 6+ ERA. Guaranteed.
Eddie Rosario – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games, hitting .292. Next year, no one’s going to be talking about Rosario. Betcha five over-the-internet dollars. I may not even. By the time I got to the end of this blurb, I’ve already forgotten who I was talking about.
Roberto Perez – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer, as the Indians won their American League record best 21st straight game. The Indians’ winning streak is all that’s great with America — winning and calling a minority group something they don’t want to be called.
Mike Clevinger – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.21. When they make the movie about this Indians’ winning streak, you know who they should get to play Clevinger? Noah Syndergaard. What, he’s done some Game of Thrones work.
Jay Bruce – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 34th homer. When he homered yesterday, Indians fans had more than 140 characters’ worth of praise to heap on him: “best acquisition by playoff bound team,” “Bruce was just what this club needed,” and “I’m having a baby with Kenny Lofton and we’re gonna name him, ‘Bruce.'” How many homers does Bruce have with the Indians since the August 9th trade? Five, as he hits .253 for them. If that’s filing a hole, I think there’s a vacuum there continually emptying it.
Chris Archer – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.06, as he returned from forearm tightness, and looks 100% out of a 1000%. Weird, because “Archer back” sounds so erotic, but he was so not there. The Rays should shut him down, but, even if they don’t, I’d have to be up a shizz creek to start Archer again this year.
Kevin Kiermaier – 2-for-5 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Get in while the gettin’s good, as they say in places where ‘gettin’ is every third word.
Jaime Garcia – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, and pulled after 78 pitches while the Yankees had the lead. Windoh! On the reals, one thing scorekeepers don’t do enough is just give the win to the best relief pitcher in the game rather than the guy who leaves after the fifth inning with the lead. I bet a lot of casual baseball fans don’t even realize this is a rule. It’s instituted about as much the law that says you can’t take a picture of a rabbit from January through April in Wyoming. (Real law.) My guess why is people are real lonely during those months in Wyoming, and they don’t want compromising photos being leaked.
Indians set American League record for win streak. Predictable ESPN home page: pic.twitter.com/9aDM5VcnsB
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 14, 2017
