As you might’ve heard, Matt Mervis was called up, but, more incredibly, Eric Hosmer grounded into a double play while he was sitting on a bench. Those boos aren’t from fans for Eric Hosmer; they are boos from Eric Hosmer because he’s a ghost of his former self. This is funny in a “how stupid am I” way: So, I saw Christian Encarnacion-Strand posted himself on Instagram in a Reds uniform, then deleted it, so that means he’s coming, right? Of course! So, I dropped Matt Mervis for CES. Hey, if you can’t laugh at me, at least cry with me. Welp, I just gave you my Matt Mervis fantasy last week. Not much to add. I mean, there’s a lot to add, like Matt Mervis for one! Hopefully this waiver claim goes through dropping CES. I’m so stupid! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jameson Taillon – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.29, as his groin is activated! All hail Taillon’s groin! It’s healthy and robust! His pitching on the other hand, well…
Lane Thomas – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, 2nd homer this week. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he’s here right now, and I grabbed him in my RCL, if that makes you feel more confident.
Taylor Walls – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer. From the window…to over the Walls! He will absolutely be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he has for three weeks in a row, so why stop now?
Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer. Yandy is now short for High Launch Yandygle.
Randy Arozarena – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer. The Rice Bowl with a big-time poke.
Zach Eflin – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.25. There’s the guy Coolwhip wrote a Zach Eflin sleeper about. Streamonator doesn’t love him on the road in his next start, but I have no issue with it.
Vince Velasquez – Left the start grabbing his elbow. Vince news has filed for bankruptcy.
Anthony Santander – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Still think Santander can get to 30 homers, which means he has a ton of homers still in his bat.
Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. “Hey, man, sorry for your loss, but you can’t use that to ride in the carpool lane–Whoa! Hold on! Gunnar moved! He’s alive!”
Yennier Cano – 2 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 Ks, ERA at 0.00. He gave up his first single of the year. Boy, this guy stinks!
Grayson Rodriguez – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.46. He’s the worst ever pitcher to combine two Razzball writers’ names. I’m officially off roofies. Doctor’s orders! The Royals, bro? Are we even serious right now? I’m disgusted, and fed up. I’m disgustipated!
Salvador Perez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Sal following Vinnie and doing the right thing.
Freddy Fermin – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Freddy Fermin gets reservations by saying he’s a MLB player and he mumbles his name so the host thinks it’s the Dodgers’ 1st baseman.
Eloy Jimenez – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. With Burger out of the lineup, Eloy can concentrate.
Carlos Correa – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .206. It’s kinda funny how much was made out of his free agency considering how uninteresting of a hitter he is. I get it, he’s got a good arm. Lowercase yay.
Byron Buxton – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .262. This was game 32, and he’s good for *doing math in head* 68 more games.
JJ Bleday – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer, a day after he was recalled. JuJu Bleday with that big power, and the contact of a long-lost uncle.
Taylor Trammell – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer this week, and was replaced by his platoon partner, A.J. Pollock, who’s also homered this week, and, hey, wait a minute. Are they hot schmotatoes or is it the Mariners’ left field spot?
George Kirby – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.11. Amber is the color of your energy…
Griffin Canning – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.31. He was staked to a 11-run lead, and cruised out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W, and washed up on the jetty, battered and bruised.
Luis Rengifo – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .231. In that same league where I dropped Mervis for CES? I dropped Rengifo for Bauers. I am owning the day and the night!
Jack Flaherty – 2 1/3 IP, 10 ER, ERA at 6.29. Flaherty will get you everywhere if everywhere is last in ratios.
Tommy Edman – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .265. Predicted Donovan would be so good, that Edman would become obsolete. Instead, they both kinda stink.
Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer, and 3rd homer in the past two games, and I just noticed he was on waivers in one of my 15-team mixed leagues, which surprised me. Then I saw he was hitting .150, and I get it more so now, but if he’s hot, I’m not above riding a hot schmotato.
Dylan Dodd – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 6.46. Keep giving up 11 baserunners and one strikeout and you’re gonna be Dyin’ Dead.
Jorge Soler – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. “The Soler will come out manana…” That’s Annie still in Mexico City after going there for the baseball games.
Jesus Luzardo – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.66. Think all the Marlins starters will be happy when the Braves leave town. They’d drive them to the airport, but that was included in part of Albies’s 7-year contract for twenty bucks.
Masataka Yoshida – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Frequent commenter, Play Ball, pointed out the other day, “Yoshida has a Launch Angle of 1.3.” That is legitimately funny.
Jarren Duran – 3-for-5, 1 RBI and his 3rd and 4th steal, hitting .417, and now in the lead for AL MVP, edging out Ohtani.
Raimel Tapia – 1-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 2nd and 3rd steal, as he hit leadoff. This is an interesting development for deeper leagues. A Tapia who runs hitting leadoff sounds like the setup for a punchline, but it could mean fantasy value.
Rafael Devers – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .240. I was completely bought in on the stale narrative that he’d be unmotivated after his contract. Oh well, one out of a 1,000 wrong for me!
Kevin Gausman – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.86. “Hello, Dr. Buttocksore, yes, I got your name from my friend who also started four rookie pitchers and Kevin Gausman. Why am I calling? Because my butt’s sore!”
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Cake Batter backed that thang up! Thang being the ball.
Joe Musgrove – Will have his next start pushed back to Sunday, due to a blister on his foot. Was he playing Dire Straits with his foot?
Zach Plesac – Sent to the minors. “What’s up, groovy cats and dogs? It’s your boy Zach here with some truly unspectacular news! I got sent to the minors. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Cool, someone to play Uno and pinball with!’ But it’s not playing with minors.”
Christian Yelich – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .243. Ah, if only he played all his games in Coors. He’d be more like a 20-homer hitter, instead of a 15.
Rowdy Tellez – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. Tellez more, Tellez more, did he hit the ball far?
Eduardo Rodriguez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.81. Excuse me, dreaming about a team where I drafted Eduardo Rodriguez, Sonny Gray and Stroman and having, like, a 1.00 ERA total. Don’t wake me. That means you, stop talking! Yes, I’m scream-typing in my sleep.
Javier Baez – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer in the last week, and could be a hot schmotato. Also, go tell your March self that Javy Baez has twice as many homers as Jose Abreu and watch for your reaction.
Justin Verlander – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, as he was activated from the IL. Back in March, he had a low-grade teres major strain. He found it on the shelf by the Purple Wow-Wow and Maui Locomotion. This strain is supposed to bring calm and help one sleep. The edibles you’re looking for are over there. We have them in gummy teddies, chocolate bars and an edible watch for when you’re on line, getting stressed and want to eat your watch.