Franciscdos Twindor

You know the concept of Yin/Yang? Definition online (which might be 65% accurate because it’s online): An ancient Chinese philosophy that describes how two opposite, complementary forces interact to form a balanced and connected whole. Let’s use that to explain the two big stars for the Mets. Imagine you have a Yin, let’s call them, Juan Soto. They get injured and then the Yang, let’s call them, Francisco Lindor, has a near-three home run game. Do you see how this works? Soto stubs his toe, Lindor steals 2nd easily. Soto sneezes and “God bless you” is what we say about Lindor’s hitting. Soto meets with Emma Stone to film a movie in the Mets’ dugout about how much the Mets suck, and Lindor takes the Mets to victory. It’s really that simple. Yesterday, Francisco Lindor went 3-for-5, 6 RBIs with his 7th and 8th homer, and nearly missed a 3rd homer by about six inches. It was because Soto just ate an arepa that had an extra six inches of cheese. They are an interconnected web. Francisco Lindor has the ability to have a solid 2nd half, but we are going to have to do something about Juan Soto. Oh, wait, the Mets are saying Soto is 100% going to play again this season. Oh, thanks, Mets doctors! Very reassuring! I’m 100% confident in that now! I guess, good on Lindor. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Zac Thornton – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.43. This one is gonna light up your Xmas tree, but I just gave you a Zac Thornton fantasy.

Marcus Semien – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Tyrone Taylor – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in two games too. Hmm, regretting not grabbing him in NL-Only. Seems like he’s a deep league flyer at this point, but he still may not face righties.

Ozzie Albies – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, 3rd homer this week. As I mentioned in Friday’s Sell, I have Albies, so I hope he gets hot, and, honestly, I’m thinking I should’ve said to sell him in May.

Martin Perez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.49. There’s one league where I put in a FAAB bid for Perez every week, but he’s always behind someone else (this week Keider Montero was 1st then Perez) so I never get Perez, and Perez invariably pitches better. I don’t know my point. Points are stupid. Eff points!

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 1-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Usually I just do a Kevin from ESPN goof, but I wanted to point out how I saw an Acuña rehab at-bat on Friday where he clearly winced and limped back to the dugout and, man and five womans, I don’t know. Don’t feel great about this.

Cody Bellinger – Out four-to-six weeks. This is like the sadness Cody feels on 4/21, but for six weeks.

Max Fried – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.23. I like how terrible everyone is. Adds an interesting wrinkle! Yes, he could be injured still. No, I do not know.

Ali Sanchez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st career homer, after debuting in 2020. Ha, and you think the Yanks’ offense needs hitters? Please. They have Ali Larter. I mean, Sanchez. I think.

Curtis Mead – 0-for-1 as he hit 2nd. LFG! I do like me some Mead. I am a drunk Viking. [a few innings later] He’s out after being hit on the wrist. Am I. Dot dot dot. Cursed? Sounds like Mead will be okay, but we shall see. Or not. Your choice!

Ceddanne Rafaela – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer, a grand slam, i.e., damn slam, thank you, Ceddanne. Actually, that’s not an i.e. I don’t know what that is. A burp with letters? That would make a good t-shirt. “What does your ‘A burp with letters?’ shirt mean?” Oh, well, you know.

Payton Tolle – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.32. Is that taming the wild beast of Bing Bong? Almost feel like because I have to ask it’s not, but five and a third with two earned nowadays feels like a Quality Start. “Only two homers allowed? Wow, what a great start!”

Tyler Soderstrom – 1-for-3 and his 17th homer. Mead and Soderstrom spotted in one game? What’s that, sparkling cider? (I should’ve stopped prior to that.)

Jonah Heim – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. Hit ’em with the Heim!

Spencer Steer – Hit the IL with a wrist injury and will miss significant time. The Reds are cursed. No team do I have more hope for in March, that completely disappoint each year. Just brutal. Don’t buy into the Great American Ballpark being a hitters’ haven. It is but only for players you don’t draft.

George Kirby – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.98. Mariners’ starters are very meh this year. Oddly enough, they want to trade away their most consistent one (Hancock) to presumably bring up their new best starter (Kade Anderson — yes, stash him).

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. The Rice Bowl is not going quietly into that goodnight, God Bless that I said to sell, I suppose.

Kumar Rocker – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.03. Kicking myself for being a chicken and not streaming him, but do chickens have feet that can kick themselves? I’ve entered a metaphorical quandary. An escape room for the mind. Any hoo! Streamonator on whether to start Rocker.

Ezequiel Duran – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato, sure, but also how sad is it he’s had a better season than Corey Seager? It’s not even remotely close. On the Player Rater, Ezequiel is near-top 100 overall; Seager is near-900th overall.

Jake Burger – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Sloppily rubbing ketchup on my chin, so when I say, “Thank you, Burger,” my wife doesn’t think I’m crazy.

Joc Pederson – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer. His 2025 to 2026 season splits will be studied one day. In a class called, Shizz No One Cares About. It will be well-attended. (It’s a prerequisite at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston.)

Jameson Taillon – Designated for assignment. His assignment is to send a To Whom It May Concern to the Angels and Rockies’ front offices.

Alex Bregman – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .241. Wow, he stinks! [checks to see if Vlad Jr. has been better or worse] Whew, Vlad is almost 70 spots better than Bregman while still only being around 170 overall on the Player Rater.

Nico Hoerner – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .254. If he was dropped, he’s the kind of guy who can hit .330 for the final two months. Or a trade for him, perhaps.

David Peterson – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.80. If the Cubs fix Peterson, then shut down the Mets until further notice. Fumigate the clubhouse!

Tyler Phillips – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Sorta like a hummingbird without a care in the world, bebopping around, I keep starting Phillips in multiple leagues and it hasn’t hurt me yet. It will! For sure! But not yet.

Griffin Conine – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. Someone heard me call Jackson Holliday the Nepo Baby, and Conine was like, “No way! My daddy said I can have that nickname!”

Heriberto Hernandez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .245, but great month — 7 HRs, hitting around .300 and two steals — that’s a 40/12 pace, and that might be a bit higher than expectations should carry him, but he’s been good and the underlying numbers seem solid.

Bryce Harper – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .252. It was so hot in Miami, after his homer, Bryce got back to the dugout and doused himself in raw milk that stuck like clumps in his beard.

Andres Chaparro – 1-for-2 and his 5th homer. Chaparro said a’la Kirk Douglas, “I am Curtis Mead…” Another Nats player, “No, I am Curtis Mead…” Another Nats player, “No, I am Curtis Mead…”

Zack Wheeler – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.53. Wheeler’s Kryptonite: middling offenses. Don’t give him the Punch & Judy’s!

Mitch Keller – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.83 vs. Merrill Kelly – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.86. David Letterman voice, “M. Keller…M. Kelly…M. Keller…M. Kelly…Uma…Oprah…”

Tatsuya Imai – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.83. If your starter has to fail to get out of the 1st inning, this is a great way to do it! Not being sarcastic! It sucks. Sure! But at least it’s not a 2/3 IP, 7 ER start. Thank you, Mayor Blubaugh.

Taylor Trammell – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Walbert Urena – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Almost exact same story as Tyler Phillips. At a certain point, I was like, “Who cares what the numbers say? I just have to start this schmohawk until he’s not good.” Sometimes it’s better to be foolish than smart.

Sam Bachman – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.30 for the blown save, as he hit a batter to tie the game, walked in one inherited runner to lose the lead, then an error for another run. Angels’ pen put on a clinic. Sorry, paused for a moment and the sentence ended at clinic and it was supposed to be a clinically depressed shitshow.

Tyler Mahle – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.96 vs. Brandon Sproat – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.05. This matchup was billed as “Sproat’s at T. Mahle? What kind of granola crap is this? I want carnitas!” Also, Streamonator for both.

Kerry Carpenter – Hit the IL due to his foot. Must’ve been a lot of lefties coming up.

Keider Montero – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.34. Top pitching FAAB buy of Sunday and was great until I picked him up. I’m sorry, that’s on me.

Kyle Bradish – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.74. Wait a second, Keider did out-pitch Bradish. Hmm. Maybe I am good.

Tyler O’Neill – 1-for-1 and his 7th homer. If you have “Will win an arm wrestling contest” category in your league, Tyler O’Neill’s your man! (Assuming Yandy is taken.)

Coby Mayo – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Put a little Mayo on some bread, then toast? Oh, yeah. Put a little Mayo on your fantasy team? Um, how desperate are you?

Jackson Holliday – 4-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .243. His average went up 19 points yesterday. Someone doesn’t like being called a Nepo Baby. Good, because that’s Griffin Conine’s! His daddy said so.

Max Scherzer – 2 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 9.49 as he was activated from the IL. Max will continue to take the ball for the Jays in their quest to finish the season. Not with a winning record or a playoff spot, but at this point let’s just see if they can finish the season. Trying to imagine making $363 million in my lifetime like Scherzer, and still going out there and trying to pitch for a last place team, but we currently have a trillionaire who spends his time on social media, and, boy, I’d be on a tropical island somewhere learning to sew a basket, then teaching the locals basketball.