At least one of you is reading this with a bandaged thumb from a fireworks mishap. I had a Cousin Pete (Italian side of the family) who lost the tip of his thumb on the 4th, but rather than stop the festivities, he taped the tip of a hot dog on his thumb to act as a tourniquet for the rest of the 4th, so we could all go about our fun-having business. I suggested my cousin make a PSA about hot dog tourniquets, but I was turned away by NBC Cares. Let us bow our heads and pray that if anyone loses a piece of their finger, may there be a proper-sized hot dog nearby. Yesterday, the floodgates opened with the strikeouts from Framber Valdez (6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.67) that no hot dog tourniquet could stop. Heading into the 4th of July and I am saluting The Astros SPangled Banner. Between Verlander, Javier, Luis Garcia and Framber just draft all Astros SPs, and sit back and enjoy the fireworKs. But have some cocktail weenies nearby, just in case. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Jeremy Pena – 4-for-5 and his 10th and 11th homer. Jeremy’s bat spoken!
Patrick Sandoval – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.09. Keep throwing like a limp noodle and I’ll start calling you, Pat-Sa.
Jose Suarez – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.30. It isn’t April 15th, but managers have out their Quickhooks to avoid a pitcher getting too taxed
Luis Rengifo – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in the last four games. Could be a light schmotato.
Nestor Cortes – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.44. Solid bounce back from his somewhat lackluster handful of recent starts. That’s the power of The Mustache. We understand.
Oscar Gonzalez – Hit the IL with ab tightness. I have that too. From my six pack. Wanna read my pamphlet on the Art of Seduction?
Franmil Reyes – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. The $54 Vending Machine Steak is back!
Yu Darvish – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.53. Check out the Sell in this video:
MacKenzie Gore – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Got ourselves a Pitch 22. Gore keeps pitching? Great for our teams this year, but at a certain point he’s gonna become a cautionary tale for next year like Trevor Rogers this year.
Mookie Betts – 2-for-3, 2 runs as he was activated from the IL. Dave Roberts says when Taylor returns from his day-to-day injury Betts will move to 2nd base. Keeping that eligibility like a baller! And like a bowler.
Craig Kimbrel – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 3rd blown save, ERA at 4.78. He was hit by a comebacker, but said he’s fine. Was the whiplash he got from the comebacker as bad as my neck watching him go from a great to terrible reliever? Roberts said Kimbrel might miss a few days, but he’s “earned the closer’s role.” Don’t make me guffaw. Brusdar Graterol or Evan Phillips might see some saves in the next few days, that order.
Touki Toussaint – Braves DF’d Touki not simply because he was bad, but also to show Ian Anderson what’s possible. I can’t imagine any poor team actually signing Touki–Oh, wait, the Angels already have.
Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4, and his 15th and 16th homer. OZUNA just wait for his pitch. OZUNA mime taking number at deli counter when entering batter’s box.
Charlie Morton – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.34. I already announced Chuck Salt was back, and now I’m saying, “Same, same.”
Hunter Strickland – 1 IP< 2 ER, ERA at 5.40, as he blew the save so Luis Castillo (7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.09) can never get a win. After the game, Reds manager Dumb Bell said, “Dur, duh, dur, duh, dur, uh, dur.”
Pablo Lopez – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.97. Yeah, I called him a sell recently, and I still believe that. This start was vs. the Gnats, and Pab-Lo didn’t look great.
Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, as he took my closer, Tanner Rainey (1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.46), deep, but it gave my Tanner Scott (1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.22) the win and my Dylan Floro (1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.21) the save for the most seesawing of emotions I’ve had since I saw Stranger Things 4th season 2nd half was only two episodes but four hours long.
Josh Bell – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th homer. For whom the Bell dongs.
Juan Soto – Tweaked his hamstring and left the game. At least it saved us another 0fer. Oh my God, I’m actually negative on Sexy Dr. Pepper. What is happening?! He needs a Home Run Derby!
Frankie Montas – Left after one inning with a significant drop in his velocity and tightness in his shoulder. *sharpens bull’s horn that is attached to steeled-toe boot* Okay, let me have it. *steeled-toe boot kicks me in the groin* A’s are saying Montas will be fine for his next start, adding, “Someone trade for this guy, please!”
Elvis Andrus – 1-for-2 and his 5th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games. The more awful that Elvis movie looks, the better Andrus hits, like some weird butterfly/tsunami chain reaction.
Robbie Ray – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.62. Bdon and I go over Robbie Ray’s newfound two-seamer on this week’s podcast. You can listen as always, or watch and listen on our Youtube channel.
C.J. Cron – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 18th and 19th homer. Curtis Jackson is so money!
Lucas Giolito – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.90. Coming into the game, his HR/FB was 18.5%, which was absurd for him. His batted ball numbers are almost identical from previous years and his strikeouts, command and velocity are all within a margin of error. His .360 BABIP was also crazy unlucky. He looks like one of the biggest buy lows. P to the erhaps, that’s harder now after his solid start, but might be worth trying.
Rhys Hoskins – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 17th homer, and 4th homer in the last five games. Schwarber has six more homers than Hoskins, you taking the bet that Schwarber finishes with more homers or nah? I’m not sure I am.
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (6) and legs (11), hitting .242. Jerry Tomato told that ball, “Hurry and ketchup!”
Trey Mancini – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Through first 35 home games, Mancini lost five homers to the fence move. Ryan Mountcastle (2-for-4 and his 14th homer) has lost two. If you’re wondering, no Orioles pitcher has been saved more than twice. Just absolute brain worms to move the fences back that far.
Kevin Gausman – Left Saturday’s game after taking a screamer off the ankle. X-rays came back negative and glass-is-half-empty x-rays are good. Gausman could make his next start.
Ross Stripling – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.32. Hate to be a hater, but a player plays and I stripped Stripling from my team a few starts ago, so I really want to see a lot of regression.
Drew Rasmussen – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.45 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin Cash could’ve let him out for one more out in a game where they had a 10-1 lead, but if Cash had, we wouldn’t have known true bliss. But, nah, he brought in a pitcher who was actually much worse. Can’t find the sarcastic font right now, but that’s just terrific.
Shane McClanahan – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.74. Been about six blurbs since I pointed out my fabulousness so, have I mentioned recently I wrote a Shane McClanahan sleeper this past preseason?
Ji-Man Choi – 3-for-5, and his 7th homer, hitting .290. I Choo-Choo-Choose Choi. Not really but Ralph Wiggum makes me smile.
Aaron Ashby – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.60 as he was activated from the IL. He was out with forearm inflammation and, if he returns without issue, he will be the first pitcher ever with forearm issues to make it back.
Jonah Heim – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer. Prolly one of the least talked about fantasy baseball storylines this year is Jonah Heim being a near-top 5 catcher option on the Player Rater, because no one cares about catchers. “Hey, c’mon, man, I brought you The Baseball Bunch!” That’s Johnny Bench.
Eduardo Escobar – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Hot schmuardo alert!
David Peterson – Out on paternity leave. I wonder if he’s hoping for a daughter or Peterson son.
Edward Olivares – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Great, he homered on Sunday so now when I look at my weekly lineups today I no longer have an easy call to make to bench him, when that’s absolutely the right call, because the Royals will be benching him.
Emmanuel Rivera – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. “Ozark with a long bomb to deep…left?” I don’t know, I usually have games on in the background and listen, but this game was broadcast with only sounds of the game and no broadcasters. What a bizarre choice for Peacock. If it was a choice. I’m still not convinced it wasn’t like when you arrive at Dairy Queen and there’s a handwritten sign saying Chuck was too hungover, so they’re not open today.
Tarik Skubal – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.06. Sigh, that wall about four starts ago? Skubal hit it. Wouldn’t be surprised to hear him say he’s got a dead arm, and he’s been pitching with it for the last month.
Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Hey, I remember this guy. He used to play baseball, right? He still does? Hmm…you sure?
Kody Clemens – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. Instead of a bat flip, he should throw his bat at a cardboard cutout of Mike Piazza.