Yesterday, Christian Yelich hit for the cycle, going 6-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .319.  Yelich has been sexier than that random porn that was released of him.  Speaking of porn (always a great intro to a sentence), you know you have a cougar problem when…True story, I woke up yesterday morning and Googled to see if there ever was a movie made called, Call Me By Your Ma’am with Kimothee ChalaMILF.  That feels like too much information, but I trust you with everything, except any identifying details about me in real life.  Any hoo!  Yelich!  Are you kidding me?  Keyword is kidding, because he looks like he’s 12.  Yo, you super pre-teen?  You in Stranger Things?  We’re at the point now when I’m starting to think about 2019, and Yelich, well, is there any way he’s not top 20?  Yelich or Springer?  Gotta be Yelich, right?  Yelich or Bregman?  Okay, tough call, but damn close.  He’s definitely better than Kimothee ChalaMILF!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Freddy Peralta – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.40.  Hey, can I leave my Fanta on this counter in this Afghani cave being watched by the shifty-eyed bartender?  Thanks, just heading to the bathroom!  *five hours later*  Why are you weighing my kidney on that Weight Watchers scale?  AHHH!!! ROOFIE!!!

Mike Moustakas – 4-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer.  Moistasskiss!

Jonathan Schoop – 2-for-6, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer.  Don’t worry, Craig Counsell will fill out the lineup card for their next game without Schoop starting, while holding the pen in a cockeyed manner.

Billy Hamilton – 4-for-5, 3 runs and his 4th homer, and 3rd career leadoff home run.  He’s on pace to catch Rickey Henderson in 2067.

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer.  Who was the Eugenius who drafted him?  This guy with two thumbs wearing the same underwear I’ve worn for two weeks.

Andrew Miller – Hit the DL with an external impingement in his shoulder.  Sounds like an acupuncturist visit gone wrong.  “Is this what it feels like to be a cactus?”  That’s me at an acupuncturist.

Jedd Gyorko – Hit the DL with a strained groin.  “Is that a…groin?”  That’s someone holding up a colander.

Matt Carpenter – Left yesterday’s game with nausea.  Stop eating so much goddamn salsa!

Trevor Williams – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.30.  Some day you’re going to tell your grandchildren about the time I called Trevor Williams a sleeper and no one believed me.  Then your grandchildren are going to say, “I’m going out with friends, so don’t pull grandpop’s plug until I get back.”

Adalberto Mondesi – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer.  Truth Alert!  I want to write a Mondesi lede, but I also want to save him for my first 2019 sleeper.  Maybe I can do both, but what I say now will only be quoted by December Grey.  “I can formulate my own opinions!”  That’s December Grey.

Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.72.  The Stream-o-Nator liked this start by Duffy, but you have acorns in your pants that are a lot bigger than yours truly if you start Duffy anywhere.

Mikie Mahtook – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his 3rd homer this week.  I Mahtook you for a hot schmotato!

Michael Fulmer – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.71.  The good news, he hasn’t announced he needs another elbow surgery.  The bad news, I left off the end of that sentence ‘yet.’

Carlos Santana – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .222.  That’s his 2nd homer this week, and, holy crap, he’s having an abysmal year for average.  Carlos Santana, and his new song, Black Tragic wOBA’n.

Tommy Hunter – 2 IP, 0 ER and his 3rd save, ERA at 3.78.  Tommy Hunter is the only reliable arm in the Phils’ pen.  I will now laugh myself into a crying fit.

Jake Arrieta – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.54 vs. Gio Gonzalez – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.57.  This matchup was billed as, “‘I’m not my team’s number 2, you are!’  ‘No, you!’  ‘I said you!’  ‘I have Strasburg in front of me as a number 2!’  ‘Fine, we’re both number two’s but as in poop!'”

Trea Turner – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer.  I get the sense people don’t fully love Trea like they should, so I’m bringing out the exhibits.  On our Player Rater, he’s a top 25 player.  Throw out seven pitchers in front of him, and he’s a top 18 player.  Draft a guy top ten and get top eighteen?  Any day of the week and twice on Muesday.

Juan Soto – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer.  Juan Soto?  Stay thirsty, my friend.

Anthony Rendon – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 18th homer.  That ball was Rendon’d obsolete!  “I missed my calling…game calling,” said like James Bond.

David Price – Left yesterday’s game after taking a comebacker off his left wrist but only has a contusion, which is lucky since it was an absolute shot like something Ryan Phillipe would do in Shooter.  Gotta say, this show is my new guilty pleasure.  It’s low-key fun, like owning Aledmys Diaz.

Eduardo Nunez – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Yesterday, I said he was becoming a hot schmotato.  Today, I say, yup.

Mookie Betts – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 28th homer.  Mookie Ballgame!

Austin Dean – 1-for-4, and his 3rd homer.  I was amped up for this guy last week, but this week that’s fizzled.  Sad story, awful fortune cookie.

Derek Dietrich – 1-for-3 and his 16th homer.  I actually grabbed him for a batty call two days ago and then divine inattention found him still in my lineup.  Now?  I think I’m still going to drop him.  Terrible fortune cookie, mildly awful first person story.

Trey Mancini – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 20th homer.  Is there anyone hotter right now?  Not to answer, but to ruminate while someone else picks him up in your league.

Adam Jones – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .285.  Two big games in a row, so definitely hot, but on a related note, how does he have 14 homers?  14 homers in today’s game is about 3 homers.  Scooter Gennett hit more in one game!  “Yo, why you skippin’ hard-hittin’ Mark Whiten on the memory tip…pin’?”  That’s Mark Whiten.

Justin Smoak – 1-for-3 and his 21st homer, and 2nd homer in as many games.  Those baseballs are going up in?  Smoak.

Kevin Pillar – 2-for-5 and his 11th homer, hitting .258.  I own Pillar in own ragtag league and I was about to say he’s been doing well, but my mind’s playing tricks on me — RIP Geto Boys’ DJ — because Pillar’s been standing around doing nothing recently.

Devon Travis – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer.  Oh, Lourdes, you better do something fast, because Devon’s coming for your lineup spot.

Josh Donaldson – Sat out of a High-A game with soreness in his legs.  Donaldson’s leg transplant with a guy who drove a motorized scooter around Wal-Mart has backfired big time.

Reynaldo Lopez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.51.  There was some concern that Reynaldo’s fastball velocity was way down early in the game, but he was prolly just nervous playing in front of Big Al, and his velocity went up as the game progressed.  He’s not a start every time out guy, but if the Stream-o-Nator likes him, I could see streaming him.  (Huge vote of confidence there!)

Ryan LaMarre – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  Whoa, he only plays every three games, so LaMarre had a good game but let’s not get a-Heddy of ourselves.

Tommy Pham – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer.  Pham’s eyeing 20/20.  Badum tish!

C.J. Cron – 4-for-5, 2 runs and his 25th homer.  No lie, I think I’ve started him in the league where I own him for maybe five of his homers.  It’s NFBC, so it’s weekly lineups, and every week begins like this, “Cron’s not going to start more than four games is he?”  “Are you talkin’ me?”  Then that devolves into me talking like Robert De Niro in the mirror for a few minutes and I never start Cron.

Mike Soroka – Won’t pitch again in 2018.  Holy muffins, that means nothings!

Lucas Duda – Traded to the Braves to cheer on his new club from the dugout and charge the mound if anyone ever hits Acuña again.  “Duda don’t like!”  That’s Lucas running from the dugout.

Sean Newcomb – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.85.  He is a true goat.  Lowercase.  Not that newfangled goat that’s uppercase.  No, Newcomb is a goat like your grandparents meant it.

Johan Camargo – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer.  Can we get Rotowear to make some Camargo shorts?  Cause I’d rock those puppies like a mudderfudger!

Zack Godley – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.42.  Finally, Zackariness is next to Godliness!  Now do it for the last month and rope everyone into another mediocre year next year.  (He gets the Padres next, so I’d absolutely grab him if he was dropped in your league.)

Hunter Renfroe – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer, and finally moved to the five hole, which makes so much more sense for Renfroe.  I like him, but a three-hole hitter?  C’mon, doode, you got nothing muffins in your head.

Manuel Margot – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer.  My promise to you is I will never call another Padres hitter a sleeper ever again, and will make colleges accept Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons for tuition.  I’m Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario, and I approve this message.

Joey Lucchesi – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.59.  He went sideways on the Wonky Highway during the month of July (5.21 ERA), but has slowed that roll nicely in August and is having a solid rookie season overall.  Now please shut him down soon so he doesn’t throw too many IP this year.

Jean Segura – Left early from the game after fouling a ball off his leg.  I once had a foul ball on my leg and screamed until I realized it was my own.

Erasmo Ramirez – 3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.28.  In related news, James Paxton returns on Saturday.

Alex Wood – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.42 vs. Mike Minor – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.33.  For the Minor/Wood game, Jeffrey Jones threw out the first pitch.  Bee tee dubs, I streamed Minor in one league, and am holding him for his next start.  All aboard the “This Could Get Ugly” train!

Kenta Maeda – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save.  He gave up that run just in case you were worried Kenley Jansen’s job might not be secure.

Cody Bellinger – 1-for-3 and his 21st homer, as he hits 8th!  And Yasmani Grandal hit his 22nd homer, as he hits 9th!  Dave Roberts is either an idiot or a genius at getting fired.

Albert Pujols – Will miss the rest of the season.  Podcaster Ralph and I discuss Matt Thaiss on the latest edition of the Fantasy Baseball Podcast.  We could see him now that Pujols is scratching his behind.

Jason Vargas – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.56.  The Mets tweeted out, “This is now the fourth consecutive start Vargas has gone at least 5.1 IP and allowed two runs or less.”  The Mets social media team backing up the cherrypicker!  *gears of cherrypicker grinding*  “Jacob deGrom is 0-0 when he knocks in the Mets only run.”  *gears grind as social media team pulls away*

Todd Frazier – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 16th homer.  Not saying he’s good, but he does have four homers in the last eight games, though he’s batting 6th (while Jay Bruce tries to remember how to hit in the cleanup spot, and Austin Jackson hits third).

Brandon Nimmo – 3-for-5, 1 RBI as he bats 7th.  I mean, you can’t even make this fudging shizz up.

Trevor Cahill – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.60.  3, 2, 1…Disgraceful List stint?  Now?  How about now?  Okay, but soon.

Tyler White – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer.  Forget how I said yesterday I wanted Tyler O’Neill, now I want Tyler White!  Or do I want O’Neill?  Or White?!  Ah, Greybot, malfunction!  Need battery re…char…ge.  Kaput.

Dallas Keuchel – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.58,  I was staying away from Keuchel in the preseason, but, tee bee aitch, he hasn’t been much better or worse than I expected.  Not returning preseason value necessarily, but by no means has he been awful.  Dallas Keuchel:  Not Awful.

Charlie Morton – Hit the DL.  I bring you, Hot Takes from Previous Commenters:

 
  1. Dr Easy says:
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    Hi Cycle!

    • Chuckles Tiddlesworth says:
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      @Dr Easy: Very, very nice. I did not get it. Rudy and Dr Easy — geniuses!

    • LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood says:
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      @Dr Easy:
      is that you aunt flo?

        • LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood says:
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          @Grey:

          I have been told i suffer from Demensa

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Haha

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Dr Easy: Rudy says you’re officially Mensa for getting the title

      • Dr Easy says:
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        @Grey: Then why did I stream Cobb and bench Alex Wood yesterday?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Sigh

  2. Ciwa says:
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    Urias or Mondesi ROS?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ciwa: Mondesi

  3. Tee Not Air Jags says:
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    morton’s not done for the year he just got an “LAD DL stint”. MLB is hilarious, probably about 2 weeks after they finally replace umps at home plate with lasers/robots/some sort of imagining system once they figure that objectivity is actually wanted and (gasp) obtainable they’ll decree that somebody actually has to be said to be injured by an actual objective doctor to get a DL stint rather than teams just getting extra BN slots if they want to bench a guy for 10 days- few weeks. or they could just stop f’ing around and let them have much bigger rosters all year long.

    14 teamer with saves only, and QS + K/9 added. which of these is best stream tomorrow:
    suarez VS (the rice a broni treat) vs the mess (12.8, was good for once at home last time too after about 5 or so weeks of trash)
    gomber vs CIN (14.6)
    framber vs LAA (10.3). i know a bit about prospects and i have no f’ing clue where this guy came from, but SON really really likes him.

    only 2 moves left on week here. but also what about: i have these for 4 max RP slots, and 3 SP slots per day: romo/gsellman (can both go in SP), leclerc, steck, greene,
    drop any for hildy, somebody just dropped him for some reason. steck hasn’t been good lately, and MIA also hasn’t gotten shit for saves since bearclaw was ousted either (and bearclaw himself HAS been ok in last 2 app, could have this job back again in a week)

    this name right here is an anagram.

    • Tee Not Air Jags says:
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      @Tee Not Air Jags: IMAGING systems not IMAGINING systems, i’m one of those.

    • M says:
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      @Tee Not Air Jags: yea Morton’s DL stint is def one of those phantom dL stints teams use now to manage pitcher’s innings. Morton was getting close to his high for IP

      • Fungazi 2.0 says:
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        @M: That’s strange time to make a phantom injury isn’t it? They are not even close to having the division locked up.

        • M says:
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          @Fungazi 2.0: doesn’t seem like the time to coast for sure…probably to give him some rest so he’s fine down the stretch considering he’s at or close to his career highs in ip

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tee Not Air Jags: Haha, nice… Gomber… Can you use a move on this? Then Hildenberger over Steck…

      • Tee Not Air Jags says:
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        @Grey: yeah 2 moves, can use one on the closer change, one for gomber.

        “give him some rest” is the epitome of an “LAD DL stint” it’s a guy who’s not hurt getting time off while the team gets to use his roster slot for another player. it’s the exact reason why people DON’T get DL’d in september, as they have rosters SO big they don’t need the extra roster spot. that’s what i’m saying MLB needs to either
        1. make teams send players they intend to DL to an actual objective outside their own org doctor
        or
        2. just let them have large rosters ALL year not just september.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, exactly, I think 1

  4. surfer dude says:
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    Hi Grey, pts league for ROS – Mikolas , Lucchesi, or Gant – thanks!

  5. Another Dan says:
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    Grey,

    Excellent stuff as ever.

    In a 13 team 5×5 roto, keep 5, am sitting pretty 18 points in front of 2nd (following the advice of the Fantasy Master Lothario). But still looking to secure more points where I can. So I am streaming because I have lost Morton, Bauer and Severino has not looked the same lately. Not desperate as I am only 20 IP behind where I should be.

    1) stream-o-nator likes Gomber v CIN, Eovaldi @CWS tomorrow. Stream both ? Am targeting W really, since I am good for K’s,

    2) Morton could pitch again this year, Bauer won’t. 1 DL spot. Drop Bauer ? Have 5 keepers from Acuna, Soto, Hoskins, Machado, Benintendi, Bellinger, Severino next year. So Bauer unlikely to be a keeper. Although I could perhaps package Bauer and a hitter for a hitter upgrade in the off season. Advice please.

    Many thanks,

    Another Dan

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Another Dan: 1. Both 2. Hate to drop Bauer in a keeper if someone else could pick him up or you could package him

      • Another Dan says:
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        @Grey:

        Thanks Grey.

        Will stream both and hold on Bauer as long as I can. I am set for Saves so I may Ben able to lose the odd reliever if push comes to shove.

        Thanks again,

        Another Dan

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  6. Tee Not Air Jags says:
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    completely different league, saves only, this about right, minter over givens over steck for saves. dynasty as well. somebody just dropped minter, i have no idea why.

  7. Tony C says:
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    Please pick two for September; Voit, Renfroe, Mancini, Nimmo, and T.Anderson. Also drop Newcomb for Junis, Vargas, Sonny Gray or Desclafani? Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tony C: Anderson, Mancini unless you need power, then Renfroe — I’d look at matchups for those SPs, but I’d drop Newcomb for any except Gray or Vargas

      • J-Money says:
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        @Grey: Junis @ CLE or Desclafanai @ STL? Or neither?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Neither

  8. sk says:
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    Another gem, Grey…thanks.

    I think it’s finally time to dump C.Allen but I’m not sure who will help me for my playoffs (5×5 mixed). What order would you rank these guys (assuming any of them is a better option over Allen) — Hildenberger, Fry, Greene, Yates, J.Alvarado, Seranthony.

    Thanks…have a great day.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @sk: Thanks! Yates, Hildenberger, Seranthony

  9. Slappy Jack says:
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    Mmmm… double roofie combo from Peralta and Newcomb , thx a lot robot overlords!

    Did you know Sexy Dr Pepper still had an OBP of near .400 during his “cold” streak? I love him.

    Speaking of OBP beasts, is Nimmo a 20/10 guy next year, sleeper material possibly? I feel like he is, but can’t tell if it’s just hot schmotato camouflage .

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Slappy Jack: Yeah, Soto’s still been better than 95% of the league and he’s like 14 years old… I like Nimmo, yeah, possibly for next year

  10. M says:
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    Love your “raps” Mark whiten…

    Drop Dahl for Mancini or Pham?
    Drop Cahill for Musgrove? Cahill has yanks next, musgrove @StL tonight…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @M: Haha… Mancini — yes, Musgrove, but that matchup isn’t amazing @ STL

  11. Chucky says:
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    Dropping Pollock for Nick Williams? AJ looks like toast.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Chucky: Meh, Williams isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire

  12. Fried Swantons says:
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    ROS, Camargo or Peraza at MI? Ops league
    Thanks!

  13. Chocolate Thunder from Down Under says:
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    Need to drop 3:

    Bellinger
    White
    Dozier
    Murphy
    Shaw
    Rendon
    Oneill
    Acuña
    Soto
    Brantley
    Bryant
    Eloy

    Can drop more and add: Moose, Adames, Mazara

    Thanks

      • Chocolate Thunder from Down Under says:
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        @Grey: Need to add 1 reliever and Jhon Paxton when he comes from DL.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ah, ok

  14. Chocolate Thunder from Down Under says:
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    Need to drop 3:

    Bellinger
    White
    Dozier
    Murphy
    Shaw
    Rendon
    K. Bryant
    Oneill
    Acuña
    Soto
    M. Bryant
    Eloy

    Can drop more and add: Adames, Moose, Mazara

    Thanks,

  15. DodgerWindowClosed says:
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    Nice on Morton! Good for you. Been saving that evidence, huh? Pretty smart (if a bit sensitive which is surprising). Let’s see though if he is just missing that one start.

    if you can be right on this about Morton and your MadBum dump advice, my Morton and MadBum for his Kluber looks better LOL.

    • Swat290 says:
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      @DodgerWindowClosed:
      Never underestimate the power of foresight from the FML…. oh we aren’t supposed to abbreviate that right??

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @DodgerWindowClosed: Saving? It was 11 days ago, can’t fault someone for having a good memory — up until two weeks, then it goes

      • DodgerWindowClosed says:
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        @Grey:

        Too funny on the two weeks comment. You have me beat there too! I must be older than you (or enjoyed too many vices).

        Did not mean it as a stinging barb then but must have struck a nerve up in the office.

        Have a good one….looking forward to Sept 9th to see how our steak or ground chuck is doing.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Meh, no hard feelings, I just remembered that you felt like I wronged you, when I was just giving my advice…

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Or at least it felt that way, and I don’t have a crystal ball, but Morton seemed like a surefire sell… anyway, it’s all good

            • DodgerWindowClosed says:
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              @Grey:

              You never wrong any of us. It is up to us to decide whether to hit accept, decline, add or drop. No one else has that responsibility. Just fun to do some give and take. Don’t want you getting soft with all the praise! Looking forward to tomorrow’s post.

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Ha, thanks for understanding, I am just trying to help

  16. Taking14DaTeam says:
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    1. Zobrist, Cesar, Villar….please pick one.
    2. Zimm or C Santana
    3. Ramos or Salvador
    4. Pham, Mazara, Renfroe, Piscotty, O’Neill, Dahl….please pick one.

  17. crimedog says:
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    I hope the dodgers miss playoffs so Dave Roberts can get fired and I can own my dodgers players in peace next year.

  18. Marty Jannetty_Was Set Up says:
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    If you had to pick one “just for the next few days” schmotatoe between: Eduardo Nunez, Randall Grichuk, and Trey Mancini, who you rolling with.

    Man: SON likes Suarez this weekend home vs the Mets and Wheelsr, but as another commentor noted yesterday…the Mets have scored top 5 runs in all MLB since all-star break. On top of that Wheeler has been lights out recently.

    The Mets do have poor road splits vs. Lefties…but Suarez and NYM have never faced each other, so not much data. Do you roll him out there hoping the Mets are going to show up at the NY Messes, or look for safer options.

    I plan to roll these SPs out there the rest of the week, are they FML approved or should I look for options?:

    1. Rich Hill home vs AZ
    2. Ryu Home vs AZ
    3. Gausmann home vs PIT
    4. Fiers home vs SEA
    5. Bieber home vs TB
    6. Strasburg home vs. MIL (fingers crossed!)

    I need to max out my SP starts this week as this is a must win in my high dollar league (12 team H2h points league with insane utilities and scoring…I know, ugh, points league, but I’ve won 5/6 years and its against some old heads that all pay for fantasy pros premium…suckers). Of everyone SON approved thats available Suarez is the one I’m cyclopsing.

    Appreciate you as always my dude. Your sage advice has made my unhealthy hobby manageable as I have a ridiculous work/travel schedule.

    • Marty Jannetty_Was Set Up says:
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      @Marty Jannetty_Was Set Up: to clarify, Suarez would be my 7th and last SP option. Really just need him to not get blown up. But jeez, I’ve been rosterbaiting Mets bats past 2 weeks and theyve been smoking hot.