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Kendall Graveman was traded to the Astros with Rafael Montero for Abraham Toro and Joe Smith. So, I am now asking, what on earth is going on there? Is that a real trade? That trade made it seem like the Mariners’ front office wished they never made Tuesday night’s comeback. That’s a trade a last place team does with a first place team that’s in another division. Pardon the pun, but that Toro trade is fishy as hell. Unless I’m missing something, or the Mariners are like, “We need Toro, because the Padres love fatty tuna and we have to send him there for Hosmer.” Otherwise, that is just, well, bad, and hard to understand. Then the Mariners went out and got Tyler Anderson out from under the Phils’ nose, which is a long, green snout. Phillies tried to send a helmet stuffed with caramel popcorn and Pirates were like, “Hey, this guy’s getting stuck in my teeth.” So, a team with France isn’t waving the white flag? What goes on here? This is so crazy confusing! As for the Mariners’ pen, Paul Sewald, who has been great, takes over as closer. He could’ve been great with Graveman there too, though. As for Graveman? Engrave it with “RIP your fantasy value.” As for Tyler Anderson, he has a wicked cutter, and a very stable ERA of 4.30-ish, which is fine for real baseball and the Streamonator, but this trade doesn’t make him great. As for Toro, he homered last night in a pinch-hit appearance. It was almost like he knew what pitch was coming. Hmm… Well, Toro is a utility player for now, until the M’s get rid of Seager. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back to the 2nd half where we make our fake dolla dolla bills dreams come true! Or we gently guide you to our fantasy football advice. I’m wearing Isotoners while typing this, one love Dan Marino! Damn, I love that guy. Is he still playing? Okay, enough nonsense. During my medical procedure last Tuesday, the anesthesiologist said to me he thought dogs were angels on earth, and, as I drifted off, I said to him, “I hope you’re not Dr. Death.” Well, that anesthesiologist had Angels on his mind for some reason beyond my understanding, and so do I because the Angels are making money moves, calling up their top prospect, Brandon Marsh (0-for-4). Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “A pre-swing bat wrap saps a bit of Marsh’s reaction time and contact ability. Aside from that hitch—not a load in his case as his hands aren’t in the hitting position synced up with his hips when it ends—Marsh is a great baseball prospect. A potentially elite defender with plus power and speed, he’ll get every opportunity to learn on the job at the highest level. He should be fine as long as he’s not as dumb as Grey.” What the heck! Maddon says he will be playing Marsh in center, so I grabbed Marsh in one 15-team mixed league, and my RCL, but I could see dropping him in the 12-team mixer by this time tomorrow. Or as Brandon Marsh says, “Don’t harsh the Marsh.”

Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Christian Yelich hit for the cycle, going 6-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .319.  Yelich has been sexier than that random porn that was released of him.  Speaking of porn (always a great intro to a sentence), you know you have a cougar problem when…True story, I woke up yesterday morning and Googled to see if there ever was a movie made called, Call Me By Your Ma’am with Kimothee ChalaMILF.  That feels like too much information, but I trust you with everything, except any identifying details about me in real life.  Any hoo!  Yelich!  Are you kidding me?  Keyword is kidding, because he looks like he’s 12.  Yo, you super pre-teen?  You in Stranger Things?  We’re at the point now when I’m starting to think about 2019, and Yelich, well, is there any way he’s not top 20?  Yelich or Springer?  Gotta be Yelich, right?  Yelich or Bregman?  Okay, tough call, but damn close.  He’s definitely better than Kimothee ChalaMILF!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rick Porcello said of his catcher, Sandy Leon, “He’s the best catcher I’ve ever thrown to.  Period.”  It’s a shame people don’t end include other forms of punctuation when speaking.  “I am the Red Sox ace.  Question mark.  No, I forgot about Chris Sale.  Period.  Actually, exclamation mark.  The best Red Sox pitchers.  Colon.  Not Bartolo.  Period.  I’m going to list them.  Period.  Okay.  Comma.  Damn.  Comma.  I apostrophe V-E confused myself.”  Yesterday, Porcello threw a sparkler — 7 IP, 2 hits, 0 walks, 1 ER, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.04, and roped a double to right, which is fun in a dog on rollerblades-type way, but is kinda irrelevant.  What’s less irrelevant, Rick Porcello is pitching better this year than his Cy Young year, though with less ERA to show for it, obviously.  That could change in the final six weeks if he finds his groove.  Period.  Ya know what, exclamation mark.  Strike that, interrobang.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?