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It’s actually as in Brett “Beatty” — not “Batty,” because I know in your head, you see Brett Baty and think Batty. Oh, yeah, I know what is going on in your head. You’re thinking I also pronounced it Brett “Batty.” Wrong, Slick Rick, the Ruler! I’m in your head, but you’re not in my head! In my head, I like to pronounce Brett Baty’s last name “Bat-Why,” and with a flourish like it’s Pad Thai. I’ll tell you Bat-Why! Bat-Why because just last week he landed on Itch’s top 25 prospects for dynasty leagues, where he said, “Brett Baty has no business in AA. He’s repeating the level after posting a 118 wRC+ in 40 games last year, and he’s slashing .355/.427/.655 with eight home runs in his last 26 games. Who’s in charge of this stuff? What’s happening here? This is dumb, so I think somehow Grey’s behind it.” Okay, not cool. Bat Why’s numbers at Double-A ended up 19 HRs, .312/.406 in 89 games, as he was finally promoted to Triple-A after Itch’s insistence, and he’s continued to hit there too. The Mets need a third baseman with Eduardo Escobar IL’d and Baty is being called up. I Bat-Why’d on all my teams where I too need a third baseman. He could be the last big call-up. By the why, who doesn’t need a 3rd baseman? The one team who drafted Jo-Jo-Ram in your league? Cool, not me, which is why I Bat-Why’d and that’s Bat-Because. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Carrasco – Diagnosed with a low-grade oblique strain. So it doesn’t even know it’s times tables yet.
Taijuan Walker – Left his start with lower back pain. Walker’s name now sounds optimistic.
Freddy Tarnok – Recalled by the Braves. Beginning to think the Braves were so impressed with themselves for winning the World Series with a major league team, they’re now trying to win with a Double-A team.
Charlie Morton – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.04. From Chazz Groundballio to Ground Chuck to Chuck E. Throws Cheese to last night where he seemed to throw 97% curves. Was kinda crazy, tee be aitch. He set the Mets up with fastballs in the first three innings, then threw all curves afterwards. And, it worked.
Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer. He hit that homer literally to the moon. Don’t believe the replay. It went to the moon.
Shea Langeliers – 1-for-4, 1 run as he was called up by the A’s, and he DH’d, so it doesn’t matter Sean Murphy hit his 14th homer yesterday. Langeliers has been killing it in Triple-A El Paso (the home of great salsa), .283/.366/.510 with 19 home runs and five steals in 353 ABs over 92 games. In a 15-team mixed league, I grabbed Langeliers. He could be the MJ Melendez of August and September. Call him MJ Lateseasonez.
JP Sears – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.95. Have added him in a few leagues. Wish he’d go deeper into games, but he’s Sears, not GameStop.
Ramon Laureano – Hit the IL with an oblique strain. Ramon Laureano said, “Ringworm medicine? Why didn’t I think of that?” By the by, with the finale of Better Call Saul just happening (no spoilers, don’t worry), I’m reminded of the time we had Betsy Brandt, Hank’s wife on Breaking Bad, on the podcast and all three (!) of us interviewed her, though none of us had seen Breaking Bad yet. “So…he’s a science teacher who deals meth?” Just absolutely owning our stupidity.
Stephen Piscotty – Released by the A’ss. That makes him a turd.
Paul Blackburn – Shut down for the season. The A’s said, “Hey, Blackburn, meet us in Vegas by Treasure Island because you sound like a Pirate. Just kidding, we’ll prolly trade you this winter.”
Roansy Contreras – Will be rejoining the Pirates’ rotation. Saw someone report he was in Triple-A to monitor his innings. Right! Sure! Oh…*climbs to the top of the Statue of Liberty*…kay! I bet that’s why he was in the minors. Workload issues! Which is why he had four starts in the minors. Sure! All right, moving on before I blow a gasket.
Ke’Bryan Hayes – Hit the IL with a mid’back muscle strain. Does Ke’Bryan even crack the top 250 next year? I don’t think I’m in on him anywhere, definitely not within the top 200. 200-250 becomes a jumble of fliers usually, so maybe, but also: Bleh.
Yolmer Sanchez – Designated for assignment. His assignment is to notify La Russa that he’s available, because La Russa will play him for 162 games in front of Andrew Vaughn.
Enrique Hernandez – 0-for-3, 1 RBI as he was activated, and hit 7th. Kinda funny how long ago I thought he was returning. Like a good six weeks ago. I kept saying something like Jarren Duran would lose playing time six weeks ago because of Hernandez’s return. Instead, Duran lost his own playing time by just sucking, and was already replaced by Pham.
Nick Pivetta – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.28. This was an easy Streamonator call, and his next one is much trickier. Nickier? Hmm, let’s pretend I didn’t.
Kerry Carpenter – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Ooh, boy, Carpenter’s making me want to get close to you, um, him.
Paul Goldschmidt – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 29th homer. Au Shizz!
Aledmys Diaz – Sounds headed to the IL. Don’t worry, Trey Mancini will still be stuck behind Chas McCormick.
Dylan Cease – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.09. Three earned runs for the first time since May. So, yeah, he’s a total loser (of the Cy Young to Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.95).
Bo Bichette – 0-for-3 as he was dropped to 7th in the order, hitting .259. More like Boo Bichette.
Alek Manoah – 5 2/3 Ip, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.71. Ugh, I hope he’s not hitting the proverbial young pitcher wall. Not the PYPW! It’s not even a good acronym!
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot Cake Batter leaving an edoughble mark!
Dean Kremer – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.58. Streamonator hated this start, but A) Jews are just the best athletes. B) Orioles never lose anymore. C) There’s no C.
Cedric Mullins – 1-for-5 and a slam (11) and legs (25), hitting .263. If he ends the year with a 15/35 season, it’s a fall off from last year, but, if I’m being honest, it’s not as big a fall off as I expected.
Adley Rutschman – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .250. Gosh, making me forget all about Matt Wieters!
Nick Fortes – 3-for-4, 3 runs, and his 5th and 6th homer. I think I know what this Nick guy’s Fortes is! (Homering while at .1% rostered. By the way, congrats to the random person who has Nick Fortes! You deserve it! It being picking up Fortes in May and abandoning your team for two months.)
Edward Cabrera – 4 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.78. *slowly raises his hand* Hey, love the stuff, Edward, and those Ks? Great! Love ’em! But maybe be a little more economical to get through five innings. Thanks!
Sean Manaea – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.83. If you’re going down with the Manaea-ship, that’s on you at this point. Sorry, tough love, but I mean, c’mon. Drop him!
Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 6.96. If I had a Cy Young vote, I’d give it to Corbin, just to see if that would get me kicked out of the BBWAA.
Lane Thomas – 1-f0r-5 and his 11th homer, and Luke Voit (1-for-4) hit his 16th. Writing them together to say, “I saw they homered, they’ve also done nothing else recently, so I’m monocle’ing, but we will see.”
Rowan Wick – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.22, and the blown save. He could blow another ten games, and I’m not sure he’d be replaced. Who are they gonna go to instead? Uelmen? You don’t even know if I made up that name.
Justin Steele – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.43. Felt like an especially nice streaming night, even if the Streamonator didn’t like this one. As I keep saying, just stream against the Nats. They will lose 35 of their last 45.
Franmil Reyes – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 11th homer. Already can’t wait to draft Franmil Reyes in 2023. He’s gonna eat in Wrigley all year. A Fran-meal, so to speak. $54 Vending Machine Steaks for everyone!
Jeffrey Springs – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.52. I was telling people I didn’t trust Springs in Yankee Stadium yesterday, and someone, rightfully, was going behind me in the comments saying start everyone vs. the Yanks right now.
Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer. He’s never really crazy hot, but never really crazy cold either. Call him Randy Goldilocks.
Clay Holmes – Says he needs an IL stint, due to his back. Aroldis Chapman must’ve been patting him too hard, as he attempts to get the 9th inning back.
Estevan Florial – Yanks are calling up their former top prospect. The Yankees’ Florial arrangement they’re making is to cover for a smell of desperation. He has incredible speed and power, and might hit .175 with his awful contact. Likely just looking at him in AL-Only leagues unless he starts hitting.
Dustin May – Will make his season debut on Saturday vs. the Marlins. Here’s my Dustin May 2022 fantasy, that I just gave to you, while I marveled at his orange locks.
Mookie Betts – 1-for-5 and his 27th homer. Mookie Best!
Joey Gallo – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer. Even worse, he took all the Yanks’ offense with him when he left.
Craig Kimbrel – 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.57, as he blew his 4th save, and I wonder if the Keepers of the Box Score haven’t lost track, because he feels like he’s blown at least 10 games.
Brandon Woodruff – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.53. I’ve mentioned this before, but you try writing 3,000 words a day about baseball and not repeat yourself, Woodruff has been pretty subpar vs. superb.
Christian Yelich – 1-for-4, 2 runs and 9th homer, hitting .250. Aw, it was nice of them to move in the fences for Yelich to “infield dirt.”
Willy Adames – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer, hitting .223. Willy smells his bat after a hit, and says, “Dong!”
Luis Rengifo – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and I’m absolutely halting all criticism on Rengifo, he’s a full-blown schmotato.
Julio Rodriguez – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .270. As Paul Simon would sing, “Me and Julio down bad, the ball going yard…”
Christian Walker – 1-for-4 and his 29th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and it feels like 75th homer in the last week. Christian Walker will do nothing but disappoint next year. He’s having an absolutely absurd year.
Merrill Kelly – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.81 vs. Jakob Junis – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.53. This matchup was billed as, “Two guys you likely don’t know are pitching as well as they are, as you continue to wonder if you should pitch Sean Manaea.” A very specific billing title.
Brandon Crawford – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. A dreadful year from Crawford, but don’t worry. Next year he’ll randomly have 27 homers and .300 as the Giants win the NL West by 30 games.
Jake Fraley – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and 2nd day in a row I’m calling him a schmotat0.
Jonathan India – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Of course! Literally of course! On my bench! Good! I hate him so much. I wonder if I put enough postage on his back, then have him show an ID card and they could ship him to India. Is that possible?
Kyle Gibson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 4.30. Between Streamonator and just grabbing randos, I felt like I had 17 pitchers going last night, and my worst ones were like Cease and Manoah, which honestly weren’t that bad.
Nick Castellanos – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 11th homer. I was about to say the Greek God of Hard Contact That Is Now Ironically Named hasn’t been much better than India, then I looked at the Player Rater. Castellanos is near-top 100; India is near-top 450!
Darick Hall – 1-for-5 and his 9th homer. She gone featuring Darick Hall and former catcher, Johnny Oates.
Rhys Hoskins – 3-for-6, 5 RBIs and his 25th and 26th homer. Fun fact! Rhys’ Pieces is E.T.’s fantasy baseball team name. Would’ve thought if he were a Phillies fan, he would’ve went with Bohm Home.
