Mariners called up Cole Young. Cole world, ah, Cole world. Watch out, here comes my altar ego, B. Fire. Bringing da…FIRE!
Cole
Cole World
Yeah
First time, he’s Cole’d up,
A 2nd baseman pup,
The new Mariners homey,
They wanna rosterbate, ironically goodbye, Mastrobouni,
Or later, Leo Rivas,
If Raleigh sits on your head, you’re a Butthead, Beavis,
Seeing the new roster,
Cole’s no imposter,
He’s 21 with a 5/4/.277 in 54 games,
Don’t say Dylan Moore’s basically sames,
And he ain’t ever did this before,
And he ain’t ever did this before,
Cole World, ah.
Thank you, B. Fire, for your flow. Cole Young is the Mariners top prospect and Itch said previously, “A left-handed hitter with middle-infield athleticism on defense and a plus hit tool on offense, Young was selected 21st overall in 2022 and has played well throughout his climb. He’s an easy eval on the eyes as it doesn’t take much to see his swing and think “oh that looks good.” Also has the arm to make up for a split second here or there on defense. In 124 Double-A games last year, he slashed .271/.369/.390 with nine home runs and 23 stolen bases, and, if Grey ever tries to rap again, I’m gonna rap him over the head.” Fair, to be honest. I’d look at Cole Young in all leagues for upside, but, since the M’s stadium sucks so bad, I’d prolly limit it to 15-team mixed leagues for now or deeper. Could be a sleeper. Buzz me on my beeper! Jeepers! Creepers! Okay, I’ll stop now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Bryce Miller – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.36 as he was activated from the IL. He had elbow inflammation or, as it’s more popularly known, “Soon to miss 18 months.”
Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer, 4th homer of the weekend. Asked ChatGPT what would Barry Bonds hit like if he had a giant ass, and it said Cal Raleigh.
Chris Paddack – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.58. If you enthusiastically pick up Paddack, your inseam is bigger than the jar they’ve put aside in the cryobank for your brain.
Jac Caglianone – Will be promoted. Weird, where have I heard his name before? I know! From my Jac Caglianone fantasy I just gave you on Friday. Roman Anthony should be next, I’d guess within a week.
Michael Wacha – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.88. People still asking if they should start him. A 2.88 ERA, like that’s nothing.
Kris Bubic – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.43. We must give the Royals’ pitching coach Brian Sweeney his flowers. You get a lotus, the royal flower of pitching coach enlightenment.
Parker Meadows – Sounds close to activation. And you said he retired. Haha, wrong again! Gave you a Parker Meadows sleeper in the preseason, and that feels widely dated, but I don’t mind the flyer.
Edward Cabrera – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.14. Season-long ERA is lying though. He now has five straight solid starts, posting a 2.53 ERA over 21.1 innings. I now have him in multiple leagues, and am holding tight for now, and you can monocle in shallower leagues, but you might want to move off the monocle to grabbing.
Xavier Edwards – 5-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .282, as he was activated from the IL on Saturday. I kinda love Xavier and Otto. Give me the MIA MIs.
Ryan Weathers – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.49. Weathers or not, here I come, you can’t hide, that’s the Fugees. His stats still look solid, just got a little unlucky yesterday, i.e., Weathers the storm.
Hayden Birdsong – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.37. His stats are even better than Weathers, i.e., melody > meteorology. Streamonator hates his next one, but it doesn’t scare me. Or scurr, sticking with today’s rap theme.
Luis Matos – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (2). When you open a guy’s player page and he has no hits without scrolling down, it’s not great.
Camilo Doval – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.04, and his 7th save, 2nd save this weekend, and Ryan Walker pitched the 6th yesterday, which is where he pitched on Friday too. Ryan Walker, 6th inning man. Feel like we did this once before about a month ago. Doval seemed to take over the closer job, because he’s much better than Walker, then a week later, it went back to Walker. In most deeper leagues, I’d be hesitant about dropping Walker, but I would be picking up Doval.
Jordan Walker – Hit the IL with wrist inflammation. Needs to get that wrist right so he can show his stuff to KBO scouts.
Sonny Gray – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.65. I’m not doing the math, but just know if you take out his one bad start his ERA is better.
Erick Fedde – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.82 vs. Jacob deGrom – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.34. This matchup was billed as, “FeddeGrom for pithy sake, but it’s no Fe deGrom, he is not the Ironman.”
Josh H. Smith – 3-f0r-5, 4 RBIs and a slam (5) and legs (7), hitting .269, hitting .167 over the last two weeks, so it was not Josh Hot Schmithtato, but maybe starting now?
Coby Mayo – 0-for-4, 1 run as he was recalled by the Orioles with Mountcastle hitting the IL with a strained hamstring that happened when stealing home, which he was doing because, well, a mystery that only Mountcastle can solve. Any hoo! Mayonnaise is back for a couple of weeks — not longer, we’ve fallen for that trap before — and hasn’t shown he can hit major-league pitching (40% strikeout rate). Though, he hasn’t had much opportunity either.
Dean Kremer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.70. That was an easy Streamonator call, as discussed on Friday in the Buy.
Lane Thomas – Hit the IL with plantar fasciitis. The oblique of the foot.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .327. He has a 28-game on-base streak with six homers, nine steals and a .401 batting average. Somehow Jo-Jo-Ram keeps getting better.
Gavin Williams – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 BBs, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.79. His 5.2 BB/9 is still the new blech, and I could ignore it, if it wasn’t actually better in April than May, i.e., I was looking for every reason to Gavin.
Michael Toglia – Optioned to Triple-A. That’s 100% on me. I loved him coming into this year, and failed to see his flaws. Mea culpa. Funny enough, the Rockies’ corresponding move was calling up Keston Hiura, who I called as a future bust during his breakout. It’s like the universe saying, “You screwed up on Toglia, but don’t forget your past accuracy.” Thanks, Universe. “Okay, stop touching me.” Sorry, Universe.
Juan Soto – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 10th homer, and his 2nd homer in as many games. Sexy Dr. Pepper just needed to face one of the all-time worst pitching staffs. Emoji blowing smoke out its nose and flexing eight-inch biceps.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, hitting .282. Soto is hitting .233, so still behind Lindor, but he could pass Lindor in homers by this time next week, i.e., your buy low for Soto is going bye-bye.
Pete Alonso – 1-fof-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer. Albombso!
Tyler Freeman – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (4). Rockies are on pace for a 25-137 season, which is crazy, and crazy isn’t good in this example.
Orlando Arcia – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer on his new team, the Suckies. All good on Arcia for NL-Only, but please don’t tell me he’s platooning with Thairo. I do not want to Thearo that.
Slade Cecconi – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.28. Benefit of answering comments is I get alerted on guys I might not be aware of previously. Down side is y’all alerted me to Slade freakin’ Cecconi. Didn’t really need that with Luzardo!
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. 36 homers since last All-Star Break, Matt Olson has 28.
Corbin Burnes – Left his start with an arm injury. Seemed to mouth, “My elbow’s done, it’s dead.” Hopefully he was saying, “My, Perdomo, son, zees wed,” and Burnes is Italian and Perdomo recently was married. The good news is Ryne Nelson should be back in the rotation.
Brandon Pfaadt – 0 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.05. Someone said this was MLB’s first ever “Yes hitter.” The laughter hides the pain.
Spencer Schwellenbach – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.13. There was some concern (from me at least) a few starts ago that his perfs weren’t all they were cracked up to be, but they look fine now. Perf on, perfer.
Bryce Elder – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.56. Regret to inform, no one may be wearing the Shroud of Touki this year.
Walker Buehler – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.44. If you have Buehler on your fantasy team, show someone who knows fantasy and say, “Hey, look, I have this guy who hasn’t been good in four years.”
Garrett Crochet – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.98. Redrafting tomorrow, which starter goes first: Crochet or Skubal?
Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .284, .302 in the last two weeks with four homers. OZUNA destroy baseball. OZUNA under assumption does not need to replace damaged baseball.
Daulton Varsho – Hit the IL with “he hits the IL once a month.” We’ll see him in time for July to hit the IL again, I’m sure.
Addison Barger – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, and his 3rd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert! Just slightly hotter than Matt Wallner. Look at me hiding an extra schmotato in plain sight.
Jacob Wilson – 4-for-4, 1 RBI and his 5th steal, hitting .357. I love Wilson. That’s all, moving on.
Ben Brown – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.72. I just opened his player page and my eyeballs dropped out of my head when I sawhisperipheralsamIhittingthespacebarorthetableIhavenoeyeballs. Ben Brown looks damn good — 11.3 K/9, 3 BB/9, 3.18 xFIP. I’ll buy that for a dollar!
Michael Busch – 2-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. In May, he had 2 HRs, 1 steal and–sorry, I fell asleep, where am I? A Busch? What the hell? I went to sleep with a bird in the hand!
Jameson Taillon – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.76. JT bringing sexy back–[sees two Ks]–uh, JT bringing passable back.
Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. I’m Wild on E! and he’s wild on my fantasy team. He’s the 3rd player to have 50+ homers and 100+ steals through age-23 season with ARod and Trout.
Dylan Cease – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.66. Clearly something is wrong, do the Padres not have pitching coaches to fix the issue? Can Cease get traded to the Royals?
Manny Machado – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Macho, macho, Machado!
Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Could be a light schmotato, but don’t have much faith.
Christian Yelich – Day-to-day with a jammed finger. Hopefully, he preserves.
Chad Patrick – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.97. Brewers do nothing but develop great pitching. No, seriously, it’s all they do. Streamonator doesn’t like Chad P.’s next one, but I see little wrong with it.
Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.77, as he was activated from the IL. If you’re in a 15-team mixed league or deeper, you appreciate a guy like Quintana. If you’re in a shallower league, you must be Jo-Quin.
Mick Abel – Will be recalled on Tuesday and Taijuan Walker moves to the pen. Cool, cool, but, like, whatever happened to Andrew Painter? Abel’s been just that (clever!), striking out 10.6 K/9 in 57 innings in Triple-A with a 2.21 ERA. He did have a 4.1 BB/9, which illustrates the problem, a lack of command, which could lead to a roofie.
Jesus Luzardo – 3 1/3 IP, 12 ER, ERA at 3.58. I need to sit down. Why does it feel like I’m sitting on top of a cactus? Why is there blood dripping down my leg? Can someone call an ambulance? I’m going to be sick.
Will Warren – 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.19. If you had Pfaadt, Luzardo and Warren on Saturday, you should be ecstatic, you will never know pain worse.
Ben Rice – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. He’s on pace for 35 homers. Talking specifically to the people keep asking to drop him.
Ryan Yarbrough – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.83. Ya know, as with Mahle and Abbott and anyone else overperforming, you just ride it out until they crash, and hope they don’t crash as hard as Luzardo, Pfaadt, Warren, my God my pain, etc.
Tommy Edman – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Wanna call him Eddy Tomman? Am I the only one? Hmm…
Mookie Betts – Has a fractured toe from running into a night table while he was sleepbowling. He says he doesn’t need an IL stint, which seems pretty silly for a team that just needs to get healthy for the playoffs.
Zack Littell – 9 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.86. I hate to be that guy who complains about pitchers not throwing deep into games, then complaining about this, but he threw 117 pitches and the Rays won with a 13-run lead! It’s almost like the Rays abuse their hitters by not calling them up and/or sending them down to manipulate their service time, but then abuse their starters by asking them to throw too many pitches, if they’re under contract.
Taj Bradley – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.95. Taj Ma-ace! It’s still so early when a guy like Taj can correct his stats almost entirely with one solid start. If you bailed, I’d unbail.
Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 BBs, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.83. Ya know what’s coming, right? Without his one bad start, his ERA is 1.30 in 68 2/3 IP.
Shay Whitcomb – Was recalled with Chas McCormick hitting the IL with an oblique strain. Shay aka Citifield has the silliest Triple-A stats I’ve seen through 53 games: 18/6. Bro is on pace for a 60/20 season in the minors. I am howling. Last year? 25/26/.293. Wow, do they not believe in this guy at all because he’s 26 with almost zero MLB playing time. Not sure if he plays (he didn’t yesterday) or why they hate him, but, whether you have messy hair or the need for upside in AL-Only, get Whitcomb.
Jacob Melton – 1-for-3 as he was called up, and he has 2 HRs and 3 SBs, hitting .254, in Triple-A, and he played over Whitcomb. Ha! Poor Shay, which sounds like a Real Housewife saying Porsche. Melton does have huge speed and power (15/30 last year in minors), but seems likely to hit .210, at best.
Yordan Alvarez – Turns out he has a fractured hand. Astros team doctor’s resumé is: Former Mets Team Doctor. How do you miss a fractured hand for weeks? This is reminiscent to Kyle Tucker’s bone bruise last year, which was a day-to-day injury. Until he was out for three months with a fracture! The entire city of Houston is medical centers! Go into a hospital and get some x-rays done! What are we doing?! I am doing screaming-to-typing right now! I’m so mad!
