What’s up, Razzball Nation? Welcome back to Overreaction Time with Grey Albright! Did you see Trayce Thompson and C.J. Cron led the league in homers? Wow, they’re better than Babe Ruth and Aaron Judge combined. Call them Abe Juth! Does it matter that C.J. Cron led the league in homers last April, hit 13 homers through May and didn’t hit as many homers the next three months? No! It doesn’t! Cool! Also, Aaron Civale threw a gem? So, he’s better than Corbin Burnes! Jorge Mateo’s going to steal 70 bases this year? Of course he is! Actually, that’s not sarcasm, he just might. Rob Manfred has remade MLB in his likeness: Someone who steals things and puts other people on the clock. Do your own job, Manfred, and stop stealing from the poor, defenseless, weak-armed catchers!

One guy who I’m not overreacting about when I say he’s an ace is Jeffrey Springs (6 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 1 walk, 12 Ks). I wrote a Jeffrey Springs sleeper this preseason. I begged people to draft him. Did you? Or did you pretend you were too cool? Or did you draft him but play coy like I wasn’t the reason? I rank those people “Did you,” “Too cool,” “Drafted but played coy.” Those third people are the real issue, like Springs is gonna be for MLB hitters this year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Zach Eflin – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks. Coolwhip gave you a Zach Eflin sleeper, and I give Coolwhip the world’s longest ya boi.

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. What’s that new food court place, The Rice Bowl? Heard it’s got a five-category rating on Yelp.

Luis Urias – Will miss two months with a hamstring strain. That makes Milwaukee the Joey Wiemer Republic for the foreseeable future. JWR, as he brands his hamburgers, is “What if the Fantasy Baseball Overlord could make a prospect for 5×5 OBP leagues and nothing else?” He is a 70-grade power and speed guy who could have a .350 OBP and hit .190. The four true outcome player. Prospectonator doesn’t love JWR, but I do, so eat a D, Prospectonator! Here’s what Itch said, “At 6’5” 215 lbs, Joey Wiemer features double-plus power and plus speed, smashing 21 home runs and swiping 31 bases in 127 games across two levels last season. That’s nice and all, but the best thing Wiemer did was cut his strikeout rate from 30.2 percent in 84 games at Double-A to 19.5 percent in 43 games at Double-A. The main issue here, as with the rest of these guys, is where he’ll play and when. Not sure I’ve ever seen a team with this many elite outfield prospects on the cusp of the majors, and I want to cusp Grey in the head.” Okay, not cool, but that is the problem with Wiemer. No idea of his playing time.

Justin Steele – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. Gave you a Justin Steele sleeper and barely heard a lowercase yay, and now everyone’s asking if they should pick him up. Yeah, what do you think?

Patrick Wisdom – 2-for-4 and his 1st and 2nd homer. Those are the first Cubs hits besides Dansby in three games. No, that’s not true, it only feels that way.

Spencer Strider – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks vs. the Gnats. Strider’s mustache could’ve struck out three Gnats alone.

Jared Shuster – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER. Settled in after a rough first inning. If someone’s selling low off one bad inning, I’d went to Jared.

MacKenzie Gore – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. A top prospect who is only just now getting a chance to be healthy and start might not be bad? Color me intrigued, which is an off-shade of mauve.

Zack Wheeler – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER. So far all of my pitchers to avoid look terrible and all the pitchers I told you to draft look great. Praise me!

Will Smith – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 1st save. I like when teams are like, “Oh, yeah, by the by, we don’t have a closer or the guy you thought was our closer is not our closer.” So, this doesn’t mean Leclerc isn’t the guy, but it’s not a great sign for him either. I’d back up that Rangers’ saves bet with Will Smith, if I were speculating.

Robbie Ray – Out with a strained flexor, which opens a space in the M’s for Flexen. Wait a minute…Flexen…Flexor….Flexen…Flexor…What in the name of crikey is going on here?! So, this isn’t good news, obviously, for Ray. Prolly knocks him out for four to six weeks, at best. Entire tight pants industry just took an uncomfortable step backward.

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-5 and his 1st homer. *vapes soulfully* That’s my Juul-Rod.

Jack Flaherty – 5 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 7 BBs, 4 Ks. Disgracing our national pastime by pulling a pitcher with a no hitter. Disgusting. *intern whispers in ear* Seven walks? Like a group of seven seniors at the mall at 6 AM?

Nolan Gorman – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. I’m not saying it’s a fact that if you put on a Cardinals jersey and they played you, you could have a top 20 fantasy year for any position, but I’m also not saying it’s not true. Juan Yepez could be a top 20 1st baseman, or in the minors all year. That’s the Cardinals Way. They don’t scout, they create players.

Brendan Donovan – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, as he continues to hit leadoff. Don’t believe in trading so early, but I could see trading for Donovan. From the Create-a-Player Factory, he feels like the Create’est Cardinal this year.

Alec Burleson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. If you were to tell me Burleson is just Carlson but the person sewing the jerseys messed up, I’d believe you.

Chris Bassitt – 3 1/3 IP, 9 ER. To that Bassitt, I say woof.

Chris Sale – 3 IP, 7 ER. Sorry, Sale, the price is still not low enough to touch that.

Enrique Hernandez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, as he hit 8th. Nice to see Alex Cora finally figure out he’s not a leadoff hitter and instead he moved up. Dot dot dot. Rob Refsnyder? Did Cora fall asleep to DMX?

Cedric Mullins – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Mullins could go 35/50 if he called a different park home. He might still go 20/50.

Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners. Welp, if we can’t have Grayson at least we have Sonny Gray.

Jorge Lopez – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 1st save. He got the save on Saturday because Jhoan Duran slept funny. That’s what happens when you fall asleep to Three Stooges reruns.

Joey Gallo – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. Can’t believe what a difference the end of the shift has made for him.

Joe Ryan – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. I’m a broken record with certain shizz. I know this. But think about how you really did not need to draft any top 10 starters. It’s always like this.

Edward Olivares – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. “Well, Grey, I read your Edward Olivares sleeper, but I dropped him after Game 1 when he didn’t do anything. You didn’t tell me I would have to wait until Game 3. So, really, this is your fault.”

Nick Lodolo – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks. Thinking I’m gonna regret not getting more shares of Lodolo. I did not LodYolo enough.

Graham Ashcraft – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Wish I drafted Ashcraft somewhere/anywhere. It was not meant to be this year, unfortch. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see the path, crystal clear like Pepsi, how he becomes an ace this year.

Jason Vosler – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Shouldn’t Jason Vosler be murdering pitches on Friday the 13th? You can go ahead and cyclops him, but Vosler screams to me a solid NL-Only guy with little mixed league relevance. That makes Jason Vosler the killer and the scream queen.

TJ Friedl – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Friedl, Friedl, Friedl, he hit it out of play!

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. This home run upped his asking price so the Pirates offered him TWO Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons for eight years.

Tylor Megill – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Mets were both inevitable to lose at least two of their starters and also the best equipped for that loss.

Kodai Senga – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. Trevor Rogers – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. This matchup was billed as, “Grey has both of these guys in way too many leagues so please let this be a double complete game shutout,” then, after the 2nd innings, it became billed as, “Please for the love of God, don’t let this blow up in my face. I am begging you, whoever you are!” Then in the 5th inning it finally settled on the billing name, “I don’t lose hair because of genetics, but I do have an ulcer.” So, this was a weird game, Rogers actually looked better than his line, and Kodai looked worse. Senga seems like he knows where the ball is going in a very general sense, like “towards home plate,” but beyond that not much. I worry what he will look like vs. more patient teams. As for Rogers, he was pretty unlucky, but not overpowering either.

Tommy Pham – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Shame Pham (does not rhyme) doesn’t have a place to play every day, assuming someone can find Nimmo.

Shintaro Fujinami – 2 1/3 IP, 8 ER. *bending fantasy team over desk* Say my nami, bitch! Speaking of bitches…

Anthony Rendon – Sat out yesterday after running into a tarp. Did the tarp call him a name? If you don’t know what I’m referring to:

Patrick Sandoval – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks. Told you to target this guy in about seventeen posts this offseason. Yeah, I like him.

Tyler Anderson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Check out this guy smuggling the Dodgers’ magic pixie dust out of Los Angeles and through customs into Anaheim.

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Ugh, he couldn’t have waited until today when I moved him into my Utility slot? Is this what rostering Ohtani all year is gonna be like? A new type of stress!

Mike Trout – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Mike who? Is this guy new? I can’t recall his name.

Logan O’Hoppe – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. But make sure you draft a catcher in the top 40 overall. Mmkay.

Hector Neris – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 1st save on Saturday. It’s very funny watching fantasy baseball ‘perts who spent the entire preseason telling you to draft closers high, then scramble trying to figure out why Pressly didn’t get the save. He was just under the weather, for what it’s Cronenworth.

Mike Clevinger – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. Wow, Clevinger picked on someone his own size. Hundred percent real with you, I didn’t watch one single second of this start, but that’s a pretty impressive line vs. the Astros, even if Yordan was sitting and Altuve’s out. I wouldn’t have trusted him vs. nine Corey Julks. Well, Julks on you, Grey! I could see picking up Clevinger in all leagues in case he’s fixed.

Luis Robert – 2-for-5 and his 1st homer. Now just stay on the field for another 140 games.

Yoan Moncada – 3-f0r-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Excuse me if I refuse to believe Moncada is fixed after he’s disappointed for three straight years, but this is a promising sign, none the hoo!

Seth Lugo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. Streamonator loved this start and hates his next, and I don’t disagree. Sethonator doesn’t even like his next.

Trent Grisham – 1-for-2 and his 1st homer. We’re getting the juiced balls this year and insane steals. Chaos-ball and I love it!

Xander Bogaerts – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. “Ya mean I don’t have to hit the ball 800 feet in the air to get it out?” That’s Bogaerts checking out his new stadium.

Noah Syndergaard – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. Noah Syndergaard sat on hold while he listened to his options again. “Do you want to be this year’s Dodgers pitcher who has a 2.50 ERA? Press one if Yes, and press two if ‘Really yes.'”

Scott McGough – 2/3 IP, 0 ER and the save, but Andrew Chafin (2/3 IP, 0 ER) got the vulture win and was used in a tie game, so this is likely still a two-man shituation for now. By the by, Chafin looks like the human equivalent to “chafing.” There’s also the Bullpen Chart.

Clarke Schmidt – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER. Still don’t fully understand everyone going crazy for a guy who won’t throw more than 75 IP, but he did look better than the line.

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. This homer was something like an 118 MPH exit velocity that went 480 feet. Just call it Stantoncast already.

Jhony Brito – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. During the offseason next year, I’m going to become a missionary in Latin America where I preach to them the merits of getting on the same page with one spelling of Johnny. You can go with Jhony, Jhonny, Jonny, Johnny, I do not care, just choose one. His minor league numbers are super uninspiring, but he does have a sweet change, touches 97 MPH and might be okay with command. I could see picking him up in deeper mixed leagues, but likely a Streamonator call in most leagues still.

Joey Bart – Hit the IL with a mid-back strain. Geez, four days ago I wasn’t sure Blake Sabol would get enough playing time, now he’s catching and playing left. He’s gonna be exhausted!

Bryce Johnson – Called up by the Giants. Between Pierce Johnson looking like the guy to have in Colorado for saves, Anthony Rendon acting like the cock of the walk, and Megan Thee Stallion throwing out a first pitch, what a great time to be a Johnson. I’m going to put on my Pickup Free Johnson t-shirt and hang out in a men’s restroom telling people about this Johnson comeuppance. So, Bryce Johnson went 5/31/.290 last year in Triple-A in 94 games. Prospectonator doesn’t love Johnson — that’s what she said! — but I could see the flyer in NL-Only for steals, if it wasn’t for the fact that everyone is stealing 70 bags this year.