Guardians Of The Kayfusy

C.J. Kayfus (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting 8th) was called up on Saturday by the Guardians. [money exchanges hands] That’s two unnamed Guards pitchers, who had some small action on him not being called up until September. Nothing big, what’s $500,000 between friends? Prospect Itch said back in December, “A six-foot, 192 lb third-round pick in the 2023 draft, Kayfus isn’t the kind of guy who generates big coverage in the prospect-sphere unless he hits well every step of the way and forces a big-league look. Safe to say he’s in the process of doing so after slashing .291/.393/.511 with 17 home runs and five stolen bases in 107 games across two levels this year. He’s blocked by Naylor at the moment, but this is Cleveland, where a guy can go from blocked to penciled in at the push of a button. I’d like to push a button labeled, Open Trapdoor Under Grey.” C’mon, man! So, Kayfus, who sounds like a Zoomer term for a doofus. “Bro, you’re such a Kayfus, I can’t even. I said I wanted to start filming a TikTok at 3. I meant 3 AM, you know I’m sleeping at 3 PM.” That’s a Zoomer. Kayfus’s stats in the minors this year (14/4/.300, 25.2 K%, 12 BB%) look like what you might’ve saw from Naylor back in the minors. In fact (sigh, Grey’s got more), Naylor’s last full year in the minors he went 17/5/.297. I wouldn’t be against trying Kayfus in deeper mixed leagues for power, unless you’re punting power like a total Kayfus. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Twins won this game between “Whoever they have” vs. Jose Ramirez and Gang.

Erasmo Ramirez – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, as he was recalled from the minors the other day and in his first action of the season got the save because the Twins are a joke franchise. What I think is happening is Cole Sands pitched the 8th because the Twins are trying to suppress his arbitration and they don’t care about Erasmo, because they won’t keep him. Sorry, this garbage sucks, if it’s what’s going on. The other thing that could be happening is Sands faced the better part of the order, but to think there is a “good” part of the Guards’ lineup is somewhat laughable in itself. Long way of saying, the Twins won’t win many games and likely don’t have a closer.

Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.38, as he was activated from the IL. He’s returning to a team that has a janitor playing second and a camp counselor who won a contest in left.

Tanner Bibee – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.51. It takes some truly questionable pitching to be this bad vs. that Twins lineup.

Kai-Wei Teng – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, as he was called up. Fun fact! Even though it sounds like it, he was not named by John Hughes.

Rafael Devers – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .258. He has five homers since the trade (6/16). Maybe you’ll listen to me next time I tell you he can’t stay healthy for longer than two months a season. He breaks down every year in June.

Casey Schmitt – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Looked to see if Schmitt might be a schmotato, but he’s been fairly cold coming into Sunday’s game. This might be the spark, because he does tend to get very hot for a brief time.

Carson Whisenhunt – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.35. I don’t fully trust him, but the Streamonator even has him as positive for his next start, so whee!

Kodai Senga – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.31. Member crash test dummies commercials for seatbelts? Okay, well, even they didn’t hit a wall like Senga has.

Paul Skenes – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.02. “Shut him down!” screams the person who has Skenes in no fantasy leagues.

Tommy Pham – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Talking Pham, it must be fantasy football season!

Spencer Horwitz – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer. Pirates and Rockies played an insane weekend series. Liover Peguero hit three nukes on Saturday and players are holding their hands up to Warming like he’s a trash can on fire.

Michael Toglia – Optioned to the minors. Oh, he sucks, I am not arguing against that, but it is so Rockies-coded that a guy homers in his previous game, then is demoted.

Mickey Moniak  – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Hunter Goodman (1-for-5) followed him with his 21st homer, and Jordan Beck (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) followed that with his 14th homer. Stop trying to suck up all Bernabel’s warmth!

Seth Halvorsen – Hit the IL with an elbow strain. That likely makes Victor Vodnik the Rockies closer, and player who most sounds like an MF DOOM alias.

Kyle Finnegan – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.28 and the save on Saturday. Never really understood the people calling for Vest to be the closer in Detroit. Not saying Finnegan’s great, but he’s only a 9th inning guy.

Cristopher Sanchez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.40. Wish I had ten more Sanchezes — Sanchii? I need Sanchii. Multiple Sanchiis — Sanchiiii? Actually, multiple Sanchiiiis — Sanchiiiiii?

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-3 and his 38th homer. Imagine a team of just Schwarbers and Sanchiiiiiii. Beautiful. Scharbii and Sanchiiiiii, sounds like two session Yacht Rock musicians. Boy, do they make beautiful music too.

Dylan Cease – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.60. One of the best trades the Padres made that no one talked about was when they traded Crappy Cease for Great Cease.

Ramon Laureano – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 16th homer. Don’t drive up your Sunday FAAB price in my NL-Only leagues, you schmohawk!

Evan Carter – Hit the IL with a sore back. Bro’s got a back of a 77-year-old. Backs never get better. Whatever you think his career numbers will be, give me the under.

Jacob deGrom – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.80. DeGrom became the fastest pitcher in MLB history to 1,800 strikeouts by games (240), innings (1,493.1) and IL stints (270).

Corey Seager – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. Also, in this game Jorge Polanco (1-for-3) hit a homer. Does Polanco have more or less homers than Seager? Ha, you knew that one, huh? Okay, Polanco has 18.

Adolis Garcia – 3-for-3, 2 runs and his 16th homer, hitting .228. He hit that homer with such ease that–Well, I like him, and want to see him get hot, but it’s been slow going for him this year. (Being generous.)

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (20) and legs (21), hitting .252. Only player in MLB history with 20+ HR, 20+ SB in first four seasons. Cool, but we want 30/30!

J.P. Crawford – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Do the M’s players rub Cal’s butt for good luck like a Buddha belly?

Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.12 vs. Seth Lugo – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.06. This matchup was billed, “Grey likes both of these guys more than what makes logical sense.” Hey, that billing name is not nice.

Tanner Houck – Having Tommy John surgery. The Hawk Tuah Girl will be performing the surgery.

Lucas Giolito – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.57. But wait! It gets better! Since June 1st, his ERA is 2.94. Hard to argue with the results. That’s two solid months and one bad month in May (he only made one start in April).

Spencer Arrighetti – Will return this week. Holy pasta, Arrighetti’s ready to twirl! He was a preseason sleeper of mine, and I loved him coming in, then a freak accident sidelined him since April 8th. At the time, the Astros said he’d be out roughly ten to fifteen minutes. Oops! I would try Arrighetti if he were out there in any league, since he was sidelined with a thumb injury, and not arm-related.

Carlos Correa – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. As Ringo Starr once said, “Once you hear the timbre of a drum played properly, everything else is just some tiny Venezuelan playing a trash can.”

Luis Gil – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, as he was activated from the IL. He had the misfortune to run into the buzzsaw that is the Marlins’ offense. I didn’t really want to draft Gil this year, but he does have strikeout upside and “free off waivers” is more attractive than “drafting a guy high.” He did have a 5.65 ERA in the minors during his rehab, but in just 14 1/3 IP. He’s likely not ready, and might not be until September. So, you can try him, but likely throwing good money after bad.

Trent Grisham – 1-for-2 and his 20th homer, 3rd homer in four games. Well, sure, it’s because he’s hitting leadoff for the Yanks. Judge’s shadow casts so long that he doesn’t even need to be playing.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. Jazz must’ve enjoyed doing that back in Miami, his old stomping ground. You might recall, he’d stomp, then miss three weeks with a foot injury.

Edward Cabrera – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.24. I like EdCab, so don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve seen enough — Before the Yankees next game, they should award Aaron Judge the AL MVP. Without him, they’re one of the worst teams in the majors.

Kyle Stowers – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 25th homer. Okay, where does he go next year? Top 100? Top 75? Top 50? Top 50’s crazy? Well, he’s in the top 30 range on the Player Rater.

Eli White – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. MLB plays their first game at a NASACR racetrack and the star of the game is someone named White? C’mon, don’t make the script so obvious.

Austin Riley – Taken out with lower abdomen pain. If you have Riley on your team, hopefully he gets IL’d.

Jack Perkins – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.97 as he was moved to the starting rotation. That’s an odd place for your closer. I guess Sean Newcomb or Michael Kelly are now the closers in SacTown. Neither sound like closers, but both have been decent, so how about you check your preconceived notions! (Which is what he says right after picking up Newcomb and watching him give up 5 ER in 1/3 IP.)

Blaze Alexander – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Blaze hot and it’s not even 4/20!

Blake Snell – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.21 as he was activated from the IL. Dave Roberts announced the Dodgers would move to a six-man rotation, which is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Give Dave Roberts his own Netflix special. A six-man rotation? How about you find three healthy starters first?

Blake Treinen – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, ERA at 3.72. Dave Roberts wants Treinen to get saves and Treinen wants someone else. Yesterday, it was Ben Casparius (1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.86) with his 2nd save.

Drew Rasmussen – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.81. Rasmussen threw 73 pitches on Saturday. If he threw 100 pitches, he’d be an ace and throw a shutout 11 innings.

Joe Boyle – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.30. Rays make 5-inning aces. Three weeks ago, I added Boyle everywhere, and I am not getting off now. Um, that sounds weird. I’m holding him. Uh, metaphorically. Streamonator has him going to Seattle next, which sounds fine to me. Let’s Boyle together like a bunch of lobsters. Hmm, that’s not right either. Moving on!

Justin Turner – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. 17th MLB season and 1st career regular season walk-off homer. About time they did a 40-Year-Old Virgin remake.

Matthew Boyd – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.34. That gets a Flavor Flav Yeah, Boyd!

Brandon Young – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.88 vs. Colin Rea – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.23. El oh el. You know what I’m el oh el’ing at. 80 and 77 pitches respectively. Ridiculous.

Jose Ferrer – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.03, as he pitched in the 8th inning of a 12-1 game. An emoji making a thumbs up realizing its thumb has been accidentally chopped off. This was me yesterday: [places FAAB for Jose Ferrer, two hours later, removes bids for Ferrer] Saves? I don’t need them that bad. I guess if desperate for Nats saves, I’d look at Cole Henry, but very meh.

Jacob Misiorowski – Hit the IL with a bruised shin aka “We want to rest our prized arm and try our other prized arm for a few,” to the next blurb:

Logan Henderson – 4 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.78 as he was recalled. Was a little more enthused for him prior to his start. Brewers are doing some serious kid-gloving with their kids. Henderson threw 76 pitches, and that does not sound great. That’s a 4 to 5 1/3 IP guy. You can try him, because he is excellent, but he might be more of a next year guy.

Brice Turang – 2-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer. That’s nice, but I have you for steals. Da doo run run run the Turang run run!

Brandon Woodruff – 6 IP, 2 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.22. I can’t wait to draft him next year. Who am I?!

Zach Neto – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer. Last homer was July 11th and was hitting .190 in the last week, but every month for Neto has been a 25/25 pace, which is basically JRod with a better average.

Taylor Ward – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .230. Prospect guys have an unenviable task of projecting a guy for his career when projecting for one year is hard, but I just saw Ward’s prospect grades of 55 hit tool and 40-grade power, and I don’t know who that player is, but it’s not Ward.

Colson Montgomery – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, and his 7th homer since the break. We haven’t seen a rookie heater like this since…[guy who can’t recall Nick Kurtz] Maybe ever!

Aaron Civale – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 BBs, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.99. White Sox one-hit the Angels on Saturday, which is so crazy after the Angels went out at the deadline and brought in Oswald Peraza to add to Gustavo Campero, who sounds like someone misremembering the Chicken Man from Breaking Bad, and Bryce Teodosio. You know Teodosio, the off-brand soccer gear manufacturer. I tease! Seriously, the Angels are great! They took one of three from the White Sox.