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Yesterday, Gary Sanchez went 3-for-6, 6 RBIs with his 4th, 5th and 6th homer, hitting .258. “Thanks,” said Gary Sanchez’s owner from 2018, and I believe he was being sarcastic. You know how when you’re walking on the sidewalk and try to avoid stepping on the cracks because of the harm it will cause to your mother’s back? Then as you’re OCD-stepping around the cracks, you get off-step and start only stepping on cracks, and your mom texts you, “My back!” That’s what it must feel like for Sanchez’s 2018 owners. I know how you feel because that’s how it feels right now for me with Rougned Odor. I’m out in 2018 when Odor is decent, then in for this year’s abomination. When I’m supposed to avoid, I don’t and, when I’m supposed to be in on them, I’m not. FMFBBL! If you have Sanchez, well done, it looks like you’re back in for the good Gary. “Did someone say ‘back?'” Sorry, mom! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
CC Sabathia – Will rejoin the Yanks’ rotation for upcoming series vs. the White Sox. What an O. Henry-like twist for CC. His return means the Yanks have to get rid of Lasagna.
J.A. Happ – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER vs. the O’s, ERA at 6.48. Don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball, but Happ’s got me panicked. Don’t know what’s going on with him, but about to alter the bumper sticker on my VW to “Happ Happens.”
Clint Frazier – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer, and three homers in the last two games. I put in a FAAB bid for Frazier in one deeper mixed league. Did I get him? Let’s go to the video tape! *stares at video of me refreshing my browser window*
Gleyber Torres – 2-for-5, 3 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .371. I usually don’t back off preseason calls so quickly, but I’m just about ready to rip up my Gleyber overrated stance. My big worry was a crowded infield, but, with injuries, he’s never leaving the lineup. Honestly, the entire Yanks’ team might get to 30 homers just facing the O’s.
Aaron Judge – 0-for-4 as the Yankees scored 15 runs. At least buy me dinner first, if you’re gonna be such a ticker tease.
Chris Davis – 0-for-his-last-44, hitting .000. A Marvel movie I’d want to see: Infinity War, Baseball Edition: Chris Davis vs. Trevor Rosenthal.
Steven Matz – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA at 0.87 vs. Patrick Corbin – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Okay, couple quick points here since I watched this game (I realize I need to start watching games other than the Mets). Gary Cohen said Matz’s ability to get through the 1st two innings unscathed could be a turning point for his entire season, and I agree. Or he will just struggle in the opening innings all year. I don’t know. But it did seem like a light switch flipped for him after the 2nd inning and he started attacking hitters more. Final point, it says a lot why he’s a number five fantasy starter and Corbin’s a number one when you see Corbin (6 IP, 3 ER) had 9 Ks thru 5 IP and had thrown 69 pitches (nice) and Matz was out of the game with 103 pitches. Needs to be more economical. Okay, one final final point, Corbin’s earned run line might not look as good as Matz’s for this game, but Corbin pitched a much better game.
Zack Wheeler – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 10.24. After the five-run 2nd inning, I checked my teams to see if I owned Zach Wheeler instead of Zack Wheeler. No luck.
Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .382. If you haven’t seen Alonso homer yet, you should check out some clips. The other day, he lunged, off-balance, and knocked one out to the deepest part of the field. Only thing that can stop Alonso is a good old fashioned Home Run Derby curse.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .351. Should count for a half a home run because it came off the Nats’ bullpen.
Anthony Rendon – 1-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .433. Bummed out like Evan Gattis 1.0 that I don’t own Rendon anywhere.
Brock Holt – Hit the IL because his son poked him in his eye. This is what happens when you let a TV babysit your kids and the Three Stooges comes on.
David Price – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.00. The defending champs’ pitching staff looks in midseason form. By which I mean, they all look like they could use a five day break for the All-Star Game.
Matt Barnes – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.00. Live with me for a second, on one team where I have Hader and Barnes, I have a 0.97 WHIP in 104 IP. Either way, Ryan Brasier (1 IP, 0 ER) recorded his 2nd save, and this could be a 60/40 committee this year in favor of Brasier, which is surprising because a Brasier seems better suited for Holds.
Merrill Kelly – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.57. Sonavabench! Damn, I am getting sonavabenched left and right early on. If Kelly was going to show something, he couldn’t have done it in his 1st start and not the one vs. the Sawx? Alas, Streamonator likes Kelly’s next start, and I could see streaming him.
Adam Conley – 0 IP, 1 ER and the loss, ERA at 5.40, as he got the save on Saturday, when Sergio Romo was used in a tie game. The good news is it feels like most of the closerousels are on teams that won’t provide a ton of chances. The bad news is I have a closer problem and picked up Conley while also owning Romo.
Walker Buehler – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.75. Gonna try to ignore that I got sonavabenched by him and focus on the positive that he pitched well in Coors. *after two seconds* Okay, I can’t ignore that he was on my bench! WTF! He couldn’t have pitched well his 1st time out so I started him here?
Max Muncy – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .250. That’s three more home runs than games he appeared in at this time last year, but you still drafted him this year, so why exactly do you want to drop him?
Cody Bellinger – 3-for-4, 4 runs and his 7th homer, hitting .455. No joke, dude is goofy hot right now.
Ryan McMahon – Hit the DL with an elbow strain. Dude can’t catch a break. Well, he can’t, it’s a strain. Mark Reynolds stands to see more PT, which is prolly just all right with the Rockies. They love themselves players 5-6 years past their prime.
David Dahl – Out with what appeared to be an oblique injury. Never would’ve seen an injury coming to Dahl. *douses self in gasoline* Hey, my matches are wet, can you give me a hand?
Carlos Carrasco – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 7.71. Solid bounce back start vs. one of the worst teams in the history of baseball that has somehow won three games. I see, they beat the Tigers and O’s, two other historically terrible teams. Parity, it is just a word you need Dictionary.com to define.
Mike Clevinger – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 0.00. Start everyone against the Jays. Nah, call them the Blue Kays.
Yandy Diaz – 1-for-4 and a slam (3) and legs (1), hitting .303. This guy is the size of a monster truck and stealing bases? *holds handkerchief to head and faints* I’m sorry, kind gentleperson, are you a young Ryan Braun while he was on PEDs? I will call you Ryandy Brauniz. Check please, that was terrible. I possibly neglected to put Diaz in my Friday Buy/Sell because I don’t know if he’s owned in less than 50% of leagues, but I’d own Yandy in every league.
Yonny Chirinos – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 0.75. I’d start anyone against his opponent yesterday, the Aints, but this is his 2nd straight solid start, and he gets the Blue Kays next. Giddy up!
Ronald Guzman – Hit the IL and Patrick Wisdom was recalled. “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing, like when you used $12 of FAAB to pick up Ronald Guzman.” — Socrates Burrito.
Mike Trout – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .393. Hey, this guy could have a future!
Miguel Sano – Could begin his rehab assignment within a week, which means he could be disappointing us again within three weeks. Bringing his brand of un-joy your way soon!
Michael Pineda – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.00. Raise your hand if you had the cojones to start Pineda in Philly. *keeps hand lowered, bug flies just above head, bug lands in hair and fornicates with other bugs* How long until I can raise my hand?
Max Kepler – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .265, and a home run in three consecutive games. Hot schmotato alert!
Zach Eflin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 0.75. I talked about wanting to write a sleeper post for Eflin in the preseason, which, brucely, is enough, amiright? No? Okay, but I do like him a lot.
Hector Neris – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save, ERA at 3.86. Gabe Kapler can’t not go to Neris as his closer at least once a year. Double negatives be damned!
Mike Fiers – 1 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.94 vs. Brad Peacock – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.63. This matchup was billed as, “This safari is so effin’ hot there’s Peacock/Fiers.”
Robbie Grossman – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer as he hits leadoff while Ramon Laureano (2-for-4, 2 runs) hits eighth because he tried to pork Bob Melvin’s wife.
Chad Pinder – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Fun fact! Pinder was the working title for the Jodie Foster movie, The Accused. (Now I’m going to hell; I hope you’re happy.)
Matt Moore – Left Saturday’s game with a knee sprain. Would’ve thought he gave birth to a calf injury. Ya know, because his nickname is Ma-Moo.
Tyson Ross – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.25. He feels like Matt Shoemaker, Part Two. Call him The Deucemaker! I liked Tyson Ross in the preseason, and own him. It’s a deep league, however, and I would use the Streamonator for him.
Shane Greene – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 7th save, ERA at 0.00. S.G. putting the s’s and g’s in SAGNOF.
Lucas Giolito – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.73. Here’s his great 1st start moving into this start: “Man, this chocolate-covered peanut butter cup is great.” *looks up to see a naked butt squatting above the plate* Your Reese’s is feces.
Daniel Vogelbach – 3-for-4, 6 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer, and four homers in the last four games. Sign I have too many teams: I went to waivers to try to pick up Vogelbach and he was owned…by me! Enough about me, because you people obviously don’t care, you ingrates! I would grab Vogelbach in every league in case this is his breakout. If nothing else, he’s a definite hot schmotato.
Tim Anderson – 4-for-5, 1 run, hitting .560. He’s so hot he could singlehandedly defrost Ted Williams’ head.
Alex Reyes – Optioned to Triple-A. The Cards optioned down Reyes because they can’t option down their entire bullpen, and thought Reyes could send up some tips for the other guys.
Matt Strahm – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 7.04. Better than his 1st start, but two Ks is super bleh and I’m not going back in yet on Strahm. Let the boys be boys!
Chris Paddack – 3 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 1.04 vs. Michael Wacha – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners (8 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 1.54. Since neither pitcher is known for wildness and they had 12 walks combined, I’m going with they were getting squeezed like an ingénue near Harvey Weinstein.
Sean Newcomb – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 1.64. This start was against the Marlins, so I’m not drawing any major conclusions, but the Streamonator does love his next start. So, wouldn’t hate if you went with the Newc’lear option.
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .346. Him and Moncada racing to catch up with their hype.
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer, hitting .419, and hitting over-.400 in the last week with one homer. See what I did there? It’s still early!
Caleb Smith – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Was a bit of a gnarly matchup in Atlanta, but he showed why I like him the best out of all the Marlins’ starters, and own him in my RCL league (12-team mixed).
Arodys Vizcaino – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.25 as he was the escape goat. Mean’s while, Craig Kimbrel picked up his phone, thinking it was ringing, but his wife was listening to Young Lust by Pink Floyd.
Josh Hader – 2 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 0.00 and his 5th save. I hope Hader’s not married to having an arm, because the two and two-thirds inning save is the Widowmaker.
Willson Contreras – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .364. A depressed guy saddles up to the bar, “Let me get one ‘Drafted Contreras in 2018.'” A bartender, wiping a glass out with a towel, replies, “We’re only serving ‘Drafted Sanchez in 2018’ today.”
Kyle Hendricks – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.48. The Cubs and Red Sox are going to be facing off in a one-game playoff in October to decide who gets the 1st pick in next year’s amateur draft.
Jason Heyward – 0-for-3, but, on Saturday, he had a double slam (2, 3) and double legs (1, 2), which hasn’t happened for the Cubs since 1906. Baseball was a different game in 1906. Players wore their protective cups, not on their groins, but on their faces, to avoid the plague, and players had caddies, similar to what you see in golf. A baseball caddy would stand three feet behind the batter at the plate and describe the action. This later became the announcer. Any hoo! Heyward was on my bench for his historic game…*opens window, plunges out window, falls three feet down into a rose bush*….Goddamn, that hurts! Maybe Heyward has finally figured out where his once-prodigous power and speed has gone, and tapped it. In that case, I would grab him.
Trevor Williams – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.25. Elias Sports Bureau said this is the first time Trevor Williams gave up earned runs since last June, or thereabouts. Elias phoning it in this year!
Josh Bell – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .310. If you don’t think Saberhagenmetrics exist, ask the guy who just saddled up to the bar with the 2018 owners of Contreras and Sanchez, ordering a ‘Drafted Josh Bell in 2018.’
Adam Frazier – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer, hitting .333, and a caught stealing, which is more there than here, but I like that he’s thinking about steals. Bit schmotatoey, bit just solid-overall-if-boring performer. (This is a super, exciting build-up for him, huh?)
Anthony DeSclafani – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.75. He wants to be called Tony Disco. Well, disco is dead.
Scott Schebler – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer, hitting .138. Now he just needs to hit 25 more and it will make sense why he’s the one player I drafted in every league.
Derek Dietrich – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer, hitting .278. After he homered, he must’ve thought he was auditioning for the mash-up of A Christmas Story and Hustle & Flow, because he pimped the homer while lamping. However, Chris Archer (6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.45) must’ve been listening to 50 Cent’s Get Dietrich or Die Tryin’ because, in Dietrich’s next at-bat, Archer threw behind him and the benches cleared and Yasiel Puig (0-for-2, hitting .133) got his 5th, 6th and 7th hits on the season. I thought Puig was a licker, not a fighter.
