Alexander Canario and Pete Crow-Armstrong Fantasy

Ton of injuries yesterday, huh? You ever go to your waiver wire page in each league and type in the injured player’s name to see who has the injured player? Then when I see someone else has the player I say, “Ooh, too bad,” sarcastically, and when I have the player I say it sincerely. Any hoo! Cody Bellinger hit the IL with two rib fractures. That “Ooh, too bad” came back sincerely, because I have Cody and Triston Casas on the same team. About to change my team name to Tony Roma’s The Place For Fractured Ribs. I’d guess Cody’s sidelined for six to eight weeks, but I’m guessing hence the “I’d guess.” Pete Crow-Armstrong was called up by the Cubs. You know PCA, the prospect who can’t hit .200 in the minors. Sorry, he was hitting .203! Ooh, my bad! Sincerely! He is great with the glove though, so if your league counts UZR like a real LUZR, go for it. This could also be a boost for Alexander Canario’s fantasy value, who also might not be able to hit .200. Hey, I love the speed/power, guys, but you can’t steal a home run. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dansby Swanson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, as he hits 6th, hitting .235. Ya know what’s weird? Javy Baez left the Cubs and became irrelevant, and, while not to the same degree, Swanson went to the Cubs and [raspberries lips]

Jameson Taillon – 5 2/3 IP, 1 R, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.69. Taillon goes to Queens next time and Streamonator doesn’t love it. Uh, Queens, NY, not San Fran.

Blake Snell – Hit the IL with an abductor strain. Hmm…an abductor is something mollusks have…Were those Snell-shells Sally was selling by the seashore?

Francisco Lindor – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer. People looking to sell low on Francisco Lindor, you better hurry up, you’re not going to get the bare minimum for much longer. Gotta be honest, that doesn’t seem like a winning strategy, but I am merely a clean-shaven, handsome man-child.

Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (8) and legs (5), 2nd homer in as many games, and 2nd time in two days I’ve said he’s going to win the AL MVP.

Dean Kremer – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.61. This guy gets no respect. [pulls on collar like Rodney Dangerfield] “Kremer reminds me of myself, because people think we’re both useless for fantasy.”

Mike Trout – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer (and 13 RBIs, lol). Trout is like Ted Williams, because he’s the best when he’s not on ice.

Taylor Ward – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. It’s early, but Ward is currently the third best outfielder on the Player Rater, behind only Betts and Adolis.

Zach Neto – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Watch out, Aaron Judge! Neto’s coming for you!

Brayan Bello – Hit the IL with lat tightness. Spray some WD40 on it and get back out there! This sounds like a minor thing that will cause him to only miss two starts. 1bhud82&–sorry, fingers crossed.

Connor Wong – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer. A double Wong dong!

Rafael Devers – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Hey, welcome back to the 2024 baseball season! Nice of you to join us!

Cooper Criswell – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.38. “Did you have one of those Peek Freans, they’re very serious. Oh, I see, you had a Colton Cowser and a bag of Cooper Criswells.” IYKYK. What I don’t know is who the Red Sox pitching coach is but let’s say it’s Dave Duncan. So, Criswell’s a remarkably bad pitcher on paper, that I wouldn’t even trust the Streamonator with.

Gavin Williams – Had a setback in his rehab. A sit back is so much better, and comfortable (depending on the chair).

Landon Knack – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Cooper Criswell, Colton Cowser, Landon Knack? The British are coming! The British are coming! Any hoo! I watched Knack start because I streamed him, and I’m Knack’ered. Nah’mean? He made the Nats look decent, and I would be careful with him.

Andy Pages – 3-for-5, 3 runs and his 2nd homer. Excuse me while I will something into existence: Move Pages up to Outman’s lineup spot.

Lane Thomas – Hit the IL with an MCL sprain. What a terrible year! To compound the pain, the Nats didn’t call up James Wood, but brought back Lipscomb, as if they all have mustaches.

Nick Senzel – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Might be a light schmotato, but you have to be desperate.

Bryan Reynolds – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. As a reluctant owner of Reynolds, I can affirmatively say, woo boy, he’s yawnstipating.

Will Benson – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, as he hit leadoff because the Reds faced a righty, but he’s also hitting .195, so there’s a Will, but is he the way? Coming up after the break, we answer that very question! Now drink your Ovaltine.

Spencer Turnbull – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.33. Supposedly, he’s Turnbullpen by Sunday when Taijuan returns, but, honestly, that makes no sense with how well he’s pitching. I’d go to six-man rotation, prior to that, but I’m speculating and have no idea.

Willi Castro – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .188. Not much going here so far this year, but he gets a big ol’ monocle, because he could become very valuable, due to his speed and power.

Korey Lee – 1-for-2 and a slam (2) and legs (1). I always mention slams and legses, but I might start ignoring the White Sux completely. Garrett Crochet (4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.37) seemed like the one bright spot, and he’s worthless now too.

Curtis Mead – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Currently have him on my RCL team, but I lost Cody and Casas and this is embarrassingly sad and not at all a co-sign. Don’t read a co-sign where there is no co-sign! If you see Fantasy Master Lothario spelled out next to my name? That’s a co-sign! This is not!

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .158. “Hey, the sharks aren’t going to eat a body that’s been dead for three weeks–Hold up! Randy moved! He’s alive! So, yeah, you can go ahead and feed them.”

Jack Flaherty – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.91, and his perfs are 11.1 K/9, 1.2 BB/9, 2.69 xFIP. Buy! Now!

Garrett Cleavinger – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.53, and his 2nd save, and might not get another one or might get the next 12 Rays saves. No one knows. Scotty doesn’t know! Kevin Cash doesn’t know! No one knows!

Juan Soto – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Sexy Dr. Pepper looks weird in the pinstripes, doesn’t he? Like a Diet Pepper.

Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. HR to the Rizzo! I grabbed him Rizzo before this game when I lost Cody, and now he just has to stay hot for five to seven weeks. NBD!

Aaron Judge – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Oh my goodness! The guy with 275 pounds of muscles moved within one homer of Bryan De La Cruz and Connor Wong!

Brent Rooker – 1-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, and third homer in the last six games. Watch out, Rooker, Judge is coming for you, in only 50 more ABs! All seriousness, hot schmotato, and Rooker was one of my number one adds this past weekend.

Reynaldo Lopez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.72. Getting the vague sense that people are sick of hearing me say you can get so much cheap pitching later, so. Dot dot dot. Too bad!

Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and he’s already in this week’s Buy column, which is already available on Patreon.

Addison Barger – 0-for-4 as he was called up by the Jays with Kiermaier hitting the IL. Here’s what Itch’s said, “Barger struggled to get seaworthy early in 2023, battling injury and batting .205 through his first 30 games. He recovered to slash .264/.365/.444 with eight home runs and 11 steals in 64 games from July 27 through season’s end. If he picks up from there in 2024, he’ll provide a left handed option for the lineup and I want to punch Grey.” Starting to think I should be concerned. So, Barger continued along nicely in 2024, hitting 3 HRs and .314 in 70 ABs. Seems to make weak contact for mixed leagues, but I’m monocle’ing. Could quickly become interesting. By the by, your semi-periodical reminder we have projections for every rookie. Paywall, but you can do a three-day trial.

George Springer – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer, hitting .232. “Don’t say anything bad about Springer because it always bites you in the ass.” That’s me talking to myself.

Maikel Garcia – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and two steals (5, 6), hitting .206. Aw sookie! Don’t count out Maikel just yet! By the way, while I was typing this up, Jazz Chisholm Jr. looked as bad as he’s looked for a while now, and I looked at the Player Rater, and Maikel’s above Jazz.

Adolis Garcia – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer. Okay, for real, Adolis or Judge? Who do you want? Has it changed since March?

Evan Carter – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, while Wyatt Langford () does [sigh]. More than any other player I wish I didn’t learn anything about what Wyatt was doing in Spring Training. I tell myself every year, ignore Spring Training and I still got roped in my very final drafts.

Ryan McMahon – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. Rockies at home are so lifeless. Rename them the Colorado John Denvers.

Corbin Carroll – 0-for-3, hitting .208, and moved to the 7th hole after being benched the day before. *squints real hard trying to teleport back to draft day to right before I drafted Corbin Carroll*

Jordan Montgomery – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.08. I have a confession to make, I love starters who are boring eh-eff.

Kyle Gibson – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.35. Was positive on the Streamonator, and his next one is “Have you lost your mind?”

Jordan Walker – Optioned to Triple-A. Cardinals turned Adolis Garcia, Randy Arozarena, Tyler O’Neill, Lane Thomas into Donovan, Nootbar, Burleson, Siani, Carlson. The problem? As they say in horror films, is coming from inside the house. Here’s an idea, rather than losing another future All-Star outfielder? Can the Cardinals trade away whoever develops their outfielders?