Ohtani And PCA Have A Jack-Off

The NL MVP race seems to be shaping up to be between two guys. Yesterday, that race shaped up as they shipped out balls. It’s between Shohei Ohtani, the every-year MVP and Ed Sheeran– Sorry, being told that is not Ed Sheeran. That’s Pete Crow-Armstrong. They both lit up the scoreboard yesterday. PCA went 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 25th and 26th homer, and Shohei Ohtani (3-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 25th and 25th homer. PCA and Ohtani are hitting roughly the same in average (Ohtani .297 vs. .288) and OBP (Ohtani .399 vs. 386); PCA has him in steals and fantasy value as a hitter by a considerable margin, if we take out pitching. Can we take out pitching to compare them for fantasy? No, right? It does get messy if you add in pitching though, because then do you remove Ohtani’s hitting stats while he’s a pitcher? Think you must. Can we take pitching out to compare them for the NL MVP? No again, right? And that’s less messy, because in real baseball you’re not removing the hitting stats when you add in the pitching. For NL MVP, is a half season of pitching worth more than PCA’s full year of defense? I don’t know. I am seriously asking. It’s going to be a tight race for NL MVP, and it should be. By the way, been listening to the Ohtani podcast on ESPN. I have it clear as day in my head what happened now. Spoiler alerts ahead if you care. On the pod, they play a convo between Ippei and the reporter, who is breaking the story, Tisha Thompson. She’s on the phone with Ippei coming clean, and Ohtani’s handler. That last bit is the key part. Ippei says Ohtani wired money for Ippei’s gambling debts, and his handler is listening and going along with it. At some point, after that phone call, Ohtani’s attorneys heard what these idiots were doing and were like, “Bro! Bro! Bro! You cannot wire a bookie money! Ippei had to rob you, it’s the only way this gets you off,” and with that the Ippei story of him stealing money was cracked. I don’t think it makes Ohtani a bad guy for lending his friend money, even if he technically broke the law by wiring a bookie money, but Ohtani clearly wasn’t robbed. They were on the phone with a guy who was there to protect Ohtani. You don’t think that guy might’ve said something if Ippei was lying? Ippei fell on the sword after the fact, because he was the one doing the gambling. Glad we cleared that up! Now give the NL MVP to…whom?! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dalton Rushing – Partial tear of his UCL, and unlikely to catch again this year, i.e., there’s no Rushing him back.

Eric Lauer – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.89. Welp, the Dodgers will now turn to Snell, then Glasnow. Dodgers have more starting pitchers than Lou Bega had mambos.

Max Muncy – 1-for-4,3 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Max is the Munciest!

Shota Imanaga – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.60. Hate to say it but I see this and I can’t help think, “He’s just about at 3.50 ERA, when he turns around and makes a beeline towards 4.30.”

Marcell Ozuna – Released by the Pirates. Hopefully he walks the plank in a straighter line than his DUI arrest.

Endy Rodriguez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Paul Skenes – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Four walks is not him being fixed. I would start him every time out, because you drafted him in the first round, live and die by the poison that is “Not listening to Grey.”

Kyle Harrison – 5 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.84, as he returned from the IL, but left with cramps. If he knew it was that time of month, he could’ve waited to return.

William Contreras – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 11th homer. Mean’s while, his brother left the Sawx game with an illness. Looks like Mommy Contreras only has to make arepas for one brother today.

Hunter Greene – Underwent an MRI on his elbow. Oh, just that chestnut!

Matt McLain – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Someone get BDon on the horn! Horn! I said horn! BDon, stop humping the area on your fantasy team where it says M. McLain.

Lawrence Butler – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer. I thought to myself, “Butler’s been solid now for a month, right? Because people have been asking about him.” So, I went to look at his last month and I’m not sure anyone’s been worse.

Tyler O’Neill – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, 3rd in a week. Hot schmotato alert, sure, but they also refuse to play him vs. righties.

Trevor Rogers – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.20. “Did someone say 420?!” That’s Cody Bellinger. Rogers had the cushiest matchup in baseball. “Did someone say Kush-iest?” Stop, Cody.

Coby Mayo – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer. Mayo is hot (rancid).

Jose Siri – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. With Soler DFA’d, Siri might get some playing time, and he could be more than a personal assistant built right into your phone.

Andrew Kittredge – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.05, as he got the save and Cano worked the 8th, as they flip-flopped roles from last night, and I take back what I said about the O’s being smart to use Cano as their closer. Smart compliment? Revoked!

Luis Arraez – 1-for-5 and his 5th homer. In his old stadium, that would’ve been a line drive over the 2nd baseman’s head. Wow!

Caleb Kilian – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.93. Welcome to Philly! The batteries hitting your head can be used for remote controls, alarm clocks, power tools, you name it!

Andrew Painter – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 6.48, as he left with hamstring tightness. “Painter with hamstring tightness? Try laying on your back for seven years painting a finger!” That’s Michelangelo.

Bryan Woo – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.31. A long overdue Woo.

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. Daylight Savings Time is one hour, what’s “the 2nd half started a few weeks ago” time? Can JRod reset his watch?

Colt Emerson – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, hitting .199. It’s actually impressive the M’s kept playing him. Maybe impressive isn’t the right word. Stupid?

Dillon Dingler – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer. Wonder if Dingler being in Seattle acts like a Bourne Identity moment and Cal Raleigh snaps out of it and is like, “Wait, that was me!”

Tim Tawa – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Mitch Bratt – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners (3 BBs), 9 Ks, ERA at 3.90. Bratt summer is long over I thought. He has a 6.8 K/9 and 5.9 BB/9. Joey Chestnut wouldn’t even touch that Bratt.

Casey Mize – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.40. Now, I dize inside.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .280. Trying to stay positive, “Fun The Jewels!” Plasters smile on face, the smile’s crease looks like it actually hurts. Yay!

Joe Ryan – Being re-evaluated for [covers mouth, someone mumbles a made-up issue]. He says he’s fine and Twins said, “No, you’re not.”

Noah Cameron – 8 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.37. Now with 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks; 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks and last night in back-to-back games. So, it took the Royals until July 24th to fix his mechanics? Embarrassing, but looks fixed, which is great news! I’d grab him to see if he can continue it.

Steven Cruz – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.29, and his 3rd save, and he’s converted three straight, while only allowing one run in one of them. Ha, I know. Incredible vote of confidence for the new Royals’ closer, but appears that he has the job now. I dropped Lange yesterday while also saying, “Why the hell do you have Alex Lange?” I turned to the mirror and added, “I can’t be mad at you!”

Will Warren – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.18. I wouldn’t trust him against the worst teams at home, so that’s a no from me dawg. Or nodawg, if you’re in a rush.

Andre Pallante – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.63. LuGaJu and Heliot must be like, “Wow, so it really is just us, huh?”

Bryce Elder – 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.69. Three sixty-nine is not how the Lord intended! It’s sick! Sick, I tell ya! Any hoo! After a few weeks of being gunshy where I was benching him, Elder went back into my lineup vs. the MIA Marlins and I was rewarded. Yay me. Streamonator says he gets the Mets next, and that sounds fine to me, too.

Wilyer Abreu – 2-for-3, 3 runs and a slam (20) and legs (7), hitting .254, and third homer in two games, hitting 3rd for the 1927 Red Sox, who are never losing ever again.

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.78 vs. Sean Burke – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.08. Grey likes Burke. Not Gray, they’re opponents. Rawr! Vicious enemies! Won’t share the same field, except to rip out each other’s eyes! Or, ya know, head nod as they pass each other. Mean head nod though! Me, Grey, likes Burke. This was just an awful matchup, and I wouldn’t start anyone but the top guys in Fenway vs. the Sawx right now.

Trey Yesavage – Hit the IL with knee inflammation. Without bad luck, the Jays would have zero.

Jameson Taillon – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at ERA at 5.96. Was interesting seeing Lauer and Taillon both pitch yesterday. It was like last year’s World Series, except in bizarro land.

Jesus Sanchez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. “He’d be kinda interesting if he could actually walk on water and stop fronting!” That’s Judas seeing Jesus hit.

Ernie Clement – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Nine is also how many positions he’s eligible at.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-5 and his 13th homer. 13 is also the age he stopped growing.

Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.53. Trying not to see the bad here, and trying to focus on the good. He had five hitless innings and an average exit velo of 81.8 MPH. Though, the team he faced was completely uncompetitive.

Junior Caminero – 1-for-3 and his 33rd homer. So, what you’re saying is Juco Loco is a 60-homer hitter in Coors. Got it.

Nick Martinez – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.65. And this was in Coors. Gonna start calling him Jesse Pinkman, because he always has me screaming, “He can’t keep getting away with this!”

Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Nimmo found one!

Cody Bradford – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at as he was activated from the IL, after Tommy John surgery, like, two years ago. Wrote a Cody Bradford sleeper post about two years ago (oops!), and I do like him a lot. He’s one of those pitchers who excels, because he has excellent command. Or did. Tommy John surgery hurts a guy’s command at first, and this matchup was vs. an incredibly awful lineup, so I guess monocle or Streamonator, but I can’t trust Bradford yet in most mixed leagues.

Christian Scott – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.15. He looked fine, decent, but can we please talk about Jefry Yan’s strikeout celly? I showed Cougs and she was like, “Is that the kid who played Michael Jackson in the movie?”

Jorge Polanco – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .144. He has two homers on the year! I’m sorry. People be going to the Mets and taking advantage. Like they know no one cares about winning so they’re just there to collect a paycheck and do nothing. They need a culture change, badly.

Brett Baty – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. Again, culture needs changing.

Carson Benge – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Not sure if he’s available anywhere, but hot schmotato clearly.

Angel Genao – 4-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was called up and played 3rd. Pretty impressed with how effortlessly he was about to knock those singles. Don’t get me wrong, they were singles. He barely tapped some of them. But still impressive! How did he play 3rd though? Not how was his glove. I mean, is Jose Ramirez injured? Is it bad? Has anyone heard anything? I liked what I saw from Genao (went over him in detail yesterday), but what’s going on here? I see JRam has wrist inflammation, but is it bad? Because if JRam returns then where does Genao play? Still fairly confused about their plan. So, do I like Genao? Yes, the player and the salami, but how is he playing if JRam is healthy? Is JRam healthy? I’m repeating questions, aren’t I? I have repeat questions, y’all!