Reds Bringing Potato Sal Kid To The Labor Day BBQ

A creepy guy in a long trench coat, “Hey, wanna see something?” He flashes open his coat and inside the coat is dozens of corner infielders. That’s the Reds. They are the horniest anyone’s ever been for a corner infielder. Honestly, I didn’t even know that was a fetish, but I am not here to yuck anyone’s yum. Not while you’re getting ready to enjoy a nice Labor Day BBQ with friends and family. Put aside a hot dog on a plate for me. No bun, I’m doing a Keto thing. So, the Reds brought up Sal Stewart. Guess what he is? A cornerman! Here’s what Itch said a few days ago, “Reds have long enjoyed a plethora of options for infield spots, but it’s starting to look like they should narrow that down and give 3B Sal Stewart (21, AAA) a good long look. His path got complicated when the Reds acquired Ke’Brayan Hayes and then further complicated by the fact that Hayes has hit the ground running in his new home, a much cozier spot for right-handed hitters than Pittsburgh. Stewart’s slashing .323/.399/.653 with nine home runs and four steals through 33 Triple-A games, and his plate skills have been excellent: an 11.2-to-16.1 percent walk to strikeout rate. Spencer Steer has turned in a pretty poor performance at first base, so perhaps that’s the path for Stewart. This Labor Day I will dream of skewering Grey on a grill.” What? Stewart looks like an excellent flyer for all leagues, as he went 20/17/.309, but that’s contingent on him getting ABs. We’ve been down this road before with Reds’ cornermen: Jeimer, Noelvi, Ke’Bryan, Steer, Andujar, CES, Connor Joe, Lux, and that’s just this year. Close your trench coat, Reds, ya perv! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Brady Singer – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.08. Was an excellent Streamonator call, and it doesn’t like his next one, so I’d move on.

Austin Hays – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in a week, hitting .264. Hays does tend to get hot for a week or so, which invariably ends with him on the IL for something.

Matt McLain – 1-for-2 and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in two games, hitting .222. Looks like a hot schmotato, but can we take a moment to RIP his overall fantasy value? He hits 9th, behind Will Banfield, a catcher that sounds like a DH.

Jimmy Crooks – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer as he made his first MLB start with his readymade mafia name. Jimmy Crooks doesn’t frame pitches, he gets a five-finger discount on strikes. He flexed some power in the minors (moving hot TVs out the back door), but I don’t know his playing time. This gives the Cards what, four catchers? I say get rid of the other players and have the first all-catcher lineup.

Chris Sale – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.45 as he was activated from the IL on Saturday. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Wait, why does everyone else have off and I’m working?”

Hurston Waldrep – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.01. I can’t afford to not take flyers on pitchers with a 1.01 ERA. If you can, then praise be.

Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Just chuckled thinking about how he didn’t make the All-Star Game.

Jesus Luzardo – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.05. Very sneakily, “Go ahead, trust me.” Oh, okay, Luzardo, that sounds like a good idea. Luzardo laughs maniacally.

Walker Buehler – Signed with the Phils. Phils are going to go to a six-man rotation in two weeks with Buehler starting on the 12th. If he lines up right after Nola [rubbing hands together] ooh, stack opposing hitters.

MacKenzie Gore – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. That Ineffective List stint was “37 innings and a 7.54 ERA since the break” overdue.

Brandon Lowe – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 28th homer, and 3rd homer in four games. Thinking Lowe might be the most hot or nothing player in the majors. When he starts getting hot, he’s a fire emoji on the sun. When cold, he’s got a sore oblique.

Luis Garcia – Is returning today for his first since May, 2023. Wouldn’t touch him with a nine-foot pole and another foot-long plastic straw attached.

Spencer Arrighetti – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 5 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.35. Five walks is so goofy bad that it offsets an otherwise solid outing. It’s the butter face of pitcher lines.

Hunter Brown – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.34. He’s solid, you know that, I did want to point out how he had Lance McCullers Jr. following him, and it’s so weird seeing him as a middle reliever.

Jose Soriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 BBs, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.68. Streamonator likes his next one, but all I’ll say is if you pick him up, he will give up 4 ER in 3 IP.

Taylor Ward – Ran face-first into the metal fence, and why is there metal on an outfield fence players can run into? Was it designed by Rob Manfred?

Joc Pederson – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, 6th homer in August while hitting around .280 this month. Well, that month. Hot schmotato alert!

Josh Jung – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Had three straight games of three hits and a hitting streak going back to previous Saturday with three homers in August, so yeah, that’s a schmotato.

Jacob deGrom – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.69. Actually don’t mind him only throwing 79 pitches. DeGrom’s arm says For Kid Gloves Only.

Aaron Judge – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 43rd homer, he tied Yogi Berra on the Yankees’ all-time home run list at 5th. As Yogi once said, “Tie goes to the runner, which is why I wear a clip-on when on base.”

Luis Gil – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners (2 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 3.68. He has a 5.8 BB/9. In related news, he needs a larger barn to hit the broadside of it.

Colson Montgomery – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer. All 15 homers are in the 2nd half! Are we computing what’s going on here? It’s a star mitzvah!

Lenyn Sosa – 2-for-4 and his 18th homer. [checking how many homers Gunnar has, sighing loud enough to wake the dead]

Carlos Santana – Signed with the Cubs. I was rooting for him to end up in Philly to be reunited with Rob Thomson.

Ian Happ – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 18th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Confirming what we all thought, Happ would be a 75-homer hitter if he called Coors home.

David Peterson – 2 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.61. Diabolical. Vs. the Marlins? Dastardly! Wish MLB would tell us when they’re using the ball that’s got a sonar to fall in right in front or behind outfielders. You know you’re dealing with some extreme Regression Fairies shizz when you look at the opposing team’s lineup and there’s not even one good hitting line and somehow the pitcher was rocked.

Kodai Senga – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.02. Funny thing about regression (not funny at all) is now you look at Senga’s 3.02 ERA and you’re like, yes, that seems about right, but it’s never a linear, uh, line.

Edward Cabrera – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.57. Brutal Saturday to start A Man Da. Peterson and EdCab. Like the end of Can’t Buy Me Love, but instead of riding off on a lawnmower, the riding lawnmower goes over them.

Sandy Alcantara – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.66. Four straight Quality Starts, and just like that Sandy’s fixed, which sounds like your neighbor talking about his Labradoodle.

Agustin Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .233. I know he’s been a bit on the Struggle Bus lately, but he also is a rookie catcher, who’s gonna end up with 20+ homers. You’ll take it and like it!

Jeff Hoffman – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.02, and 2/3 IP, 3 ER on Saturday. Jays are full committed to Hoffman as their closer, apparently. Ya know where else manager John Schneider needs to be committed?

Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.75 vs. Quinn Priester – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.28. This matchup was billed as, “Oh, boy, here goes Grey pointing out how one guy went around 140 overall in drafts and other guy was undrafted and is about as valuable.”

Max Scherzer – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.11vs. Brandon Woodruff – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.69. This matchup was billed as, “Woof, ‘ruff, oof.”

Brice Turang – 2-for-5 and his 16th homer. From 7/50 last year to 20/25 this year. Both are valuable but really hard to draft that because what are you going to get next year: 25/50? 25/25? 10/25? 10/50?

Jackson Chourio – 4-for-5, 2 runs on Sunday, and his 18th homer on Saturday, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Is it called Labor Day because I have to freakin’ work?”

William Contreras – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, 3rd homer in a week. Show you how fast you can turn a season around, and have an overall valuable year at catcher. Contreras hit nine homers in August, and is now near top three on the Player Rater for catchers with a totally respectable year. Also: Yesterday a catcher was at the top of the Player Rater, latest in the year that I can remember. Maybe Joe Mauer in 2009 last time? I’m guessing.

Jarren Duran – 2-for-2, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, an inside-the-parker, which was so hilariously misplayed, that it instigated me to look up fielding stats to see if Oneil Cruz is as bad on paper as he appears to the eye. He’s mid for centerfielders for range, which is better than I expected, while leading league in errors by a wide margin for CFs. Only thing stopping Duran’s HR from being a three-base error was Cruz getting a glove on it.

Lucas Giolito – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38. On a real note, it’s cool to see him bounce back this year. He seemed as lost as Dustin May and Walker Buehler. Where’s Bobby Miller? Red Sox are .333 fixing broke starters.

Mitch Keller – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.21. Is it encouraging when there was four unearned runs? Narrator: It is not.

Alexander Canario – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in ten days, but his last five games, because he doesn’t play. [looking into the future] Canario, you are the runner-up for the KBO MVP!

Gavin Williams – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.26. Somehow, I’ve only started Gavin for his bad starts and have missed all his good ones. Considering he’s only had, like, four bad starts and 18 good ones, I’m not sure how I pulled it off.

Tanner Bibee – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.77. Continues to cruise through mediocrity like it’s his true calling. Pathetic. Taking no prisoners, this is Real Grey! Spitting truth! Oops, just gleeked on my laptop, crap.

Logan Gilbert – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.73. If you have any hope of drafting Gilbert next year, and you should absolutely want to, you should be hoping he’s the unluckiest pitcher ever for ERA this final month.

Bryce Miller – 6 IP, 2 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.71. His stats are some of the least encouraging I’ve seen, and Daddy’s eyes have seen some shizz.

Randy Arozarena -1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer. We wrote off The Rice Bowl way too quickly. He riceth again!

Jac Caglianone – Activated by the Royals from the IL, and:

Carter Jensen – Was called up by the Royals. With rosters expanding, a lot of guys will be called up, but will they get playing time? Not philosophically asking, I’m truly wondering. Caglianone’s got the power and Carter Jensen has catcher eligibility and went 20/10/.290 in 492 plate appearances in the minors. Kauffman kills power, but I’m intrigued with both of them.

Jack Flaherty – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.74. Speaking of pitchers you should hope bad things happen to their ERA this final month (I was with Logan Gilbert), we should be wishing ill to Flaherty’s ERA in September.

Tarik Skubal – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.18. Doesn’t it feel like there’s three insanely great starters, then everyone else? Maybe it’s always like this but it feels more so.

Taj Bradley – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.82. He said, he studied scouting reports for the first time before the game. Like you have to disclose a health condition to insurance, a pitcher should have disclose to his fantasy owners that he’s never cared to read a scouting report before.

Joe Ryan – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.08. Prior to the game, did he speak to new Twins’ pitching coach, Taj Bradley, who just discovered scouting reports?

Byron Buxton – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2n RBIs and his 29th homer, a new career high. I inadvertently drafted Buxton in one auction league this year, after not rostering him anywhere for his entire career. Better to be lucky than good, which is what I whisper to my fantasy team that is in 5th, trying to nudge it up.

Trevor Rogers – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.39. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m going back to my preseason bold predictions, editing it now to read, “Trevor Rogers will have a negative something ERA.” Then pointing it out to everyone for the next seven months.

Rafael Devers – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 28th homer. The hot August (9 HRs, .280-ish) has me appreciating Devers more than I have. If goes Septacular, I might even be interested next year. Price has to be right, though.

Justin Verlander – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.29. He threw 121 pitches, which is elder abuse.

Randy Rodriguez – Needs Tommy John surgery. Here’s hoping Randy-Rod can regain his stroke. Giants will now turn to Ryan Walker, who sounds like the subject of a true crime doc. Was Ryan Walker ever adducted only later to be found in the back of a roadside bar doing tattoos?

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.82. Hey, that reminds me, whatever happened to Roki Sasaki?

Tanner Scott – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.44. I have a polyp on colon that reads, “Dodgers’ pen.”

Corbin Carroll – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 29th homer, hitting .258. Thinking about the person who drafted Corbin and Turang and was like, “I’m so good in steals, they’re all gonna be chasing me!” and is now in 8th place in steals.

Jordan Lawlar – 0-for-4 as he was recalled this weekend. Here’s how that went:

“Should we bring up Lawlar?”
“Who?”
“Our top prospect.”
“Literally have never heard of him. Are you making up names now? How about I make up a name, McJangle Tweetybird? You don’t like it much when I do it, do you?” Assistant to the GM shows the GM the scouting report. “Oh, so he’s a real person. Okay, bring him up.”

So, Jordan Lawlar was recalled but will the DBags play him? Or better yet, whoever Lawlar pissed off in that organization how much pull do they have to continue to anchor his value? Lawlar has definitely struggled with injuries, but it’s plenty crazy that he was called up originally in 2023 (triple exclamation mark), has done nothing but hit in the minors, and is only now being recalled to seemingly only face lefties. Free this man!