In the past, I wrote about 17 of these Jordan Lawlar intros. That happens when a guy is great in the minors for many years and his team refuses to call him up or they do call him up and he doesn’t perform or he gets injured for entire seasons. All of these things have happened to Lawlar. So, cribbing liberally, here’s what I’ve said in the past, “In 2022, at the age of 19, he went 16/39 between High and Double-A. That’s nuts for a 19-year-old. Then, as a 20-year-old, he went 20/37 and hit .358 between Double and Triple-A. Was called up to the majors, but late and didn’t really play. At the time, he felt like the top prospect off boards in 2024. A big comp in 2024 preseason was to Royce Lewis. Actually, it’s perfect that Jordan Lawlar was comped to Royce Lewis, because guess where Lawlar was in 2024. Too slow! He missed most of the season with a hamstring injury. I did not know hamstrings could be so lethal (to anything outside of a pig). When he finally returned, Lawlar went 2/6 in only 85 ABs and hit .367 Triple-A.” And that’s me liberally cribbing me! This guy’s stats are nuts every year, and 2025 has been no different. From April 10th to May 2nd, he hit .466/.536/.918 with six homers in 73 ABs. Goofy from Disneyland is filing a trademark infringement that’s so goofy. So, he’s been called up again. The DBags have finally caved. They’ve brought up their number one prospect and maybe the best prospect in baseball. Surely, they’ll play him, right? MTV’s The Challenge Torey Luvollo said he’ll play around four times a week, and don’t call me Shirley. I love the upside, he’s worth the flyer everywhere, but Ketel, Eugenio and Gerdomo–uh-Peraldo–uh–Perdomo don’t give much room to play, so get ready for my 2026 rookie prospect post on Jordan Lawlar. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Corbin Carroll – 2-for-3, and his 12th and 13th homer, hitting .282. Judge and Ohtani have been Giant Machine and Super Machine, but don’t sleep on Corbin Machine.
Merrill Kelly – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.71 vs. Justin Verlander – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.31. “Verlander is less of a pitcher than Merrill Kelly.” That’s me saying things for the first time in human existence.
Willy Adames – 1-for-4, 1 run as he moved down to 6th, because they can’t move him down to 10th. On the bright side to you drafting him, at least you didn’t sign him for $182,000,000 for seven years.
Brayan Rocchio – Optioned to the minors. Guards were like, “We have Schneemann and Gabriel Arias, we don’t need you,” and Rocchio was like, “Hahahah–Wait, you’re not being sarcastic? Oh, damn.”
Ben Lively – 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.22, but left with forearm soreness. Welp, there goes my his two-start week.
Freddy Peralta – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.66. Should’ve been one earned run, but Chourio can’t play center field and the scorer can’t think for himself and call a freakin’ error on a clear-as-day error. Not mad! Disappointed.
Brandon Woodruff – Pulled from is rehab assignment with ankle tendinitis. His fastball was averaging 90 MPH, and I am repeating what I said this preseason when I say I wouldn’t roster him in any league, but for the person who is not reading this and invariably asks me in two weeks if they should pick him up, I say, “Sure. Sounds good.”
Tanner Houck – 2 1/3 IP, 11 ER, ERA at 8.04. His season so far (though, how long can this go on?) is 43 2/3 IP, 39 ER, 1.69 WHIP. Tanner Yuck.
Wilyer Abreu – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 2nd time in two games you can’t believe you dropped him mid-April after he cooled off from his initial hot streak.
Abraham Toro – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. Being down by 13 runs must’ve caused Toro to see red.
Trey Sweeney – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, was hitting .400 in May, and I grabbed him in Sunday FAAB in a bunch of leagues for next to no cashola. What I’m saying is hot schmotato.
Gleyber Torres – 3-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .304. I’ll be honest, when he went to Detroit I was cold as ice, I thought he’d pay the price by Foreigner and–[door kicked in] Why are you dragging me to a detention center in El Salvador? I said “by” not “am!”
Jackson Jobe – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.32. Jobe got an early huge lead and cruised out to Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.
Spencer Torkelson – 0-for-5, as the Tigers scored 14. Torker tease!
Ronald Acuña Jr. – Will begin rehab assignment today. One thing they don’t tell you when drafting Acuña in the preseason is by the time he returns, it could be too late for your teams. Don’t point out I’m saying this in third person when I’m the one not telling you the stuff. I’ve already thought about it.
Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Too bad for the Braves they can only bat Ozuna once per nine.
Grant Holmes – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.14, and he was saved by a Michael Harris II spectacular catch. Yes, I’m still bitter about FreddyKBB! Any hoo! Streamonator for Holmes.
Raisel Iglesias – 1 IP, 2 unearned, ERA at 5.51, and his 3rd blown save officially, but basically his 3rd straight week of sucking. Can you bet on Raisel giving up the lead in his next appearance? Because I’d make that bet.
Jake Irvin – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.00. I’m not a strikeout Janice Rossi, as Karen Hill would call her, a whore, but one strikeout in six innings is like going out for a nice dinner, thinking you’re dressed up, and your fly is down.
James Wood – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. Just casually on a 40/25 pace like en bee dee.
Matthew Liberatore – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.11. And you thought the Cards got ripped off when they sent Arozarena for Liberatore. Think longer term.
Ivan Herrera – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, hitting .355. That the Cards have three catchers (3!!!) in their lineup at once and can’t find a spot for Burleson is so dumb.
Masyn Winn – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .255. For the Winn!
Cristopher Sanchez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.91. Kinda wild that he bounced back from forearm trouble in, like, three days. I’m not hatin’, I’m express-a-tatin’ my feelings.
Paul Skenes – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.63. His strikeout rate drop year over year was the third largest for qualified starters. He’s not pitching deeper into games either.
David Peterson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.05. One of the few pitchers who is pitching as well as his ERA is saying. Almost. Close enough, at least. I’m caveating because I know someone is going to comment, “Hey, happy birthday, because I’m assuming you were born yesterday! Peterson is not pitching as well as his underlying metrics! He’s pitching like a 3.10 ERA pitcher not a 3.05!” Some of youse studied semantics in school.
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. Before the game, he meant his second cousin for the first time, Ralph Kiner’s son. Now we need Isiah Kiner-Falefa’s Korner where they discuss chickpea. As in falafel, you sicko!
Michael Wacha – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.96. His ERA is what again? Say it out loud. Okay, now why are you benching that? Is ERA not a category in your league?
Trent Grisham – 3-for-6 and his 11th and 12th homer. Because he’s hitting leadoff! Does no one else see this? Hit me leadoff in front of Judge and I will homer! Let’s try it!
Austin Wells – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer. He has a home run in every spot in the lineup except cleanup and two hole (hasn’t hit in either slot) and the nine hole (only one at-bat there).
Anthony Volpe – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .245. Lot of commenters want to drop Volpe. Can’t say I fully understand it. He’s around a top 10 shortstop.
Oswaldo Cabrera – Was stretchered off the field with one of those injuries where you hear about how you shouldn’t see the video because of how grotesque it is and that makes you want to watch it more, and then you end up wishing you hadn’t watched it.
Clarke Schmidt – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.73. In one league, kept Schmidt and gave up Warren. Let’s see how it works out for me. Yes, of course you care about my teams, just like I care about yours!
Jorge Polanco – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. Stop thinking about how many homers Jorge freakin’ Polanco has more than Gunnar Henderson. Or even his teammate, Julio Rodriguez (1-for-4, hitting .228) who hit his 7th.
Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. Did you see there’s been some internal memos at MLB talking the Home Run Derby? Ya know how the players like to sit on the field, just to the left of the hitters? There’s some concerns if Cal Raleigh is in the Derby and the obstructed view.
Colin Rea – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.48. Streamonator loved this start, because of course it did. It was vs. Marlins at home.
Moises Ballesteros – With Ian Happ hitting the IL, Moises was called up by the Cubs. A Cubs’ Moises that doesn’t urinate on his hands? They said it wasn’t possible. Itch ranked Moises in the top 50 prospects, and he has catcher eligibility and *and* he’ll be DH’ing with Seiya going to the OF. In Triple-A, Moises went 4/3/.368 in 34 games this year; 19 homers and .289 last year, and he’s only 21 years old. Yeah, that’s special. Here’s what Itch said, “A left-handed hitter listed at 5’7” 215 lbs, Ballesteros finds the barrel throughout the zone with apparent ease and laces line drives the other way like he was born to do it. His bat has outpaced his defensive development, and the plus plate skills he’s always shown against much older competitors, and Grey will meet my wrath.” What? So, I truly fear recommending a catcher pickup, but he’s clearly one in all leagues.
Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Seiya ball!
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .250. Not to alarm anyone, but Swanson is a near-top five shortstop on the Player Rater, and better than a ton of huge names — Trea Turner, CJ Abrams, Seager, to name three.
Michael King – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.32. Feel like someone said to me in the preseason something like, “You sure you trust King? Something about converted relievers in their 2nd season as starters,” and I don’t know if I just made up a straw man or that really happened, but it’s not a thing either way.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 10th homer. Thing about Fun The Jewels is he will be good until he mysteriously misses 60 days.
Robert Suarez – 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.00. During the pregame, was he listening to Pressly?
Taylor Ward – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 9th homer, a grand slam off Alek Jacob, but all the gee-dee runs, except one, were charged to Suarez, and why did that happen at the last possible moment and ruin my entire night of pitching? Why?
Zach Neto – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .279. I just watched Alek freakin’ Jacob give up three runs on Suarez and I’m still very verklempt. Very-klempt!
Chase Dollander – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners (3 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 6.88. Finally got that anchor Bud Black off his back!
Tyler Mahle – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.47. 49 IP, 37 Ks, 1.47 ERA, 0.96 WHIP, .179 BAA, and lowest ERA by a Rangers starter through nine starts. I’m begging you to just start guys until they’re no longer good.
Wyatt Langford – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Langford’s gonna break out starting in July of this year and be a top 12 player next year. Drafted right after James Wood. It’s this Magic Eight Ball I swallowed!
Jacob Webb – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.43 and his 1st save. Luke Jackson was hit with an 111-MPH comebacker on his arm, but x-rays were negative. Still sounds like an IL stint. Chris Martin should’ve been the closer all year, but Bochy apparently isn’t a Coldplay fan. Rangers’ closer could also be Webb, since he got last night’s.
Jake Burger – 1-for-3 as he was recalled. He’s a pick up in every league. He could be a 27-homer, .250 hitter the rest of the way. He was a top 12-15 corner man before his brush with the minors, and still could be. In related news, Josh H. Smith sat out, supposedly with back soreness, but I can’t be 100% sure that’s what’s going on here, because Bochy is still batting Joc Pederson third. Joc Pederson who is on a short list for currently the worst hitter in the majors. You wanna hit him 9th? Fine, but 3rd? He’s hitting .127. It’s May 12th! Are we purposely trying to be daft? Is Bochy’s head too big for his brain and it rattles? Is Bochy wearing those glasses where there’s painted-on eyes and he’s actually sleeping? I have questions, y’all!
Corey Seager – Hit the IL with “Being Corey Seager.” No word if there’s a cure.
Evan Longoria – Retired from baseball. My one lasting memory of Longoria is the bizarre commercial where he chases down a fan with a Rays cap and ends up on a helicopter, then jumps out of it for reasons I still don’t know. Fair well, so Longo.
