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Huascar Ynoa fractured his hand and he will be out for a couple of months. He hurt himself when he punched a bench. I wonder if he exclaimed, “Sonavabench!” How now Kevin Brown. Blergh, I’m a big dummy, my name is Huascar Ynoa. By the way, the title refers to Madagascar, the island nation that accounts for 80% of the world’s natural vanilla. The other 20% is Larry Bird, Tom Arnold and Tim Allen. Ynoa’s tanked so fast after my Friday Sell, that I didn’t even get a chance to bust out my pronunciation of Ynoa so it rhymes with quinoa. Bye-bye, Yeewah, was nice Ynoa’ing ya. Starting tomorrow in Ynoa’s stead will be Tucker Davidson, who sounds like a game show host. Tucker, show them what they won…A mid-90s MPH fastball that he throws 75% of the time? That can’t be right. Looks like he’s got a wipeout curve, and is seen as a middle reliever long term, but for now he’s a streamer, though Ynoa anyone can surprise. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Max Fried – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.46. Was watching yesterday and it was hard for me to decide if Fried looked great or the Mets looked awful. Maybe a combination of both. Like a KFC/Taco Bell combo, and he was the KFC part. The F, specifically.
Austin Riley – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .292. There’s a lot of noise at Statcast when you have small samples — that’s what she said, derisively! — but I truly think Riley’s become a different hitter. From 30/.250 to 20/.280, based mostly on Launch Angle.
Noah Syndergaard – Will begin a rehab assignment in St. Lucie, unless someone pulls the ball out at the last second.
Taijuan Walker – 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.o5, but left the game with side tightness, which is like the 10th Mets player who has had an injury that is basically from a lack of hydration. Someone buy the Mets some Pedialyte!
Michael Conforto – Hit the IL, along with Jeff McNeil. Khalil Lee and Johneshwy Fargas will be called up to replace them. Johneshwy joins Jeurys, giving the Mets two players who don’t have names, but ‘what happens when the cat walks across the keyboard.’ It’s like the Mets were so frustrated at Conforto and McNeil going to IL that they pounded on the keyboard and unknowingly called someone up. You seriously can’t expect me to type out Johneshwy Fargas every single time. Both Lee and Johannesburg have blazing speed — both have stolen 50 bags in Double-A. Makes you wonder if they’re both that fast, or there’s some kind of severe wind conditions there, like a katabatic (Word of the Day!) wind.
Giancarlo Stanton – Hit the IL with a quad strain. Mi amor, my one true love, my Bobby Knight in a folding chair store, what is going on? How do you strain your quad when you’re not doing anything? He’s literally walking to the plate, half-running to first or running around the bases on homers. Does he have some sorta degenerative disease? Was I right when I thought people shouldn’t be bigger than roughly 5’7″ and three-quarters of an inch?
Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.87. He has the opposite of Kikuchi thing going on. Gerrit Cole gets hit and always has a great ERA. Are scorekeepers checking on this?
Luke Voit – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. One guy drafted Voit in February, then fell into a coma wakes, “Voit is paying off, BAY-BEE! How many homers does he have? 20?! 25?!” Hey, guy, there’s something I need to tell you.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th homer. To that ball, I say Adolis amigo!
Willie Calhoun – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer. Here’s what went down at Razzball HQ after the Willie homer. “Hey, does Calhoun still have UTIL-Only eligible, let me check…No, he now has outfield.” *fast forward Uncut Gems to the exact right moment, slows down the fast forward thinking I passed what I was looking forward, but I didn’t so fast forward further, then pause right before the moment, and hit play* Mouth along with Adam Sandler, “This is how I win.” Then I grabbed Calhoun.
Yusei Kikuchi – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.32. How does he still have a bad ERA?! Is he throwing every Friday or Saturday night when I don’t do roundups and he’s giving up eight runs a game? What is going on?
Casey Mize – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.69. He’s pitching better than Kikuchi? How is that possible? Okay, he did technically pitch better than him last night, but on the year? Streamonator hates his next one, and I agree, I wouldn’t touch him.
Jonathan Schoop – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .214. Has done little to nothing, but he’s the type to hit one homer, then go on a five-homer week, so buckle up. Or rather, unbuckle, grab him, then buckle up.
Michael Fulmer – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 3rd save, ERA at 3.34. Can’t even be mad that I grabbed him in April, then dropped him two weeks ago when he wasn’t starting anymore. I mean I could be mad, but at who? Well, I guess I could be mad at A.J. Hinch. Fine, I’m mad! Are you happy? Fulmer seems clearly at the forefront of the Tigers’ closer shituation now.
Eric Haase – 2-for-4, and two homers (1, 2). Did someone do The Time Warp back to 2019 when random guys hit two homers in a game? Take me with you! Show me a pop up to the 2nd baseman that flies out! I have fond memories.
Wilson Ramos – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I just realized you don’t have to lick Post-Its to make them sticky.”
Luis Barrera – A’s prospect being called up. Lefty outfielder, who is speed first, and line drives second, walks third, power way after fourth, like sixth, but there’s no fourth and fifth. Not sure Barrera has a place to play, but why call him up? Worth a monocle for possible steals.
Jon Gray – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.48. Figured it would blow up in my face starting him every time out, but I figured in Coors, not in Petco with no Tatis and as the Padres started Brian O’Grady. I didn’t make up that name, and he was their five-hole hitter.
Manny Machado – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .237. Machado hit that ball like its name was Tommy Edman.
Yu Darvish – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.81. I love Yu.
Albert Pujols – 1-for-4, 1 RBI as he hit cleanup, showing no ill signs from getting stuck for an hour in the La Brea Tar Pits visiting family before the game.
Walker Buehler – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 BBs, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.98. This start came against the Diamondbacks, which looks like what Buehler’s polishing with those tight pants. What, sometimes you have to cater to the five lady readers.
Madison Bumgarner – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.15, but exited the game with a left adductor spasm. Bumgarner’s a mollusk?
Trea Turner – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer, hitting .329. Treat Urner is on pace for 40 homers; Juan Soto is on pace for 400 ABs.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .226, hitting near-.350 in the last week with three homers, and four homers in the last 15 days, and you dropped him too soon. Also, this was Schwarber first game back in Wrigley, and it was electric, but it’s been like that since 1988.
Willson Contreras – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .254. Willson reminding you which Contreras is higher on the 23 and Me flow chart.
Javier Baez – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .260. The no walks thing really sucks, huh? Oh, GTFOH! It doesn’t matter unless you’re in an OBP league.
Jason Heyward – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .187. On an undercover cop.
Adbert Alzolay – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners (0 walks), 3 Ks, ERA at 4.62. The newfound command is like magic, which makes sense since his last name sounds like something a magician would say. “Ala-kazoo Alzolay!” That’s a magician in a jury box at a murder trial trying to make his hangover disappear.
Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Member how I said David Bell was so stupid it took him seven weeks to realize that Tejay Antone was his best reliever? He still hasn’t realized Eugenio Suarez can’t play short. Bell should be sent to The Hague for crimes against his pitchers. Sonny Gray could’ve got out of the first inning on about five pitches, but instead struggled with his defense through five innings. Not to mention what it does to a pitcher’s psyche when they have to be so fine with their pitches because they don’t trust their fielders, so they give up home runs instead.
Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer, hitting .162. Go to The Hague, you schmohawk! Or an AL team that needs a DH.
Tyler Naquin – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .265. Tyler Naquin’s gonna hit 40 homers in part-time duty and I’m gonna cry-laugh while I look at Juan Soto on my fantasy teams.
Mike Yastrzemski – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in back-to-back games. Yaz Jr. Jr. should just be rostered in all leagues, but if he’s not: schmotato, hot.
Mauricio Dubon – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. *bass hitting hard, glow sticks twirling* Mo-Dub!
Logan Webb – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Impressive start away from San Fran, and the Streamonator hates his next one, but at least it’s at home.
Tyler Rogers – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.73, and his 5th save. Even if McGee gets some saves, you have so many options that a reliever who gets the occasional save and has a 0.73 ERA isn’t worth your time?
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. The Angels season is an O. Henry story. They have hitting, but need pitching, but to start one of the best pitchers every fifth day, they lose one of their best hitters.
Mike Trout – Left with what appears to be a calf strain, but there’s fear it’s his Achilles. Hopefully, Trout’s parents dipped him in Whiz and held him at the knees.
Cesar Hernandez – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. You’re not really grabbing Hernandez for power, but he was a hot schmotato last week, and it looks like it’s carried over.
Franmil Reyes – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer. 44 more for that tasty $54 Vending Machine Steak!
Alex Kirilloff – Took batting practice off a high-velocity pitching machine, which was dating a robot ump, but they kept arguing over balls and strikes.
J.A. Happ – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.35. Now we just need Kyle Gibson to look like Kyle Gibson and nature will have healed.
Rob Refsnyder – 4-for-4, 1 RBI, as he fills in for Buxton and Kepler. Still Refsnyder’s barely an AL-Only guy, and in no way related to the The Ref Snyder Cut, which is a 4-hour edit of Denis Leary’s The Ref.
Dallas Keuchel – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.44. White Sox jumped out to a huge lead, and Keuchel cruised out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.
Jose Abreu – Won’t play in the Twins series, due to his sore ankle from sliding into home. He didn’t get hurt doing “Godzilla vs. Kong” with Dozier, but he hurt himself on a slide? Mmkay.
Yermin Mercedes – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .364. Yermin homered off Willians Astudillo and it’s basically a dream matchup like prime Pedro going against Mike Trout.
Baseball isn’t a real sport my ass pic.twitter.com/5Xlp5NGHLU
— Razzball (@Razzball) May 18, 2021
Danny Mendick – 1-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Fun fact! Mendick’s underwear fit like a glove.
Nick Madrigal – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, and 1st homer in the majors, and it was a wall scraper. Reminded me of the time I said to Podcaster Geoff that someone projected Madrigal for ten homers, and we laughed, oh boy, did we laugh. Madrigal has like 150-foot power. Basically, a centipede and a half.
