Oh man!  So close to a Joel Youngblood sighting!  Melvin Upton was traded from the Padres to the Blue Jays, a team they are currently facing.  Is it me or does it seem like this year the teams are so cheap, they’re not even using their cell minutes.  If they’re playing against a team, then they’re trading with them.  That’s it.  Surprised the Indians haven’t been more active then.  Ya know, cause they could use smoke signals.  By the way, nothing you could ever say about Native Americans is more racist than a team being called Redskins or the Indians’ mascot.  So, go ahead, try!  Melvin Upton shook the B.J. name, but you can’t take the Upton out of the B.J.’s, Blue Jays, that is.  The trade of Upton takes him from a mediocre team to a solid offensive team, but moves him from the middle of the order to the lower third of the order and potentially even hurts his playing time if the Jays want to get Smoak into the lineup.  I’m gonna say all things being equal, it’s a push, which technically means all things are equal, so there!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Before we get into the roundup, I just wanted to share you with you some sad news.  One of our original commenters, P0rk burn, passed away last week.  P0rk Burn helped make Razzball what it is today.  P0rk burn was the genius behind sonavabench, had been commenting since 2008, and as recently as this month on Smokey’s post.  He will be greatly missed.  He left behind two children, who are no more than toddlers, and it’s hard to even finish this sentence.  A college fund is being set in their honor, and when there’s details, I’ll pass those along.  I’ll give him the last word, on May 28th, 2008, p0rk burn had the idea to set up the very first RCL, a midseason league.  He said, “Grey:  I’ll definitely set the league up, etc.  I think you have enough regulars the league would be decent sized.  I’m sure if you post something about it we can draw a nice turnout.  If Rudy wants in, that’s cool, but I wasn’t banking on either of you; you both obviously have plenty of leagues going already.  One caveat:  I think there should be a rule for this particular league that we can’t seek advice from Razzball.com for obvious reasons.  Make them go to Karabell.”  Long live P0rk.  Anyway II, the roundup:

Marcus Stroman – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.92.  I’m defunding his campaign to be a sleeper next year.  Goodbye Fantasy Baseballers United for Stroman!

Justin Smoak – 1-for-2 and his 12th homer.  At best his playing time going forward will be a platoon that can be scarily described as Justin/Upton.

Josh Donaldson – 2-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .302.  F5!

Alex Dickerson – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (5) and legs (2), and his 3rd homer in as many games.  Goodbye, Schimpf, and your weird array of consonants, hello Dickerson!  Hot schmotato risin’!  Gonna keep on risin’!

Andrew Cashner – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.76.  Apparently, he can pitch with one foot out the door.

Matt Kemp – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer.  Prior to the game, Kemp was late getting on the field.  Turned out he had hidden himself in Upton’s suitcase.

J.D. Martinez – Began a rehab stint, but admitted he will have pain all season when hitting.  Just D’oh.  Reading between the lines, this says to me Martinez will return at 50%, the Tigers will be eliminated from playoff contention mid-September and Martinez will be shut down.

Cameron Maybin – Out with a rib cage injury.  For some reason, I hear rib cage and I always think of Billy Butler being contained in a cage with a zookeeper tossing him ribs.

Steven Wright – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA up to 3.12.  After the game, Steven Wright said of the bad start, “You can’t have everything.  Where would you put it?”

Jackie Bradley Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 16th homer, hitting .306.  Honestly, seriously, awkward intro to the sentence, I’ve owned Bradley for about three months, and I’ve been expecting him to either fall into a platoon or cool off, and he just keeps on keeping it on.

Trevor Rosenthal – Hit the Disgraceful List with shoulder inflammation.  Shame, he was having a solid season with his 2.04 ERA.  Oops!  My bad, that’s a 2.04 WHIP.

Carlos Martinez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 2.87.  I’ve already stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop with C-Mart, but I will say his peripherals aren’t as pretty as last year, but his velocity has been there.  So, six of one, half of a cliché on the other.

Alex Reyes – Was lifted from his Triple-A start in case the Cards need him to start on Saturday.  A Starturday?   Yes, Starturday!  A roller skating jam named Starturday!  I added Reyes everywhere because I need some serious pitching help, but he’ll only start if Tyler Lyons has to pitch in relief the next few days, so Tyler Lyons do us a solid, would ya please?

Jedd Gyorko – 2-for-7, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer and 14th homers with a homer in both games of the doubleheader, for the Ernie Banks Double-Double with Cheese!  Now has seven homers in the last week.  Maybe Jedd found more than bubbling crude.  Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Jose Reyes – Diagnosed with an intercostal strain.  He could out for a few days, a few weeks or a few months, depending on the strain on his side and his marriage.

Noah Syndergaard – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.45.  Since he revealed he had elbow spurs, he has an ERA near 2 and more than a K per inning.  Those spurs be spurious!  Thank you, thesaurus.

Bartolo Colon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.35.  Don’t even think about all the starters you’ve owned when you would’ve just been better off with Fartolo.  Don’t ever go there with your thinking.  It’ll only depress you.

Tyler Skaggs – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks as he made his season debut.  I added him in one 12-team league and didn’t add him in another 12-team league.  I like what he was doing in the minors, but if the minors were the majors, then they’d be called the majors, and there would be no minors, instead team rosters would have 200 players and each dugout would be crowded like that weird rave scene in The Matrix Reloaded.  Not to mention, Skaggs gets the Sawx next.

Yunel Escobar – 5-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .326.  Damn, call him ChupaEscobra!

Carlos Perez – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 5th homer, hitting .221.  Also, in this game, Johnny Giavotella went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI with his 4th steal, as the Angels scored 13 runs, and, the bulk of the damage was done as one giant ticker tease.  Though, I guess Kole Calhoun went 2-for-5, 4 RBIs, but Hillary’s trying to get rid of those that make pay with Kole.

Lorenzo Cain – Began a rehab stint.  Great to hear Cain…Sugar! getting himself into rehab.

Raul Mondesi – 0-for-3 as he was called up to replace Whit Merrifield.  Take your pink Izod, cuffed jeans and feathered hair, and get out of here, Whit!  Mondesi has world class speed.  For unstints, he just ran into your room, mussed your hair, and ran back out of the room.  The only sign he was there is your combover is a mess.  The problem is, can Mondesi steal first base?  He had a 31% strikeout rate in Triple-A.  He does that in the majors and he might hit .205.  In leagues where you need speed, I could see grabbing him.

Jake Lamb – Chip Hale said Lamb should return by Friday, adding, “Assuming Dave Stewart doesn’t trade him before that for Vin Mazzaro.”

Zack Greinke – Nearing rehab starts, and could return soon after.  Again, unless Vin Mazzaro becomes available.

Scooter Gennett – 2-for-3, 1 run, 3 RBIs and his 6th steal.  Hits in five straight games with a home run.  Hot schmotato alert!

Marwin Gonzalez – 2-for-5 and his 9th and 10th homer.  Luis Valbuena injured his hamstring, so Marwin should see regular time even with Bregman called up.  Do we care?  Well, intuitiwely no on Marwin, but Elmer Fudd says it might be hot schwotato season.

Hyun-Soo Kim – 1-for-3 as he was activated from the DL.  Fun fact!  “He so Kim” is an insult by Eminem that he just hasn’t used yet.

Chris Tillman – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 3.47.  The Regression Fairies dated someone who once dated Ricky Martin, they literally cried when they heard The Hills reunion was happening, and they will destroy your ratios.

James Shields – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 4.68, WHIP at 1.48, and, you know what I’m getting at, I just can’t bring myself to endorse him, no matter how well he’s looked the last few times.

Adam Eaton – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in the last three games.  Sure, go ahead, get your value up for next year.  It’s cool with me, I know who you are.  I got an all-knowing eye like on the one dollar bill!

Bud Norris – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.27.  Solid start, obvi, but I don’t trust him at all.  You can check the Stream-o-Nator on him, but even then, I’d be hesitant about streaming him.

Yasiel Puig – Missed his 5th consecutive game yesterday.   Weird, I could’ve sworn he missed the last 200+ games.

Clayton Kershaw – Still not cleared to throw.  This situation reads to me like he’s going to remain sidelined through September, then try to return for the final playoff push and maybe the playoffs.  It’s status quo, which you under 25 years old may know as Facebook status.

Yasmani Grandal – 1-for-3 and his 14th homer.  That was his 7th homer in July.  All of my 12-team mixed league teams combined have seven homers from the catcher slot.  And four of those are from Yasmani.  Yet, catchers are so irrelevant, I’m still doing fine in offense.  If Yasmani could throw a few shutouts, then it would matter.

Chris Archer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners (0 BBs), 8 Ks, ERA down to 4.42.  Suddenly, he’s not walking anyone.  Guess it just took me trading him away.  You’re welcome.

Jerad Eickhoff – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.83 vs. Tom Koehler – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.18.  This matchup was of two pitchers whose ERAs make certain fantasy baseballers say, “Why can’t David Price and Chris Archer be this gee-dee-effin-good?”  For both pitchers, I would use the Stream-o-Nator.

Gregory Polanco – 4-for-5 and a slam (13) and legs (10), hitting .291.  Brocktune!

Francisco Liriano – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  I know there’s crappy starters you wish you could unswallow.  I know there’s crappy starters named Liriano.

Felix Hernandez – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.45.  Would I take him over a bunch of starters?  Yeah, likely.  But this is not your slightly older brother’s F-Her.

Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 10th homer.  Big FraGu sure hasn’t aged well.

Kyle Seager – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .288.  By my rudimentary math of medians, means and law of averages, Seager is going to hit six more homers, steal five bases and hit .240.  Luckily, medians, means and law of averages are fancy words I copied and pasted from a 5th grade textbook.

Michael Brantley – Said he expects to return in 2016, which is major league baseball speak for “Will not return in 2016.”

Danny Salazar – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.89.  I saw he was pulled quickly after 85 pitches, and DLzebub filled my head with fear, but, from what I can tell, it was just Terry Francona with ADHD.

Ryan Zimmerman – 0-for-4, hitting .218, as he was activated from the DL.  Damn, Rudy’s RCL team offense is going to go into overdrive now!

Anthony Rendon – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .257.  This was his third homer since the All-Star break.  Someone’s trying to stay in fantasy baseballers’ good graces for 2017.  Don’t worry, someone will bust out the, “Grey, beautiful mustache, I bet it would be ticklish on my cheek.  Anyway, what do you think about Rendon this year?  He had a good 2nd half.”

Wilson Ramos – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 15th homer.  Since no one reads the USA Today anymore to see the top fives in different categories, it might come as a surprise to you that Ramos is batting .339 and is in 2nd in the NL.

Homer Bailey – Will make his season debut in San Diego.  He has a 5.14 ERA, 1.71 WHIP in eight minor league games so far this year.  So, Bailey is going to need more than his angel, Clarence, guiding him in the right direction prior to me picking him up.

Cody Reed – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.07.  All I’m saying is Clayton Kershaw was a dog chew his rookie year too.  Don’t judge Cody Reed for his 2017 season on his 2016 transgressions.

Joey Votto – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer.  Putting the heat on Eugenio!

Jay Bruce – 1-for-5 and his 24th homer.  This could be yours, Cleveland!

Adam Duvall – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homers.  Sell this you motherfudger!

Matt Cain – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.95, and he pitchslapped Reed for his first home run.  When hitting that homer, he must’ve imagined hitting off himself.

Mac Williamson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, has two homers and is hitting near-.400 in the last week, and yesterday he hit third.  Hot schmotato alert!

Ervin Santana – 9 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks vs. Braves.  I’d start your mawmaw against the Braves.

Julio Teheran – Expects to return on Saturday.  Only question is what team will he be returning to.

Lucas Harrell – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.38.  Okay, I shouldn’t have dropped him.  Mea culpa.  No need to rub salt in my “blooding coming out of my wherever.”

Adonis Garcia – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer.  I can’t stop cyclops’ing this guy, it’s a sickness.  It’s called Adonisillitis, and I need liquids and some homers.

Joey Gallo – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer as he was recalled by the Rangers and hit 6th.  Doesn’t he seem like he should have his last name capped?  GALLO.  Prospector Ralph said, “In terms of talent and ability (with Gallo), we’re talking one of the top 5 players listed in (the top 25 prospects).  The problem is, where does he play.  The other problem, Grey is stupid.”  Okay, that’s not cool.  Also, in my Joey Gallo fantasy in November of last year, I said, “This past year, he hit .204 in 108 major league at-bats.  Yeah, Gallo’s got some issues.  This past year in Triple-A, his strikeout percentage was 39.5%.  That’s not a typo.  He struck out in Triple-A this year at the same rate he struck out in Double-A in 2014.  This year in Triple-A, he hit .195.  Something’s gotta change here or he’s not going to make it past being a platoon player in the major leagues.  Can it change?  Can any one of us truly change?  Okay, too deep.  Can Gallo change?  I think he can, or at least stop swinging at the change.  He’s only going to be 22 years old this year.  He learns to spit on just one pitch and he hits 40 homers with a .250 average in the majors.  Seriously, he’s that close to a huge breakout.”  And that’s me quoting me!  So, did he change?  Well, he spit on a few more pitches, with his strikeout rate lowered to 30.4% this year for a .246 average.  He’s still a work in progress, but a work in progress that could hit 15 homers from now until the end of the year.

Mitch Moreland – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer.  Someone felt Gallo breathing down his neck.  If he smelled it though, it was likely Odor.

Marcus Semien – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 21st homer.  Fun fact!  In high school, my white socks were Marcus’d with Semien.

Josh Reddick – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer.  In high school, my white socks had red stripes–and I’ll stop now.

Coco Crisp – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer.  Coco Crisp?  Cerealiously?

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.43.  That’s nice, do it for another six weeks and I’ll consider you again for next year.

Ryan Madson – Received the dreaded manager seal of approval that Madson would remain the closer.  Pick up Ryan Dull now, since Madson is making, “Never a Dull moment,” into an ironic statement with his pitching.