Mariners’ outfielder slash infielder slash superhero Dylan Moore continued his onslaught on the MLB Friday night hitting his seventh home run and stealing his 10th base of the year. The 28 year old is now slashing .282/.362/.563 in just 28 games played and is looking like a bonafide fantasy darling. A slam & legs, you say? In Seattle, the slam & legs is served up mid-air at Pike’s Market and must be caught before consuming. Chase it down with piping hot latte from Seattle’s Own (but not ‘Seattle’s Own’) Starbucks, because what goes better with fresh fish besides espresso? Dylan’s got three homers and four steals in the past week! He’s also reached base safely in every game he’s played since the start of September. The steals are why I added him but the homers are why I’m now obsessed with him. Mmmoore. This no-simp September thing is going to be tough. He’s over 50% owned at the time I’m writing this and that number’s going to probably double over the weekend, but I figured you deserved a Dylan Moore lede regardless of ownership percentage and also I couldn’t get that Britney Spears song out of my head. In more important slash concerning news you should know, an anonymous San Francisco Giants’ player (probably not Pablo, definitely not Yaz) tested positive for the COVID Friday which I assume means all Giants games are cancelled for the next 5-7 days so here’s your heads up to find some warm bodies to replace your Giants and Padres this weekend ASAP as possible.  As for Moore, if you still read the late season Razzball posts you know I covered Kyle Lewis in my final post of 2019, so there are some gems to be uncovered in my lazy, late-September musings. Sometimes looking to 2021 is the best plan of action, especially when you know that each post could be your last as there is always risk of the entire Razzball staff contracting COVID and the blog getting shut down for the final two weeks. There’s nothing we could do to prevent, there’s only one straw in the office and the plastic ones are bad for the planet. Anyway! TL;DR Pick up Moore if he’s out there and drop all your Giants except Baby Yaz!

Here’s what else I saw Friday in fantasy baseball:

Ty France – 1-for-4, HR (1). BUY. Sacre bleu! Now hit safely in four straight and hit his first bomb with C-Attle. Is it me or is the Mariners offense looking kind of exciting for 2021? Just me then? Understood.

Stefan Crichton – 0.2 IP, K, SV (1). Crichton, better known for writing Jurassic Park and Sphere (great book, terrible movie <—this is something smart people say), is the DBacks new closer by default, which is still better than being closer by committee.

DJ Stewart – 2-for-6, HR (6). Stewart is hitting .500 over the past six games with six dingers and 8 RBI. DJ! If I could make a request? Could you play the one where you continue hitting homeruns every day for the next two weeks until I win my fantasy league? Yes. Oh and “WAP,” too. I love those crazy ladies and yes, I’m learning the dance.

DJ LeMahieu – 3-for-7, HR (6). This older, less on-trend DJ is still pumping out the hits you loved in the early 2000s, but has trouble understanding the difference between Lil Baby and DaBaby, or Blackpink and BTS. S’okay DJ, just play some more Ja Rule and Nelly.

Luke Voit – 4-for-7, 4 runs, 2 HR (16), 6 RBI. My doode was limping around the bases and STILL played both games of the double header. Hear that, Judge? Like clockwork, every year the Yankees will have some scrub turned into Cinderella and carry their season when the guys they actually pay millions to carry their season get hurt. You know the Miguel Andujars and Gio Urshelas of yore. This year it’s Luke, and before you come at me saying he was good last year he hit 20 homers, just stop, and don’t, cause I’m tired and if you expected Luke Voit to be tied with Mike Trout for the home run lead in September you’re a lying liar and should probably write a tell all book about the POTUS or something.

Gerritt Cole – 7.0 IP, 2 hits, BB, 9 K, 5th win. His 3.20 ERA, 1.02 WHIP and 79/15 K/BB is OK I guessss. Does this count as a complete game shut out? Because it shouldn’t.

Masahiro Tanaka – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 5 K, 2nd win. For me, the biggest surprise out of the NYC City Yankees this year has been how not-awful Tanaka has been. 3.16 ERA? Yeah okay! That’ll work! I’d even start with confidence against the Buffalo Blue Jays next week. With my hands over my eyes of course.

Aaron Nola – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 10 K, 5th win. Another complete game shutout. First “shut out” of his career. Seriously how/why are they counting these. Who Dat Nola has been unreal in 2020 with a 2.40 ERA, 0.89 WHIP and 77/13 K/BB. So not-for-nothing guy has been outstanding but 9 IP and 7 IP are two very different things. Tom Seaver (rip :/) did it 61 times cuz he legend, and as far as I’m concerned Nola still hasn’t done it once.

Andrew McCutchen  5-for-8, HR (6), 4 RBI. He’s slashing .257/.315/.419 6 homers and 27 RBI. Of course I dropped him last week because of who I am as a person. Boo me!

Lewis Brinson – 1-for-3, HR (3). Don’t look now but Lewis is hitting .286 with two homers in the past week. Granted he’s only started in three games, but I’m trying to find some silver linings in my Marlins and Sixto didn’t pitch last night.

Adam Haseley – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. Haseley isn’t just “Bad at Love” he’s not great at fantasy either, rocking no homers and no steals, I’ll try to “Be Kind” but “You Should Be Sad” if you own him. Best leave him on the “Eastside” you’re better off “Without Me.” And THAT was all the Halsey songs I know.

Alec Bohm – 4-for-7, 2 runs, RBI. Unlike that “Nightmare” Haseley, Bohm dot com hits all the baseballs. He’s got three multi-hit games in his last five and he’s slashing .323/.374/.458 on the year. The two homers might make you slightly sleepy, but that just means you’ll be able to draft him next year, and when the power does come you can make all the “he hit a ‘Bohm'” jokes you want.

Rhys Hoskins – 2-for-4, HR (10). After a real slow start, Rhys has hit 9 of his 10 dingers in the past three weeks. *Pro Tip* that will help your fantasy team. And as I mentioned with Bohm, the more mediocre his overall stats are for 2020, the better chance I have of drafting him in 2021! That’s my new strategy for this year, just plan for the next!

Blake Snell – 5.1 IP, 45 hits, 2 BB, 5 K. Bruh, you’re a former Cy Young winner, can you pitch six innings into a game or nah? The 3.23 ERA is nice but for real. He said Friday night he’s about to “turn a corner” which I am really hoping means, I’m going to pitching more than 5.2 innings next week.

Nate Lowe – 3-for-4, 2 HR (2), 4 RBI. And you thought Brandon Lowe was a star (2-for-4, run, 2 SB (2)). Well, Rays hitters have found a new Lowe–in a good way! Nate Lowe went deep for the first two times of the year Friday night and has some interesting 2021 intrigue. Will he play consistently down the stretch? You and I both know only Kevin Cash knows the answer to that, and he’s aksing his Zoom psychic right now.

Bobby Dalbec – 2-for-3, RBI. BUY. Sawx should consider sending Dalbec down, he might be too good for this team. You may see a home run streak broken, but I see a hitting streak extended. Kid is already a legend. He must have the Nomah genes!

Jacob deGrom – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 4th win. Lowers his ERA to 1.67 and leads the league with 79 Ks. Now before you make the “deGrom pitches well but gets no run support” joke, how’s about…19 runs of support for you Jacob! Huh!? Is that enough run support for you!? You whiny whiner!

Chase Anderson – 2.2 IP, 4 hits, 4 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. For all the trades Toronto made to bolster their rotation, they are still pretty bad.

Michael Conforto – 2-for-4, 4 runs, HR (9), 4 RBI. Hitting .343/.432/.578 with 8 homers. There was a lot of talk about how the fans would react to Conforto, the hipster’s favorite player, once he hit the mainstream. But take a sip from your Italian-imported, cruelty-free beets milk (no straw of course), and adjust your locally grown cage-free apple leather summer neck scarf and let me tell you Conforto is a top 30 hitter next season. That’s right, a hipster’s third rounder!  Our boy really made it. Now let’s #cancel him!!!

Dominic Smith – 2-for-5, HR (8), 4 RBI. Slashing .331/.397/.654 with 8 homers. He’s 2020’s Pete Alonso! Which is a bummer for Alonso owners, but great for anyone who grabbed Dom Smith. It’s a interesting dynamic to me, as a sub, I’ve always been owned by a dom and not the other way around. But I’m willing to try this once if it means fantasy glory!

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-5, 4 runs, HR (4), 4 RBI. The Mets scored 18 runs on 19 hits, because they wanted to give deGrom this one win before they give up for the rest of the season. I know we’d all thought Ramos had given up already.

Adam Wainwright – 8.0 IP, 8 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Waino was made for this season. Seven inning games against the same trash teams over and over again? Sign him up! He’s a QS machine. Would I own him next year? Ehh, ask me next year.

Luis Castillo – 9.0 IP, 2 hits, ER, 3 BB, 6 K, 2nd win. His first complete game in ever and just his second win of the year.  With a 3.44 ERA he should have more wins obv, but Reds gonna Red. My bigger question is, how long before he’s a Yankee or a Dodger.

Joey Votto – 1-for-3, HR (7), 2 RBI. For an offense that looked so good in early August, the Reds sure do look awful right now.

Brandon Woodruff – 7.0 IP, 1 hit, 12 K. The 12 strikeouts was a career high. I assume the 7.0 IP was, too, but can’t confirm. INTERN! Oh, right, you actually have to have an intern to yell for one. Hmm. Don’t need an intern to remember that Brewers had two of their best starts of the season from two of their youngest pitching studs (Corbin Burnes on Wednesday). It’s a good time to be a Milwaukee fan–oh, except for the Bucks, right, my bad. Oh, and the Kenosha thing too, also very bad.

Casey Mize – 5.1 IP, 1 hit, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K. He no-hit the White Sox through the first five before running into trouble in the six and surrendering a bomb to Eloy Jiminez. Mize still eyes that first win, which unfortunately, might not happen for him this year. But I got Mys Eyes on Mize for 2021 in a big way and maybe you should, too? I will see myself out.

Lucas Giolito – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 4 BB, 7 K. Basically the same line as Mize except you drafted Giolito in the 10th round. AM I saying Casey Mize is the next Giolito? I’m not NOT saying that! You said it!

Miguel Cabrera – 1-for-3, SB (1). Would have liked to have seen this steal. But apparently no one saw it happen! We’re all just taking Miggy’s word for it. Fair enough.

Greg Holland – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (4). Royals are winning games, ya’ll! I repeat! The Royals are winning and the Queen hasn’t even seen Harry in months! I’d grab Holland before baseball realizes what’s happening.

Leody Taveras – 1-for-4, run, SB (4). He’s got three steals a homer and in the past week and hits lead off for one of the worst offenses in baseball. It doesn’t get any more SAGNOF than that.

Matt Olson – 2-for-5, HR (13), 5 RBI. Three dingers in his last four. Olson keeps hitting bombs and is starting to prove he can make contact without going yard. What’s that called again? Oh yes! Hits! It seems Olson can hit as well homer.

Sean Murphy– 2-for-4, HR (5). Third jack in the last five games and if you’re keeping track, he’s the second catcher I’ve mentioned so far. I’m feeling generous today.

German Marquez – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, BB, 5 K. Despite one rough 10 run outing versus Houston, German has been much better than his 4.35 ERA would have you think. The same is true for all Germans, not-so-bad, if you remove the whole “Nazi” thing.

Ty Buttrey – 0.1 IP, 3 ER, BS. Are there any solid closers this year? Or are they all just garbage? Felix Pena is the add here. Pick him up if you hate yourself.

Jared Walsh – 2-for-4, 2 runs, HR (4). Three homers in the past week, and Pujols’ replacement’s name sounds like he watches Tucker Carlson and thinks Kyle Rittenhouse is an American hero slash definite virgin. I can’t confirm that either of these are true, but Jared is at Coors this weekend and available everywhere.

Anthony Bemboom – 1-for-4, HR (2). Go ahead HR in 9th. We call that the Bim Bemboom–and would you look at that, I’ve mentioned another catcher you probably shouldn’t pick up!

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-5, HR (6), 5 RBI. Walk-off grand slam in the 9th. I thought about making a social injustice joke here, but decided not to go there. If only we could get NFL fans this excited about a Blackmon winning games for his team.

Kenta Maeda – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 5th win. It’s amazing to me the Dodgers got rid of more than half their starting rotation from 2019 and are still one of the best team’s in baseball by a long shot.

Shane Bieber – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 8 K, 1st L as he lowered his ERA to 1.53. Hasn’t struck out less than 8 in a start all year. He’s a bonafide STUD. If I were Ariana Grande, I’d be happy to be “Stuck With You” Bieber.

Byron Buxton – 1-for-3, HR (7), 2 RBI. I know I say this every year but, I’m all in on Buxton this for 2021, bb!

Ryan Jeffers – 1-for-3, HR (2). His second big-league shot in the past week and the fourth catcher I’ve mentioned so far and likely the only one you should consider adding. How quickly we forget about Mitch Garver. The future is Jeffers!

Yan Gomes – 3-for-5, HR (3), 2 RBI. Eric Thames also homered. Yan hit a walk off grand slam bottom of the 9th. We’re nearing the end of the year and I’m feeling generous so here’s one last catcher for you plebs.

Caleb Smith – 3.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, BB, 3 K. And you thought the DBacks traded Marte for nothing, didn’t you? Caleb looked fairly promising in just his second start of 2020, and he gets the Angels next week. I’d take a wait and see approach with Caleb for now, as in, wait and see who else picks him up.

Marcell Ozuna – 5-for-6, HR (14), 4 RBI. Slashing .322/.409/.632 with 14 homers and 41 RBI. OZUNA hit baseballs as far as OZUNA can. OZUNA best value pick of 2020. OZUNA sprinkle COVID dust over oatmeal in morning to make OZUNA stronger. You heard OZUNA right. OZUNA eats COVID for breakfast.

Ozzie Albies – 3-for-5, 2 runs, SB (2). When did Albies get back? And how many of his owners are still in contention? Is there a rule he and Acuna can’t be healthy at the same time?

Kris Bubic – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K, W, 1-5. His first win after five losses, and KC has now won four games in a row. Bubic has now put together three straight quality outings allowing less than 2 ERs with an 18/5 K/BB in that stretch. He gets a tough start in Milwaukee next week, I might consider the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I don’t know for sure yet though.

Daniel Hudson – 1.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, BB, K, BS. Danny’s rocking a 7.02 ERA and 1.20 WHIP. Woof. That’s more offensive than a Tekashi69 video. These are my closers, ladies and gentlemen. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to find a void I can scream into.

Trea Turner – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 SB (9). I’m sorry I called you Treash. I just. I needed steals. You understand, right? But now a 10 game hitting streak? Five steals in the past week? Slashing .360/.421/.629 with 9 bombs and 38 runs? Sweet sassy molassy! Let’s never fight again. I Trea-sure you!

Adalberto Mondesi – 1-for-2, 3 runs, HR (3), 2 SB (15). That’s the KC slam & legs in back-2-back games! Comes with BBQ sauce obv. He’s back, baby! To celebrate reclaiming his Sicko Mode, Adalberto hit up McDonald’s post-game and got two Travis Scott meals (extra Travvy patties) with Sprite cuz what else would you drink. Why McDonalds? Why Travis Scott? Why does this weird cross-promotion exist? Cause it’s liiit!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!