Yesterday, Daniel Poncedeleon was called up and threw no hitter (thru seven innings and then was pulled from game while striking out three hitters, but it’s more fun to say he threw a no-hitter, so ignore this). Incredibly, Poncedeleon is 478 years old, and he could be the ROY. *intern whispers in my ear* That’s an F? What the hell is, ‘He could be a FOY?’ The fountain of the year? What are you talking about? Rookie of the youth? What are you talking about? Sorry, having a miscommunication with my intern. Any hoo! In Triple-A, he had a 10.1 K/9 — up my giddy! — a 4.7 BB/9 — put my roll on slow! — a 2.15 ERA — getting the fever! — with a 4.99 xFIP — so I’m taking some ‘Tussin. He might surprise some major league lineups, but he could easily go out and destroy you. By the way, Bartolo Colon is so intent on 300 wins that he might follow Poncedeleon wherever he goes. On the reals, Poncedeleon’s dad in the stands after his son threw seven no-hit innings gave me the feels, especially when you figure his dad has to be at least 498 years old. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Martinez – Will throw off the mound in the next few days. Obliques are so appropriately named. It’s about as vague as you can get with timetables. So, rather than the 6-week oblique, he got the 6-day oblique. Oh *runs with Forrest Gump across the country* Kay.
Kolten Wong – Hit the DL with knee inflammation. In other words, Wong is down to his knee. Hey now!
Bud Norris – 2/3 IP, 2 ER and the blown save. Apparently, the new Cards manager, Mike Shildt, who I like to call You Don’t Know Jack Shildt, is now using Norris as his closer. Yes, he used Hicks last week as the closer. I literally have no idea.
Luis Castillo – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.30. Castillo just got no run support last night, too bad his team wasn’t facing him. Snap! Okay, seriously, he has one 6+ IP start in his last ten games when he’s given up less than three runs. I know he’s your fetch, but you’re not gonna make him happen.
Justin Turner – Hit the DL with a groin strain. He injured it about ten days ago, sat out about that long, then played a few innings on Sunday, so the Dodgers can’t backdate Turner’s DL stint. The book on Dave Roberts’ managerial style, “Playing a 100-Win Team into 89 Wins…And How I Stole 2nd Base in the Playoffs.”
Alex Verdugo – 0-for-0, 1 run as he was called up by the Dodgers and didn’t start. He appeared in Prospector Ralph’s top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and we talk about him in today’s podcast. You can hardly wait. No, you!
Max Muncy – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Oh, by the by, in case you skim this shizz, Muncy has 23 homers! It’s game 100! Were wondering in March who the breakout would be that you could grab off waivers? It was Max Muncy. Old news, but needs recapitulation on occasion.
Ross Stripling – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.43. It was one start, I wouldn’t go to a 7-Eleven and wait for a 13-year-old with a backpack to tell me where the secret Panic! at the Disco concert is happening.
Yasmani Grandal – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer. Shizz is unreal in LA right now. Don’t throw anyone against them.
Zach Eflin – 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER as he was activated from the DL, and, after that start, might be headed back. Either way, the Stream-o-Nator hates his next start, but I could see that changing by then if the Reds move a piece or two in the next few days. Not totally sure who’d they move though. They ain’t moving Votto, because they owe him about $200 million over the next seven years.
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. *whispering* Don’t want to get too excited, but I think Rhysus is heating up.
Maikel Franco – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th and 15th homer. Hitting over .300 in July and I wouldn’t be surprised if the best trade the Phils make is keeping Maikel as their 3rd baseman. Okay, he’s not Machado, but he can be solid.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .288. Not playing every day, but has multiple hits in his six starts. Hot schmotato alert!
Logan Morrison – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .195, and his 2nd homer in his last three games, dating back a week though. Not sure why this is, but every white player looks to me like Tackleberry from Police Academy. It used to just be Shelley Duncan, but it’s now morphed into all of them.
Jose Abreu – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .253. “Let’s just go ahead and roll the body up in a carpet and stow it in the overhead compartment until we land–Wait! I think Jose Abreu is alive!”
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Nice to see him rip a ball and not a tendon.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-fro-5 and his 22nd homer, hitting .276. Au Shizz!
Patrick Corbin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (0 BBs), 9 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Damn, in Wrigley like it’s nothing. Epstein’s team couldn’t do anything with Patrick’s; this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. The ol’ 70+ year reference! Keeping shizz current!
Jonathan Schoop – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, and three homers in the past four games. You can’t suck up everything Fun-Sucking Straw!
Freddie Freeman – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .316. I own him, so respect the game, but I have to say he’s the most yawnstipating top 20 bat. Get smokin’ hot, ‘man!
Dansby Swanson – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .253. People have been asking about him in the comments, and maybe now he’ll get hot, but he was hitting .143 in the last week, and hitting 8th. That’s the new blech.
Charlie Culberson – 4-for-6, 1 run, 3 RBIs, as he filled in for Albies. I will call him, All C’s, kinda like my college GPA.
Arodys Vizcaino – Few weeks from throwing a baseball. I need saves so can he kick the ball towards the plate?
Sean Newcomb – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.41. I grabbed him for yesterday’s start vs. the Mehlins, but the Stream-o-Nator thinks his next start is madness, so I need to find a new way to coif.
Elvis Andrus – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Elvis left the building. Woohoo *spins noisemaker* Anyhoo! Willie Calhoun was benched for Ryan Rua with his .198/.228/.380 slashline and he hit higher in the order.
Stephen Piscotty – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .261. If I may gleam insight from the comments, what I’ve noticed with Piscotty is, if he is not hitting a home run every single game, no one wants to hold onto him.
Jonathan Lucroy – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .242. Let’s celebrate Lucroy’s big game not for us, but for the guy who drafted him two years ago in a keeper and then fell into a coma. Your team’s showing signs!
Blake Snell – Hit the DL with a made-up injury to limit his innings. I can’t believe we don’t have a glossary term for this since it happens all the time in the 2nd half. Please suggest in the comments a term for a made-up injury to limit a player. Could also be a made-up injury to limit a hitter from exceeding service time, so preferably not a term pitcher-focused.
Jake Bauers – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .250. Similar to Piscotty, actually. How? Bauers doesn’t know! Bauers doesn’t know! I do though. If Bauers isn’t doing something every single game then every day people are asking to drop him. Clock running out on Bauers?
Daniel Robertson – 3-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .263. I’ve wanted to mention him before — at least nine times, prolly. Why I haven’t? Bit more like Yawniel. He does have two homers in two games though, so I could see a hot schmotato.
Giancarlo Stanton – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, hitting .285. I just want to screenshot everything about Giancarlo from April and how he can’t hit as a Yankee.
Trevor Williams – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 4.11. Sometimes you just need to try a little kindness.
Yo @MeLlamoTrevor you gotta pitch a quality start tonight. Remember, I had faith in you before anyone. Indians are nothing. Just execute your game plan, which should be avoid their top five hitters, don’t get complacent on bottom four, yadda–You got this!
— Razzball (@Razzball) July 23, 2018
Jhoulys Chacin – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.58. I streamed Chacin for this start, and dropped him before the game was even over. I’m cold-hearted snake, look into my eyes, Paula Abdul.
Amed Rosario – 1-for-5, 1 run and his 8th steal. Member in the preseason when I said the Mets will eventually move Rosario to the leadoff spot? Yeah, didn’t think it would take 97 games for them to realize that, but here we are.
Jacob deGrom – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.71, as he lost the game, moving his record to 5-5. I really hope he’s the first Cy Young winner, who is a starter, and wins less than seven games. Murray Chass just said, “He’s just not a clutch performer.”
Yoenis Cespedes – Waiting on his diagnosis for his heel. Hopefully he’s not waiting with his foot in Syndergaard’s mouth.