The Padres sent Chris Paddack down to Single-A to limit his innings. When Nick Margevicius heard the news, he said, “Damn, guess I’ll be limited too.” Padres, “Nah, you good, throw 270 IP if you can.” Paddack being sent down to the minors feels like an encapsulation of all that’s wrong with baseball. Or at least that element. That whole manipulation of young players element. Paddack won’t pitch in Single-A. He’s going for a rest. A vacay, of sorts. A little ‘how’s your father’ in Lake Elisnore at the House of Alfredo Griffindoor. He has to be back in 20 days (due to service time), and he will be. My guess is in two weeks. Why any team thinks it’s better to shut down a guy early and start them up again vs. shut them down in August is beyond me. Member how well that helped Julio Urias? He needed surgery to correct things. To put it in laymen’s terms, shut down your car in the dead of winter and restart it or leave it running while you run into CVS? Okay, maybe the Consumer Value Store scenario depends on some of your janky neighborhoods, but you catch the drift. Either way, I’m trying to hold Paddack in most leagues; he’ll likely only miss three starts. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joey Lucchesi – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.11. The good news, he wasn’t randomly sent down to Single-A. The bad news, how much time you have?
Shaun Anderson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.97. He secured the win against Lucchesi even though he had the exact same line. Elias Sport Bureau said the last time that happened it was June 40th, nineteen-eighty-never. I think they made up the date.
Ken Giles – Hit the IL with elbow inflammation. Jays said he won’t be out long, but that might be wishful thinking so they can trade him. Word was Bialy would fill the hole — sorry, I’m writing on an empty stomach. Biagini was pegged to fill-in for Giles, and I added him in every league, then he gave up 2 ER in 1/3 IP. This has already turned out great! Finally, Daniel Hudson (1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.30) came in and got the save, and I dropped Biagini for Hudson. I get the feeling I won’t even be owning Hudson for very long. Giles was the closer for ten weeks and only got 11 saves, so there’s not a ton here.
Cavan Biggio – 0-for-3, 1 run, hitting .146. Biggio is hitting just like his dad. In his last year.
Rowdy Tellez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and a slam (10) and legs (1), hitting .227. Fun fact! During the bank holiday of Labor Day 1978, a bunch of bank tellers got together for a party that was so wild that they still refer to the five who were arrested for disorderly conduct as Rowdy Tellez.
Corey Seager – Will miss a few weeks with a strained hamstring. Dave Roberts said, “Once he can swing a bat, I can run for him.”
Nolan Arenado – He was beaned, because baseball is dopey and if you hit someone on one team then the pitcher has to retaliate and soon players will need to hide switchblades in their socks. Arenado’s x-rays came back negative and reviews were positive. His x-ray was a page turner hailed the New York Times!
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer. “I love Schwarber’s long balls!” That was my Joe Buck impersonation, how’d it sound?
Javier Baez – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .297. After his home run, he received a stop sign from his 1st base coach to admire his home run. After the game, Will Venable, the Cubs’ 1st base coach, said, “Arenado had just been beaned, Bryant was beaned the day before, Baez’s got some swag…It felt like the right call. If the Rockies want to throw a pickoff throw at me, I will take my medicine.” Wow, Venable accepting responsibility. Love to see it!
Cole Hamels – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.98. Hamels’s peripherals are eerily similar to last year when he was a 3.78 ERA pitcher. So, you’d think the Regression Fairies will catch up to him sooner vs. later, especially with that feathered hair parted just so to the side.
Zach Eflin – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.81. Ya know how you can order iced tea and get anything from Lipton to Snapple to home brewed darjeeling on ice? There needs to be a law that says if iced tea is on the menu, it’s always one type. Don’t care if it’s sweetened, unsweetened, green effin’ tea! Just make it be one type! This is also how I feel about the spelling of the name Zach. H, K, C? Just pick one! Streamonator loved this start; Eflin’s ERA is under-3 (!) and I got cold feet and didn’t stream. Bad move. His underlying numbers don’t say he’s this good, if that helps (it doesn’t).
Merrill Kelly – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.73. Good ol’ baseball. For ten weeks, there’s eight bazillion homers every game, then Kelly toes the rubber like a foot fetishist.
Garrett Cooper – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .296, and hitting around .375 in June, 3rd homer in nine games. Reporters were saying Cooper came within a double of the Marlins’ 1st cycle, but could’ve sworn Dee Gordon was on the Marlins when he was suspended for doing a cycle. As for Cooper, guys and five girls, I’ve been saying he’s a glory beast for about two weeks now.
Jordan Yamamoto – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks in his 1st major league game. Wait a second! Were the Marlins talking cycles because of the Yamamoto bipedal? No? Okay. So, I watched all 7 IP of Yamamoto’s start. He looks like the kind of pitcher I could hit. Not saying I’m good, though I was elected to my Pee Wee League All-Star Game (mom stuffed the ballot box), but Yamamoto regularly throws 82 MPH. MLB hitters aren’t used to seeing that. This could be why he has some early success only to become Mike Leake after his 1st time around the league. Outside of NL-Only leagues, I’m barely interested.
Miles Mikolas – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.83. Mikolas was so many miles away from a quality start today that he made it to his last team’s clubhouse.
Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 15 Ks, ERA at 2.41. I want robot umps for one simple reason: Verlander takes the mound and the robot ump has to excuse himself because Verlander is a robot too. Maybe some day Verlander can explain to all of the pitchers I own how it’s okay to give up homers (Eric Thames hit his 9th; Grandal whacked his 15th; Braun slugged his 11th), if there’s no one on base.
Jose Berrios – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.01. Getting the sense that Berrios won’t be available to be drafted in any mixed league outside the top 15 starters for a while.
Daniel Vogelbach – 4-for-5, 2 runs and his 17th homer. The Jelly Donut of Swat hit the —- out of that ball. This has been your latest from the redacted Cruller Report.
Trevor May – 1/3 IP, 2 ER in the 8th inning, ERA at 3.86. That went sideways fast! Makes sense though, because I’m looking at my fantasy team’s ERA, bent over, saying, “Trevor May I have another!” I’ve dropped all May shares after a glorious 24-hour ride. U-ey back to Taylor Rogers.
Mike Soroka – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 1.92 (that’s it?!) vs. Mitch Keller – 3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 15.43. This matchup was billed as, “Usually the Regression Fairies go powder their nose for one half of an inning, but the bathrooms in Atlanta refuse their entry so they stayed to wreck havoc on both sides.” For what it’s worth, Soroka has another 70-bajillion runs coming his way to keep knocking his ERA up. By the time, regression’s done with Soroka, he could be the one replaced by Keuchel.
Austin Riley – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs, his 10th homer and his 1st ever triple. Since everyone hits home runs nowadays, the triple is now the most exciting thing in baseball. The triple is the new home run.
Starling Marte – 2-for-6 and his 10th homer, and his 3rd homer this series. Good call by the Pirates to stay in the nearest Ramada, which was was hosting a Launch Angle seminar by Dwayne Murphy. “If you ain’t got no forty-degree swing, you ain’t no thing.” That’s Dwayne.
Josh Bell – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 19th homer, hitting .325. For whom the Bell dongs!
Adalberto Mondesi – 2-for-5 and his 26th steal, hitting .283. By the by, Mondesi is the 3rd best player in fantasy, behind Yelich and Bellinger, according to the Player Rater. Y’all can throw flowers at my feet next time you see me.
Matt Olson – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 11th homer. His hamate bone removal is the greatest injury since Marlon Byrd fractured his wrist.
Ramon Laureano – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a slam (9) and double legs (7, 8), hitting .260. He hit a grand slam off Chaz Roe, who laid an egg. Laureano has been far from spectacular like I thought he would in the preseason, but, on the Player Rater, he’s been about the same or better than Yasiel Puig and Lorenzo Cain, and if Laureano would be moved to the leadoff spot, he’d be way above them.
Yonny Chirinos – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.88. His pitches do some straight dancey doodles (pitching term), but what do his peripherals say about him? Thanks, Clunky Intro Question! Like every pitcher who is pitching well, Chirinos’s peripherals are far from glorious (7.4 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 4.04 xFIP with a .226 BABIP).
Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.40, as he did work in Fenway. Half of me wants to say this isn’t your slightly older cousin’s Red Sox, but rather your twin brother’s Red Sox who are barely a .500 team. However, I fear that once I say that the Red Sox will light up the stage, enter from behind the curtain in a turtleneck and put on an iPhone presentation for how to steal signs. As for Lynn, his peripherals (9.7 K/9, 2.5 BB/9, 3.91 xFIP) look similar to his teammate’s Mike Minor. At a certain point, we have to stop thinking of Lynn as a Streamonator call and more as a guy to own. This might be that point.
Rick Porcello – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.69. His numbers make me think I wouldn’t eff with him with your team.
Anthony DeSclafani – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.43. Of course, I started Corbin, Paddack, Wheeler, Marquez and every other pitcher who got hit this week and benched DeSclafani. Literally, of course, I did! Yes, literally!
Nick Senzel – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .270. Senzel has always been injury-prone, so, when he went down after a collision with Peraza, I thought, “Boo-boo for Senzel, goodbye calendar year,” but he stood up after about five minutes, jogged it off and said, “Let’s get it on and prove Grey wrong!” Appreciate the shoutout and determination.
Joey Votto – 1-for-2 and his 6th homer, but left with back stiffness. I guess his back owns him in fantasy.
Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer, hitting .260. Prior to this home run, he had one homer since May 16th. Eugenio Suarez must’ve took exception to me comparing Olson to Byrd instead of to Suarez last year.
Mike Clevinger – Will return next Monday vs. the Rangers. I bet you more money than either of us have that Clevinger is fine in his return from the IL. However, back injuries are notoriously tricky and I wouldn’t be shocked to see him IL’d again at some point this year, or shut down. Not trying to be a bummer, just being real wit ya. Hence, wit vs. with.
Zach Plesac – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2,92. Since it was one of two early games, I watched him, and he is a bore. A Plesac is German for sleeping bag. “Guten tag, und mit bed, you get Plesac. Now fall into slumber!” That’s the most pleasant German woman you can find. Guess you could use Streamonator for Plesac, but the robot will never like him is my guess because of his arsenal.
Carlos Santana – 1-for-3 and his 14th homer, hitting .286, two homers in as many games, three homers in five games, and 14 homers on the season! Okay, last point is redundant and irrelevant for this, but Santana has been hot schmotato’ing.
Jose Ramirez – 0-for-3, hitting .198. I think I might’ve figured out the problem with Ramirez. Each time he comes to the plate, the umpire switches out the ball. Everyone is using a 2019 ball, and Ramirez is using a 1919 ball.