Setting up fifteen VPN redirects so no one can find my exact location. Now that I’m securely camouflaged, I carefully google, “Is Trey Yesavage related to Shelly Miscavige?” Google returns the top search result, “We know where you are Grey, and we’re watching you.” Rips tin foil hat off head and fills out paperwork to become a citizen of a new country. I’ll never tell you what country though! So, the Jays decided to call up their top pitching prospect, and one of the top pitching prospects in all of baseball (that was still left in the minors). Just yesterday Itch gave you a top 50 fantasy baseball prospects, September update, and there was Trey Yesavage at number 39. Itch said, “Toronto picked (Yesavage) 20th overall out of East Carolina, where he was an ace in the place that’s become a pitching factory over the past few years (Gavin Williams, Carson Whisenhunt). At 6′ 4″ 225 lbs, Yesavage has strength and balance throughout his delivery, which helps him command a four-pitch arsenal highlighted by a dynamic splitter that tunnels well with his slider, fastball and curve. A curve is the motion my left hook does into Grey’s head, if I ever catch him.” Um, what? So, the Jays will likely use Yesavage out of the pen, which limits his appeal for redraft leagues, but if you’re in a keeper/dynasty where guys only become available when they’re called up, then giddy up, i.e., Thetans to the moon! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 2ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.31. Max Scherzer’s pregame tape-watching is him watching Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon movies and seeing how he finds the motivation to get out of bed every day.
Shane Bieber – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.72. Here’s hoping the Jays make a quick exit from the playoffs and a lot of people who already checked out for fantasy football aren’t alerted that Bieber looks great once again.
George Springer – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 29th homer. *little girl points her finger towards Springer who walks towards her with a flower in one of his outstretched arms* Zombino!
Coby Mayo – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Averaging about three homers per month and hitting around .200 on the year, and, I am sincerely asking, can the Orioles develop bats?
Colton Cowser – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer. Take what I said for Mayo and add in that Cowser is hitting .201.
Brandon Sproat – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.25. Looked excellent on Saturday, like he could be a solid addition to the Mets’ playoff rotation. [presses earbud] I see, I see. The Giants? As in the San Francisco Giants? The team with no hitting or starting pitching? Hmm, well it is an odd-numbered year, I suppose.
Nolan McLean – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.19. I’d open the playoffs with McLean–[presses earbud]–Yes, I forgot! Excuse me! Nah, I kid, maybe the Mets make it still into the playoffs, but, for our porpoises, McLean is better than Sproat, but all are Streamonator at this point.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-4,3 RBIs and his 34th homer. Albombso!
Brandon Nimmo – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer. Nimmo found one!
Drew Rasmussen – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.74. When asked about their plan for Rasmussen, the Rays said he’d be used sparingly three months ago.
Junior Caminero – 2-for-4 and his 44th homer, 2nd homer in two game and third homer this week. He’s got 22 home, uh, home runs. Guess how many away homers? C’mon! You can do it!
Yandy Diaz – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer, 2nd homer in four games. He does not have as many home, uh, home runs as away homers. Next year, he’s going back to the most jacked hitter who hits no jacks.
Moises Ballesteros – 2-for-3, and his 1st homer on Saturday. His 1st MLB home run was almost caught by Anthony Rizzo in the bleachers. A rare sincere moment here, it was pretty great. Enjoy:
This side-by-side of Moisés Ballesteros and Anthony Rizzo ? pic.twitter.com/FMGcvZ6neL
— Marquee Sports Network (@WatchMarquee) September 13, 2025
Ian Happ – 2-for-4 and his 22nd homer, 2nd homer in three games, somehow hitting third too. Cubs are the most “that makes no sense” team.
Tarik Skubal – He clutched at his rib cage on Friday and left his start early. On Saturday, he said “all good,” and he won’t miss a start. Oh…[climbs to the top of Mount Saint Helen]…kay.
Jackson Merrill – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend. Dude still sucks, but when I told you to drop him last week, I should’ve considered that the Padres were getting the Suckies this weekend. “Dude who sucks” negated by “Suckies.” Basic math.
Mickey Moniak – 4-for-4, 5 RBIs and a double slam (20, 21) and double legs (8, 9). Moniak feels like a throwback Rockies player, as in he’s only good because he’s a Rockies player.
Will Smith – Hit the IL with a hand contusion and Dalton Rushing is already on the IL, so the Dodgers’ catchers are Ben Rorvedt and Chuckie Robinson, who wears the Dodger blue and the number 52 to really confuse late-arriving Dodgers fans, who don’t know baseball that well. “Chuckie Robinson? The pioneer?”
Tyler Glasnow – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, 4 BBs, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.06. Glasnow is one of those rare pitchers whose statline doesn’t matter just that he made it through the game healthy.
Robbie Ray – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.50. Let’s be honest, there shouldn’t be a third Wild Card some years.
Garrett Crochet – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.63. There’s great pitchers in baseball and there’s guys who can shut down any lineup with 12 Ks. Different level.
Aaron Judge – 2-for-4 and his 48th homer, hitting .326. This guy seems okay, anyone have a scouting report on him?
Jose Caballero – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. Get Volpe back in that lineup!
Will Warren – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.44. Streamonator hated his start last night (obviously, dur), and likes his next one. I’d get back in too.
Parker Messick – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.84. Bunch of pitching prospects have been promoted in the last few weeks, and Messick is one of the few that has me truly excited for next year.
Slade Cecconi – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.39. One word about these Guards’ starters looking supreme, they were facing the Shite Sox.
Chase Meidroth – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, has a hit in every game of September except for one. Hot schmotato alert!
Framber Valdez – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.59. Now alternated great starts with terrible starts going back to July. So, I guess, lowercase yay for his next start.
Cam Smith – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer, hitting .240. Didn’t he have that many homers in, like, two weeks of a spring training?
Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 25th homer, 2nd homer in as many games, 3rd homer in a week. Between Profar, Harris II, Albies and him, Braves’ 2nd half was just a bunch of dead cat bounces. Meow. And Acuña was the rare cat that didn’t land on his feet, yeouch.
Sandy Leon – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .200, and this was his 1st homer since 2021. This home run came off Craig Kimbrel. Heck yeah, Kimbrel’s still got it!
Masyn Winn – Hit the IL with “being a snooze.” Hopefully next year he finds the remedy.
Jacob Misiorowski – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.35. His 2nd half has made it barely worthwhile to learn how to spell his last name.
Caleb Durbin – 2-for-4 and his 11th homer. He’s gonna be a fascinating guy next year. Makes an insane amount of contact as a rookie, but most of that contact is “47 MPH pop-up to the 2nd baseman.” If he can fix that, he could be dangerous.
Bryan Woo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.02. That’s a big Woo.
George Kirby – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 14 Ks, ERA at 4.46. 13 and 14 Ks for two starters who barely get through six innings is so absurd. Though, Mariners were facing an Angels team that was playing its B team–Wait, hold up, Mr. T, that’s their A team.
Cal Raleigh – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 54th homer. Most success divided by butt circumference since Fred Berry lit up our screens as Rerun in What’s Happening.
Christian Moore – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Could be a light schmotato.
Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.44. Needs to be moved to the pen for mop-up duty, emphasis on doodie.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-4 and his 52nd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Doubt anyone gets to 60 homers this year, but Schwarber would be where I’d be putting money if anyone could get there, even though he’s behind Raleigh. Get it, behind!
J.T. Realmuto – 2-for-4 and his 12th homer. Jerry Tomato really ketchup’d to that one!
Bryson Stott – 1-for-2 and his 12th homer, and 2nd homer of the weekend. Stott’s entertainment!
Salvador Perez – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 28th homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Ever want a good laugh, look at Perez’s runs scored each year. Currently sitting on 51 runs. He has 28 homers! He has 301 career homers and 707 runs. He has to be in the bottom ten for runs in history for guys with 300 HRs.
Jac Caglianone – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Excuse the anti-Italian discrimination, but he’s been awful his rookie year.
Noah Cameron – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.98. Might just draft all Royals starters next year.
Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 22nd homer, hitting .292. You know you’re dealing with a real one when he’s borderline top 10 on the Player Rater and only has 22 homers. Should absolutely go three overall, behind Ohtani and Judge.
Hunter Greene – 2 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.01, and left after taking a comebacker off his leg, but I don’t think that’s why he left, as much as ineffectiveness. Greene beginning to feel like he’s untrustworthy. I don’t want that feeling. Trust me, I don’t want to not trust him, double negatives be damned.
Sal Stewart – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Also, in this game, Noelvi Marte (2-for-4) hit his 13th, and Will Benson (1-for-2, 2 RBIs) hit his 12th homer. More in the next blurb about Bing Bongs.
Nick Kurtz – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer, 2nd homer in two games (Saturday’s homer was an absolute nuclear bomb), and third homer this week, hitting .298. Also, in this game, Colby Thomas (3-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 6th homer, Brent Rooker (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) and his 29th homer, and Jacob Wilson (1-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 13th homer. Watched a bunch of his game, and SacTown’s Bing Bong Stadium is so silly. Balls just Bing Bong like nothing, and it causes outfielders to play back, so more balls drop in, Coors-style.
Matt Wallner – 1-for-5 and his 22nd homer, but I kinda just want to marvel at Royce Lewis (1-for-4, 1 run) stealing two more bags (9, 10) for no reason other than for his H2H owners.
Joe Ryan – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.35 vs. Ryne Nelson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.34. This matchup was billed as, “Joe/Ryne.” “And who else?” “That’s it. Joe/Ryne.” “Got it, Twins’ starter. And who’s he facing?” “Ryne.” “And who is the other pitcher?” “Joe.” “Okay, forget it.” “He starts tomorrow.”
Bailey Ober – 6 IP, 4 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.12. You gotta hand it to Ober, giving up four earned on four hits and zero walks with nine Ks is rocket science. It’s not easy.
Andrew Alvarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.15. This was an easy Streamonator call and his next one is not. At this point in the season, I’d start or sit or even cut anyone, but especially pitchers with good or bad matchups. Be ruthless, I scream like the Red Sox manager in 1920.
Bubba Chandler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.66. Pirates next year are going to have Skenes and Bubba all year. If they don’t go out and acquire a better bat than Tommy Pham, I will go to the house of the Pirates’ owner, Bob Nutting, with an oversized novelty check for two billion and buy the Pirates from him. Billion will be spelled “bullion” and it will come with two chicken bullion cubes and no actual money, but it will be legally binding and I will fix the Pirates.
