Be A Jon Buy Jovi And Go Down In A Blaze Of Glory

I don’t listen to Bill Simmons’s podcast and haven’t read anything by him in 20 years, but Reggie Cleveland All-Stars was a top tier, Everest summit contribution to the discourse. For those unfamiliar, the Reggie Cleveland All-Stars are white guys with a Black name. Blaze Alexander is a Reggie Cleveland All-Star. Blazer Alexander? That’s a white guy. Blaise Alexander is literally a white guy. Alexander Blaze? White! Blaze Alexander? C’mon, man! There’s a lot of problems with the stat xBA; I’ve talked about them for some time. With that said (Grey’s about to ignore everything he’s said), Blaze Alexander has one of the highest xBA’s I’ve seen. When an xBA is around .280, it’s whatever. Maybe he’s really a .250-.260 hitter. When a guy has a very high xBA, it’s more impressive. You can’t accidentally have Blaze’s xBA of .304. Juan Soto’s is .303! All the top guys in the league for average are up there in the top 10. Actually, I trust the top 20. Here’s a wilder thing: Blaze Alexander’s SLG is mere percentage points away from Bobby Witt Jr. His xOBA’s around that of Hunter Goodman and he’s on pace for 25 steals. So, to recap in stats you understand better: Blaze is on pace for a 15/25/.290 season. Yeah, that’s pretty good by any name. Well, not Blasé Alexander. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Victor Caratini – You ever go into a bar and order a Caratini and the bartender doesn’t know how to make it and you say, “A hint of average with a ‘Ryan Jeffers not back.'” And they say, “You sound like you’ve had enough, pal.”

Carson Kelly – I give you guys and five lady readers the benefit of the doubt and don’t include players who are rostered in a majority of the leagues, but I’m including Kelly here even though the 7-day Player Rater says he’s rostered in 86% of leagues. I’m giving him to you still because I don’t believe he’s rostered in 86% of leagues. Is that for real? Am I crazy to think he’s not rostered in more than, say, 20% of leagues? Okay, because I’m still kinda stuck on the Carson Kelly ownership numbers, I did a hard drive check in my brain and I remember now why Kelly is rostered in that many leagues. Rudy pulls ownership percentages from NFBC, which is a two-catcher format. That means I should likely pull catchers from a different source for roster percentages. Like Carter Jensen might be available in single catcher leagues. You ever wake up in the morning and think, “I’d sure like to read a 500-word screed about catchers’ ownership numbers.” You’re in luck!

Sean Keys – Was called up by the Jays. Looks like a late-breakout guy who had 21 HRs in the minors this year. Yes, that’s a lot, since we’re barely halfway through the season. He looks remarkably similar to the guy he’s filling in for, Addison Barger. Call him Add-another Barger. Worth a flyer in deeper mixed leagues to see if he can carve out some time, and keep banging homers.

Josh Bell – As we turn towards July and the yearly trade deadline, Bell is stepping  up his game to get traded. Josh Bell, the world’s biggest fan of temporary housing. “I just love a barely used microwave.” That’s Josh Bell.

Nolan Schanuel – Hit a couple of homers in the last week, and that’s basically his best week ever. Here’s to one more of them best weeks ever!

Jared Triolo – I originally thought about anyone actually picking up Triolo and I had a Triolol.

Donovan Walton – This guy reminded me, what happened to Brendan Donovan? Is BDon in another country–Wait a second! Is there only one BDon and not the previously assumed two? Any hoo! Walton is a never-was-good, 32-year-old and how do the Angels find these guys? He is currently hitting, though.

Andres Gimenez – I’m fascinated by the 8th day trapdoor on the 7-day Player Rater. It’s this unseen bottomless pit that players fall in when they have one big game, and that moves to eight days ago. For unstints, Colt Keith was at the top of the 2nd basemen for the last seven days, then his three-homer game moved to the 8th day and he plummeted. I bring this up because And-Gim had a three-steal game, and when that moves to eight days ago, he will likely plummet. If only the Beatles had a week-long Player Rater.

Nick Loftin – To you, this is Nick I. B. Loftin.

Denzer Guzman – Unlike a lot of Angels players, Denzer could be decent (12/9/.336 in Triple-A as a 22-year-old). Denzer also sounds like what my dad calls the similarly-sounding movie star.

Cooper Pratt – Here’s what I said when he was called up, “Well, I said they’d call up a prospect who they gave a multi-year deal too, only I said Lara, not Pratt. Lara? Pratt? Where’s Heidi and LC? Writing Pratt in my FAAB bids like I’m voting for LA Mayor. Finally, someone in LA who wants publicity! Lara will be up soon, because they only got rid of Joey Ortiz with Pratt; they still have Garrett Mitchell sucking the suckwagon. Pratt’s MiLB stats: 6/17/.244 and a 14.3 K% and 13.2 BB%. So, they basically have another Brice Turang. Actually, I said that for Lara too. So, they have three Turangs. Holy crap, it’s Multiplicity! I’d grab Pratt in any league, but I’d only rely on him for speed, and occasional homer, since he couldn’t even hit for a decent average in Triple-A.” And that’s me quoting me!

Masyn Winn – Not that long ago, I wrote a Winn sleeper post. It was two years ago, and I should really stop mentioning it. It doesn’t cover me in glory. “Like Denzer?” That’s my Dad.

Ryan Kreidler – Kriedler, Kriedler, Kriedler, he was made to play (when you lost your MI and you’re struggling to find a hot bat).

Anthony Volpe – He’s been shockingly decent since his return. More level approach and hitting well (for him). That has reduced his power, but might be more usable. (I’m couching with ‘might’ because it’s still early.)

Caleb Durbin – “Who needs Vlad Jr.? I have Caleb Durbin,” I say in a voice that would indicate to most I need a mood stabilizer.

Trevor Larnach – Appizzarently, the Twins had a whopper of a nice schedule recently. The fire might be lit under them though. Larnach knows it’s hit or sell St. Augustine real estate with Kirilloff.

Esteury Ruiz – He’s on pace for a 15/40 season. I will no bang my head against a wall imagining Tatis’s face on that wall.

Lawrence Butler – Didn’t know he was from Jersey. I now have fonder feelings for Butler. I don’t have a Fonder Feelings category in any of my leagues though, so this is still about how he’s actually hitting well in June.

Owen Caissie – It’s too bad he can’t figure out contact, because he could be a 35-plus homer hitter with more contact. Now, he’s likely a 20-homer, .190 hitter.

Samad Taylor – Could sense no one wanted Samad after my Samad Taylor fantasy, and that’s okay, y’all bunch of haters. I can deal with haters! I drink Haterade!

Isaac Collins – Between Caratini and Isaac Collins, we getting drunk this week! “Two splashes of gin, and one ‘person too drunk to remember what The Love Boat bartender’s name was.'”

Taj Bradley – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to the Apple Store.

Michael Wacha – This is also a Streamonator call. “I was chatting with someone in your laptop section who was so helpful. Their name? MacBook Pro. I believe they were light blue.”

Jacob Webb – People who are like Webb can’t be the closer because he sucks. Well, yeah, I guess, but someone is going to get saves and I don’t think Palencia is going to be back for a while because: Guy with insanely violent delivery, who relies on power pitches, can’t get healthy.

Kevin Ginkel – Not sure if Sewald is out, but the tide is rising. See what I did there? I’m not sure either, to be honest.

Grant Taylor – Let’s face some facts here, Seranthony hasn’t been good since Hannibal. The pitcher and the actor.

Pierce Johnson – Tony Santillan hit the IL with an oblique, and Emilio Pagan is due back soon (he should be picked up first if available). That leaves us in Claire’s in the mall asking about a Pierce Johnson and having security wrestle us to the ground.  This could also be Tejay Antone and Brock Burke. I’d look in that order. It could be Tejay, Pierce then Brock, though, i.e., I’d bet on a righty vs. a lefty.

Yennier Cano – Not a great week for SAGNOF this week, but it’s likely the calm right before the storm, which is multiple teams sending their closer to different teams and turning to Will Vest. I mean, if they can trade Kenley for anything, you don’t think the Tigers will? Come on. Any hoo! Cano has been solid, and Helsley has looked iffy, but this is more of a middle relief pickup. So, even if Helsley is healthy, Cano’s worth adding.

SELL