Cal Was Raleigh Good But Dominic Was In Canzone

You ever hear the song Cake By The Ocean and, before ever chorus break, you shout out to the people around you, “This is about Cal Raleigh?” No? Guess we’re not the same. Yesterday, Cal Raleigh went 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs with his 55th and 56th homer. I said the other day, I’d bet Schwarber would reach 60 homers and not Cal, but I shouldn’t bet after betting Dom Smith would lead the majors in homers in 2023. I should be outlawed from Vegas. Cal Raleigh passed Mickey Mantle for the most homers in a single season by a switch-hitter and tied Ken Griffey Jr. for the most homers by the Mariners. A truly goofy year from the man with the back porch the size of the old guy’s house from Country Time Lemonade commercials. His 2nd home run and one of Carter Jensen’s homers (will get to that after the “Anyway”) made me think one thing specifically: Conspiracy Theory Alert! A guy gets near a milestone and MLB feeds bouncy balls into the game balls where he’s playing. Cal seemed to barely hit that 2nd homer, and it flew. Also, in this game, and the actual star, Dominic Canzone went 5-for-5, 4 runs, 4 RBIs with his 8th, 9th and 10th homer. Canzone hitting three homers in a game and they’re not feeding the M’s bouncy balls for Raleigh? Okay. You hit three homers in a game and you’re an automatic hot schmotato. Also, Cal and Canzone homered in the same game?…[scribbles on window like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, eyes widen dramatically]…Calzone? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Michael Wacha – 2 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.79, as he was activated from the IL, and I wish he wasn’t so let’s move on, I’m trying to stay upbeat.

Carter Jensen – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd major league homer. As I said, more or less, when he was first called up, he’s a catcher on a team with Sal Perez, so how much will he play? And that’s me vaguely paraphrasing me with a rhetorical question!

Jurickson Profar – 2-for-7, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. The Jurickson store is out of you (that one baseball)!

Matt Olson – 3-for-10, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 27th homer, and 4th straight games with a homer at the time of his homer, but since it was a doubleheader [raspberries lips]. I will say the one good thing with Olson is he plays every day. Does it take away anything from Olson that Hunter Goodman has more homers in roughly 20 less games? You decide! They have around the same number of RBIs if that helps you decide.

Jose Suarez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.51 in his 1st start of the season. I opened his minor league stats page and the pinwheel of death came up, browser asked if I wanted to keep loading his stats from 2015, and, before I could answer, my browser crashed.

Chris Sale – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.35. He was going against the Nats who actually fielded their A lineup, i.e., James Wood and CJ Abrams were out of it.

MacKenzie Gore – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.00. Don’t you dare tempt me with a good time!

Bo Bichette – His season is over with a PCL sprain. Dr. BDon said he must be shut down, and Dr. MarmosDad said Bichette was fine to return, but Dr. BDon won the thumb wrestling match.

Nathan Lukes – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. Have him in my RCL league, and I just opened his player page and he hadn’t homered since August 5th and I am truly wondering what I was thinking having him in my RCL league. Not a good year for me in that league. Prolly my worst RCL year. Sometimes you get the bull and sometimes you get the crap.

Ryan Pepiot – 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.77. Kinda cool when pitchers are like, “Y’all’s season ends next week, but I’m quitting for the year five minutes before first pitch.”

Brandon Lowe – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 29th homer. He hit nine homers in August, seven homers in May and June, and I’m not sure he did one single thing in September, July and April.

Eury Perez – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.40. Rockies play in the perfect stadium because they are the ultimate Hold My Beer team. “Eury Perez has hit a wall and doesn’t look good anymore?” Hold my beer.

Mickey Moniak – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, and 3rd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!

Yordan Alvarez – His season is over and I have no idea where I’d draft him next year, but it won’t be anywhere near where he went this year. He might be the guy that falls the furthest from the top 20, battling Duran, Betts and Bryce Harper for that distinction. My guess is Yordan will be a top 50 pick, just in front of Betts and Bryce, and roughly same area as Duran. Unlike Mookie and Bryce, this from Yordan feels more fluky vs. a sign of things to come, and Duran just feels like he was assessed wrong, and deserves to be around 50 overall. Any hoo! Just some early 2026 thoughts.

Wyatt Langford – 0-for-4, and his 20th steal, hitting .243. He’s the youngest Rangers to ever record a 20/20 season. Gyatt Langford!

Cody Freeman – 1-for-3 and a slam (3) and legs (1). Ooh! A late entry for the most random slam & legs! I think we might have a winner! Sorry, Kyle Isbel.

Jordan Westburg – 0-for-3, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Westburg had a sophomore season about as good as everything Kevin Smith did after Clerks (not a fan, sorry).

Samuel Basallo – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. If you wanna see a goofy home run, enjoy:

FORE ? pic.twitter.com/Rx7l8d3YvI

— Baltimore Orioles (@Orioles) September 17, 2025

Dylan Beavers – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Two dongs for Beavers and–what was I saying? I got distracted.

Kyle Teel – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .281. Like a total idiot, I’m gonna be drafting Teel and Colson aggressively next year. I don’t even care it’s the White Sox, which is why I’m an idiot.

Shane Smith – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.06. Effin’ John Doe-sounding-ass name, way to explode at the worst possible time.

Wilmer Flores – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer. And there goes any hope for Eldridge’s at-bats.

Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5/12. Terrible pitcher pitches terribly? Shocked face.

Shohei Ohtani – 5 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.29, 2-for-5 and his 50th homer. He threw a no-hitter that the Dodgers’ pen immediately gave up with their lead. If the Dodgers are going to make a run for a repeat, they’re gonna need to score 15 runs game.

Max Kepler – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer, and 2nd homer in a week. Could be a little schmotato. Same goes for Brandon Marsh (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) who also homered, his 11th, as he makes a run for the most predictably 12-homer hitter in baseball.

Andrew Abbott – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.88. Honestly, I can’t get mad at him. He’s fumes and good vibes at this point. You did your best for my teams, Abbott. I blame everyone else.

Thomas Saggese – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and has been a hot schmotato going back about a week. Writing on the chalkboard repeatedly like Bart Simpson, “Don’t get excited about Cardinals hitting prospects…”

Michael McGreevy – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.08. That was the longest shutout of his career. McGroovy McGreevy. Still would use the Streamonator for him.

Michael Busch – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 29th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, 3rd homer in four games. Nerd screaming, “We’ve got Busch!”

Cade Horton – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.66. In the 2nd half, Horton went 58 1/3 IP, 52 Ks, 0.93 ERA, 0.79 WHIP. Jake Arrieta is the only other Cubs starter since 1920 to have a 11-start stretch allowing six ER or fewer. Gonna be a hard guy to get invested in next year. His peripherals don’t back up his ERA at all, and Saberhagenmetrics. Don’t believe in Saberhagenmetrics? Okay, then you don’t believe in math.

Brad Keller – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.16, and his 3rd save, and 2nd straight game with a save and I am slowly, annoyingly shaking my head. C’mon, Cubs, just choose one guy! I don’t care who it is.

Paul Skenes – 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.03. Welp, give the Cy Young to Brandon Pfaadt!

Michael King – 3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.84. If it’s any consolation, he was nearly out of the 1st inning, limiting the damage, but–This isn’t helping, is it? I didn’t think so.

Jackson Merrill – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer, and 3rd homer in three games. Nice, getting hot just in time for the playoffs and making people who checked out for fantasy football intrigued for next year. Very cool. Enjoy!

Jake Cronenworth – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer. For what it’s Cronenworth, Jake was in the bottom ten for hitting with 470 plate appearances or more on the Player Rater. Who’s the worst overall? Any guesses? He has 550+ plate appearances of the most dreadful PAs you’ve ever seen.

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 35th homer. Albombso!

Cedric Mullins – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer. As someone who “won” him in my NL-Only leagues when he switched leagues, I believe this was the first time Mullins got a hit as a Met.

Francisco Lindor – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 27th homer. Last year he fell one steal short of a 30/30 season. This year? He’s already got the 30 steals, so we’ll see. Or not! Your call!

Brett Baty – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. He’s had two solid months; two mediocre months and he’s in the middle of one of the latter.

Gleyber Torres – 1-for-5, 2 runs and his 16th homer. I was looking at his stats right as I was sipping my Guava La Croix seltzer, and I did a spit take. Any guesses why the spit take? Gleyber hit 38 homers in 2019! That 2019 ball was bouncier than Morgana.

Spencer Torkelson – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 29th homer. Wonder how come Torkelson gets to face everyone, but Kerry Carpenter (1-for-1, 26th homer) is in a forever platoon.

Joey Cantillo – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Keep dropping Cantillo and picking him up right before his next start and it hasn’t burnt me yet.

Zach Neto – Hit the IL, which ends his season at 26/26 in only 128 games. Neto will be drafted too high for a sleeper post next year, but also Neto won’t be a top 25 player drafted next year, but should be. Zachary Underdrafted, as his Netflix special would be titled.

Denzer Guzman – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Denzer sounds like what my mom calls Spike Lee’s favorite collaborator. BDon and I go over Denzer in this week’s pod, short of it is: Seems like he will struggle, but guys come up and hit for no reason.

Christian Moore – 1-for-2 and his 6th homer, hitting .197. Speaking of Angels prospects (I was with Denzer), Moore so clearly could use some help from actual coaches.

Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.65. That’s his season-high in Ks. Hadn’t realized he wasn’t striking out guys like past seasons, and I roster him in leagues. Just wasn’t paying attention since he was doing so well with ratios. I wonder if the Brewers coached him to forgo Ks and go for weak contact instead. They’re such a good team for pitching, it wouldn’t shock me.

Christian Yelich – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 29th homer and now has 99 RBIs. You should get a bonus five homers and 10 RBIs if you land exactly on 100 RBIs with your 30th homer. Is that too Savannah Banana-coded?

Connelly Early – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.87. Give him the Cy Young! Was hesitant about suggesting people aggressively start him yesterday, because you don’t want to get a roofie in the finals of your H2H, so Michael King was safe? The world’s longest oof.

Trevor Story – 3-for-4 and his 29th and 30th steal, hitting .265. He has zero caught stealings this year. Sincerely, that’s nutty.

Jeffrey Springs – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.17. Streamonator has him going against the Pirates for his next start, which sounds fine, but he was just pulled at 68 pitches, so I don’t know if A’s are backing off him and SON wouldn’t know that either.

Zebby Matthews – 3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 5.97. Zeb’s dead, baby, Zeb’s dead.

James Outman – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in three–Forget it, Baldelli only plays him twice a week. Baldelli is the worst.

Trevor Larnach – 1-for-2, 2 runs and a slam (17) and legs (4), hitting .254, as he hits third. He also has at-bats from the 5 hole (16), 6 hole (19), 7 hole (16), 8 hole (12) and 9 hole (7). Totally normal stuff from Baldelli to hit his three-hole hitter everywhere in the order.

Ryan Fitzgerald – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. He homered on September 9th, and had one at-bat since then before this game. Baldelli brilliance, Baldrilliance.

Cam Schlittler – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.41. Godwin’s Law states Schlittler’s gonna Schlit the bed.

Trent Grisham – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer. Yanks have 150 homers out of the leadoff slot this year. Don’t google it.

Anthony Volpe – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .208, as he returned to the lineup. Whew! Nice! Love it! Smart stuff! Great move! HAHA! Yes! [walks into the ocean]