A Rave Review

Who is John Rave? And why does that sound like the tagline for an action movie? Keanu is John Rave. Keanu means Cool Breeze. Keanu is John Rave. Therefore, John Rave means Cool Breeze. No relation to The Freeze from Braves games. And where have you taken his daughter?! So, yesterday, John Rave went 2-for-4, 3 runs with his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in three games. [licks fingers] Nomnomnomnom, yummy schmotatoes coming out of the break. But wait, there’s more! John Rave is a plus-plus-plus speed guy with some power.  John Keanu Rave seems like yet another guy who’s development was hampered by 2020 shutdown, and he has done nothing but hit in the minors. This year alone: 9/17/.301 in only 44 games. He’s capable of 30 steals in the half, and seems headed for ten homers. Maybe he could even move up to leadoff if the Royals sell pieces at the deadline. I’m getting goosed up! Excited even! Want to grab a glowstick, some herbal ecstasy, spin out in my head and watch Keanu as John Rave. Cool…breeze. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Rich Hill – Promoted by the Royals. That’s right, “Dick Mountain will be joining the Royals,” which is also what Prince Andrew says when he enters Buckingham Palace.

Salvador Perez – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 16th and 17th homer, and four homers in three games. Sal P. is the Putting Cheese On It King!

Jac Caglianone – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 5th homer. Get the home run, leave the Caglianone.

Noah Cameron – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.61. This was an awful matchup vs. the 1927 Cubs, and he still performed admirably. His next one isn’t loved by the Streamonator, but I could see it.

Matt Shaw – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Carson Kelly – 3-for-4 and his 13th homer. Cubs are so incredibly fortunate this year that Carson Kelly is hitting .270 with 13 homers. He’s a 10-homer, .220 hitter! Ridiculous.

Denzel Clarke – Hit the IL with a Grade 2 adductor strain. A’s pitchers homers allowed will go up 3%.

Jacob Lopez – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.60. The final crushing blow in the 5th inning was a homer he allowed to Helman. That’s mayo-slaughter.

Nick Kurtz – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 19th homer. Kurtz so good! C’mon, baby, make it Kurtz so good!

Josh Jung – 2-for-2, 3 runs and his 9th homer, as he was recalled. He spent almost three weeks in Triple-A and hit .205 down there, so, yeah, he’s fixed. Good stuff. The home run yesterday is encouraging, but I didn’t run out to add him. (I added Shaw, instead.)

Michael Helman – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, as he hit leadoff. The mayo-slaughterer. I streamed Lopez (not because of Streamonator but because I’m a moron) and said like The Dude, “What the Helman!?”

Jack Leiter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 4.27. I’m officially out on Leiter (and Kumar) until the Rangers can prove to me they can develop one single pitcher (or kind of any hitter).

Chris Martin – Hit the IL with a calf strain. What an up and down week for Coldplay.

Jarren Duran – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, a leadoff shot. Not even sure how the ball got out. Looked like he barely hit it. Thinking we’re going to have the most inflated home run surge we’ve ever seen in the 2nd half of the year. Yes, I’m predicting that based off one homer.

Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.39. And one of those earned runs was on a “I swear to God, Duran’s homer looked like a 2019 juiced ball jobber.”

Walker Buehler – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.72. Is it me (it is me) or does every pitcher have an ERA under-3 or above-5? Can anyone just be normal? Any hoo! Buehler Buehler Buehler looks busted busted busted. Not good, not good, not good.

Tanner Bibee – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.27. It’s crazy how this is viewed as a Quality Start. Nay, as Fonzie’s horse said, this was an excellent start for Bibee, because, when he was one inning in, down three runs, it seemed like he was droppable in shallower leagues. Went from droppable to “Meh, I guess that was solid.” The seesaw of fantasy life in one see and/or saw.

Jose Ramirez – 1-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer, hitting .294. Trying to think of the most reliable players of the last decade and I have two 3rd basemen in mind. Jo-Jo-Ram and rhymes with Fanny Rachado.

Bo Naylor – 2-for-5 and his 10th homer. Wanna guess why you haven’t heard much about Naylor this year? Can you guess his batting average? If you said .175, you’re too high.

Kyle Manzardo – 2-for-3 and his 16th homer, hitting .219. Sonavabench! I have one Draft Champions league where I need multiple outfielders, and I have too many corner men so Manzardo’s sonavabenched me roughly 15 out of 16 times this year. Cool story, bro, I know.

Ramon Laureano – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer. He has more homers than Grounder Henderson. [throws computer out window, hits Gunnar in the oblique and knocks him out for another month] Finally, good news!

Eury Perez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.23. BDon and I go over Eury Perez on this week’s podcast. I mention him and Joe Boyle in a very favorable way already thinking about 2026.

Kyle Stowers – 1-for-4 and his 22nd homer. He has the best OPS in history in July for the Marlins. I know, I know, goofy-ass caveats. Like, “Who’s the most handsome fantasy baseball blogger at Razzball after Marmos Dad?” It’s the caveats that make it me! Fair enough, but behind him on that list is Everywhere Blair, JKJ, Jakkers–Sorry! I meant behind Stowers on the Marlins list was Hanley, Preston Wilson and Cliff Floyd. Not a slouch list. Neither list!

Kevin Gausman – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.01. I no longer remember why I hated him in the 1st half. It’s like I’ve been mind-erased. [opens his player page, sees 2024] God damn it! Now I remember! In all fairness, he’s pitching a tad better this year with worse ERA results. Lowercase yay!

Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. That’s in 25 games. Giancarlo could wake up (ask why I’m hiding in his nearby hamper) and hit 25 homers prorated.

Brandon Lowe – Returned from the IL on Friday to be removed on Saturday with plantar fasciitis and not play since. Just go back to the IL, man, there’s no harm in that, just stop peeing on my leg and calling it asparagus water.

Shane Baz – 4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 4.66. I’ve been Bazung! Put him on Opener duty for Joe Boyle!

Yandy Diaz – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer. That’s sixteen times he remembered to Launch Angle.

Miguel Vargas – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Yesterday, I said, “Looked pretty hard at him for a schmotato, and I didn’t really see it, but it’s hard to find hot bats with only three games played this week, so, yeah, I don’t know.” And that’s me quoting me! Today, I’m saying, yes, schmotato.

Kodai Senga – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 1.79. I just chuckled looking at his ERA. He has to regress for, like, two months to get close to the ERA he should have. And maybe he will!

Brett Baty – 1-for-3, 2 runs,. 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Sigh, fine, hot schmotato alert!

Logan O’Hoppe – 2-for-4 and a slam (18) and legs (2). That makes Logan’s owners O’Happy.

Hayden Birdsong – 0 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.80. He’s a lost cause. He should start over as Hayden X.

Willy Adames – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, 3rd homer in three games, and a triple short of the cycle. If Adames was dropped, then swing back your cape and catch her! Ya know, like A-dames, like multiple Judi Denches, like English ladies fainting. No? Okay.

Jack Flaherty – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.77, and out at 78 pitches, because he was working with Vegas. Check the flight logs! I mean, betting slips! Check something!

Paul Skenes – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.91. Pirates announced they’re going to be shortening outings for Skenes. Maybe the end of that quote got cut off and they said they’re going to be shortening outings of Skenes’s opponents. Hmm.

Jake Irvin – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.81. But he’s supposed to be good at home! The absolute worst feeling in the world is when a pitcher, who has a two-start week, sucks in the supposedly better 1st start. Dead Man Walking-esque feeling.

Josh Bell – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 12th homer. “Bell is a trade target for contenders.” I copied and pasted that from 2021, 2022, 2023 and 2024.

Brady Singer – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.84. So, what you’re saying is this week’s H2H matchup is already FUBAR’d. I see, I see. Thanks for the clarification!

Brandon Woodruff – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.65. More people should have potential-career-ending shoulder surgery, huh?

George Kirby – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.65. He went against the Andrew Vaughn-led Brewers, so what can do?

Byron Buxton – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 23rd homer. I kinda feel sorry for the people who will draft him in the top 100 next year. Kinda. Not fully.

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 35th homer, but he also threw 3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.50, but he DHs so, bleh, whatever. Play the field some time!

Will Smith – 2-for-4, and his 13th and 14th homer, hitting .326. Just don’t mention his wife’s alopecia.

Andy Pages – 1-for-3 and his 18th homer, hitting .282. He’s hitting 7th and Mookie (1-for-3, 1 run, hitting .241) is at leadoff and Conforto (1-for-3, hitting .185) is in front of Pages in the six-hole, because Dave Roberts hit his head.

Michael McGreevy – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 3.81. If this start was anywhere but vs. the Rockies, and he had more than one strikeout, I would be a bit more excited. McGreevy’s command is excellent. Like, excellent excellent — it’s currently at 0.95 BB/9, but his 5.4 K/9 is so bleh. It’s a small sample of 28 1/3 IP, but this is what the projections think he will do, so it’s not like it’s not indicative. I guess Streamonator, but I’m not sure I’d even do that outside of NL-Only.

Brice Matthews – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. BDon and I go over Brice at length in this week’s pod. Tune in, suckers! Also, when he was called up I gave you my Brice Matthews fantasy.

Zac Gallen – 6 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.58. Wonder if he could be fixed with a trade. I doubt it, but I’m not sure he can get better where he is now, either.

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-4 and his 36th homer, 5th homer since the break. Eugenio wants out of Arizona more than that girl wanted out of the room in the movie, The Room.