Bellinger Rings Out Three Ding Dongs

Cody Bellinger got his sweet, sweet revenge Friday night against the Cubs team that traded him for scraps and salary cap relief, delivering a huge three home run night with six runs batted in and an aura score off the charts! I guess he took that personally. Have a day, Belli! What the Belli! What the Belli-ante, ROB49! Like an Indonesian boat race kid, Cody was doing some serious aura-farming Friday night, starting things off early in the third inning with a 2-run shot, and ripped this one harder than his four foot bong. His second was another two-run bomb in the fifth to put the Yanks up five. Finally, he capped his incredible night with ANOTHER 2-run belli-bomb in the 8th for his third of the day and 16th jack of the season. Even crazier was he was robbed by his replacement Kyle Tucker in the seventh of what could have been a really historic four homer night. We won’t hold that against him. Bellinger is batting .500 over the past week with the three homers, nine runs scored, and nine RBI, and is in the midst of a 16-game hitting streak. After struggling out the gate, slashing just .182/.270/.318 in April, he quickly heated up with the weather slashing .302/.343/.510 in June and .395/.409/.721 in July. He has eight home runs and a .939 OPS since June 1st, and not for nothing, his 3.0 fWAR is top 25 in the league and higher than Juan Soto’s (for only about $20 million less). Cody has clearly found a home in the NYC, receiving a curtain call *happy tears* from the Bronx faithful. He’s on track to surpass his 2024 totals for home runs, steals, and batting average, and he couldbe  poised for a special second half. He’s dialed in, he’s on fire, and those of us who had dreams of Bellinger’s swing being custom built for Yankee stadium are having our wildest Belli dreams come true. That deserves a victory bong rip, Cody!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Carlos Rodon – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 8 K, 10th win, ERA at 3.08. This was his longest start as a member of the Yankees, and Car-Ro went vroom vroom! He was assisted by some spectacular defense, including a PCA home run robbery, but overall Rodon dominated Cubs hitters with his sliders en route to his 10th win. He’s really only had two bad starts all year. Send this man to the All-Star Game!

Jasson Dominguez – 2-for-5, 2 runs. Is it just me, or is Jasson leading off a revelation for anyone else? The slash jumps to .339/.435/.525 when he’s leading off with a .960 OPS. Or maybe that’s just cause he’s playing. How do we make this a thing, Mr. Manager? Can we make this a thing!?

Angel Martinez – 3-for-8, HR (8). Went back-2-back with Daniel Schneemann. How do you talk to an Angel? Ask him about his eight game hitting streak, and how he’s homered on three straight days. What the helli-lujah!

Luis Robert Jr. – 1-for-3, HR (9), 2 RBI, slashing .187/.272/.323. After peeping LouBob’s slash, I had to run to my 10th grade chemistry lab and use the emergency eyewash station, it still burns a bit, but it got me thinking, how different has Robert’s season from Oneil Cruz, who is very much a fantasy asset, despite a similarly eye melting slash of .208/.315/.413? More power, more speed, and about 20 more runs scored is the answer, but as a Cruz owner, it’s closer than I’d like.

Edward Cabrera – 4.0 IP, 8 hits, 4 ER, 6 K. Left the game with “elbow discomfort” which sounds really bad, but he downplayed it in a post game press conference as “fatigue,” and Mr. Manager is optimistic. Still not what you want to hear from a name being mentioned in plenty of trade talks. Whenever the word “elbow” is mentioned, my face turns white like the ghost of Jonny Venters elbow. Can’t they just say, “My arm was sore.”

Dean Kremer – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K, 8th win. That’s gold, Jerry! Kremer pitched an absolute gem, and he’s got a 2.17 ERA over his past five starts with a 27/6 K/BB ratio with three wins. He’s out there, Jerry, and he’s loving every minute of it!

Jordan Westburg – 3-for-4, 3 runs, RBI. He was testing my patience nursing that finger injury while avoiding the IL but he’s now hit safely in seven straight games, even if there was a five game gap between them. He’s homered in three of his last seven games as well and has got a 1.022 OPS since coming off the IL in early June. Not only does he look like the best player on this team (sorry, Grounder Henderson) but it’s starting to look like we can’t stream against the O’s anymore either.

Otto Lopez – 2-for-4, HR (10), 2 RBI. Otto is Blotto, used to be my wifi password!

Ryan McMahon – 3-for-4, HR (13), 2 RBI. I know I’m a few weeks late on this but did you see the gathering of Ryans at Coors? As bad as the Rox have been that stadium always seems packed. Tickets are either extremely cheap, or maybe its just a cool place to drink a beer in July.

German Marquez – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 3 BB, 8 K. Danke schön, German! Don’t look now, but Marquez now has allowed three earned runs or fewer in six straight road starts! Rocky road is one of my favorite flavors after all. I asked a non-internet frand of mine from Denver to give me his greatest Rockies starting pitchers of all times, and quite frankly, it’s really depressing. I’m not saying German Marquez is number one or anything, but he’s definitely probably top five.

Chase Burns – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 10 K. C. Montgomery Burns was excellent…*with steepling fingers* The kind of performance that makes you want to release the hounds, i.e., someone let the dogs out. Burns baby Burns gave up the home run to the King of the the Ryans and then retired nine of the last 10 batters. The batter 10th batter who singled? A Ryan. Ryan Ritter of course. Ryan argh! His only weakness! Burns has had his ups and downs through his first four starts but the stuff is undeniably filthy. 25 strikeouts in 16 innings? 14.06 K/9? He’s wilder than Skenes and the Miz, but I like ’em wild. He needs to be owned everywhere.

Noelvi Marte – 2-for-3, HR (5). Noelvi Scottie Scheffler’d this one into the seats! He’s looks mostly very good since returning from the IL. The Reds seem to be coddling him, as he’s been exiting games early and the second I tell you to grab him he could get hurt again, but the .295/.344/.545 slash with 11 extra base hits (ELEVEN) in just 26 games speaks for itself.

Victor Vodnik – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, BB, 3 K, SV (2). Victor Vodnik sounds like a supervillain, not just because he destroys your ratios and plays for the Rox, but mostly it’s because his name is Victor. It just sounds evil, sorry. Watch out, if he can deliver a one-liner James Gunn might cast him in his next film. Seth Halvorsen is the supposed closer in Denver, but gave up two homers at Fenway on Wednesday and Vodnik ran away with the job last summer. If you’re looking to this bullpen for saves I think you have bigger issues you need to address first. Like, are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone? I hear ChatGPT can be super supportive.

Tarik Skubal – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 4 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 3rd L. His first loss since April 1! And just the fourth time he’s allowed more than 3 ER in the start this year. And this guy’s supposedly an All-Star?

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-5, 2 HR (38), 5 RBI, slashing .264/.377/.645. Big Dumper did what he’s done all season: he took some big dumps into the seats! First, this cute wittle baby bomb to give the M’s a two run lead, followed by this monstrous grand salami in the ninth to put the game out of reach. His third grand slam of the year and that puts him on a 65 home run pace. He’s one jack away from tying Barry Bonds record of most home runs before the break, and Bonds was allegedly on steroids (I don’t know if you heard). Aaron Judge’s batting average and slugging percentage is still about 100 points higher than Cal’s, his bWAR is about two points higher and if we’re being honest, Judge’s butt is just as big, if not bigger, but most of that is height and Raleigh is clearly still in the MVP conversation. To do all of this from the catcher position is quite remarkable. If it’s not clocking to you, Beliebers, Cal is standing on business.

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (12). It’s time for Julio to start heating up in July, right? Or should I say, en Julio?

Zach McKinstry – 1-for-2, 2 SB (15). He was a BUY. But I’m already sold, he’s hitting .350 in the past two weeks with 10 runs, three homers and 6 steals. You don’t have to steal bases to convince me. But also don’t stop.

Christian Yelich – 1-for-3, HR (19), 2 RBI. Bless you, Christian, the Brew Crew won their fifth game in a row behind Yeli’s 2-run blast! What the Yeli-ante!

Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-4, HR (7). I suppose if anyone can fix him, of course, the Brewers maybe possible can. What are they putting in that [culture]!?

Quinn Priester – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 7th win. Team’s should trade their struggling starters to Milwaukee mid-season so they can be “fixed” and then returned right before the trade deadline.

Paul Skenes – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 6 K, 8th L. Livvy’s boyfriend hasn’t notched a dub since May 28th, and he’s given up nine runs since then through eight starts with a 54/12 K/BB. Again, this guy’s supposed to be an all-star? He’s also throwing fewer pitches in each game which means the Pirates being so terrible is starting to influence the starter’s effectiveness for fantasy. And I will not stand for that! Make him a Dodgers already! (Note: I ran this post through ChatGPT for typos and got this back: That likely means “nine earned runs”, but if it’s literally nine runs total, might want to clarify because that’s… very good?) It sure is, robot. It sure is.

Joe Ryan – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 9th win. Joe and his 2.72 ERA has been a popular name in trade rumors, and oh boy, what I wouldn’t give up for my team to get this guy. But, wait, not him. Don’t trade him I like that guy.

Grant Holmes – 3.0 IP, 9 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, K. Regression fairies aren’t happy with the Superman reboot. They think only Zack Snyder has the finesse to handle the man of steel, prefer cats, believe Brandon Routh was the best Superman of all time, and they will destroy your ratios.

Ronald Acuña Jr. – 3-for-5, run, RBI, 1.041 OPS. Apparently, he’s been struggling, and his two homer game snapped him out of it? You call that struggling? You could have fooled me. I own Grounder Henderson.

Austin Riley – 1-for-2, run, RBI left game with lower abdomen tightness and will head to the IL. Luke Williams should get most of the reps at third, and they’re basically the same player.

Sean Murphy – 3-for-5, 2 HR (15), 3 RBI. He’s another popular name in trade rumors, so of course, he goes off for two bombs, including this shot. That’s Murphy’s law.

Wyatt Langford – 4-for-5, HR (15), 2 RBI. The post-post-post (just three posts) hype sleeper appeal is real. Check out the bomb with the very demure and mindful bat flip as well. He’s hitting .385 since returning from the IL with 2 homers and 3 steals, and considering everyone picked the Rangers to win the division, I don’t think anyone would be surprised with a Langford break out. Make it happen, beisbol gods!

Adolis Garcia – 2-for-5, HR (12). Bro is a free agent in some of my leagues. Can you believe that? He hit 40 homers two years ago, and he’s got three homers and 15 RBI in the past two weeks. Might be time to pay attention again.

Victor Caratini – 1-for-3, HR (1), 2 RBI. He was a BUY! He won’t keep the rabbits off your lawn, but he’ll do wonders for your eyesight, and he’s got two homers in the past week.

Gavin Williams – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 3 ER, 5 BB, 5 K. I’m done trying to make Gavin Williams happen. I chose to start him versus activating Kodai, and oh brother, was that a painful two hours. He gives up homers. His team sucks. He can’t throw strikes. And this was the White Sox. Despite being my dog’s favorite player (five walks!) he’s Gavin me nothing! Over it.

Lenyn Sosa – 2-for-4, 2 HR (9). Contrary to the last blurb, like a good Soviet politician, Lenyn actually loves Gavin Williams.

Jose Ramirez – 1-for-4, HR (18), 2 RBI. The more I talk about how underrated JoRam is the more overrated he becomes. It’s a paradox sort of? That .297/.364/.512 slash with 18 homers and 26 steals, all for a terrible beisbol team? There are few first round picks safer than JoRam.

Ranger Suarez – 6.2 IP, 6 hits, ER, 3 BB, 5 K, ERA at 1.94. You can try to talk me out of it but the Phillies still look like the best team in MLB to me. This is their third/fourth starter! And the other guys are just as good, if not better!

Ryan Bergert – 4.2 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Check out these nasty Ks. We call that a double cheese Bergert. Ryan is a name to know for the second half. He’s battled some injuries and doesn’t seem to have been fully stretched out yet but the 2.84 ERA, 1.14 WHIP and 30/14 K/BB are enough for me to watch him closer than the Love Island finale. Bergert could be the new hottie entering the villa!

Manny Machado – 1-for-3, HR (17). Macho Manny’s third dong in the past week. Oh yeah!

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, HR (30). The Schwarbomb! June is over, but Kyle keeps going. He’s less than 10 hits from 1000, and is Schwarbs a legitable HoF candidate? He’s the only Philly going to the All Star game which seems crazy, like I said above, they seem like the best team in baseball. His 30 bombs is second in the NL only to Shohei Ohtani. Whoever that is!

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-4, HR (12). OK, don’t panic. But I want everyone to calmly stop what they’re doing and contact their loved ones to make sure they’re okay.

Kodai Senga – 4.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. Despite what Kevin tells us, I know we’re not supposed to start pitchers fresh off the IL, but Kodai and his 1.39 ERA against the KC Royals is about a safe a start as it’s gonna get.

Francisco Lindor –  2-for-3, HR (19), 3 RBI. He saved this one for the ninth cause that’s extra swag points, and Lindo knows it. He’s been watching quarterback season 2 with Joe “Cool” Burrow for aura points, and he’s been able to up his rizz quotient by over three sigmas already.

Juan Soto – 1-for-3, 2 runs, HR (22). He saw Lindo doing his best Joe Shiesty impression and was like, well, that one looks like fun, how about this one. Everyone’s favorite soda jerk has 54 RBI and a .910 OPS, but most importantly–not an All-Star. Weally Sowwy! Hopefully, he can deal without the $100K. Only two Bentleys this year.

Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-5, HR (14), 2 RBI. That’s three homers in the past week, including this jack. I’d like Grounder Henderson to take notes, this is how you have a down year, aka sophomore slump. Although BWJ’s slump looks very much over.

Yoan Moncada – 1-for-4, HR (7), 2 RBI. Watch Yo-AN rip! He’d be an interesting trade target if he could stay healthy for more than a week.

Randal Grichuk – 3-for-4, 2 HR (7), 3 RBI. Who needs Corbin Carroll when you got Grichuk blasting two bomb-os! I do, seriously though, I really do, come back soon, CC.

Nick Kurtz – 2-for-3, HR (16), 2 RBI, SB (1). And another one! He’s now homered in two straight and three of his last four. He’s got 11 in his past 24 games! For what it’s Kurtz, he might be the best first baseman in fantasy already. He leads all first baseman in all the stats that matter over the past month and he even stole a base. Kurtz is single-handedly carrying me out of the gutter and deep into the tunnel of love.

Tyler Soderstrom – 2-for-4, HR (17). If I can offer one knock on Nick Kurtz, please don’t tell him, it’s that he’s making his fellow rookies Soderstrom and Jacob Wilson look much less impressive. But we should be impressed by all three! Even when the A’s are trying to tank, they consistently produce talented young studs. A’s all around for this class.

Nathan Lukes – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. He was a BUY and he’s hitting .400 in the past week with a five game hitting streak. He also led off for a team that’s won 29 of the last 40 games. These BJs don’t suck or blow, they’re kind of maybe a wagon, ya’ll!

Max Muncy – 2-for-4, HR (9). Another BUY and another 9th inning homer! Rough night for Jeff Hoffman (1.0 IP, 3 hits, 3 ER, BB, 2 K) in the non-save situation, as for mini Muncy he’s slashing .314/.333/.743 with four homers in July. My boy gets hot when it’s hot!

Max Scherzer – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, BB, 8 K, 1st win. His name is Max. His world is fire and ash. His first win as a BJay and he’s looking fairly useable for fantasy. Vintage even! He could get the Giants next week and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure though!

Dustin May – 4.2 IP, 5 hits, 7 ER, 4 BB, 4 K. Sigh. I hate. So much. The things that you choose to be.

Logan Webb – 5.1 IP, 6 hits, 6 ER, BB, 6 K, 9th win. Six earned runs for the dub! We call that a Dodger win!

Dominic Smith – 1-for-4, HR (2). The Dom Bomb! He’s got as many home runs with the Giants and Devers, and he’s happy to play first base!

Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-4, HR (32). Shohei is doing Brohei things, into McCovey Cove. What would you do for that home run ball? I would happily battle a shark for a Shohei ball. There is no question. No second thought. I am your chum, chums, I’d say to the tiger shark, now give me that baseball I’m swimming to Alcatraz. Let’s see it from another angle because the bat flip itself is shark attack worthy. Joe Burrow watches Shohei clips and takes notes on how to be cooler. And there are few cooler than Joey B.

Hyeseong Kim – 3-for-4, 2 SB (11), slashing .349/.389/.481. If he played on any other team, he’d probably be an all star. But Kiké needs his at bats!

Drew Rasmussen – 2.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, K and Joe Boyle (4.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, K). Mr. Manager Kevin Cash never met a starting pitcher who’s value he couldn’t ruin.

Alex Bregman – 1-for-4. Marcelo Mayer played second. Bregs got a double in his first game back and the Red Sox won their eighth in a row. I’ve been waiting three months to say this but the Red Sox might just be a wagon, ya’ll!

Ceddanne Rafaela – 2-for-4, HR (13), 3 RBI. Down in the bottom of the ninth? Let Rafaela show you how it’s Ceddanne! Walk off to win it! Actual chills! I got goosies ya’ll, and how about that call! Electric! Ceddanne says see ya later beisbol! He knew it too, watch him admiring his work. Joey B, take notes! Also, big shout out to this guy who told him to do it. If only Mr. Manager Cora gave signs like that. Somehow still under the radar, somehow still batting ninth, Rafaela is one of the hottest hitters in all the land, hitting .500 over the past week with four home runs and 12 RBI! Sweet sassy molassy! My boi es en fuego en los verde de Fenway! He’s slashing an incredible .412/.429/.941 with a 1.370 OPS in July. He’s also top 10 in WAR, just below guys named Kyle Tucker, Shohei, and Juan Soto. It’s hard to deny that Boston’s centerfielder’s breakout is a big reason for their recent success and and Rafaela continues to get the job, Ceddanne! And the Fenway fans sing “Oh Ceddanne boy! The hype, the hype is calling!”

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!