Daydream Bieber is a homecoming KEEEEEEN-ing-ing-ing-iiiiing.  If you could’ve heard that in my head, you’d be like, “Damn, Grey’s got some pipes!”  I think I might be tone deaf.  Is there anyway to know for sure?  Because I hear myself and I sound fine, and then I hear Jennifer Hudson and I’m like, “I sound like her in my head.”  Is that tone deaf?   My dog, Ted, is colorblind.  In other words, Ted doesn’t discriminate.  Therefore, maybe tone deaf is the perfect set of ears because it doesn’t discriminate sounds.  Also, do you think my dog translates everything I say into barks?  I’m a curious person probably why I’m off the Mensa scale — or Womensa scale or non-binarysa scale.  Any hoosies!  Shane Bieber threw 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks yesterday and dazzled again, though some of those dazzlers were mixed in with frowny faces — sad-dazzlers?  Sadazzlers?  Frownedazzlers?  Trapped myself into a portmanteau loop and there’s no way out!  I’d use the Stream-o-Nator for his upcoming starts, but for 2019 there’s very little to be pessimistic about with Bieber.  His 9.6 K/9, 1.7 BB/9 and 3.24 xFIP are things of beauty.  If he can do that in 2019, Bieber could easily back himself into a top 40 starter season and a fantasy number three with flashes of two.  I’m down for that even if there’s some frownedazzlers mixed in!  Sadazzlers?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Corey Kluber – Will be skipped this weekend.  The Indians added, “We don’t give a flying f*ck about your H2H playoffs.”

Josh Donaldson – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the DL.  Only took him four months of pulling a Kotchman and he got right back out there.  For our amusement, I went back to the day he was injured and grabbed the Jays’ quote about the injury.  On May 28th, “Donaldson is still working through some tightness in his left calf, though he is fully expected to avoid the disabled list. He could return to action Friday, after Thursday’s scheduled team off day.”  It gets better!  Two days later, “Donaldson expects to return to the Jays when first eligible on Friday.”  Wait, there’s more!  Five days later, “When asked if he’ll be ready to be activated on Friday, Donaldson said, ‘It’s iffy.'”  IFFY!  You could’ve impregnated a female, let that puppy gestate for nine months and named your kid Iffy in the time it took him to return!

Yan Gomes – 2-for-4 and his 14th homer, hitting .259.  Yan Gomes is outperforming Gary Sanchez.  I will now cackle until I wake the dead.

Tyler Glasnow – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.70 on the Rays, but most of that damage came in one start vs. the Jays.  You remember that start, it was when everyone was saying the opposite of what they’re saying about Glasnow now (stutterer!).

Nick Pivetta – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.64.  He is such a bum he got outpitched by Erick Fedde Wop.  I’m convinced Pivetta is an Italian curse worse than the malocchio, but not as bad as pineapple on pizza.

Seranthony Dominguez – 1 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.29.  He tried to close it out for the Phils, but Kapler brought him in the 8th because he likely forgot Tommy Hunter, his other closer, pitched two innings in the day game, because he also likely forgot it was a doubleheader.  Kapler has gone out of his way to make sure the Phils don’t make the playoffs.

Juan Soto – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer.  Stay thirsty, Sexy Dr. Pepper!

Lance McCullers –  Threw a 40-pitch bullpen session.  Not great with so little time left, and less entertaining than a bullpen session thrown after drinking a 40.

Framber Valdez – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.66.  Not sure if he just didn’t have the gas, but real slick, Valdez, way to turn to crude.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-5 and his 12th homer, hitting .318.  Quick, off top of your head, Altuve a top 10 guy next year?  Really?  Hope you’re playing in my leagues.

Tyler White – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .320-ish in last week.  I’d say he’s locked in, but hitters hit ropes, so I’m gonna say he’s roped in.  He’s roped in like Donaldson’s calf by the Indians.

JaCoby Jones – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer.  One less homer than Altuve.  That is all.

Chris Sale – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.96, as he was activated from the DL.  The Red Sox should be wearing Freezy Freakie mittens they’re using such kid gloves on Sale.

Ryan Borucki – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.26.  He performed better than expected in Fenway.  Dot dot dot.  Or the Red Sox are signing autographs for Make-A-Wish kids in the dugout during innings because they don’t need to worry about what’s going on in the game because they clinched four months ago.

Marcus Stroman – Won’t pitch again this year.  If only the Jays said that in March and saved everyone a lot of headaches.  You owe us the cost of this Tylenol!

Jose Quintana – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.97.  Pulling for him to keep his ERA below 4.00 on the year.  Not because I own him, I don’t, but there’s some cognitive dissonance with drafters and seeing a sub-4.00 ERA vs. a 4.01 or greater ERA.  Also, I don’t know what cognitive dissonance means, but you know what I mean, so we’re good.

Hyun-Jin Ryu – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.42.  Ryu seems to be symbolizing the entire Dodgers team.  Just limping to the finish.  If the Dodgers make the playoffs, is there any way they get past the first round?  Any hoo!  Stream-o-Nator likes Ryu’s next start, but Ryu now has two straight mediocre starts (last one was at least unearned runs).  I’m likely holding and rocking him, but I can’t say I’m not a little shook.

Luis Castillo – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.66.  Don’t you dare have a good September and drive up your 2019 draft price.  Don’t you frickin’ dare.

Scott Schebler – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 16th homer, and 3rd homer this week, and hitting near-.333 in the last week.  Hot schmotato alert!

Sonny Gray – 3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 4.99.  Gotta give him points for consistency.  Then remove those points because he’s been consistently awful.

Didi Gregorius – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 23rd homer, and his 1st homer since April.  Kidding, but it does feel that way, right?

Joe Mauer – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .272.  I think CBS could make a case that Mauer is a top 10 bat next year.

Brad Keller – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at…Go ahead guess.  You won’t be within .50 of it.  He has a 3.04 ERA!  Not even Keller saw that coming.

Miles Mikolas – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.99.  Something I haven’t mentioned as much this year.  No, not that I loved Mikolas in the preseason, I’ve mentioned that a bunch, including just now.  I haven’t mentioned how few leagues I drafted him in.  Such a waste of pure prescience.  I’m a fortune teller, but I’m also Jewish, so I’m super neurotic about my visions.  Need to be more gypsy like Polly from Peaky Blinders.

Joe Musgrove – 6 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.87.  Was hoping for better results yesterday from Musgrove, but he gets the Royals next and I see no reason to abandon ship yet, especially not for a Pirate.

Zack Greinke – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.11.  Racist!  Also, I know, sonavabench!  But you couldn’t have started him in Coors.  Matter of fact (Grey’s got more!), he’s on waivers in my RCL.

David Peralta – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (27) and legs (4), hitting .297.  Peralta feels like a 2018 Scooter Gennett.  People will not trust him again next March, and Peralta will continue to do well.

Yoshihisa Hirano – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.88 and his 1st save.  If it took you as long to make an important decision at your job as it took the Diamondbacks to make Hirano the closer, you would be fired.  They would’ve been interviewing fry cook replacements three months ago.  You’d be like, “Hey, who’s that guy frying my taters?”  Hirano should be the closer for the rest of the year, but it also took this long to make him the closer, so we’ll see if the Diamondbacks realize it as quickly.

Jose Fernandez – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer.  Jose Fernandez was a part of a 7-inning no-hitter.  Damn, that makes me sad.  RIP.

Sean Manaea – Will undergo shoulder surgery and will be sidelined through 2019.  Said like Martin Lawrence, “Daaaaaaaamn Manaea!”

Mike Fiers – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.29, as the A’s beat the Birds.  Health class lesson of the day:  The birds and the bees is how a baby is born.  The birds and A’s is how you have sex without getting anyone pregnant.  As for Fiers, Stream-o-Nator likes his next matchup and I could see stop, drop and rolling towards Fiers.

Jonathan Villar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, third homer in the last eight games, hitting near-.450 in the last week.  Sure is good thing the Brewers got rid of Villar!  (And Scooter.)  By the way, I saw the box score listing Villar SS, and I was thought for a second, “That’s why he’s hitting so much, there’s multiple of him.”  I am a stupid person.

Marco Gonzales – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.24, as he was activated from the DL.  He was out close to three weeks with a neck strain.  Hopefully he had that duck insurance.

Johan Camargo – Left with a groin strain.  If he changes his name to Camargoadams, Wade Boggs would gladly help him with that.

Mike Foltynewicz – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.66.  No knock on Faultynewsandwich, but the Giants are so lifeless.

Jose Urena – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.29.  He’s pitched well since he had the entire MLB industrial complex trying to fight him.  If you streamed Urethra, urine luck!

Michael Conforto – 2-for-4 and his 24th homer, and third homer in as many games, and fifth homer in the last eight games, and is one more homer away from getting a lede.  Conforto, you really suck doing this to your 2019 fantasy value.  The Mets don’t care about you, we care about you!

Jacob deGrom – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.71, and set a major league record.  No, not being the best pitcher ever on the worst team ever.  He allowed three or fewer runs for his 26th consecutive start, breaking a record that stood for 108 years by Leslie “King” Cole.  Only thing I can find on him is Cole went by King because he was sick of people saying, “Hey, Leslie, you queen.”

 
  1. Tee Not Air Jags says:
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    NL only, have a bye this week. holds and saves sold separately. have sera anthony, minter, boxy, hand. after having TOO many saves too few holds for a while now it’s going the other way with boxy demoted, the viz back saving shortly probably. hand gets both. sera anthony gets both. drop anybody (clearly boxy at least) for: steck, neshek, venters (TONS of holds), p.baez, lugo, j.miller (but doolittle back so he’s 7th inning now, holland sticks the 8th).

    2. 20 team h2h playoffs. holds and saves sold separately. have alexander, colome, pressly, yates, hildy, drop alexander for buttrey?

  2. Tee Not Air Jags says:
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    here we go, we got a romo situation (likely kidnapped some poor woman, tied up to a bed in some hotel) with kela, no appearances in like a week, even though PIT has had 4 wins in that time of under 5 runs each.

  3. DegenerateBeast says:
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    One “down” season for Altuve and you’re literally comparing him to Jacoby freakin’ Jones?

    Rhetorical question #2: You really dislike that team in Houston, don’t you?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @DegenerateBeast: I don’t dislike teams… You think Altuve is 100% as good this year as last year? You’re clouded by your team love

  4. Weird Fishes says:
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    NL only playoffs … would you start Corbin at Coors tonight? SON says no bueno.

    So far I’ve got a healthy lead on ratios this week but behind on Ws and Ks. Plus worried the weather may knock out a few of my other SPs this weekend leaving me short on counting categories.

    What’s a razzballer to do?

    • JakeTPE says:
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      @Weird Fishes: FWIW I’m starting him. He’s been my 2nd best pitcher all year (Bauer was my best) and has QS in five of the last six. I can see not starting a middling guy in Coors, but Corbin has been an ace.

      Good luck. Following this thread. (Hi Grey!)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Weird Fishes: I am starting Corbin, but not thrilled with it — I wouldn’t in your scenario

      • Weird Fishes says:
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        @Grey: Thanks Grey and Jake. Its a tough call. I’m not sure how much sense this makes strategically, but what do you think about deciding after Taillon and Richards go today? If they both do well, further bolstering my ratios, its a bit easier taking a chance on Corbin to get 8Ks and a W. Thoughts?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, I guess if Corbin is last one to go

  5. CaptainKnauer says:
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    Renfroe or Schebler ROS

  6. Tinman95 says:
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    Need one ROS

    Schebler
    Reyes
    Mancini

  7. Rudy says:
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    Archie bradley milk carton. Where’d he go?

    • Slappy Jack says:
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      @Rudy: he was kidnapped by Sergio Romo

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Rudy: Just hasn’t been good

  8. Beware the Shit Rope says:
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    AL only with holds/saves (not the same category). playoffs. have romo, alvarado, hildy, pressly, drop anybody for buttrey?

  9. bopper says:
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    Pena vs Tex
    Gray vs Az

    Like em both tonight?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @bopper: Not especially, but circumstances matter

  10. bigbear says:
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    Member how I said you’re knack at picking SPs yesterday? Mikolas. I picked him up after the draft on your wisdom/soothsaying. Course I also drafted a Gray… Winky emoji.

    Altuve? Seems more like a late second/early third type guy (20-30 type range). An off year and missed some time. He’s still under 30 y/o. Mr. Prorater says he’d be a 15/20ish type guy. His OBP will probably always be a plus because of his size. He could be a 20/20 guy, but I don’t think he’s the 30 SB guy he once was.

    deGrom – dAng.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @bigbear: Yeah, think I might agree… Maybe not quite that high, maybe 15-20 — Nice on Mikolas!

  11. The Harrow says:
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    NL only with OBP over AVG, total bases added. urias sounds out for year, but probably the kind with no DL tag. nab wong off WW tonight? i have a bye this week. urias is my worst player (well with how dozier is doing….)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Sounds good (not good good, obvi)

      • The Harrow says:
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        @Grey: wong or gyorko?

        • The Harrow says:
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          @The Harrow: supposedly he’ll be used as a BN player now, with wong back i guess. so that’s wong.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Neither? I’d prolly go Wong

  12. NH says:
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    Grey,

    Where can I find next week’s two start pitchers? I would like to get a head start on this.

    Thanks.

  13. Thomas Walsh says:
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    Grey- Is Bundy a good option tomorrow? Streaminator loves him but at home Vs Oak makes me nervous! Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I wouldn’t mess with him

  14. CaptainKnauer says:
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    Which closer would you own moving forward?

    Jace Fry/Nate Jones
    Hildenberger
    Greene
    Knebel

  15. Eric says:
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    Hey Grey,

    H2H with QS. You streaming any of these gents today?
    Vargas vs. MIA
    Stripling @CIN

    And/or looking ahead to the week, how about these fellas?
    Gant vs. LAD
    Stratton vs. COL
    Jorge Lopez vs. MIN

    Thanks in advance.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I am not on today’s guys — Gant

  16. LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood says:
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    Grey

    The Fergosi curse (see grampa Munster) is far worse than the malocchio but the worst curse of all is from Phillies fans in a near empty stadium.

    I was listening on the Radio when Kapler made his third pitcing change in the fifth. It was like the old days at the Vet only 20 people there and you could here the taunts over the radio loud and clear.

    Classic Kaplar, full bullpen, use everyone first game, lose second game in 10 with empty bullpen. It is almost like he forgot there were two games.

    Forget all those Mark Twain Quotes , Kapler of the Day is ” I think the focus here is that we just don’t ever quit” ………….This guy is over matched.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood: Yeah, that’s why I said that about forgetting doubleheader, that was a terrible play yesterday… He should’ve let Pivetta finish the 5th, used Seranthony for 6-7, Arano for 8th and Hunter 9th… Not sure exactly why he can’t figure this out…

  17. Chalky White says:
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    I’m sitting here watching the finalists in my league rosterbate to beat each other (off). It’s a 14 team H2H 6 keeper league. Someone just dropped Devers and my spidey senses started tingling in my nether-regions. Devers is worth snatching up as a keeper right?

    • Chalky White says:
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      @Chalky White: My current keeper candidates are: Judge, C. Seager, Turner, Berrios, Carrasco, Buehler, Mazara, Peraza, Gallo, or Mondesi…if he isn’t as sexy as one of those then it is wasted transaction money.

      • Chalky White says:
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        @Chalky White: sh*t Soto is on the list too.

  18. Bill Lumbergh says:
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    Grey: As the original contributor of “copathetic”, I offer you instead “Quantity Shart” as an alternative to describe Gibson’s pitching performance. Keep up the great work.

    • LennyDykstraIsJustMisunderstood says:
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      @Bill Lumbergh:

      “Quality Sharts” are all i have left

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        I had a few this morning, tbh

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Shart’s bad tho, it’s not bad as much as boring…

  19. Mookie Cookie says:
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    Yahoo says Camargo is likely out rest of the week. 1)you think thats legit 2) if so, who do you trust most to replace him of these jabronis:

    -Schoop
    -Chris Taylor
    -DeJong
    -Goodrum
    -Semien
    -Rosario
    -Aledmys
    -Swanson
    -Nunez

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      1. Yes 2. Goodrum if he’s playing, otherwise Semien

  20. M says:
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    Going forward who ya take? Rodon, Matz, ryu, junis, Cahill? Or they all just streamers. Gearing up for playoff weeks. Thanks

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Stream on streamer

  21. ConfusedFuzzle says:
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    Drop Contreras for Gomes?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nah

  22. Jt says:
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    C empty
    1b Abreu
    2b Albies
    3b Bryant
    Ss Rosario
    If Tim Anderson
    Of Ozuna, benetendi, Cain, haniger
    Util Mejia, moose
    Bench Dahl (on road next week), Lowe, Sano

    Nola, sale, Jon gray, Gonsalves(@det next week), joe Ross @miami next week, seranthony, Osuna, Jeffress, knebel, c-mart bauer (dL)

    I start playoffs next week I have 2 empty spots on roster
    Brian dozier, Chris archer 2 big names on waivers.

    Catchers available are astudillo, Barnhart, Ward, garver, placeki, zunino, hedges, weiters,

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jt: What’s your question

      • Jt says:
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        @Grey: what catcher should I pick up and for the extra spot should I just stream next week?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Barnhart

  23. Troy says:
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    So the pirates rule Polanco out for the year but dont want to put him on the DL? I realize rosters expanded in the mlb, but dont these asshats know fantasy rosters dont have that luxury? I have him as $8 as a keeper, and dont want to drop him as he surely be added by another team….I’d also like to win this league

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, teams don’t put guys on DL in Sept

  24. Dave D says:
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    Yesterday was such a fine day that I am beside myself. Fiers and Folty, thank you so very much. Sotomayor, hats off to you sure. And to my vulture save artist, Greg Holland, don’t think what you did yesterday went unrecognized. Fine job, gentleman.

    And Grey, did notice that Butt-rey glimmering in Anaheim last night? While his name is made for porn he seems to have supplanted B. Parker ( whomI dropped Sunday for G.Holland). Sciosciapathology still in progress for its final three weeks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Dave D: I saw that on Buttrey…His numbers look great too, but I wonder if this was just a one game thing, which is to say I have no idea what Scioscia is doing

  25. DodgerWindowClosed says:
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    Your Kluber line is perfect. Traded for Kluber several weeks ago licking my chops for this two start week after dominating the regular season. Also own Wood and Ryu. So that was fun. What a way to end the year. Losing to the fourth seed who happens to be your son blows….especially as he started Greinke in Coors. Roto anyone?

    Did I tell you how I won my first week in football? #@&$$##@%$&!,

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      You should be happy for your son!

      • DodgerWindowClosed says:
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        @Grey:

        You do not know our competitiveness LOL. It is his 10 amigos from when he played ball and me (dubbed the old fart) so, yes, it is a privilege to be included and treated like one of the guys.

        He is really good at this – patiently building his teams and has won an extraordinary percentage of titles. He goes opposite….drafts pitchers the first few rounds and then fills in hot bats as the year continues. Seems risky but it works for him.

        All the best to the Razzball nation. Been fun to read, challenge advice, take advice and dig in on Cram!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Haha, just gonna have to beat him in football then!

  26. Chris D. says:
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    Have a big lead thus far in rd 1 and want to keep my foot on my oppennts throat. Really the only spot I’m not sure of is my UTL (I have a sound, deep bench) who would you recommend for today Grey:

    Votto facing Stripling (who hasn’t pitched in forever)

    Or

    David Peralta in Colorado facing Jon Gray (the more inferior of the Grey/Gray names)

      • Chris D says:
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        @Grey: Thanks Grey. He seemed like the right call, but wanted a second opinion.

        Have a great rest of the day!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem, you too!

  27. Fantasy Freak says:
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    Have both Carrasco and Snell. Which one or both?

    • Starz says:
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      @Fantasy Freak: Why not both? Snell should never be benched. This is a good problem to have.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Which one or both what?