Olson Twin Homers

I apologize for the misleading headline but neither the Mary-Kate or Ashley news story you’re looking for is here. I did it for the clicks! Elizabeth Olsen, however, is mentioned quite a bit throughout this post. And it’s not just because I’ve seen her with her shirt off. It’s because she is an extremely talented actress (do you even Martha Marcy May Marlene?). She’s also the Scarlet Witch and will destroy you with her red CGI powers if you try to #MeToo her. Speaking of extremely talented Olsons, Matt Olson went 3-for-4 Friday night with two home runs (10th and 11th) scoring three runs and driving in five. That’s now four homers in the past week for Olson, to go along with seven runs scored, seven RBI and a .269 batting average. He’s hotter than a New York minute, which is an Olsen Twins movie for the unindoctrinated. Matt hit 24 homers in 59 games last year but has amassed just 11 in 58 games so far this year.  He struggled in May with a .216 batting average without Khris Davis there to protect him in the lineup, but still managed six homers. So maybe the 1.003 OPS from 2017 was a tad inflated, and yes, maybe his isolated power is down over 150 points from last season, Olson is still a 30 homer hitter, people. That means he owes you 19 from now until the end of September. Pro tip: that will help your fantasy team! If you need power, Olson has struggled enough in the early going that you can likely pry him from a frustrated owner, and if Friday was any indication he’s busting out of his funk and June could be shaping up to be a big month for the estranged Olson brother.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-4, HR (7), CS (2). Finding Nimmo on your waiver wire after this weekend might be tough, Marlin! He’s a lede-worthy BUY but you’ve probably already read that one! Meaning if you haven’t heard yet, you should drop everything you’re doing (unless you’re holding a hot beverage then I’d advise placing that down first) and rush to the waiver wire to grab Nimmo who’s hitting .345 with four homers, 8 runs, 8 RBI and 2 stolen bases in the past week. Friday night was his second straight game with a home run and fourth straight multi-hit performance. Nimmo was the subject of my 100th post here at RB so he will always hold a special place in my heart. But now that he’s crushing dingers and swiping ess bees my heart is growing faster than Sophie Brussaux’s instagram followers. Even our favorite disabled and hilarious despite not-quite fully-functioning fish friend Dory would tell you that Nimmo is quite the catch!

Jeurys Familia – 1.0 IP, 4 hits, ER. Grey told you to BUY Robert Gsellman and Familia enters the game in a non-save situation Friday and gives up four hits. Can’t be a coincidence! Grey’s a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch! Ship him out of Gilead, remove his tongue and send him to the colonies to do manual labor until he dies of exhaustion. I just described one of the more uplifting scenes from Handmaid’s Tale. Can’t wait till next week! Sigh.

Mike Foltynewicz – 9.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 11 K, 5th win. His first career complete game and shut out. Sweet sassy molassy! This kid’s gonna be a star–we Folty-knew-it! This was actually the most efficient I’ve ever seen Folty look throwing 73 of his 106 pitches for strikes and giving up just two singles. Over his last four starts he’s allowed just two runs with while striking out 33 over that stretch and dominating two of the leagues best offenses in Boston and Houston. He gets San Diego next week and I guess Mike Foltynewicz is a top 20 starter now!

Stephen Strasburg – 6.2 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 10 K. Strasborg system malfunction as he left in the 7th with an injury but only after giving up four runs. When you’re supposed to be the best the the world but you’re outpitched by Mike Foltynewicz and you hit the DL with a bruised ego.

Dansby Swanson – 1-for-3, HR (4), 3 RBI. Swanson serving up chicken dingers!

Sonny Gray – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 6 K, 4th win. See Gray can be an effective fantasy pitcher! As long as he’s facing the absolute worst teams in the league. Luckily, there a lot of worsts this year. Next week at Toronto? Sure, they’re pretty bad!

Manny Machado – 2-for-3, HR (17). He’s slashing .329/.398/.626 with 46 RBI. Next year he’ll be a Yankee. In 100 years, we’ll all be Yankees. When the Space Confederacy has destroyed the majority of the population, humankind will cluster together into massive supercities called Swells. There is one MLB team and they play a series of android super teams whose star players are just cloned versions of Manny Machado.

Blaine Hardy – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 4 BB, 3 K. I see a lot of fantasy experts recommending Hardy. I am not one. Recommending him or an expert that is.

Nick Castellanos – 3-for-4, HR (6). Opa! He like-a the juice, Helios! Three straight games with three hits! We call that a three-for-three-for. My dude is slashing .339/.382/.532 with 30 RBI. The ‘Roit has won three in a row and seven of their last 10 and it’s because of Nicki and his big fat Greek coming out party. If he starts hitting regular dingers I’m going to have to break all the plates in my house.

Jameson Taillon – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 6 K, 3rd win. Part of me thinks this start is setting me up for a good ERA-rocking next week when he faces the Dodgers. The other part of me is ready to go all-in on Taillon like Lando C. in a game of Sabacc. Most likely we’re somewhere in the middle. I don’t trust you but I’m willing to gamble on your success.

Miles Mikolas – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, BB, 2 K, 1st loss now holds a 2.49 ERA and 1.00 WHIP. In the latest Mikolas Sparks novel, cattle rancher Miles must choose whether to save main protagonist Cassandra’s ratios or her heart.

Mookie Betts – Will finally hit the DL after days of teasing. You’re sucha tease, Mookie. Maybe that’s why I am so in love with you? More likely its the home runs and the steals and the batting average and the defense. Betts will be eligible to return June 8th. I am counting the days, my darling.

J.D. Martinez – 1-for-3, HR (19). When your team is in need of power and signs a player that shows up and immediately all he does is hit bombs and drive in runs. He’s got three homies in the past week and now has 48 RBIs. Yes, I’m calling them homies. This shouldn’t be all that surprising because all he did when he got traded to Arizona was hit as well. I’m much less surprised and much more eternally thankful.

Mitch Moreland – 1-for-4, HR (9). Went back-2-back with JD like a Drake diss. Speaking of which, Kanye has squashed Pusha and Drake’s beef with a tweet apparently because Drake is not ready for what Pusha Terrence is prepared to bring to this. Savage. As a Drizzy fan, this is best for all involved and honestly Drake should really embrace this pretty little French film star and her lil’ baby Drake. There is a smol Drake out there people, we shouldn’t be denying its existence, we should be celebrating it like baby Blue or Suri. When Kanye is the voice of reason something is very wrong. Oh, Mitch Moreland, right, this was his first homer since Hanley’s departure and we need more of these and soon or I’m going to start complaining Blake Swihart isn’t playing enough again.

Gerrit Cole – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, BB, 7 K, 6th win. Battled Chris Sale (6.0 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, BB, 6 K) in a game that pit the league strikeout leaders against each other (Cole 116, Sale 110). I was really expecting, well, more strikeouts.

George Springer – 3-for-4, 2 runs, HR (12). Evan Gattis and Carlos Correa also homered. Tbh, which seems to be a very popular acronym these days but never seems to be used in the right context, George Springer is basically Mookie Betts/Mike Trout without the steals and a slightly lower batting average. It’s too bad because the lack of stolen bases really limits him from that echelon of fantasy elite. Don’t you want to be in the Five Toolers Club, George!?

Jose Berrios – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, BB, 7 K, 6th win. My young pitcher philosophy is skip their third year because their hype will usually outweigh their value. So far with Berrios it’s paid off, although I do miss him so. The Ks are still there and the WHIP is still sneaky good. Hopefully he can keep that ERA in the high 3s slash low 4s so I can draft him everywhere again next year.

Carlos Carrasco – 3.2 IP, 7 hits, 6 ER, 3 BB, 2 K. Cleveland’s new CC has been struggling with a 5.92 ERA and 1.42 WHIP over the past month. The Ks are still there though so I could see this as your best chance to buy a stud like Carrasco. His match ups have been no walk in the park and don’t get any better next week versus Milwaukee. But this is the same Brewers team he held to two runs in a complete game back on May 9th while striking out 14. Like the new Han Solo movie, when he’s bad he’s been real groan-inducingly bad, but when he’s good he’s Donald Glover pimp-voicing-ly, Chewie arm-rippingly, Han smug braggingly, parsec defy-ingly good.

Eduardo Escobar – 2-for-4, 2 HR (10), 4 RBI. Three homers in the past week! Escobar is about as streaky as a pair of tighty whiteys, but when he’s hot he’s about as hot as a pair of lace crotchless panties from Victoria’s Secret with the garters. Mmm. Why have I never dated female humans who wear these? Are they not my type? Because I assure you 100% they would be my type.

Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4, HR (14), 2 RBI. Four homers in the past week. My real life human friend, who is totally different than my fake-life fantasy girlfriend who wears garter belts and hits and runs surprisingly like Mookie Betts, said there are only three good teams in the American League and everyone else is trash. “What about the Injians?” I said. This team is about to find their groove once Bauer stops being crazy and Edwin starts mashing homies (I’m making it happen!). Maybe you can still buy Edwin from a frustrated owner before the pow wow really begins.

Matt Kemp – 1-for-4, HR (8). Ooooh, looks like someone’s been texting Rihanna again! Kemp is hitting .409 in the past two weeks with 7 runs, 3 homers and 13 RBI. Wild thoughts, indeed!

Yasiel Puig – 4-for-5, 3 runs, HR (6), 2 RBI. Slashing .247/.311/.425 with six homers and five steals. Hard to complain with those numbers but Puig has been fairly infuriating to own this season. Still, when he has produced he’s produced like a top 10 player. Now if only he could just not do that thing again where he goes ice cold and bats .170 for a month.

Chris Taylor – 2-for-4, HR (8), 4 RBI. Are the Dodgers scoring runs again!? Someone should have told Kershaw before he decided to take another couple weeks off.

D.J. LeMahieu – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBI. His first game back from the DL, D.J. picked up right where he left off pumping out hits like Zedd, Post Malone, Marshmello and a bunch of other artists you’ve either never heard of or are too ashamed to admit you listen to.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-5, HR (12). The Rockies scored 8 runs on 13 hits and lost. Ahh, it’s good to be home at Coors.

Chris Stratton – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 7 K, 7th win. Arguably one of his best starts of the year, and for a guy with 7 wins that’s saying something. Wait, how does Chris Stratton have seven wins? That’s more shocking than the end of Avengers. He’s won four in a row, that’s how! Maybe Buster Posey is wearing the Infinity Gauntlet.

Joe Panik -2-for-3, run, RBI as he returned from the DL. My second middle infielder position has been a vast wasteland riddle with fire, dust and ash all season long. Don’t Panik! If you’re in need of a middle infielder who won’t hurt you but won’t really help you either, Joe might be the guy for you! Maybe if Buster lets him borrow his Gauntlet…

Nick Pivetta – 4.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 3 K. More like Pfft-etta!

Tyler Mahle – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 4th win. I actually streamed him for this start. Not because I think he’s that good, but because I think the Padres are that bad.

Scooter Gennett – 1-for-4, HR (11). Razor sharp! Hey, I told you to buy him! Since then he’s gone 26-for-66 with 10 runs and four homers! That was really good advice by me that one time! Well, we all have our days.

Jose Peraza – 3-for-4, run, 3 RBI. His fourth straight multi-hit game, Peraza’s batting .476 in the past week with 4 runs and a steal. Last time I told you to pick him up he proceeded to go ice cold for about a month. Streakier than off-brand windex maybe if I tell you not to pick him up he’ll keep it up. So this is me officially telling you *not* to pick him up, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Jaime Barria – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 5 K, 5th win. Jaime went to the same training facility as early Jaime Garcia, where they train their athletes, all of whom are immediately renamed Jaime, to be as unexciting as possible while remaining surprisingly solid and winning in bunches. Barria has a 2.48 ERA, a 1.05 WHIP, and a 30/9 K/BB rate in seven starts. Those are better ratios than Shohei Ohtani, folks! I might possibly consider the option of considering thinking about perhaps mulling over the prospect of maybe streaming him next week in Minneapolis. I’m still on the fence though.

Albert Pujols – 2-for-4, HR (8). Along with Alby, Ian Kinsler also homered off veteran Bartolo Colon. It felt like 2006 all over again.

Mike Leake – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 8 K. Leake has been solid over his past three starts pitching 27 innings, allowing just 4 ER and striking out 13 with no walks. That’s right, no walks. It’s a dog’s worst nightmare, but a fantasy owners best friend (assuming your dog has stopped talking to you over your new no-walks policy). Leake is the ultimate streamer and gets another cushy match up next week in Tampa.

Dee Gordon – 0-for-6. Grey told you to SELL and look what happened! See what I mean. That’s the mind control witch-stuff I was talking about. Looks like someone’s putting in extra auditing sessions at the Celebrity Center. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about your weird Giancarlo fantasies. Whoops!

Johnny Field – 2-for-4, HR (3), SB (3). Wait till you see his brothers Johnny Hit and Johnny Pitch play. In C-Attle they like their slam & legs raw with extra wasabi and ginger. Field is hitting .250 in the past week with 2 homers and 2 steals. Johnny Field sounds like a character in a Mark Twain novel (Ante can probably confirm). Friday night he showed C-Attle how to paint the fence.

Frankie Montas – 8.0 IP, 7 hits, 0 ER, 2 K, 2nd win in as many starts. Frankie says…hey, it’s another A’s pitcher I can stream! Mid-90s fastball with poor control and a home start versus the Royals next week? Did I mention his name is Frankie? Where do I sign my billion year contract?

Ian Kennedy – 3.0 IP, 7 hits, 8 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. Kennedy was assassinated by three shots, two from Olson, but I think the third shot came from the grassy knoll! It’s a conspiracy!

Dustin Fowler – 3-for-5, 2 HR (3), 5 RBI. Fowler finally has a wake up call with two cock-a-doodle-dingers! He’s been fairly awful this year so he’s hard to recommend at the moment with a .216/.281/.451. But the A’s didn’t call him up to not play so the ABs will be there, and I’ll be watching him closer than a Kanye West streaming party. Thankfully I don’t need to download a new app to stream it because the data roaming charges in Wyoming are outrageous!

John Ryan Murphy – 2-for-4, HR (8), 2 RBI. He was a BUY. And he’s a catcher! It must be your lucky day!

Jake Lamb – 2-for-4, HR (2). His second homer since returning from the DL. Like a good sheep, he homers when the rest of the flock does. Nobody does it like ewe, Jake!

Ketel Marte – 2-for-4, 2 HR (3). Daniel Descalso and David Peralta also homered. Basically every Diamondback but Goldschmidt.

Clay Buchholz – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, BB, 9 K, 1st win. The nine runs of run support certainly help, but All Day Clay deserves some credit where credit is due. This is a pitcher no one would touch a month ago and he’s now allowed just one run in each of his three starts notching quality starts in his past two. Ignore the fact that he’s faced three of the worst offenses in baseball, he gets another cushy start versus the Giants next week. This is where I’d normally say, “pick him up if you hate yourself,” but not this time! Mookie is hurt and I need to surround myself with positive energy in order to get him back swiftly. So I could see streaming Clay vs SF if I was as desperate for a starter as I am for positive feedback. Clay just might be deserving of a shot. And as always, you can leave any compliments and/or praise in the comments below!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!