Nats Jumping Back Aboard The Crews Ship

On the Crews ship, lollipop, it’s a sweet trip to a post-hype prospect shop, where batting average [makes armpit fart noises] plops... Because my browser history is more than a little full with google searches a’la [baseball player name] + stats, let’s just say Dylan Crews + stats wasn’t the first Dylan to get pulled up when I entered it in my browser auto-fill. My browser was like, “You want Dylan Cease? No? Hmm, Dylan Beavers? No? Wow, okay, how about Dylan Moore? No? Damn, I’m out of ideas. Dylan Crews? No way, homey! For real? Damn, you desperate as an incel on OnlyFans.” Okay, thanks, Browser History, legit didn’t ask you for all that! So, Dylan Crews was sent down to start the year and that was one of the wilder developments because he was already up last year (10/17/.208). Not great last year, mind you, but sent-down-able? That seemed like a reach. Well, guess who’s reaching now? The Nats for Crews, who has gone 5/7/.258 in 155 Triple ABs. It also came with a 24.9 K%, after a sub-20 K% in 2024 in the minors. I don’t know what’s happened here, but he still seems broke. Wasn’t even sure where he was going to play for the Nats, but, during yesterday’s game, while Jacob Young was at-bat, Crews yelled, “Is it Jacoby Oung or Jacob Young,” and Young was hit in the ribs with a pitch, and had to leave the game. So, I guess slide Crews into an outfield slot, but, outside of NL-Only, I’m just monocle’ing for now. It could be a short trip to the MLB shop, unless the Crews’s ship cuts the Ks and adds some pop… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Christian Scott – 4 IP, 3 ER, and out at 81 pitches, ERA at 4.12 vs. Jake Irvin – 4 IP, 2 ER, and out at 74 pitches, ERA at 5.79. This matchup was billed, “No one can freakin’ throws 100 pitches anymore!”

Brett Baty – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Baty got back to the dugout and told Ewing, “See, that’s how a Mets prospect performs,” then all his teammates secretly told Ewing to not pay attention to him.

Bo Bichette – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .219. Think I’ve spotted Boba Chette’s pattern now. Excellent in 2021, excellent in 2025, and I’ll see you in 2029.

Jackson Holliday – Activated from IL. That’s nice, let’s see how he was doing in his rehab? Hitting .176 with a 27 K%? Did they remove his hamate bone and ability to hit?

Trevor Rogers – 3 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.87. Was Trevor Rogers the surgeon who operated on Holiday’s hamate bone?

Adley Rutschman – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .276. Atta boy, atta ‘ley!

Jake Fraley – Had hernia surgery and will miss six to eight weeks. Aw, nuts!

Junior Caminero – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Fine this man for hitting it hard! Yandy Diaz (4-for-5, 4 runs, 4 RBIs hitting .310) said, “I hit squibblers, like the coaches ask!”

Shane McClanahan – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.82. Rays jumped out to a huge lead off Rogers, and don’t pitch to the score, manamanamanaman!

Corey Seager – Hit the IL with a back that can be described as “brittle as your 87-year-old Aunt Maureen.”

MacKenzie Gore – Left his start with lat tightness. Damn it, did Corey Seager sneeze on him?

Gerrit Cole – Might return later this week. Sweet, I could really use him! [sees I don’t have him on any teams] Hmm, that stinks. Good work, March Grey!

Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Au shizz!

Ryan Weathers – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.58. I took an Intro to Meteorology class in college, and sometimes the Weathers bad.

Jazz Chisholm Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. He’s gonna be the 1st person to go 50/50 without one slam & legs.

Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Much like Vlad Jr. on Sunday, this is also Cody’s first homer since his last 4:20 ET.

David Bednar – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 5.14, and barely escaped with the save, after coughing up runs the previous two appearances. Welcome back, Shit-the-Bednar! I picked up Fernando Cruz before the last out of the Yankees’ game.

Ernie Clement – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Also, in this game, George Springer (2-for-5) hit his 3rd homer. Both vs. Weathers, i.e., he got beat by two broken clocks.

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.93. When Gray’s going right, it’s a sight to behold. Sonny’s good too.

Willson Contreras – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Sorry, couldn’t help to see Jarren Duran (0-for-2, 1 RBI) hitting leadoff and .181. Does Chad Tracy know he can move him?

Seth Lugo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.68. Streamonator had me starting him for the two-start week, and I’ll exhale after his Sunday start.

Josh Bell – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer. Someone’s already excited for the trade deadline!

Tatsuya Imai – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 8.31. I’m a loosey-goosey, buy me a drink and tell me lies, for two-start starters in weekly leagues, and I couldn’t even start Imai. Though, this start was cut short by a rain delay. Any ump that lets a game start that costs a pitcher an outing should be fined their day’s salary.

Nolan Arenado – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer. Hey, check out this signed photo of Morganna where she used her…well, you gotta see her signature. It’s haphazardly propped up by this open window–NOOOOOOO!!! Torenado!

Zac Gallen – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.78. It’s still a no from me, dawg.

Willy Adames – Hit his 4th homer, then left shaking his hand. Was the buy low window shut on his own hand?

Robbie Ray – 4 1/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 4.28. The absolute dread I’m feeling thinking about how he’s locked into my weekly lineups for his next start. This must be how his tailor feels.

Miguel Andujar – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer. As the ball sailed out of the stadium, Tatis said, “I’ll go get the ball since clearly you can’t hit it over the fence.”

Michael King – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.31 vs. Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.32. This matchup was billed as, “Polish rules blackjack, because King beats Ace.”

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. He didn’t hit his 8th homer last year until May 19th!

Colt Emerson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. I literally just ran through the wall when he hit this homer. LFG! I’ll pay the trademark infringement to the Kool-Aid Man.

Tristan Peters – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Might be a light schmotato, but Austin Hays is due back any day.

J.T. Ginn – 8 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.98. He deserved better. I’ll give him that. He entered the 9th inning with a no-hitter and then the pesky Sparky Anklebiter, Adam Frazier singled, and Zach Neto (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) walked it off with his 8th homer. I Streamonator‘d him, but Ginn was so good, that now I think I’m having a little crush on this Streamboat. It’ll likely cool, though, because his underlying numbers are sorta pedestrian for a 12-team mixed league (where I have him). In a deeper league, yeah, I’d hold. Could be a sneaky backend starter.

Walbert Urena – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.70. If you trust him, you will be sorry, because Wal-Bert (5.1 BB/9) is stocking BBs.

Framber Valdez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.58. Beginning to think he might be a head case. Wasn’t the purposely throwing a fastball at his catcher in the playoffs, or at Trevor Story that opened my eyes, but it was his inability to focus on getting guys out start after start.

Matt Vierling – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!

Slade Cecconi – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.16. Streamonator‘d him across multiple leagues for the two-start week. This was the quote-unquote easy start. Prayer emoji for me.

Jose Ramirez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .240, 2nd homer in two games. How did Jo-Ram know I was about to say yesterday that he isn’t looking great? He’s a 30/30/30 threat! 30 homers, 30 steals, hosting 30 minutes free on 1-800-Psychic.

Christian Yelich – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. I don’t know this for a fact, but I 100% know that Yelich got a cortisone shot in his back on Saturday and that’s why he’s performing well now.

Jake Bauers – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting near-.350 in May, and another homer about eight days ago and The Beatles say that’s a week.

Brandon Sproat – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.75. Imma pretend he left the game after his four and 2/3rds no-hit innings, and never tried for that third out in the 5th.

Shota Imanaga – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.38. Not to do a whole I told ya so, but I do keep saying Shota is the type to get to 2.50 ERA, then have his ERA bounce up to 3.20, because he’s the most 3.20 ERA pitcher you’re gonna find.

Dansby Swanson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .194. Not exactly a .300 wolf hiding in sheep’s clothing, but he should be hitting about fifty points higher.

Nick Lodolo – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners (5 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 7.20. Said this to someone in the comments yesterday, I wouldn’t start Lodolo until I saw a decent start. This wasn’t decent. I wouldn’t drop him either. He can be excellent; you should wait out until he figures it out. Ya know, assuming it happens within a couple of weeks.

Sal Stewart – 1-for-3, and his 11th homer. Still like Sal so don’t want to take too much of a victory lap on me saying he was a Sell, but, well: In May, he’s hitting .175 with two homers and three SBs.

Graham Ashcraft – 1 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.86. This was a save opp, but ever since Ashcraft seemed to be thrust into the closer role he’s acted like nothing but a Cuddle Boy.

Alec Bohm – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer, hitting .217. That’s a home run for every time he called his mom and asked if she sold his car without asking him.

Bryson Stott – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. He’s on pace for 15/25 and will hit 50 points higher than he currently is. There’s Stotts to like.

Andrew Painter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.77. That’s nice, but I don’t know how you can Streamonator call or even start a guy with a near-6 ERA as we approach June.

Jhostynxon Garcia – Called up by the Pirates. He was hitting .205 in Triple-A, but the Pirates signed a sponsorship deal with 1Password.

Max Meyer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.85. Maybe I’m not hearing the Meyer praise, but he’s pitching incredibly well, and seemingly is breaking out. Maybe not ace levels, but not far off. Looks like the real deal. He is no longer an imposter Meyer with soyrizo.

Javier Sanoja – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer. Sanoja 1, Tatis 0.

Xavier Edwards – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. He’s a three to five homer guy over the course of the season, and making Tatis look like Dee Gordon.

JR Ritchie – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.91. “Hey, I’m just gonna leave this Sprite on the counter of this al-Qaeda-run bar, would cha watch it for me?”…[five hours later]…Was I out for long and why is that guy wearing my face like a mask? AHHH!!! Roofie!!!

Ronald Acuña Jr. – Activated from the IL, but didn’t play. Walt Weiss was asked if Acuña would play in Miami, Walt said Acuña is “day-to-day” and I don’t think he understands that day-to-day happens before the IL stint, not after. Ya gotta get the jargon right; it’s 95% of the MLB manager’s job. Other five percent is “don’t platoon lefties out of the lineup just because they’re facing lefties” (4%) and “don’t scratch your junk on camera” (1%).