Say cheese! Mike Moustakas was traded to the Milwaukee Brewers for outfielder and top prospect Brett Phillips along with right handed pitcher Jorge Lopez in a move that tells the baseball world that the Brewers really think they’re in this thing. Isn’t that adorable? Mil-ee-wauk-kay is Algonquin for “the good land,” and this is very good news for Moustakas and his owners if they’re not already in last place as Mike goes to one of the most hitter friendly ballparks for lefties in the entire league. Mike was slashing .249/.309/.468 with 46 runs, 20 home runs, 3 stolen bases and 62 RBIs through the first 98 games and I think it’s more than reasonable to expect he can improve upon these stats in Wisconsin. He’s received a huge upgrade not just to his home park but also a much better supporting line up (reuniting with former teammate Lorenzo Cain) and hitting around the likes of Ryan Braun, Christian Yelich and Travis Shaw (who will mostly likely move over to play second base). His counting stats should improve along with the power numbers and it’s all around just a grand ol’ time to own the Moose. Going the other way, highly touted prospect Brett Phillips was slashing .240/.331/.411 with 6 dingers, 25 RBI and 11 stolen bases at AAA and should be a regular in the Kansas City outfield going forward. He’s worth a speculative add in deep leagues based on his upside and should play every day. Jorge Lopez was serviceable out of the Brewers pen in 19.2 IP this season posting a 2.75 ERA, 1.48 WHIP and 15/13 K/BB. Meh is right but he’s a bullpen arm whose name we could hear a lot more of soon if/when Wily Peralta eventually pitches his way out of the closing gig. Overall, seems like a solid trade for both teams and unlike most of these dreaded deadline deals, this trade has more helpful implications for fantasy owners than usual. No one’s losing a closer or a starter or moving to an impossible division or ball park. This trade is basically a win for all of us involved, so let’s hear it for the new Milwaukee Moose!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Juan Soto – 3-for-5, HR (13), 3 RBI. His third straight game with a homer and fourth in the past week! Why don’t I own you anywhere? Give it to me straight, Dr. Pepper. I prefer Cherry Coke, but I like to go half Cherry Coke, half regular coke. This way, by the time the cocaine starts to kick in I am so dehydrated that I am really craving that soda pop. Even more impressive is Soto has just 7 more strikeouts (45) than he does walks (38). He is 19 years old, you guys! The simple fact that he’s not playing Fortnite for 10 plus hours a day is impressive in itself, that he’s also outperforming Bryce Harper in his own clubhouse, well that’s dang near revolutionary. The Nationals have the #1 Victory Royale.

Bryce Harper – 2-for-4, run, 2 RBI. Juan Sootooooo’s beeeeetttttteeeerrrrrrrrr! PSSSST! Bryce! All that stuff I just said, about Soto being better? Ignore it. PUBG is better anyway. Readers, drop everything and see what kind of offer you can put together to snag Harper because something tells me he’s about to go off and do his best Juan Soto impression for the next three months.

Max Scherzer – 8.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, BB, 11 K, 14th win. This is the exactly the kind of start you should get from the best pitcher in the National League versus the worst team in the National League. Congratulations on doing your job, Max.

Michael Conforto – 2-for-3, 2 runs, HR (14), 3 RBI. BUY! Sitting in the abandoned warehouse turned secret speakeasy/sneaker shop/corn hole arena/craft cider house (you’ve probably never heard of it), I sip my organic cold brew coffee (cage-free beans, obv), and I let my freshly made gluten-free pastry foam dissolve in my mouth.  I stop working on the outline for my documentary film/visual novel/app for dogs, I pause, stroke my beard, and ponder Michael Conforto’s .385 AVG with three homers and nine RBI post-All-Star break. I let my hair free out of its man-bun, and ever-so gingerly chew on the arm of my horn-rimmed glasses. Conforto struggled throughout the first half but that hasn’t deterred the biggest fans of the hipster’s favorite player–hipsters. In fact, that only makes him cooler because when he does finally bust out of this slump that means they liked him before he was cool. And there’s nothing cooler than that! 

David Freese – 3-for-3, HR (7), 5 RBI. Has now homered in back-to-back games and hitting over .500 since the All Star break! To be fair, it seems like everyone on the Pirates is hitting everything right now. But Freese is no exceptional. Freese frame!

Francisco Lindor – 2-for-5, 2 HR (27), 3 RBI. I avoided Lindor because I thought he didn’t have the power of some of the other shortstops available. I was wrong and I was stupid. Lindo is good, better, best shortstop in the league, possibly world? He’s slashing .294/.369/.571 with 27 homers, 66 RBI, 90 runs scored and 15 Ess Bees. And I can’t tell you what I wouldn’t do to have Mr. Smile smiling back at me from my kitchen table every morning. That sounded way less creepy in my head! Oh well, imma get you next year!

Yonder Alonso – 2-for-3 HR (17). A BUYWhat light through Yonder’s home run breaks that window. For real, it was Old Man McMurphy’s window, and he is not happy. Old Man McMurphy hates broken windows!

Victor Martinez – 2-for-2, HR (6). I totally thought he had retired. That’s how bad he’s been this seaosn. Well, he’s hitting .409 with two homers since the all star break so maybe it’s time to start remembering again. It’s all coming back, coming back to me now! Back back back!

Nick Pivetta – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 12 K, 9th L. If you think I’m unhappy with a 5 ER, 12 K start then you obviously don’t know me very well. In fact, I’ll even take an extra earned run in exchange for 2 more Ks! I’m a K fiend, people!

Mason Williams – 1-for-3, go-ahead HR (1), 3 RBI. His first home run as a Red, and his first major league dinger in almost 2 years! He’s supposed to serve as the Reds fourth outfielder but can you name the Reds other three outfielders? No? Me neither!

Odubel Herrera – 1-for-4, HR (19). ODB likes it raw! A little shimmy shimmy ya for your 36 chambers. He’s got your money right herrrrre!

Alex Verdugo – 1-for-4, HR (1). He was a BUY!  Could be sent down when Puig is activated Saturday but if he’s traded anywhere he’ll get playing time he’s a name to remember. Unlike Kulture Kiara, which seems to be a name to forget. Luv u, cardi!

Clayton Kershaw – 7.2 IP, 6 hits, ER, 8 K, W. I picked the Dodgers to win it all mostly because I feel bad for Clayton Kershaw. This guy needs a ring, no? Is it OK to feel bad for Kersh? It’s not like he’s married to Kate Upton or anything.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-4, walk off HR (25), SB (19). Mmmookie with the slam & legs! When ur so in love and there’s no words. Mookie is my flame. My muse. Watching him get all HYPE when he hit his first career walk off got me so HYPE I couldn’t sleep. I spent the evening designing our future condo layout together. Open concept, plenty of sunlight, with a batting cage in the pahlah. He likes his slam & legs prepared at a private candlelit dinner in a lovely little bistro where we can share our hopes and our dreams with each other. Lucky for me, my hopes and dreams involve sharing candlelit dinners at romantic little bistros with Mookie Betts

Jackie Bradley – 2-for-4, HR (8), 2 RBI. Rafael Devers also homered in the ninth to tie this one. JBJ is hitting .227 in the past week but he does have 2 dingers, and has been known to get insanely hot for stretches. I’ll let you know next week if this is one of those stretches.

Chris Sale – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 10 K. The quickest pitcher to 200 Ks in, well, in ever, Tom. He broke his own record he set last year, Tom. Wait, who is Tom? He’s the imaginary broadcaster I talk to about my fantasy. Helps stave off the loneliness.

Craig Kimbrel – 1.1 IP, hit, 2 ER, 3 BB, BS (3). Kimbrel is a ninth inning man through and through. When you bring Craig Kimbrel into the game in the 8th inning–you’re gonna have a bad time.

Marcus Stroman – 6.2 IP, 7 hits, 2 ER, BB, 3 K, 4th win. Stro has four quality starts and four wins in his past six outings and if we remove one hiccup versus the Mets he’s been surprisingly good. However, at this stage I’m not sure we should be surprised when Marcus is decent, its more surprising he’s been so bad. I’d tell you to buy but I’m scared what he’ll do next, so I’m just going to leave this there and maybe start thinking about considering drafting Stroman next year when Vladdy Jr.’s in town.

Avisail Garcia – 2-for-4. He was hotter than J.Lo’s new instagram photos right before he hit the DL. He’s hit safely in three straight with a homer, maybe it’s time to add before he gets hurt again.

Lourdes Gurriel – 3-for-5, 2 HR (7). Good Lourdes, have mercy! The multi-hit game was Lourdes Lord’s ninth straight! That ties a franchise record set by some guy some time ago! How impressive! You go, Gurriel! He’s slashing .410/.429/.672 in July with 4 homers and 10 RBI, and has been a particularly flames  since the All Star break hitting .500 with 3 jacks and slugging 1.000. That’s been enough to raise his season slash to .308/.328/.504 with 7 homers and 18 RBI in just 36 games. Laura suggested you add in deeper leagues and Grey told you to BUY while he’s a hot bowl of poutine. I’m jumping on the bandwagon to complete the holy trinity of RB analyst add recommendos. Please Lourdes, give us strength, preferably in the form of more homers, multi-hit games and actually some stolen bases would be real nice as well.

Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-4, HR (14). HR to the Rizzo! Hitting .433 over the past week. Yeah, HOVA’s back! Life story told through bat!

Javier Baez – 2-for-4, HR (20). I can’t wait to see if Javy is a 25-25 guy or a 30-30 guy. How will this effect his ranking next year? Not much. I’m still going to try to own him everywhere.

Bud Norris – 1.0 IP, 2 K, SV (20). I really hope my [insert contending home team here] doesn’t trade for Bud Norris. Would be the ultimate fleece-job by the Cards. Maybe that’s why Jordan Hicks still isn’t the closer. Jose Martinez, on the other hand, I’ll happily take off their hands.

Robinson Chirinos – 2-for-4, 3 runs, 2-run HR (4). Ma-ma-ma-myyy Chirinosssssss!

Isiah Kiner-Falefa – 4-for-5, HR (3), 2 RBI. Falafel tahini sauced this one! His third four hit game of the year he’s now slashing .263/.329/.375, which honestly seems low for someone with three four-hit games. Am I wrong?

Dallas Keuchel – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, 9th L. This was actually a close game until Chris Devenski gave up 5 ER without recording an out. I would avoid eating the edible arrangement you find in your locker tomorrow, Chris. Dallas has been known to get real bitter about these kinds of things.

Yovani Gallardo – 5.1 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 4 BB, 5 K, 5th win against the defending world champs in Houston. Jurickson Profar also hit his tenth homer as Tejas scored 11 runs on 15 hits. The Rangers sure are picking a funny time to go on a run, you guys. Or is it the intra-Tejas rivalry that fuels them? Well, there’s only one way to settle this. QUE’ OFF! Best ribs wins, ain’t no beans about it but bonus points for the brisket.

Evan Gattis – 3-for-3, HR (20). Smoked it! I honestly can’t think of any active player who’d be more down for a Que’ Off than Gattis.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-4, HR (26). I feel like he hits a homer every Friday just to remind me of what we used to have, and what’s currently missing from my life. I hired Helen Hunt to help track him down. We approach the eye of the storm I feel the power of the storm and my only relief are those sweet, sweet dingers–ahh, my Torenado.

Kyle Freeland – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 9th win. He’s the new 2017 Jon Gray, just with lower Ks and ratios. Hmm, sounds unappealing. Well,  he gets a cushy start in St. Louis next week. Stream him if you got him!

Chris Archer – 6.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. I was just talking to some real life human friends the other day about how Archer’s career K/9 is top 10 all time or something something pleasedon’tfactcheckme. Well, where dem Ks now, Chris-toe-fer? FWIW, which is an acronym I’m not really sure applies here, I hope Archer gets traded because a change of scenery seems like it’d be best for all parties at this point. Just ask my real life human friends about all the parties I’m invited to.

Adam Jones – 3-for-4, HR (11), 4 RBI. ADDDAAYYYYYUM Jones. Where you been? We used to be boys. Now we never hang out. You have to do more of this if you want to be traded. I’m pulling for you!

Tim Beckham – 2-for-5, 2 runs, RBI. Beckham was a BUY! The Orioles scored 13 runs on 15 hits, and Tim might be one of the only O’s safe from the looming trade rumors because no one really wants this guy. But in this trash heap we find treasure, as Beckham is leading off for Baltimore and could be worth a flier. Pick him up if you hate yourself.

Jonathan Schoop – 3-for-6, HR (16), 3 RBI. His fifth straight game with a home run! Sweet sassy molassy! No one wants to get traded more than Jonathan Schoop, I’ll tell you that right now. He’s got 6 homers in his past seven games with 13 hits and 12 RBI in that stretch. Schoop ba-doop! A breakout player in 2017, Schooper struggled mightily in the first half but managed to get his slash up to a respectable .245/.275/.445 over the past 20 games. He needs to be owned everywhere whether he gets traded or not. Schoop him up!

Manuel Margot – 2-for-4, HR (4). Every time I write about this player it makes me sad, but he’s got an eight game hitting streak and three straight multi-hit games. So pick him up and maybe that will make me, or at least someone, happy.

Zack Greinke – 7.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 6 K, 12th win. His fourth win of the month, and Zack will be sad to see July go. As the rest of the DBacks pitching staff starts to fade, Greinke remains the horse that not-very-many thought he would be. I’m sorry for doubting you, Zack. Also, I’m sorry for trolling your twitter and your wife’s instagram and writing all those awful things about you on the messages boards. I’m sincerely apologize. Sign my ball?

Chase Anderson – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 3 K, 7th win. Brewers look to be ALL IN wheeling and dealing at the deadline! Playing with the big boys! Bless Milwaukee’s heart for making this little run of their’s knowing that their Ace is still Chase Anderson. No really, I think it’s precious! I hope they win it all.

Madison Bumgarner – 8.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, BB, 5 K. MadBum is so extreme he doesn’t needs wins! Did you see him parkour off the dugout wall and Misty flip into the clubhouse!? Siiiick kickflip, brah! Mondo air! Can I geta, shocka? How about a win next time?

Andrew Heaney – 8.0 IP, 7 hits, 3 ER, 5 K. I am having a hard time deciding whether or not Andrew Heaney is a good pitcher. The number’s (3.64 ERA 111/32 K/BB) are solid but he just seems to depress more than impress. 8.0 innings 3 ER. Meh. Rather have 7.0 IP no ER. Maybe my standards are too high. I am married to Mike Trout and room mates with Mookie Betts. It is understandably hard to compete with those two for my affection.

Wade LeBlanc – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 6 K. Unlike Heaney, I don’t need to look at next level stats to know that Wade LeBlanc is not a very good pitcher. For fantasy purposes though? He’s been just fine, but I would avoid his next start versus Houston unless you want some of that depression I was talking about.

Mike Zunino – 2-for-3, HR (13). Hitting .192. I’ll trade you my current catcher and two slurps of my delicious cold brew foam for your catcher and your worst closer. Need to think about it? Well, let me know soon because I’m about to drop him.

Kole Calhoun – 2-for-4, walk-off HR (12) in 10th inning. It was his first career walk off *cough* Mookieswasbetter *cough* and Kole has now has homered in back to back games and holds a delicious 1.083 OPS in July. When ur OPS is goals. I don’t want to toot anyone’s horn here, (wouldn’t want to get MeToo’d and the sexual tension in the Razzball writer’s room is already uncomfortably high) but Grey’s BUYs were on point this week, people! I’m counting at least six BUYs who did good stuffs with baseballs on Friday and that’s gotta be some kind of record! Why don’t you click on all the BUYs and see for yourself! That’s so many SEOs and PVs, acronyms, internet points and clicks to fill our sweaty pockets with that sweet, sweet income my parents kindly refer to as “a barely livable wage.”

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!

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4 years ago

Yo Dan- In a 10 team h2h league, Chirinos or Kiner-Falefa for catcher if Cervelli doesn’t get better?

4 years ago

Who is the odd man out on the bench with these 5 OF and a U from these six studs?
I own Acuna, Blackmon, Conforto, N.Cruz, Eaton, A.Garcia and Trout.

Molina bros bbq
Molina bros bbq
Reply to  Kruk_Ain't_An_Athlete
4 years ago
4 years ago

Which player moved, Escobar or Mous has better ROS?

4 years ago

Always a phenomajob, Dan!

I’m thinking of scooping up Sano since I’ve been basically streaming dudes at 3b. If I should be talked out of this, here is your chance.

Reply to  Dan Pants
4 years ago

@Dan Pants:

Thanks man!!! After what he and Ernest and Julio Gallo did to my AVG this spring, I wasn’t able to take him back without your blessing.

Doc Samson
Doc Samson
4 years ago

Next closer to get traded by July 31st is…

4 years ago

How would you rank these ROS?
Travis Shaw, Moustakas, Odubel Herrera