“But I can’t Jo-Fer that (Jo can do). No, I can’t Jo-Fer that, (Jo can do). Oh, I can’t Jo-Fer that (Jo can do), I can’t Jo-Fer that, can’t Jo-Fer that, can’t Jo-Fer that, but Jo can do!” I can do this all day. Seriously. That yin vs. yang, angel vs. devil, Ho-Hos vs. Yodels constant battle wrecks havoc on me. Jose Fernandez showed why he’s one of my favorite pitchers yesterday. I mean, goddamn, he made that pitch famous, he made that pitch famous! His line: 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 14 Ks. So, what’s the problem? What is the yang, devil, Yodel? That he will be shut down barely into September. If the Marlins stay in the pennant race, Jo-Fer may even be shut down earlier to give him a chance to pitch in October. I love him, but if you can get anything close to equal in value for him, I could see trading him in redraft leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Tommy Joseph – 1-for-3 and his 12th homer. JB and I go over ToJo on the podcast that is coming later today. If that doesn’t get your juices flowing then you have no soul, or you have a decent corner infielder already and no interest. I’m going with the former, whichever that one is.
Jeanmar Gomez – 1 IP, 2 ER, and the blown save, ERA at 2.89. “Well, he was great for so long, I’m gonna write off this one outing like I write off my comic book collection.” That’s you. What you may not know is I just traded for Jeanmar in one league, so, of course, he’s about to go sideways, and I don’t mean he’s about to take a wine tour with a Paul Giamatti lookalike.
Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.41. Through a cursory trip around Google that ended at Morgan Fairchild’s exercise video, I couldn’t find any mention of Nola battling a dead arm or poor mechanics, but I bet he was dealing with one of those, and now he looks fine, so grab him.
Joc Pederson – On track to return on Tuesday after injuring his AC joint. Couldn’t come at a worse time with the humidity recently.
Jordan Zimmermann – Threw a bullpen session and said he felt fine. However, he didn’t spell out fine, to further solidify which J.Z. he is.
J.D. Martinez – Still a few weeks away from returning. Just Dong’s gonna miss his chance to July Dong, which really is a shame.
Justin Upton – 2-for-3 and his 10th homer. *stifles laughter* Ten homers? As his manager Brad Ausmus would say, oy gevalt. Man or five non-man readers, even if Upton gets hot and ends the year at 25 HRs, is there any way you can draft him before 125 overall next year?
Matt Boyd – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. Flavor Flav’s fantasy team “Yeah, Boyd!” just moved up in the standings.
Chris Davis – Out with a stomach virus. Incredibly, Khris Davis was the one who ate a bad batch of oysters.
Darren O’Day – Could return this week. O’Happy O’Day.
Kevin Gausman – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, 1 homer allowed, ERA at 4.05. Stream-o-Nator predicted a line of 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks and 1 homer allowed. What a rip! I want my 2/3 IP, 1 ER and 1 K back!
Jonathan Schoop – 1-for-4 and his 16th homer, hitting .301. I guess he can hit for a decent average, huh? That’s directed to the random commenter in the preseason that said Schoop can’t hit for a decent average.
Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.92. Out of curiosity, I just checked in on Luis Severino in Triple-A — 7.2 K/9, 2.0 BB/9, 3.28 ERA — but Cashman said Severino won’t rejoin the club. Lesson here is don’t sleep with Cashman’s woman.
Alex Rodriguez – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer. Compliments of the RCL StatMaster, VinWins, in the comments yesterday, “A-Rod was 5-for-11 with 2 HRs vs. Gausman going into the game.” When A-Rod gets inducted into the Hall of Fame, which will be him standing in front of a lectern in front of a mirror pretending to be in Cooperstown, I’m sure he’ll thank Gausman, after he thanks himself.
Steve Pearce – Will be activated for today’s game in Coors. I’ll drink to that! Not Coors though, gross.
Trevor Story – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (22) and legs (6). Yeah, he’s on pace for 35/10. Chasing the dragon is smoking opium. Chasing the silver bullet is a similar feeling and as addictive, but it’s owning hitters that play in Coors.
Ji-Man Choi – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer, hitting .167. There’s no truth to the rumor that Pujols was playing Pokemon Go mid-game and began chasing Ji-Man.
Mike Trout – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. His go-ahead homer came off Keone Kela. After the game, the Rangers had no patience for Kela walking around in a black trench coat saying, “I am the Keone. Whoa.”
Nicholas Tropeano – 2 IP, 4 ER, and left with elbow soreness. In related news, Tyler Skaggs had 14 Ks in his last start, allowing one hit. Grab Skaggs now.
Adrian Beltre – 1-for-4 and his 13th homer, hitting .274. Beltre hit one of three homers (Rougned Odor 2-for-4, 2 RBIs, and his 17th; Mitch Moreland 2-for-3 and his 12th) in the first two innings vs. the Trop, who obviously was more hitter-friendly than The Trop.
Shin-Soo Choo – Sat out again, and hasn’t played since July 10th. Don’t want to be that guy, but I did say on July 1st he was due for an injury. Okay, I am so that guy.
Matthew Wisler – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.67. Thankfully, he’s in Coors later this week, so it was an easy call to bench him in my weekly league. Yes, this is about me.
Adonis Garcia – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer. I don’t know why, but I want Adonis to succeed, so I’m constantly looking at him through rose-colored glasses, and now he looks like Adorable Adonis with all of this rose color. He’s hitting over-.300 in the last week, and could be a light schmotato.
Joey Votto – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a homer, hitting .265. Also, in this game, Eugenio Suarez (1-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .225) homered, as well as Zack Cozart (1-for-5, hitting .263). Okay, now for some fun (not fun)! Guess how many homers each player has. I’ll give you the homer numbers: 15, 15, 16. C’mon, match them up! I’ll give you another hint, Suarez is the one with 16 homers. Surprise anyone? Yeah, me too.
Billy Hamilton – 3-for-5, 2 runs and three steals (25, 26, 27), hitting .245. I had Rajai so I didn’t need him at the time, but I regret not picking up Hamilton a few months ago when Prospector Ralph dropped him.
Brandon Finnegan – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.66. There was a crapton of garbage pitchers going yesterday, huh? Not to answer, but to ruminate.
Marcus Semien – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 7th steal, hitting .241. He’s on pace for 30 HRs, 12 SBs, and, I swear to you, every day people still ask if they should pick him up. And it’s not just here, he’s only owned in 35% of leagues. Yes, grab Semien. Plus, he makes great lotion.
Khris Davis – 1-for-4 and his 23rd homer, hitting .255. Another guy no one wants to own. No idea what it is with A’s hitters, but no one wants them.
Kendall Graveman – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.25 vs. Mike Fiers 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.75. Fiers succumbs to Graveman sounds like a film you watch in elementary school that you can’t ever shake.
Marwin Gonzalez – 1-for-5 and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in the last four games, and hitting near-.350 in the last week. Yes, he’ll be demoted to a bench bat at some point soon, but he’s hot now.
Yangervis Solarte – 2-for-4 and his 1st steal. He might be the hottest schmotato in the land. Is the land bereft of hot schmotatoes? P to the erhaps.
Matt Kemp – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, and his 3rd homer in as many games, hitting .255. After the game, Kemp said, “I’d waive my no-trade clause to any team, including any in the Mexican Baseball League.”
Jhonny Peralta – Sat out with pain in his surgically-repaired thumb. Now he’s got nothing to do and nothing to twiddle.
Randal Grichuk – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. At some point I said something like, “Grichuk could hit 15 homers in the 2nd half.” And that’s me vaguely remembering me!
Jedd Gyorko – 3-for-3, 2 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .252. This homer came off his old team, the Padres. What a Gyorko. Sorry, it’s wrong to Judge Jedd. Oh, snap! One blurb, two puns!
Mike Leake – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (zero BBs), 11 Ks, ERA at 4.00. Damn, I mean, yes, the Padres were the opponent, but still damn. That’s a terrific start, and coming off another start with 10 Ks. His K-rate is still only 6.7, but his walk rate is 1.3 with a 3.62 xFIP. In most leagues, I’d still look to stream him with the Stream-o-Nator, but could see trading for him in deep leagues.
Stephen Piscotty – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .299. Why bother in a game they were winning by seven runs? Piscotty doesn’t know! Piscotty doesn’t know!
David Robertson – 2/3 IP, 4 ER and his 3rd blown save. Last week, he couldn’t pitch due to his leg strain, and I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point very soon we hear it’s still bothering him causing him to hit the DL. I.e., grab Nate Jones. I before E, SAGNOF.
Chris Sale – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.18, and the no decision as he went after his 15th victory. Murray Chass said, “Sale would’ve won the game if he had more mettle. Grizzle, grizzle.”
Tim Anderson – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .279. What’s with the power? He was known for speed in the minors. Did he study under the same coach as Joc Pederson?
Todd Frazier – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .212. He’s hitting .267 in July but with only three homers. Batting average is not pop if you call it that then stop.
Joe Nathan – Could join the Cubs’ bullpen this weekend. I.e., Nathan’s Famous lips, asses, and torn ligaments will now be a Chicago dog.
Anthony Rizzo – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .293. HR to the Rizzo!
Matt Szczur – 3-for-4, 2 runs, hitting .294. Lil’ Szczur defeats-a defeats-a Mets!
Javier Baez – 2-for-4, 1 run and his 8th steal, hitting .281, as he hit leadoff yesterday, and is hitting near-.400 in the last seven games (on both sides of the ASG). Still owned in less than 40% of ESPN leagues. Oh…*pounds out a chicken cutlet, fills it with spinach and ricotta cheese, rolls it up, ties it with twine, bakes it on 450 for 18-22 minutes, pulls it out and breathes in the aroma* …kay. That’s the Chicken Florentine pause.
Carl Edwards – 1/3 IP, 2 hits, which is totally irrelevant for fantasy, but I wanted to be the first to congratulate Carl Edwards on getting his MLB career going and no longer having to body double for Anthony Mackie. “Yo, stop calling me Papa Doc!” That’s Carl.
Matt Harvey – Underwent thoracic outlet surgery. Sadly, performing the outlet surgery was not Plug 1, 2 or 3.
Wilmer Flores – 2-for-4 and his 9th homer, hitting .260. Glad to see Wilmer do well, the time right before the trading deadline is always a trying time for him.
Steven Matz – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.56. A few weeks ago, when it was announced that he had elbow spurs like a pitching John Wayne, Matz was dropped in my RCL (12-team mixed league), and I made no effort to pick him up.
Kendrys Morales – 0-for-1, hitting .225 in July. Member when this guy was a thing? It feels so long ago.
Jarrod Dyson – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, a grand slam. Would’ve made a nice batty call, which is not the same as the drunk dialing you do to your high school crush.
Cheslor Cuthbert – 2-for-3, 1 run, hitting .288, and hitting around .315 in the last week. Hey, don’t judge, he’s a little hot, also like your high school crush.
Corey Kluber – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.42, and the decisive no decision as Bryan Shaw (2/3 IP, 4 ER) shouted loud and clear, “I hate you, Grey, and I hope you never get any wins.” Thanks, Shaw.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer. I’m so crazy about this guy I can’t handle it, which Cougs tells me is now ‘candle.’ So, no more ‘can’t handle,’ it’s now candle. As in, I candle all the changes to the English language.
Yan Gomes – On Saturday, he sacrificed a chicken a’la Jobu from Major League to try to reverse his luck. On Sunday, he separated his shoulder and will be out for one to two months. The Chicken God makes a wish using your shoulder. There are downsides to playing with cluck magic.
