One If By Land, Three If By Seager

June 21, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 560 Comments

Our Commissioner Manfred presses his intercom, “Please escort in the Guatemalan baseball stitchers.” Manfred’s secretary brings six men dressed in blanket ponchos and straw hats. Their leader steps forward, “Mr. Manfred, the Capri Suns you have us using to juice the balls is not working.” Their leader pulls out a baseball that is dripping with Ecto Cooler. Manfred turns in his seat, silhouetted with the setting sun. He lights a Virginia Slim 120 and pulls, coughing slightly. “I no longer want the balls juiced. Now….I want you and your friends to go to Dodger Stadium and blow.” “Mr. Manfred, we are not sex workers!” “Not blow like that! Put your lips together and blow.” “Like Bogey and Bacall?” “Yes! Now go!” …And this was how Dodger Stadium became a launching pad. Yesterday, Corey Seager (4-for-5, 6 RBIs) hit three homers (10, 11, 12), Yasmani Grandal (3-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 7th homer and Cody Launchangler (1-for-3, 2 RBIs) did it again, hitting his 22nd. Granted, someone needs to put Cody Launchangler in carbonite for Cooperstown — we can’t risk something happening to him playing baseball! — but this Seager guy is pretty good too, huh? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report: Philly’s Blunt, Time For Pat

June 9, 2017 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 19 Comments

by: Smokey

The worst news in terms of closers, especially in a situation like Philadelphia, is the word: committee. I mean, it is kind of like getting free tickets to see the Village People, hell yes they are the Village People. But do you wanna be known for knowing more than two of their songs? Nope, not me. So look at this way, Pat Neshek got the save the other day after Gomez and Mortecia Neris had their turns at the gig. Now this isn’t a Pat on the back (pun intended for Neshek), because it is still a full blooded committee for a team that ranks in the bottom six in all of MLB in saves, save opportunities, and relief appearances with them having the lead. Add all that up and it goes back to what I was spitting a few months ago, are saves really worth the rigmarole of dumpster diving for futility? The problem with that whole “rostering multiple guys for a chance at a save” is all well and good if you are able to roster both or even three guys… and that is the dumbest thing I have ever typed out. Who in here has a Philly reliever let alone three? Show of hands? Yeah, you shouldn’t. So Neshek is worth a grab while they showcase him for trade value, and Neris is a hold because who knows when a last place team tries to keep it real? Let’s hop on the good foot and see what’s going down with the late-gamers…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Freeman Hits Ball 40 Acres And Runs Like A Mule

April 10, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 594 Comments

by: Grey

I wonder if Freddie Freeman has Fletch-like dreams where he pictures himself with a huge afro and his name is Freddie World B. Freeman. “He’s actually 6-5, with the afro, 6-9. Pretty good hands, loves to hit ones deep. His club is behind by three, and World B. Freeman drains a three-run homer! Wow, was that some kind of hit. You know this kid from the gritty streets of Orange County, California sure can play.” By the way, gritty in Orange County refers to a Sonic Drive-In that has a B grade from the Health Department. So, yesterday, Freeman put up those stats that I told you to pay a 2nd round price for — 4-for-5, 3 runs, and a double slam (1, 2) and legs (1), hitting .346 on the year. I was truly perplexed how low I saw some people ranking Freeman in the preseason. If anything, I think a stronger case could’ve been made to have Freeman ranked above Miggy, who was a consensus top 12 pick everywhere. Guess Freeman could use the name Mr. Under-ranked when he sneaks into country clubs to visit Dansby Swanson (1-for-5, 1st homer, hitting .179). Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report, Week 1: A’s Get a “D” For Diversity

April 7, 2017 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 21 Comments

by: Smokey

It was right in front of our faces and we ignored it. No one said the obvious. The elephant in the room. We all should have known that we were getting fooled by the A’s because we trusted a Melvin. A Melvin! After years of hoodwinking by Upton, we now get the reflexive of this, and are getting bobbed. Predictably, the A’s manager has made a real hash of the bullpen situation already, and we only sit four games into the season. I get his mentality in some states, because you want your best pitcher pitching to the best players in the opposing lineups and yadda, yadda, yadda. But this is fantasy baseball sir. We don’t have the time or social skills warranted to be able to deal with this type stuff. So for those of you living on a house boat with no wifi, the A’s bullpen usage is a flummoxed up mess with no one to trust. It’s like November 23rd, 1963 in Dallas, Texas type of questioning everything. Madson was the presumed closer and he has been treated as the go to guy for getting the tough outs. Twice against the middle of the order which included a Trout named outfielder. Then the first day went to Santiago Casilla, then the next day to Ryan Dull. But the things that boggles the mind is set orders here. I get that it is early and mixing and matching is cool like millennials do with socks now, but we need some kind of pecking order for rostering-type priorities. I can’t deal with this madness, I am going to alphabetize my canned goods. In the mean time, check out the closer menu, now with a deal on salads.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yas & Joc Go Rock & Jock On Friar Suck

April 4, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 498 Comments

by: Grey

When did Opening Day for the Padres become a laugher? Was it when Corey Seager (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) homered off Christian Bethancourt? You might remember Bethancourt was a catcher last year, but the Padres brought him back this year as a reliever. If the Padres are going to make every one of their terrible hitters a reliever, their bullpen is going to get crowded. Maybe that wasn’t the moment it became as cringeworthy as Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie’s romance. Maybe it was the moment Jhoulys Chacin was pulled after giving up nine earned in 3 1/3 IP. Considering this was the Padres’ best starter, the game score for their fifth best starter is going to be 38 to 1. Maybe the moment an 0-162 season became a possibility was when Yasmani Grandal (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 2nd home run, tying Madison Bumgarner for the major league lead. Or maybe it was the moment Manuel Margot (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting leadoff) tried to take first base after three balls, because he was facing Kershaw, and no one wants to face Clayton Kershaw (7 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 8 Ks). Kershaw must’ve felt like Meatloaf when he mowed down Dan Cortese’s 1999 Rock n Jock team. Oh, and haven’t even mentioned Joc Pederson (1-for-3, 5 RBIs with his 1st homer, a grand slam). He never gets any love in the preseason, but I can’t ever (I mean never) move past that he was the first 30/30 guy in the PCL in 80 years. Kinda wish I owned Pederson in more (any) leagues. Well, looks like LA now owns San Diego’s Chargers and Chacin. Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles might be the next beneficiary. Though, if LA takes San Diego’s navy, it’ll prolly only be used in a West Hollywood musical featuring Village People songs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I Will Start 4 2

April 3, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 388 Comments

by: Grey

I’m not a woman.
I’m not a man.
I am something that you refer to as Fantasy Master Lothario.
I’ll never beat you (except in fantasy, that is my pledge).
I’ll never lie (except about how much I once liked Josh Rutledge).
And you’re evil but unless Rougned Odor disappoints I’ll forgive you!
Cause baseball will start 4 2!

*takes a long inhale* Can you smell the freshly cut grass? No, because it’s still freezing in half the country? Where’s your climate change now, Al Gore?! I’m so hyped up about Opening Day, I’m slangin’ bean pies like Ice Cube and picking up and dropping catchers for s’s and g’s! *goes to my Yahoo fantasy team page*

What would #OpeningDay be without a Yahoo Fantasy sports glitch? My Yahoo teams are like the opening moments of The Leftovers. pic.twitter.com/OeQV1lysno

— Razzball (@Razzball) April 2, 2017

All right, so I guess I’m not making changes to my Yahoo team on this glorious of splendiferous days. This day that is more beautiful than Giancarlo’s tukis. This day that is the most frou-frou of all catchpennies! Okay, I think my thesaurus steered me wrong on that last one. On a sappy level, this was a weird offseason, and I’m glad to put the real world in my rearview mirror for six glorious months, and worry about nothing but winning as many fantasy baseball leagues as I can, and helping everyone along the way. Now who was it again that had Greg Bird (0-for-4, but batted third; yes, you should own him) ranked higher than everyone else?! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report: Dual Overhead Cam

March 10, 2017 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 35 Comments

by: Smokey

Surprise. Huston Street is already injured and being replaced by someone who isn’t the full measure or picture of health in Cam Bedrosian. Cam is the goods, it is just a matter of him grabbing that role, remaining healthy, and then riding off into the sunset like the end of the movie Shane. Minus the slumped-over presumably a dead thing. The thing that I love about Cam is that he is growing as a pitcher. He always had the K/9 rate (9.3 in 2014, 9.2 in 2015, and 11.4 in 2016), but the thing that says that he is legit is that his walk rate was basically halved last year. To extrapolate on that further, in his last 26 appearances of last year he faced 92 batters, walked 8, and allowed 12 hits. Good for a slash line of .146/.239/.159 for a .398 OPS. That is approaching reliever stalwarts like Bush and Barraclough. And we know how much they are coveted right now, and they don’t have a sniff of savedom. Oh… and add in only one earned run during that time. Stats sound great because they are basically forgotten about, because his season ended the first week of August. He was basically licking the closer bait, and then poof. Til now. If you are looking to invest in him for the season, he is basically going to give you Kelvin Herrera type production, and by his ever rising ADP (last week 200, this week 140) the secret is out for the save chase in La La Grey. Let’s see what else is going down in the realm of closers as we get ever closer to draft days…

Razzball Commenter Leagues are open! Play against our contributors and your fellow readers for prizes. Join here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2017 Fantasy Baseball Closer Rankings

February 16, 2017 | Closers, Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Middle Relievers | 30 Comments

by: Smokey

I think this will conclude this year’s rankings for all players, but with the way closer roles can change between now and Spring Training, finishing will be bountiful. There seems to be a big difference among experts in the top-10, and I am no different. Also, the bottom tiers for the rankings are a “wait and see” proposition, as there are easily 7-8 teams with a closer by committee situation, or at best, a closer who is a retread of a retread. Everyone knows who you are Fernando, you don’t have to stand up and raise your hand or shoot an arrow fictitiously at me. So as we approach draft season and beyond, use this list for now, because the situations will be fluid from here on out. As I promised two weeks ago, you will get a new list every two weeks, with a holds post (no it won’t be in different color for people who just skip the preface of an article) in betwix. Get excited folks! Spring is sorta here, and with that comes all of Grey’s rankings, my closer and bullpen stuff, and basically every tool under the sun to help you be the best you can be. Now get out there and win one for Flipper!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft Recap, Rounds 13-18

February 1, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 9 Comments

by: mikeMaher

Here we are, the third of four posts about the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft. Previously, I posted recaps of rounds 1-6 and rounds 7-12. This post is for rounds 13-18. The final post will be for rounds 19-23. Complicated stuff, I know. But try to keep up.

In case you have yet to see my previous posts, here is a quick recap of the league rules for this mock:

This mock was for a 15-team, 5×5 roto, with 23 roster spots made up of 9 pitchers (9), 1 spot for each position (8), a second catcher (1), 2 more outfielders (2), one corner infielder (1), one middle infielder (1), and one utility position (1).

As I have done with the other posts, I’ll post the results below by round and will offer a few of my thoughts for each round…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft Recap, Rounds 1-6

January 16, 2017 | 2017 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 46 Comments

by: mikeMaher

Greetings, friends. I hopped over to the football side of things once last year’s baseball season ended, but now I’m back. And apparently, I am such a disturbed individual that I am doing fantasy baseball mock drafts in early January. And, I am writing about them. And, well, I just wanted to start another sentence with and because it feels so wrong but so right at the same time. Anyway, moving on.

I was fortunate enough to be invited to the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft, and we’re going to recap it here. This mock was for a 15-team, 5×5 roto, with 23 roster spots made up of 9 pitchers (9), 1 spot for each position (8), a second catcher (1), 2 more outfielders (2), one corner infielder (1), one middle infielder (1), and one utility position (1). As long as I did that math correctly, that is 23 spots.

Below, I will provide the results for the first six rounds and a give my thoughts for each round. I’ll do the same for rounds 7-12, 13-18, and 19-23 in subsequent posts. I’ll try to keep it brief. All we really care about are the results here, right? Feel free to tell me how awesome or crappy you think my team is, along with what you think were the best and worst picks of the draft or the different rounds…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The 8th Annual Razzballies

October 4, 2016 | Y to Z | 209 Comments

by: Grey

Welcome back for another star-studded event! Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself. The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos. We don’t judge. We will occasionally mock. Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto. Get over it! I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year. How about the clip where I was Joe Maddon intentionally walking Bryce Harper? Hee-lar-e-US! So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Closer Report: Over? Did You Say Over?

October 1, 2016 | Closers, Middle Relievers | 19 Comments

by: Smokey

What is a finale in fantasy without a final closer report? Nothing I tell ya. It’s like a compound without an element, or a really cool shout out to the Low End Theory. I salute the 14 sober readers of that “not firmly planted” on the porcelain thinking throne. So this is it my friends, the last of the last of the last. I was debating on what to do for the last post of the year. Something cliche, something with recycled jokes that you see all the time… wink. Nah, I am an original, I survive millennials and the whole generation X by just being me. Not loved by all by liked by most and yet here I still sit. Shout out to all the readers I lead astray, and the ones I actually helped. Not everyone gets everything right all the time, but I try. I am human. You would think a computer generated version of Smokey would have a cooler avatar than a bear that looks like an extra from the Fat Boys movie Disorderlies. So to keep it chalk, I will keep it plain and simple and do what I have done for years. Give you a final ranking of all the closers this year and a glimpse into the future of closers. As in the who will be closing next year for every team or at the very least an estimated guess straight from my basement. So with the final post of the year for me from a baseball perspective about to wrap, I enjoyed bringing you the jazz and the haps on the relief game again, this my eighth year at Razzball nation.

Please, blog, may I have some more?