We all know what it’s like to part with a loved one; An ex-girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover/sidepiece/sugar daddy/sugar baby, and we know how painful it can truly be. I…I can’t believe I’m saying this…but after much self-reflection the time has come for me to part with my alter ego…Tehol Beddict.

You see, Tehol was the person I wanted to be in real life; peaceful, spiritual, focused on dominance, a total sex-addict, someone who was sought after for advice, and other than the moments I go back to Twitter or when I’m screaming at people in traffic, I honestly feel like I’ve become this person in 2019 (other than the sex-addict part…I’m celibate). Also, my friends and family can’t seem to understand that this is me, as they can’t comprehend why if it was me it wouldn’t say my real name. My freaking father says he can never find my work online, so basically I’m making this maneuver to assist the elder folk. You know, the elderly, though slow, and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose, so it’s important we help them out whenever possible. Wonder if he struggles this mightily in searching for porn???

Anyway, most of my old readers have most likely moved on to new writers…who are we kidding! They have been biding their time, strategizing and plotting for my triumphant return,  organizing a masterful battle plan to destroy all who oppose me, and believe me, it melts my heart guys/gals. Say one thing for Tehol…errr, LT, say that he loves his supporters like the children he never wanted. (I almost deleted this 100 times as it’s extremely difficult to say goodbye to the legend, but it’s time to rip the sutures out and bleed my own blood, and festoon the walls of Razzball with it.)

If you have no clue what I’m speaking of, or have no clue who or what I am, prepare yourself for next level savagery, for play around, I do not. Let’s get down to business, shall we?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome to another season of Razz-matazz Fantasy Baseball. For those of you wondering, that actually was Grey’s second choice for naming this site, but as you can see, Razzball won out, much to the chagrin of jazz fingers around the world. And just one ball. No multiple balls I guess. Shame. Shame. Shame. But here we are with another year of staff picks. So what’s the goal with this? Hashtag content, baby. (That’s the technical term.) There’s another goal though, one less self-fulfilling, unlike your mother. Despite the modern advancement of technology and science, we still have no way to have every writer provide their extended (or in Tehol’s case, I always hope abbreviated) take on every single player in the MLB. We try though! And so we have this quick-and-easy (I regret burning my “yo momma” joke now…) presentation that provides you, the Razzmatazzball community a viewer-friendly and succinct breakdown of how we feel about the upcoming season.

So without further ado, here are our Official 2019 Razzball Picks! (Be sure to share yours in the comments section!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Baseball, like a flower, blooms in the spring.  They also share equally effusive PR people.  Just the other day I read about how a petunia’s branches gained 15 pounds and was in the best shape of its life.  Sure, it’s always good to look at spring training numbers to give you an idea what you can expect from guys during the season — can I draft Adalberto Mondesi yet?!  Players in spring training are facing the top pitchers who are all displaying their best stuff.  No one needs time to get warmed up.  No one’s trying new pitches or getting a feel for the ball.  They are at the height of their game in the beginning of March.  Our former commissioner, Bud, once doffed his toupee and tried to have the World Series played in March.  Since these spring training numbers mean so much, I decided to look at some players stats so far:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Couple of sells before the words to ring the till’s bells.  If you want an ad-free experience, click here.  Join a Razzball League, they’re filling up, but they need youse, so stop being afraid of success!  Finally, Rudy released his War Room, you need to subscribe to our tools to get it.  Not to toot Rudy’s horn — ew! — but it is what we both use in all our drafts.  I’m basically crediting it with our Tout Wars wins.  It is leaps and bounds better than our online War Room.  It is indispensable in NFBC leagues.  You can get access to the War Room via the Easter Egg hidden in the middle of the Stream-o-Nator page.  You have to subscribe, though.  Speaking of NFBC, sign up to take on Rudy or I or Ralph or MattTruss.  League’s start drafting March 4th.  Wait, there’s a more detailed intro:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Major League Baseball Looks to Smack a Home Run as Legal Online Sports Betting Grows in Popularity

Professional baseball players will officially lace up their cleats for opening day 2019, earlier than ever before in history. This news will certainly attract some level of interest, especially in places where winter hasn’t yet given up its grip.  There is also going to be another first that will have the baseball world talking even louder. For the first time in modern history, it will be legal in designated venues to bet on Major League Baseball games.

When the United States Supreme Court struck down the law that forbade states from permitting sports betting, the door was opened, if only slightly ajar. Delaware and New Jersey were the first states to swing that door wide open. So, now that sports betting is no longer against federal law, what should you expect from MLB’s stance concerning online sports betting?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back for another star-studded event!  Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself.  The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos.  We don’t judge.  We will occasionally mock.  Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto.  Get over it!  But don’t mock Judge, that’s not all right.  I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year.  How about the clip where I was Kris Bryant learning about launch angles from David Eckstein?  Hee-lar-e-us!  So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last year some fellow co-workers and I decided it would be fun to join a flag football league. Seemed like a solid idea. Do some ‘team building’, get some running in, and enjoy a little competition. Well, by the end of the season we had gone through 4 QBs, one broken thumb, multiple pulled hammies and quads, and a grand total of 2 wins to show for all of our pain, so, safe to say, we made the right choice to be auditors and not professional athletes.

With the NFL draft ongoing, I thought it would be interesting to see what the best backyard football squad we could put together of current MLB players would look like. As this is a backyard/adult sport league type of team build, we’ll forego the offensive and defensive line. By NFL standards, there aren’t many guys that could play the line anyway.  David Ortiz, Big Papi, is by all accounts a mountain of a man for a baseball player at 6’4” and listed at 250 lbs. (I’m not sure I buy the weight, but that’s neither here nor there) would still be an inch short and 60 pounds light of the average offensive tackle in the NFL…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Okay, first off, it’s not what you think. This entry is all about a screw up I made, which I am comparing to the infamous Merkle’s Boner. If you’re not familiar with Merkle’s Boner, well, I just linked to it so read up! You won’t be disappointed. [Jay’s Note: Can confirm, it is SFW, though does qualify for risky click of the day!] The major difference here is, you know, this isn’t real baseball. It’s fantasy. To me though, it was still a huge pain in the ass, and I am interested in getting other’s takes on what the outcome should have been. This happened a couple months ago by now, and we’ll get to the resolution and hindsight at the end.

I am the commissioner of the prestigious Die Nasty Dynasty Baseball League, which is entering (I believe) it’s sixth year. The league had always been hosted on CBS, but when I took a job writing for Fantrax it became obvious for many reasons that we needed to move the league there. So we did. The downside there is that I was tasked with the importing of rosters. It’s a 15 team league with 50-man rosters, so with full rosters to move as well as some extra guys that ended the season on someone’s DL, I wound up placing over 750 players. You can see how there would be some room for error, so I told every owner to check over their lineups once I was done to make sure that I didn’t goof…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to another season of Razz-matazz Fantasy Baseball. For those of you wondering, that actually was Grey’s second choice for naming this site, but as you can see, Razzball won out, much to the chagrin of jazz fingers around the world. And just one ball. No multiple balls I guess. Kinda like the opposite of how Hilton didn’t want just one tree. Double that sh*t! But here we are with another year of staff picks. So what’s the goal with this? Hashtag content, baby. (That’s the technical term.) There’s another goal though, one less self-fulfilling, unlike your mother. Despite the modern advancement of technology and science, we still have no way to have every writer provide their extended (or in Tehol’s case, I always hope abbreviated) take on every single player in the MLB. We try though! And so we have this quick-and-easy (I regret burning my “yo momma” joke now…) presentation that provides you, the Razzmatazzball community a viewer-friendly and succinct breakdown of how we feel about the upcoming season.

So without further ado, here are our Official 2018 Razzball Picks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?