We all know what it’s like to part with a loved one; An ex-girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover/sidepiece/sugar daddy/sugar baby, and we know how painful it can truly be. I…I can’t believe I’m saying this…but after much self-reflection the time has come for me to part with my alter ego…Tehol Beddict.

You see, Tehol was the person I wanted to be in real life; peaceful, spiritual, focused on dominance, a total sex-addict, someone who was sought after for advice, and other than the moments I go back to Twitter or when I’m screaming at people in traffic, I honestly feel like I’ve become this person in 2019 (other than the sex-addict part…I’m celibate). Also, my friends and family can’t seem to understand that this is me, as they can’t comprehend why if it was me it wouldn’t say my real name. My freaking father says he can never find my work online, so basically I’m making this maneuver to assist the elder folk. You know, the elderly, though slow, and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose, so it’s important we help them out whenever possible. Wonder if he struggles this mightily in searching for porn???

Anyway, most of my old readers have most likely moved on to new writers…who are we kidding! They have been biding their time, strategizing and plotting for my triumphant return,  organizing a masterful battle plan to destroy all who oppose me, and believe me, it melts my heart guys/gals. Say one thing for Tehol…errr, LT, say that he loves his supporters like the children he never wanted. (I almost deleted this 100 times as it’s extremely difficult to say goodbye to the legend, but it’s time to rip the sutures out and bleed my own blood, and festoon the walls of Razzball with it.)

If you have no clue what I’m speaking of, or have no clue who or what I am, prepare yourself for next level savagery, for play around, I do not. Let’s get down to business, shall we?

Giancarlo Stanton will hit 60 home runs this season.

Everyone and their sweet mother is hyping up Aaron Judge this season, which is fine and dandy and tastes like candy, BUT, have we forgotten that Stanton hit FIFTY NINE HOME RUNS the season before last? In that atrociously large and strange Marlins ballpark? With no real protection in the lineup? HOW HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN THIS!?!?!?! Tell me, for I must know. New York seems to mess with some players mentally in the beginning and my highly educated guess is that it affected Stanton, which would explain his Kyle Seager-esque numbers. Truly embarrassing, but if I know Giancarlo the way I think I know Giancarlo, he will return to us like the God he was born to be, putting in the time and effort necessary to prove to us once again, that he is the supreme power hitter in baseball.  Even Zeus went through trials and tribulations as a young man; If you’d like me to teach you about these, please sign up for my upcoming seminar on mythological masculinity.

 

Gary Sanchez will finish Top-5 in AL MVP voting.

I know what you’re thinking…”L-Teezy, dog, Clamchez hit .186 last season and basically ruined my life. My wife left me and things are so bad around here that I had to jerk off the dog just to feed the cat.” Yikes! Been there, my goodman, been there…BUT we also know that Sanchez was banged up all season, as he took the field for only 89 games, AND WE KNOW that he hit 33 and 90 with a .278 average the season before, AND WE KNOW that he is a young 26 years old, which should put him squarely in his prime, AND WE KNOW he’s in insane lineup that will create a plethora of opportunities for him to explode like a porn star after four cans of tuna, AND WE KNOW he likes to do it doggy style so they can both watch the soccer game, and, well, that has to count for something god dammit. Book it!

 

Carlos Correa will hit 30 homers and make us forget his embarrassingly pathetic 2018.

Seriously, what was that? In my left ball of balls, truly believed Correa to be a breakout superstar, drafting him in what I believe was the second round in the Razzball “Perts” League. Hey, sort of like Sanchez, he was definitely dealing with a nagging injury all season long, as it was far and away the most pathetic season of baseball of his entire life. Let us not forget that Correa is just 24 years of age and already has one all-star appearance under his belt. Last year, he was a sleeper MVP candidate, and now, this year he can be had at bargain bin basement price. That, my goodmen, is how you win fantasy titles. You have to think outside the box…sort of like…say, Elizabeth Holmes. Fake it till you make it, and by that, I mean, just do whatever Grey and myself tell you do to, until you fully understand what’s happening here. ALTHOUGH, surpassing Grey is beyond the realms of imagination though, so maybe use your brain to use other interesting skills and just let the big dogs handle it. Aaaaaahkay????

 

Julio Urias will FINALLY break out.

IT HAS BEGUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!! Urias time is upon, and I can’t contain my exuberance! Many of you may have forgotten that this wild stallion was once the most talked about prospect in baseball and he’s still JUST 22 YEARS OLD! Rich Hill is injured (SHOCKER), so Urias will begin the season in the rotation and my guess is that he’ll refuse to give it up. Other than a couple bombs given up, the young God was utterly dominant in spring ball. Again, repeat after me…THIS IS HOW YOU WIN FANTASY TITLES. You must reach on young men like this to ensure they are on your roster and fill in the other parts later and master the art of the waiver wire. In my yoga classes, they refer to me as “Sensei Lo-Well” which is what the “L” in L.T. stands for. I give you my permission to do the same. Namaste.

 

Jurickson Profar will make the All-Star team.

If you’re anything like me (I suppose most aren’t), then you’ve always been a huge Profar backer and prayed on his return to form after some devastating injuries early in his career. Like the aforementioned Urias, Profar was once a top three prospect in all of baseball; The kind of guy you can’t help but stare at in the locker room. Why can’t we all be showers and growers? It’s not fair, am I right? Profar is beyond blessed and after breaking out with 20 dongs, 70 ribs and 10 steals, Texas decided…to trade him to their division rival? Yes, Rangers management has seemingly been butt chugging ferret water for the past decade, but this  move has me dazed and confused, and I am not speaking of the film, for I have not viewed it. Weird, eh?

 

Albert Pujos will continue to tarnish is legacy by stealing money and being painful to watch.

Why do we believe in fully guaranteed contracts in any sport? I’ve been on this tip lately and I can’t let it go. Why do we, the peasant fans believe these men are entitled to hundreds of millions of dollars, even when they blow walrus tusk, and totally don’t live up to their end of the deal, and end up hampering the franchise that gave them the deal? Like, how about if you sign a 200 million dollar contract, 100 is guaranteed. IS 100 MILLION MFing DOLLARS ENOUGH!?!!?!?!? I need answers. I need them now. Pujols needs to donate about 90 percent of the money from these last few deals or he should be removed from Hall of Fame consideration. I can’t watch him play the sport without cringing as if I just witnessed my Mom getting downward dogged by Ray-J. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, ALBERT!

 

Ditto Miguel Cabrera.

Please retire and do everything in your power to have the Detroit Tigers face full contraction. There is no more unwatchable team in all of sports. Sad.

 

Michael Conforto will hit 40 homers and be an All-Star.

If you were paying attention for the second half of last season, you may have realized that Conforto was crushing and carrying a fantasy team to glory (Probably not the one that drafted him). If you’re paying attention this spring, you may have noticed that Conforto  piped out five and is fully ready to make the leap. He’s locked in, has superior lineup protection to last season, and in they typical age range when young men fully develop into superstars.

 

Bryce Harper will win NL MVP.

Tis a joke where he’s ranked on all fantasy sites I’ve witnessed. I just drafted him number three overall and I’ll do the same in the Razzball expert league draft Wednesday if it comes down to it. Oh you’d rather take a starting pitcher? My God, grow a pair.

 

Felix Hernandez will bounce back with a Top-3 finish for the AL Cy Young.

I’m kidding. Clearly. The King is washed and I feel bad he never left when he had the chance. For a pitcher this great to never haven been given a chance to do anything in the playoffs is disturbing on all Shia LaBeouf levels.

 

 

Thank you for joining me for what I hope will be the first of countless baseball posts this season. I’ve decided to write full time, and am working on a couple screen plays, but writing here sort of keeps me sharp, plus I love the sport. As always, I appreciate your input on all things; Books, TV, movies, music, etc. Razzball does not have an Instagram page, and since my normal page is a bit out there for most of you, I’m thinking of starting an IG account that focuses more on sports, so if you’re interested in that I’ll have more details next week and offer Grey a Beej to mention it in one of his posts. Hallelujah Hollaback.

  1. Mike says:
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    10 team mixed 5×5 auction keeper league. Just had our draft and Matt Olson was left undrafted/unkept, so will be a $1 keeper next year. Would you drop either Domingo Santana or Laureano to grab him and put him on DL tomorrow? Top guys to replace Santana or Laureano (assuming someone grabs him) are Smoak, Bader, Tyler White.

    • LT Murray says:
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      That’s so tough as I expect both those young men to have nice seasons but I’d probably do it with either really, probably Santana tho and grabbing Smoak who I drafted at very end. Should be as good or better than sanatana and if you can get him back, great

  2. stayinhot says:
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    Love your work artist formal known as Tehol. Good luck wth the screenplays.

    Missed the boat on Urias *shakes fist.

    Totally agree on Pujols, but Miggy has one good season left I think, the supporting cast is bleh though.

    • LT Murray says:
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      Thank you my good man. Miggy seems washed but I hope you’re right for I fully believed he would age well. I reached on Urias but such is life. You’ll bounce back

  3. Chucky says:
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    The King as a top three Cy Young finisher, huh? Boldest I’ve seen to date. Wishing the King all the best.

    • LT Murray says:
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      Dude, you didn’t even read it. FOH hahahahah

    • Dan says:
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      Who is the better option jose martinez or tyler white ???

      • LT Murray IV

        LT Murray IV says:
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        Whitey

  4. bread n butter says:
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    Would you drop Voit, Soler, Winker, or G.Polanco for Urias?

  5. Brent Briere says:
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    Pujols is trash…projections for Profar?

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      .270 , 28 bombs, 85 RBI minimum

  6. frankgrimes says:
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    You’ll always be Tehol to me

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      FRANK, works for me. I’m just glad you’re still here. I just no longer have to hide inappropriate posts or writing from employers LMAOOOOOO . Freedom

      • frankgrimes says:
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        Niiiice. Don’t even think these are so bold.
        I told grey other day Stanton going to hot 60.
        I’ve been on Conforto, Sanchez and Harper in first round.
        Only one i disagree is Correa.

        • LT Murray IV says:
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          Correa ughhhh, I just don’t get the fall off. It has to be injuries. The man is a legend and so young. He dinged up again now tho and I’m upset but I’m happy where I drafted as still high upside I believe . Glad we’re on the same page

          • frankgrimes says:
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            I like him just don’t see a huge ceiling.
            You gonna do a final Game of Thrones post too?

            • LT Murray IV

              LT Murray IV says:
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              How could I not? I wouldn’t feel right about myself. I feel like I was in the first in that . hahah

  7. breadnbutter says:
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    Would you drop GPolanco, Winker, Voit, or Soler for Urias?

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      Yes sir, probably all of them. Choose your least favorite and let it fly. I mean, I just reached like a MF to get him sooooo these guys are all fish food and replaceable to me

  8. The Skrimmer says:
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    I think, no real reason why, that Miggy is going to be alright this year. Wanted to draft him, but did not get the chance. Moving onto two players I did draft…which of the following are you more confident in outperforming his value and deserving of a two-year contract:

    Matt Chapman – $4
    Domingo Santana – $1

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      My goodman, you must go Chapman. Age 26 season, hot corner. Improving yearly. Santana far more risk and competition for at bats.

  9. Got Urias and Paddock late – yes!!

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      You’re the man now, dog!!!!! Fabulous work

      • William Hung says:
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        dreaded innings limits will limit their upside

        • LT Murray IV says:
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          Relax Hung

  10. NoooooooTehol!!! says:
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    So I should be comfy with Profar as my starting 1B? I drafted last night and had a ton of trouble sleeping.

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      More than comfortable: how many first basemen can get you 30 bombs and 15 plus steals? Rest easy, my goodman, as if I was right there besides you, massaging your hamstrings with warm milk

      • NoooooooTehol!!! says:
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        I read that as “my god damn”. I was ok with that too.

        • LT Murray IV

          LT Murray IV says:
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          I like that as well. God damn, I missed you

  11. Ray D says:
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    Is Jeffress the closer in Milwaukee when he returns? Or is it a possible committee?

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      I would absolutely assume so. I’ve been wrong before but it makes the most sense

  12. Lucky Dog says:
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    Porn stars explode after eating 4 cans of tuna?

    I have….just so many questions.

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      I read an interview with a famous porn star saying whenever he needs to drop a huge load, he eats a can of tuna. So imagine 4 LMAOOOO

      • Lucky Dog says:
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        Wow. You really have grown and matured – it’s no wonder you dropped your alias like an uh, porn star drops a deuce.

        rofl

        #TIL

        • LT Murray IV

          LT Murray IV says:
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          dude, not a deuce. Like it increases semen levels. got it?

        • LT Murray IV

          LT Murray IV says:
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          I don’t speak about bowel movements. gross

  13. Damien says:
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    Guaranteed contracts make sense because 1) they worked insanely hard to be in a career that definitely expires before pretty much any other career, 2) they are ridiculously underpaid (per value of WAR) before arbitration, 3) Owners take no risk, have no time limit, and make unfathomably more money than them, all of which is guaranteed in all but name only (see the value of sports franchises as exhibit 1).

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      I don’t care. If you’re HORRIBLE at your job and or hurt all the time (insurance ahoukdncome into play) teams should have some sort of out. It’s absolutely disgusting: oh their career doesn’t last as long so they need 80 million ? Dude, I’m just so over it , with all the bums in the NBA especially.

      • Damien says:
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        The Angeles made more money on Pujols than they lost, and I’d be good money that’s true for nearly every player in history. We’re just having to witness the sausage get made :( and it gets realllly ugly for sure. In the NBA people just become “expiring contracts” to trade which is pathetic. But the blame is on the owners, not the players.

        • LT Murray IV

          LT Murray IV says:
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          Do you have numbers that support that? I refuse to believe that. That money could have been used for far greater purposes. I mean, is this proportionate to what huge companies pay their employees? Like, it’s ridiculous. I just can’t agree with it.

  14. LT Murray IV says:
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    I don’t care. If you’re HORRIBLE at your job and or hurt all the time (insurance ahoukdncome into play) teams should have some sort of out. It’s absolutely disgusting: oh their career doesn’t last as long so they need 80 million ? Dude, I’m just so over it , with all the bums in the NBA especially.

  15. tigersharkz says:
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    Hope you continue to write all season. I think you’re funny as hell, what does that say about me…??? Hmmm… Just kidding!

    • LT Murray IV

      LT Murray IV says:
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      It says you’re an incredible human being with a huge heart and a beautiful soul. Namaste

  16. mpaj says:
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    I got Cabrera in the 23rd round and Santana in the 24th round. I feel okay at 1B (and sometimes UTIL or CI) with those two. At least I didn’t waste a 15th rounder on Abreu.

    • Mpaj says:
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      Santana in the 20th

    • LT Murray IV

      LT Murray IV says:
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      Solid work for sure, my friend. THat’s a nice find that late. I ended up waiting one round too long and ended up with Smoak. ehhhhh, it could work out

  17. Bob the builder says:
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    Howdy master Tehol aka LT Murray!

    H2h points/ weekly lock league.
    Drafted last week thoughts on my squad

    C: Realmuto

    1b: Goldschmidt

    2b: Ozzie albies

    3b: Travis Shaw (2b/3b eligibility)

    SS Profar (SS/1b/3b eligibility)

    IF: Jose Abreu

    OF we start 4: Bryce Harper, benintendi, conforto, dee Gordon (2b/of eligibility)

    DH: Khris Davis

    Utility: Andrew mccutchen
    Utility: Max Muncy (3b/1b eligibility)

    Bench: devers, Fernando tatis jr, Ian happ (2b/OF), Austin meadows, Pete Alonso, joc pederson, Nick Senzel, Jesse winker. And drafted gerson montilla with my last pick to use as a drop for waivers

    SP: Thor syndergaard
    SP: Strasberg
    SP: price
    SP: evoaldi
    SP: darvish
    SP stripling

    RP: Archie Bradley
    RP: brad peacock
    RP: Carlos Martinez IL10

    Bench jon gray, sonny gray,

    1.) drop or hold Ian happ? I’d be looking to add Jeff McNeil , Adam Frazier (2b/OF), Jung Ho Kang or Pedroia as a stash?

    2.) move Carlos Martinez to IR to add one of these: Hunter Strickland, Greg Holland, Julio Urias, Marcus stroman, Matt Straham .

    With the Holland news are we holding or keeping Archie Bradley?

    Thanks man!!

    • Dan says:
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      Who is the better option jose martinez or tyler white ???

      • LT Murray IV

        LT Murray IV says:
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        Tyler White and you can take that to the credit union

    • LT Murray IV

      LT Murray IV says:
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      Howdy, brethren. Pleasure to be back in the saddle. Now let’s rope us up some fantasy stallions.

      1. Tough call, especially in weekly lock week when he’s sitting some games, but he’s worth holding over the other guys as I still like the upside far more.

      2. Well, I’d say grab Urias for sure but it looks like you need saves and pretty loaded at SP tho I’m not a Sonny Gray fan. It’s tough but I’d probably grab Strickland. The D backs are trash. So are the Mariners but I feel like they have a better shot at figuring it out. Bradley is one of my favorite relievers in the league and it kills me that he’s not the closer. I don’t mind holding as I could see Holland getting rocked out, even within the first couple weeks. wouldn’t surprise me one bit

  18. Scrapski says:
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    LT IV,
    So glad you’ve morphed into nothing less than Tehol, the standard in writing. We are all blessed, Let it be…
    Now then…popcorn or peanuts to begin the season?

    • LT Murray IV

      LT Murray IV says:
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      I am the same person, tis true. How about both? SCRAPSKI!!!!! Proud to have you in my comment section

  19. SallyCips says:
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    Well at least you still have the chicken. ;)

    Let’s have at it, 2019 season!

    • LT Murray IV

      LT Murray IV says:
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      She’s here with me now, as I type this, relaxing and taking it all in. Been stressful for her since the news broke

  20. Chris says:
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    Thanks LT! I like Correa to bounce back and I almost ran to the wire when I saw your Felix post, then I read it! :)

    Ok, I’m in a 14 team league, i’ll be weak at one of my DH spots but options are:

    David Fletcher
    Mcmahon
    Pillar

    Thoughts?
    Thanks!

    • LT Murray IV

      LT Murray IV says:
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      You’re more than welcome, my friend. Felix, hahaa. Yea, sadly, I don’t see that happening.

      Pillar is probably the safest bet . McMahon is interesting……… I’d probably swoop Pillar for the steals possibly. McMahon probably has highest upside jacks wise.

      Thanks so much for reading

  21. bigbear says:
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    Unpossible… Once you go Tehol, you never go back.

    Last year only 3 peeps hit 40 HR. How many this year? Same question for SB, how many over 40?

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      Well, that’s an interesting question, big buns. I would guess more.

      Off top of my head: Stanton, Judge, Harper, Trout, to start with…….JD Martinez…..ummmmm, maybe I should look…….Arenado. Kris Bryant if his D grows back.

      steals, let me think

      let me think and come back. doing razz ball expert draft

  22. Bitter Beerface says:
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    Tehol,

    When I read your articles I always think of a sweaty, gleaming centaur thundering across a hillside of wildflowers carrying an equally shirtless Domonic Brown on his back.

    “Tehol, remember 2013?”
    “Oh Dom, how could I forget! Twenty-seven home runs, all-star game, you were the man!”
    “Ohhhh Tehol, that was the last time we were both good at fantasy baseball…”
    “I know Dom, you broke my heart!”

    Horse-man and Dom stop and hold each other and sob until Dom Brown becomes dust carried away by the wind.

    Tehol, you are the Detroit Tigers of fantasy baseball leagues. Proud, glorious franchises, now mired in a slump of losing and heckled by trolls at every turn.

    • LT Murray IV says:
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      inhale me from the backside.

  23. No protection? The Marlins were the 3rd highest scoring team that year….. looks like somebody DID forget

  24. Todd says:
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    I need one more bold prediction: Will I be happy if I start Ryu today, or will I be happier if I leave him on my bench?

    Also, it broke my heart when I decided not to keep Kershaw for this year. But getting Urias is helping my heart mend.

    Thanks!

Comments are closed.