It was right in front of our faces and we ignored it. No one said the obvious. The elephant in the room. We all should have known that we were getting fooled by the A’s because we trusted a Melvin. A Melvin! After years of hoodwinking by Upton, we now get the reflexive of this, and are getting bobbed. Predictably, the A’s manager has made a real hash of the bullpen situation already, and we only sit four games into the season. I get his mentality in some states, because you want your best pitcher pitching to the best players in the opposing lineups and yadda, yadda, yadda. But this is fantasy baseball sir. We don’t have the time or social skills warranted to be able to deal with this type stuff. So for those of you living on a house boat with no wifi, the A’s bullpen usage is a flummoxed up mess with no one to trust. It’s like November 23rd, 1963 in Dallas, Texas type of questioning everything. Ryan Madson was the presumed closer and he has been treated as the go to guy for getting the tough outs. Twice against the middle of the order which included a Trout named outfielder. Then the first day went to Santiago Casilla, then the next day to Ryan Dull. But the things that boggles the mind is set orders here. I get that it is early and mixing and matching is cool like millennials do with socks now, but we need some kind of pecking order for rostering-type priorities. I can’t deal with this madness, I am going to alphabetize my canned goods. In the mean time, check out the closer menu, now with a deal on salads.
- The similarities between 2015, 2016, and 2017 for the Texas Rangers’ closers are eerily similar. And at the current rate, there will be a new Saver, Texas Ranger in the saddle by May showers. The appearances by Tolleson and Dyson in consecutive years are creepy close and the Pipp’n, and could come soon as Dyson has allowed 8 ER in two appearances. Bush, then Jeffress, but I would own both until we find out something definitive.
- The Mets closer drops to near the bottom until the suspension is lifted for Jeurys.
- Same goes for Osuna and the Blue Jays. Only there by happenstance, not sucktitude.
- Jeanmar gonna Jeanmar until Jeanmar can’t Jeanmar no more.
- Want a sleeper to keep an eye on? Jose Ramirez with Atlanta.
- Love me some retreads and wanna not retire to an art community in the dessert to perfect your art. J.J. Hoover has been used in nice situations so far, and if anyone wants to remember Archie Bradley… he is now in the long man/setup role there. The way that the D-Backs roll through relievers, it wouldn’t surprise me to see some Bradley chatter soon.
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
These guys are the men that make the save market go round. They punch in, punch out. Have the job, no real threat to speak of, and are basically just there to collect great benny’s so they can take care of their crippled brother. Who is only really crippled because he is scared of the sun.
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.