If you’re like me on most Fridays, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in.  No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles!  This is a fantasy baseball fantasy!  Because you know what would be really cool?  If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams.  But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers.  No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 90 other leagues of twelve.  That would be cool.  Oh, wait, we’ve done that.  It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it!  For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league!  That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences).  Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day.  As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon.  Or womon, for our five girl readers.  It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues. Before you close all of your extraneous porn windows and rush to sign up, let’s explain how these fantasy baseball leagues are going to work.  We’re going to have a bunch of leagues and crown a winner from each, then we’re going to crown ONE winner from all of the winners.  We will be crowning the winner by taking each team’s points and multiplying it against a ‘league competitiveness factor.’  If you want to see how it worked last year, go here.  So we’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next seven weeks.  Each fantasy baseball league will be a mixed league, 12 team, snake draft, roto, 5×5, 5 OFs, one Middle Infielder, one Corner Infielder, one Utility, 9 pitchers, 20 game eligibility, 180 Games Started max, 1000 IP minimum. Like last year, we will again be going with TWO DL SLOTS. The only things you need to change from the default settings is the 180 Games Started and the TWO DL SLOTS.  Please be vigilant about having the exact same league rules and setup as everyone else. The lineup is also known as:  C/1B/2B/SS/3B/CI/MI/5 OF/UTIL/9 P/3 BENCH/2 DL with 180 Games Started and 1000 IP minimum.  The fantasy leagues will be played in ESPN and they will be free to join.

We’re going to start with twenty leagues of 12 and see how we do from there. To join a league… Sorry, again for the people in the back of the room:

TO JOIN A LEAGUE
Click the LINK in the ‘League Link’ column (see below grid) and enter the PASSWORD at ESPN. Emails are there for some leagues, but you shouldn’t need to email anyone.  You can join as many leagues as you like.  If you join less than ten, people may make fun of you.

TO START A LEAGUE
Please create a league in ESPN based on the league rules reference above. Step by step: Hit Create. Then Create ESPN Custom (middle option), Name League, Change to 12 Teams, Restriction Type: None, Open to All Users, Access: change to Private, create Password, leave as Roto and Snake, Make Draft Date and Time, Create. From Default settings all you have to do is change to TWO DL SLOTS and 180 Starts by pitchers. So, you go to ROSTERS and Click “Edit Roster Settings.” There, change to 2 DL Slots and 180 Starts (the counter will change to 20.0 per slot). Then SUBMIT Roster Settings. Finally, Create Your League! (Important Note: Make sure league is viewable to public but requiring a password to avoid non-Razzballers joining.) When that’s finished, click here. You will be permissioned shortly so you can add your league info to the Google Doc (the below grid cannot be edited from this page). On that Google Doc, you will need to enter your name, league link, password and please UPDATE the number of openings as your league fills up. That’s it. Oh, and don’t use your bank account password. (Here’s a video Jay made to help some noobs.  Is noobs spelled with zeroes or oh’s?  Hmm, that might make me a noob at spelling noob.)  You can start as many leagues as you like.  If you start less than ten leagues, again someone could mock you.

THE BIG PRIZE

You win bragging rights.  Not just any bragging rights, but the bragging rights that you beat a thousand or so other people, and you can emphasize the “or so” as emphatically as you’d like.  What?  Not enough?  Okay, for this year’s prize we’re taking the bull out of bulloney.  We are upping the ante.  “Hey, Olympic high jumper, can you jump over this ante?”  No, you can’t, it’s been upped too high.  LOOK, it’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s our ante!  “Excuse me, astronomer, is that a satellite orbiting earth?”  No, son, it’s Razzball’s ante.  They upped it.  This year we are giving away a $250 Best Buy Gift card, which can buy just about anything (up to $250).  I recently bought a TV that sits underneath my toilet seat so when I whizz I can watch TV.  Granted, I bought this in a dream I had and I was married to Sofia Vergara in said dream, but this must exist, right?  Also, for s’s and g’s, I’ll throw in a Razzball t-shirt because I have 14,000 of these and I’ve already outfitted all the homeless people in my neighborhood with SAGNOF t-shirts.  But, most importantly, you will be crowned the 2017 Razzball Commenter League Champion.  Okay, now sign up…

 
  1. Razztard Snowflake says:
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    Grey, are you intending on moving up Peraza in the ranks now that the veteran has been traded to the Braves? Thanks.

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @Razztard Snowflake: He adjusts ranks throughout as changes happen

  2. Foul balls says:
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    Espn still has schwarber listed as being OF & C eligible, does he move up in your rankings on draft day if the catcher listing stays intact?

    • Here Comes the Pizza says:
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      @Foul balls: Think ESPN switched him to just OF eligibility

  3. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!

    Thanks for this, the mother lode!

    a. Looking to sign up for an RCL that’s drafting when I’m awake – i.e., from 00h00 until 17h00. The period from 17h00 until 00h00 (EST) is when I sleep, more or less.

    b. The auditor finally finished (nice alliteration, spaz) his mission!! We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief until we discover that the situation is quite dire and we need to shape up rapidly! Oversight on monitoring the distribution of non-food items is seriously lacking! No corruption charges but we need to work on processes! The auditor told us about the distribution reports of one partner. They receive stock of 100 boxes of commodity X during the month + they have 20 boxes in stock. Then the partner distributes 90 boxes worth to our beneficiaries for the month. At month’s end, they record 20 boxes as stock for carry over into the next month instead of 30. This continues for commodities Y and Z and for months on end. Well, the only bit of good news is this all happened during the period before we arrived in the operation. The bad news is our local staff were present and just did nothing. So, there’s that.

    c. Have a nice weekend. I’ll tell you all about mine in my memoirs entitled ‘When the music’s over, turn out the lights.’

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Another Dan says:
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      @Ante GALIC:

      a) I’m the same, I’m operating on GMT. Think there are a few of us on here like that.

      b) Are the commodities scrabble tiles ? Those Q’s are pretty useless without the U’s.

      • Bas says:
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        @Another Dan: I’m on CET. So I am also looking for a league that doesn’t draft in the dead of night.

      • Bravesfanintheuk says:
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        @Another Dan: I’d be up for a uk/European league too if there are enough of us….:?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Usually a few of them happen, you should just commish one

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: A. You need to start a Chad-only league! B. Assuming Commodity X boxes aren’t black market kidneys… Just itch your ear if they are… C. You too!

      • Ante GALIC says:
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        @Grey: Grey!

        a. Yes, how did you know? Kidneys can get like 10,000$ on the open market!! Needs to be received on ice, though. No ice, no dice.

        b. Hah, a Chad only league. That’d be me and my buddy from that USGOV organization based in N’Djamena. We’d need to find 10 other stooges to join us. It’s possible.

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          A. Damn, ‘No ice, no dice’ sounds like a Chad commercial for kidneys — or a commercial for roofies B. You need to!

    • Blackjack says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Thinking about hosting an RCL this year. What about 11h30 et on a Saturday?

  4. RJ says:
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    Can keep 3 players, in the round they were drafted in last year. 12-team, roto 6×6 (OPS, QS), 5 OF league. My options:
    (18th round) Trevor Story
    (15th round) Jean Segura
    (21st round) Joey Gallo
    (17th round) Khris Davis
    (14th round) Kevin Gausman
    (21st round) Matt Shoemaker

    Thanks Grey!! Keep up the good work, looking forward to 2017!

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @RJ: Story, Segura and Davis for me

    • Cram It says:
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      @RJ: Agree with JeF

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @RJ: Agree with others

  5. Bodacious Taters says:
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    Noticed you did not rank Alex Dickerson this year – any value ?

      • Blind Umps have rights too (seriously their union is that strong) says:
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        @Grey: dude, in 16, and more so in 20’s and NL onlyies last year he was quite useful.

  6. Matty says:
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    For the last several years Razzball has been my little secret and I’ve been crushing my leaguemates as a result. Every year when I see this post I think, “why would you want to compete on a level playing field?”

    This year, thanks to The Donald, I am so tired of winning all the time that I’m going to go for it. Feeling the soul crushing sting of being average will make me feel alive!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Matty: HA… So sick of winning!

  7. MattTruss

    MattTruss says:
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    Merry Effin Christmas! Love this day and can’t wait to get back into the swing of things! ECFBL is ready and raring to go!

    • Cram It says:
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      @MattTruss: Truss! Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.

      • MattTruss

        MattTruss says:
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        MWAH! Just sent out the invites for re-upping DFSers Anonymous babycakes

        • Cram It says:
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          @MattTruss: Got it! Unfortch, I have to decline DFSers and FCL. I want to put all of my RCL energy into Grey’s expert league. I’m moving up in the world!

          • MattTruss

            MattTruss says:
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            BOOOOOOOOOO. Good luck cashing the check for winning that league. I have a tough time drumming up motivation for non buy-in leagues. CREAM after all. It’s like playing no-limit hold’em for no buy-in. That’s cool though, I think Grey said I was invited to that league as well, so hopefully I’ll see you there so we’ll at least be in a league together this year.

            • Cram It says:
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              @MattTruss: Oh totally with you. I have my share of money leagues already…besides, I’ll get $250 when I win again. Haha. I just want to concentrate on one RCL. Besides, I’ve been trying to plant the seed with Grey to make the champions league have some money on the line.

              • The Great Knoche says:
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                @Cram It: We’ll miss you terribly and think of you often. #Shittacos

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @MattTruss: What up Truss!!

      • MattTruss

        MattTruss says:
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        Solo EFF! Feels good man

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @MattTruss: LEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOO!

      • MattTruss

        MattTruss says:
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        YEE HAW!

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @MattTruss: Have you sent the invites yet?

          • MattTruss

            MattTruss says:
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            Done and Done

            • The Great Knoche says:
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              @MattTruss: Merry RCLXmas

                • The great Knoche says:
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                  @Grey: I was gonna go Dominic Brown, but that ship has sailed.

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Never sailed for Tehol, #neversailed

                    • The great Knoche says:
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                      @Grey: #RockiesRebirth

    • The Big Yabu says:
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      @MattTruss: Just sent you an e-mail the other day — If there’s an opening in ECFBL, I’d love to join….

      • MattTruss

        MattTruss says:
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        What’s up man, got your e-mail about 5 minutes after I sent out my email to the league checking on if everyone is coming back (impeccable timing on your part). I’ll let you know, we have pretty low turnover typically, but we’ll see. Thanks as always for the interest.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @MattTruss: Hoping you can commish another league for the reg folks

      • MattTruss

        MattTruss says:
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        Oh, I typically get suckered into at least one more along the way. I also commished DFSers Anonymous last year, which was a great league. I’m inviting all those folks back, but there will be a couple spots to fill there as well.

        We still on for the ‘Perts league?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yeah, for sure, just need to set it up

  8. Fenris-77

    Fenris-77 says:
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    JB with the password of the year. Awesome.

  9. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    Hey Grey,

    In a brand new 12 team keep-5 OBP league, H2H categories, 5 bench, no reserve, and C/1B/2B/SS/3B/3 OF/UTL spots only . . .

    Is that too shallow to stash Moncada in lieu of a guy who’s starting? Thanks!

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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        @Grey: I’d really love to, but I’m in 3 leagues already plus the whole work/family thing. Not sure I have the time to dedicate to a 4th, as much as I want to do one – I feel like I’d draft and end up making very few moves/lineup changes.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Booooooo

  10. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    Last one! Again for H2H categories OBP/OPS keeper leagues. How would you rank the 4 player sets below?

    A. Rizzo, Cano, plus 3 of Springer/Stanton/JDM/Desmond/Pollock

    B. Rizzo, J. Turner, Harper, plus 2* of Springer/Stanton/JDM/Desmond/Pollock

    C. Rizzo, J. Turner, Trout, Joc, plus 1* of Springer/Stanton/JDM/Desmond/Pollock

    D. Goldy*, J. Turner, Harper, Joc, and 1 of Springer/Stanton/JDM/Desmond/Pollock

    Thanks maestro!

    • Cram It says:
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      @Duda Want to Build a Snowman?: Man you are going kinda overboard with the auction game plan. You’re splitting hairs with these options and even if you “pick” one, I guarantee it doesn’t go as planned. Auctions never do!

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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        @Cram It: Good points – I guess it’s just great to think about getting any of these arrangements.

        For what it’s worth, I’m only doing this hair splitting for my friends/family league, where everyone else just follows the ESPN salary numbers–truly a league where I could cherry pick a starting lineup as long as it mathematically fits in with the ESPN values, give or take a few bucks. In my other auction league (with people who know what they’re doing), I’d never get anywhere near this specific.

        • Cram It says:
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          @Duda Want to Build a Snowman?: If that’s the case, you should able to dominate the F&F league without any prep! Just Grey’s rankings/auction values by your side will have you cherrypicking the undervalued players, like you said. Thank you, come again.

          • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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            @Cram It: For sure. David Dahl at $8, please and thank you! Trevor Story at $19? Don’t mind if I do! Lance McCullers for $1? You shouldn’t have!

            • Cram It says:
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              @Duda Want to Build a Snowman?: Exactly…so why you’re spending time drumming up these specific dream-team scenarios, I don’t know. You’re going to have a dream team, don’t worry about i!

  11. Tweak says:
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    I’m signed up and prepared to lose to JB… and everyone else in the league!

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @Tweak: I dunno man, RCLs always seem rough for me, I typically finish 4-6 range. I’m gonna have a new draft strategy this yr tho…

      • Tweak says:
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        @JB Gilpin: Last year was my first RCL and I came in dead last. I think I finished behind someone who abandoned their team. That’s what I get for sitting on Archer all year waiting for the big breakout, betting on JDongs have two good elbows and being behind on streaming SPs.

        I made a bunch of mistakes last year. My new draft strategy? Draft good players.

        • JB Gilpin

          JB Gilpin says:
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          @Tweak: Hah yeah, it’s tough to get out underneath bad busts like that.

          Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m copying your strategy! hah

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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        @JB Gilpin: Joe Ross #1 pick! [CUE THE MUSIC! *where are you nowowowow . . . . *]

          • Tweak says:
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            @JB Gilpin: Changed my mind. I’m only drafting Brewers players. NOW WHAT’S YOUR STRATEGY!?!

            Villar, Arcia, Braun, Brinson, Hader, Davies, Reed, Thames, Perez, Santana, Broxton and Susac are all mine. DIBS!

            … you can have Scooter and Shaw. <3

            • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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              @Tweak: Actually really buying into that myself. I’m sure I’ll be wrong, but Broxton feels like he could easily be Villar 2.0, and Thames as a lefty batting cleanup in Miller just feels right (also, he looks like a barbarian marauder ready to throw an axe 25 feet).

              • Tweak says:
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                @Duda Want to Build a Snowman?: Curse your insight. I’m on board with this now. Corey Ray will be up in two years too, with Ortiz, Dubon and Diaz coming as well.

                DAMN IT DID I JUST BECOME A BREWERS FAN!?!

                JB WTFFFFFFF

              • JB Gilpin

                JB Gilpin says:
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                @Tweak: @Duda Want to Build a Snowman?: We have a lot of fun options! Susac being wayyyyyyy overlooked for like 2-C leagues. Shaw might actually be OK too! Scooter is barely gonna play lol…

                Totally agree on Thames. Beard is legit. Can’t wait for this season!

                • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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                  @JB Gilpin: As they say – if you beard it, they [the hits] will come.

                • Tweak says:
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                  @JB Gilpin: Madness…?

                  THIS. IS. WISCONSIN.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tweak: You should commish a league too!

      • Tweak says:
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        @Grey: I would, but I’m finishing my PhD this year and I’ve got two little ones under 3 at home. Next year, I’ll be happy to do so. If I do my job right, my (then) 3 year old can rake in an RCL next year too!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Nerd! Kidding, good luck!

  12. Jensen says:
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    I’m looking at going into my dynasty league with this SP:
    MadBum ($31)
    Darvish ($13)
    Quintana ($11)
    McCullers ($10)
    Nola ($6)
    Pomeranz ($3)
    Duffy ($3)
    Sanchez ($3)

    I also have Tillman ($3), Ray ($3), Lynn ($3), and Luke Weaver ($3) available with enough roster spots to keep maybe 2 of them in addition to the 8 above. I am leaning to just keeping Ray and look to add 1 starter in the draft.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jensen: Works for me

  13. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    I’m coming for the Perts title this year. I’ve been running in the snow away from the KGB, and doing chain workouts. I’m lean, mean, and ready to rumble!

    • MattTruss

      MattTruss says:
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      But how much snow is the question? 50+ inches in 8 days up here in Maine…beast mode.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @MattTruss: Bout 30, we’re a little further south.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: You’re Talia Shire and I’m Francis Ford Coppola telling you to stop calling me at all hours

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Grey: Damn, and I was hoping we could be Creed and Rocky on the beach.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I’m Rocky and you’re Paulie in a parking lot… Stop drinking and get your shizz together!

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:
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            @Grey: You’re Paulie’s sex robot

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              You’re the hanging frozen meat

    • Big Odio says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: I have a feeling I’ll be getting lots of text messages from you. I’ll be your mick

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Big Odio: “You’re all done Ralph, Ya washed up”

        • Big Odio says:
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          @Ralph Lifshitz: you’re gonna eat lightening and crap thunder

  14. Noam says:
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    Hey Grey, would you deal B Belt for Paxton in a dynasty?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Noam: Sure

  15. vjg says:
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    Looking to join a yahoo / roto/ leaguesafe league. If anyone is looking for another person, let me know.

    Send me over an email to [email protected]

  16. Big w says:
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    Morning grey!

    I joined league 16…. never done before. I downloaded the op. But am do doesnt appear there. Is this normal?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Big w: OP? Ocean Pacific?

      • Big w says:
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        @Grey: sorry, stupid auto correct. Never done ESPN before. I downloaded the app. My team doesn’t appear on the app. Is that normal? Like does it appear after the draft?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          What app? Sorry, never used the app… What are you trying to do? Start a league? Follow directions in this post from a computer

        • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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          @Big w: I dont think it appears till after you draft

  17. JC says:
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    Ok I gave it a shot. I bet it will be competive. Those are the only leagues I compete in these days.
    I Should be in the Yahoo HOF!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yahoo HOF w/ a guided tour by The Noise

  18. Five-On-One says:
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    I Grey – I have a question about the dollar values in the war room or on the auction values pages.

    For a 12-team ESPN-style league, there are only 66 pitchers with non-negative dollar values. A 12-team league would require 108 (12×9) pitchers to be bought.
    Similarly, for the hitters, there are 119 hitters with a non-negative dollar value. A 12-team league would require 156 (12×13) hitters to be bought.
    Why is this?
    Lastly, adding up all of the positive dollar values, gets $2872, when one would expect $3120 (12×260).

    Is there a fundamental flaw in the dollar values , or (more likely) am I missing something?

    Either way, thanks for all the work.