Jared’s Got Me Jones’ing For A Breakout

Pittsburgh Pirates pitching prospect powered past six pristine innings putting on a powerful performance as he piled up nine punchouts! Is that too long for a headline? I really went full stop into the alliteration there, I’m so sorry, let me try again. Bucs heartthrob Jared Jones allowed just four base runners Friday to pick up his third win and his filthiest stuff was on display for the hapless Halos to see. It was a dominant performance for the 25-year-old, with 21 whiffs, including 19 (!) on that slider which led to a 42.2% swinging strike rate! Yes, thank you, and more please. This is the kind of performance we’ve been Jones’ing for with Jones, who has some of the nastiest pitches in baseball, but has struggled to control it. Speaking of the slider, JJ threw it 40% of the time in the zone and the Halos could not help themselves from chasing (67%). This is not the first time we thought Jones breakout was nigh. After he no-hit the Braves through six on July 8, it looked like he was ready to take that step forward but he continued to struggle with efficiency often unable to make it through five innings and really labored in August (7.40 ERA). One theory? His fastball, which averages 98 mph, has actually been his most hittable and least efficient pitch. Maybe there’s something to the increased slider usage Friday night? I understand it’s the Angels and not the best sample since they’re not very good but you gotta start somewhere! Perhaps the slider-heavy approach is the way to go before the way to go is of Paul Skenes. Jones gets the White Sox next week and let’s hope this start could be the confidence boost Jared needed to get something going! Four more starts to turn him into a 2026 sleeper–Make it happen, JJ!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Konnor Griffin – 0-for-3, run. Kevin from ESPN’s Get him in your lineup department missed this update because he had to move to fantasy football department temporarily in the wake of all the ESPN layoffs. Konnor made an insane diving slide which is not exactly what you want to see from your franchise cornerstone fresh off the IL but also it was awesome, and awesome outweighs safe every time.

Mason Montgomery – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, K, SV (9), ERA at 2.91 ERA. Aaaaand raise the jolly roger! MaMo hasn’t allowed a run since late July, and the Bucs pen as a whole has been one of the best in baseball over the past month which is ironic considering how bad they were before the break and unlike the song Ironic which actually isn’t ironic at all it’s just coincidences.

Ryan Johnson – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 8th L. He’s rocking a 1.67 ERA over the past six starts and no I’m not desperate enough to add a guy with a 5.17 ERA, but ask me again in about a week.

Brayan Rocchio – 3-for-7, 2 HR (12), 5 RBI, 2 SB (18). Brayan played the hero in the day portion of the doubleheader, with a grand slam in the fourth inning to tie the game. He must have dug the vibes so hard he was like, hey, let’s do that again, and hit a walk off dinger in the tenth inning! Mired in a slump for almost three weeks, it was his first two-homer game and already his sixth walk off! My dude is the clutch king of Cleveland? Combined with the nightcap, he ended his day with the double slam and double legs which is a rare, and only seen once maybe twice a season. A goocher!

Travis Bazzana – 4-for-6, 2 runs, HR (10), 4 RBI. It’s Bazzana time! Trav saw what Brayan did in the day game and said hold my Dortmunder Gold. Or maybe it’d be a Foster’s? How about a two-run shotski to tie this one up? That seems cool and all, mate, but it’s the walk off I’m after, so I’m gonna do that. And he did! The best is watching him mouth, “I [expletive deleted] told you that [expletive deleted].” Funny enough, Travis didn’t even start this game with a lefty on the bump, he came in for an injured Chase Delauter and took over. That’s what we call Bazzana ball, with much less dancing. That ish was Bazzanas, B-A-Z-Z-A-N-A-S, Gwen Stefani. Travis is my true Harajuku girl. That’s two walk offs for the Guards in less than 12 hours, so who did it better? Are we not talking about the Guards enough? These are the kinds of September vibes you don’t want to give a team like the Guards who are already stacked with talent, and seriously they might just be I think possibly, maybe, feasibly, potentially, conceivably, perchance, a wagon, y’all

Cooper Pratt – 1-for-4, 4 RBI, SB (13). Grey told you to BUY and he’s got a homer and nine RBI in the past week. I also think he ran for Mr. Mayor of Los Angeles?

Eugenio Suarez – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBI, HR (21). Eugie homered in his first at-bat after returning from PTO after passing his US citizenship test. Great American Ball Park welcomes you home, you now Great American. This is a nice story and all, but they don’t pay me to be nice–is this an acceptable reason to miss two games? Could you not wait a month for the offseason? The Reds are paying you $15 million to bat .206, at the very least act like they’re the priority. Nooo, but really I’m happy for him. Who wouldn’t want to be an American right now? And Suarez just capped off his best month of the season slashing .227/.364/.489 with 6 homers and 20 RBI in August. God bless him and god bless the United States of America.

Alec Bohm – 2-for-4, HR (15). The Bohm bomb! This shot accounted for one of just two runs the Phillies scored and Alec was responsible for both of them. Considering it was Chris Sale makes it all the more impressive. Bohm has been a big part of the Phils’ second half surge, slashing .318/.376/.471 with 15 extra-base hits, four homers, and a .847 OPS. He also settled a lawsuit where he sued his parents for basically using money from his charity to ice themselves out. Sounds like a rough chapter in his life, luckily he’s got great hair.

Chris Sale – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, BB, 7 K, 14th win, ERA at 2.10 ERA. I say this every week I just think we’re underappreciating Chris Sale. How do I appreciate you more, Chris!? Tell me, I will do it! Do you want me to shine your cleats? Cause I will shine your cleats! His eighth quality start in a row, he’s got a 67/4 K/BB in that stretch with a 1.90 ERA, 0.81 WHIP! Sweet sassy molassy! His last three starts have come against the Brewers, Dodgers and Phillies, arguably the NL’s best three teams and he’s 21-1 with a 1.71 ERA, and 24/1 K/BB. Mmhm. There is a timeline where the Mis falters down the stretch and Sale swoops in to steal the Cy Young.

Cristopher Sanchez – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 5th L. A battle of the Chrises, in the Chris vs Cris matchup the H came up victorious. The power of Chris compels us all!

Ranger Suarez – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, BB, 3 K, 6th win. This might have been Rain-hair’s best start since June. He lowered his ERA to 3.44 with the start, overall not a bad first season with his new club and he gets to face the lowly Angels next week. Pad them stats!

Aroldis Chapman – 1.0 IP, SV (32). The benches cleared in this one right before Chapman took the hill. I mention it because there was a very brief instance of momentum for Baltimore here in this one until Chappie quickly squashed it. Literally no chance.

Shane Baz – 6.1 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 15th L. Wow, fifteen losses! Bazinga is right! That’s some Big Bang Theory levels of loser denial. Only Tanner Bibee gets less run support than Shane Baz, and I called Tanner a big loser last week so Shane gets no exception from me. He does have a 3.31 ERA since the break with a 46/14 K/BB and just one win to show for it. Somewhere Jillian Michaels is shaking her head.

Blaze Alexander – 3-for-4. Hitting close to .400 over the past week. Blaze was key in hyping up his team to get absolutely pantsed by Arolis Chapman.

Mickey Gasper – 2-for-4, HR (8). Mickey Gasper takes my breath away again! It’s Mickey’s Magic Kingdom and we’re all just witnesses. Why is Mickey so fine? Why is Mickey so fine he blows my mind? Hey Mickey! is hitting .378 with 8 home runs since August 17th. He’s got a 1.525 OPS in that stretch. Not a typo! He’s added four doubles, 15 RBI to go with a 1.000 SLG%! He just capped off an August where he held a 1.827 OPS, only Barry Bonds (1.828 in April 2004) and Ted Williams (2.314 in September 1957) have had higher. Call him Mickey Ballgame! Grey told you to BUY and you can’t stop the Mick!

Shota Imanaga – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 0 BB, 4 K, 9th win. He is definitely the scariest pitcher to watch as a fantasy owner. As a fan, I’m not sure I have a strong enough heart for Shota. I guess Chicago dogs helps build heart strength. Shota through the heart indeed.

Michael Busch – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (18). He’s looked mostly terrible all year but I’ve held him this long he’s a part of this mess now. You friend, are going down with this ship.

Pete Crow Armstrong – 1-for-4, 2 runs, SB (33). When he’s not mashing ding dongs or stealing bases he’s making highlight reel plays in center field. Here it is in Enhance-O-Vision. Look, I love me some Brohei, but PCA is your MVP no question.

Rafael Devers – 3-for-5, HR (33), 5 RBI. Raffy D’l’evers! Big boi might be the hottest tamale in the entire league, hitting .357 with 8 homers and 19 RBI over the past two weeks! Four homers in the past five games, 7 in the last 12, 30 in the last 80, 200 in the last 300. Have the Giants ever seen a left hander with this kind of power? Bro is rocking an .846 OPS and it’s hard to believe this is the guy who hit .196 in April and many left for dead. SF couldn’t give this guy away. Boston already did last year. He’s got an .846 OPS and he’s quite literally one of the best sluggers in the sport. Not a hot take!

Jonah Cox – 2-for-3, 2 runs. BUY! Hitting close to .400 with four steals over the past week! Not to mention all the phallic puns! I get a rise out of Cox!

Nolan McLean – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, 4 BB, 7 K, 11th win. (ELEVEN) Overall, a solid season for McLean, too bad it took his teammates four months to catch up.

Francisco Lindor – 2-for-5, HR (16), 2 RBI. Three homers this week and the Mets actually look kind of good when they’re going good.

Bo Bichette – 2-for-3, HR (15), 2 RBI. Mark Vientos also homered (2-for-4, HR (13), 3 RBI). Boba Chette is overpaid but not a terrible signing. It’s the Semiens and Roberts that surrounded this core that really sank these guys.

Francisco Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 HR (15). Mets hit five homers in this one. Starting with a decent core of young players like Alvarez, Ewing, Benge, Baty and Vientos and add Soto, Bichette and Lindor this, in theory, should be a competitive team, right? I can’t complain like a real Mets fans can complain, it just looks like this team has got some talent and made some stupid choices. We’ve all been there. I did draft Gunnar Henderson twice!

Zebby Matthews – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, 4 ER, BB, 4 K, 3 HR. Coming off the best start of his career, the Zebster looked like he was on the verge of unlocking something last week, but to be fair to him he just faced this team last week and shut them down. Advantage hitters. Still outside of the home runs the control issues Mr. Zebulon had struggled with weren’t there and he managed to navigate through five despite a rough start. That’s enough for me to give him the pass here and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure, though!

Kaelen Culpepper – 1-for-3, SB (1). Grey told you to BUY, and Culpepper’s one spicy Kaelen pepper that has to potential to get hot enough to carry you to fantasy glory.

Kody Clemens – 3-for-4. Rocket Jr. is  top 100 on the player rater. Yes he is. Better than Albies, better than Mike Trout, better than Bo Bichette, Jose Ramirez and Gunnar well, obviously)

Colson Montgomery – 1-for-4, HR (30), 2 RBI. Braden Montogomery also homered (6). ColSoMoGo and BraMon are the dynamic duo Chicago has been waiting for, or the DynDu since we’re so into abbrevs rn.

Miguel Vargas – 1-for-4, HR (30). I had though this guy slowed down in a big way but he’s actually slashing a high .263/.377/.480 since the break. He had significantly more homers and RBI in the first half but he’s still mashing ’em and the season ain’t over yet. He joins ColSoMoGo in the 30 homer club and it’s been some time since the White Sox have had multiple power hitters like this.

Tristan Peters – 2-for-3. Another BUY! He’s cooled off significantly but he’s still batting .364 with 5 homers and two steals over the past two weeks. Did I mention he used to play for the Savannah Bananas? That was before they were professional dancers and actually played some baseball.

Cristian Javier – 5.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, 3 BB, 8 K, 2nd win, ERA at 5.98. He’s too erratic to have faith in this Cristian but the Ks have been there in the right matchups. He gets the Phillies in Philly next week. Pick him up if you hate yourself.

Gabriel Moreno – 1-for-2, HR (12). There are so many good catchers this year Carter Jensen and Mickey Gasper are free agents in many of the leagues I’m in. Do I drop my Dingler for a Gasper?

Yanier Diaz – 2-for-3, HR (11). Another catcher and it’s suddenly the deepest position in the sport. Look what Big Dumper has done.

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, run. Okay, you took a couple weeks off since you had such an impressive lead. That’s fine. I like that you’ve got a flair for the dramatic but we all want to see this triple crown thing happen so let’s start mollywhopping ding dongs into the stands again, shall we? Junior is coming from your home run lead.

Sean Keyes – 1-for-1, pinch-hit HR (2). I just love the irony that he homered pinch hitting for Vlad.

Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-3, HR (17). Another one who’s taken a few weeks off from his power binge. It’s been a down year of sorts for BWJ but he’s still top three in fWAR and I’d still pick him top three in fantasy.

Ezequiel Duran – 1-for-4, HR (17). Hey, speaking of fWAR, Duran’s got a 5.0 himself. Only BWJ, Yordan Alvarez and PCA are higher. Those are pretty good players!

Nick Martinez – 6.1 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 14th win, ERA at 3.04 ERA. I think I remember Grey mentioning N-Mart was the last Rays pitcher drafted and has basically been a top-20 starter you could have drafted for nothing. Those are the kind of N-Mart discounts Walmart can’t even price match.

Bryan Baker – 0.0 IP, ER, 2 BB. Now that I think about it, it may have been Baker who was the last Ray drafted. Well, Baker left game with a sickness, so not injured. In other words he went down with the sickness, but since he’s not hurt I’m not Disturbed.

Ivan Herrera – 2-for-5, HR (15), 3 RBI. Ivan the Herrera-ble with the go-ahead shot in the ninth! Another try-hard catcher, jeez.  Would you drop him for Carter Jensen?

TJ Rumfield – 3-for-4, HR (15). Coors is gonna Coors! That’s gotta be 450-footer.  Cole Carrigg also homered (7) and both tripled making them the first pair of rooks to triple and homer in the same game. Aww, why is that kind of adorable? TJ’s making quite a case for himself as NL rookie of the year, leading all other candidates in average  with a .295/.388/.455 slash, and OPS with .843. He’s also got a nine-game hitting streak, and is hitting .409 with two homers in the past week! He’s got a long ways to go before catching Sal Stewart but Rumfield is no Bumfield.

Jordan Romano – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 ER, BB, BS, 3rd L. Jordan Romano of the Locatelli Pecorino Romanos brought his stinkiest cheese stuff to get grated, shredded and sliced.

Riley O’Brien – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 K, SV (36). You got ROB’d! He just blew a save on Thursday so this was reassuring to see but he has clearly struggled down the stretch.

Connor Norby – 2-for-4, run. He was the lede for Grey’s BUY so I have to mention him when he does anything, it’s part of my contract which is very long and filled with incentives and team options.

Zack Gelof – 2-for-5, HR (17), 2 RBI. Gelof golfed this one and nearly went for his 18th with a 380 foot flyout. That’s three straight games with a home run and I drafted a lot of A’s this year most of which are in the infirmary or on waivers at this point F to Kurtz, Rooker, Soderstrom, Wilson and my sanity. So thank you Gelof to sticking with me.

Jeff McNeil – 2-for-5, HR (8), 2 RBI. J-Mac has been one of the hottest little potatoes in all the land lately, hitting .355 with 2 homers and 2 steals in the past week and .340 over the past two weeks. So we weren’t wrong about the Bing Bong summer, we just picked all the wrong characters.

Alika Williams – 1-for-3, HR (4), SB (1). That’s former Pirates legend Alika Williams with the slam & legs put some respect on his name! Max Muncy also went yard (8) as the A’s hit four home runs off Logan Gilbert in the fourth inning alone. It wasn’t even in Sacramento.

Logan Gilbert – 4.2 IP, 8 hits, 7 ER, 2 BB, 10 K. Would I trade 7 runs for 10 strikeouts? Ugh, let me think about it? I know he allowed four homers but I’m such a K-sl*t I fear I may have taken this start if given the chance. Don’t judge me!

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-3, 3 runs, HR (21), 2 RBI. Big Dumper with more big dumps for all! That’s eight homers in 14 games and yeah he’s saving his season a little bit, at the very least saving some face. Just in time for the last place team who owns him to knock you out of the H2H playoffs. It’s his first homer in September after hitting nine in August. That’s as many as he hit in March/April/May/June combined. Glad to see Big Dumper finally got off the can!

Josh Naylor – 3-for-4, RBI. Please @Grey, great one, can you feature Gunnar Henderson for your SELL next? I really need this.

Max Fried – 5.2 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 4 K. Bro has a 2.73 ERA and does not need to be piggy-backed with Will Warren (2.1 IP, BB. 28 pitches). These arrangement demeans them both, Mr. Manager B(af)oone!

Walker Buehler – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K. Somewhere Ben Stein is still Buehler’ing, meanwhile Walker has since moved on with a 3.04 and 1.16 WHIP since the All Star break.

Luis Campusano – 2-for-4, 2-run HR (6). Okay, I swear this is the last catcher I’ll mention but damn if that walkoff didn’t give me goosies! CAMPUUUUUSAAAAAANOOOOOO! Did I mention he nailed the Yanks on three stolen base attempts as well? Thank you for saving my life.

Brady House – 2-for-4, run, SB (3). BUY! Hitting almost .470 in the past week! If we’re playing Brady House, I’ll be Gisele and but we need someone to be the jiu-jitsu instructor.

Ben Rice – 3-for-4, HR (36). Oh nooo, another catcher! But I promised! Uhh, well Rice Bowl is barely a catcher at this point. Rice has struggled in the second half with a .213/.304/.379 slash since the break and just seven homers after hitting 29 in the first half. Unclear how much of this is missing bash bro bestie Judge or pitchers figuring him out, but will be interesting to see where he’s drafted next year without the catcher eligibility and a down second half.

Blake Snell – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 7 K, 3rd win. He’s more or less the best pitcher in baseball since returning. 0.93 ERA, sub-1 WHIP, three wins and a 38/12 K/BB. He only needed four months off, which is basically standard PTO in Europe.

Kyle Tucker – 1-for-2, HR (12). Lol. This wasn’t just a home run for King Tuck. Hilariously ironic nickname btw. This was a home run AT Dodger stadium. His first since mid-June! And he slapped this one off a 99 mph heater up in the zone! Color me shocked! Bamboozled! Am I being tricked!? He’s now reached base in seven straight games and maybe he should have taken the first four months of the season off like Blake Snell. Slashing .226/.327/.359, he might be the biggest bust of the year and I don’t think we’re giving the Dodgers enough credit for taking that hit for the rest of the league. This should be Exhibit A for the players’ union’s argument against a salary cap. There are only a handful of franchises who could have survived a signing this disastrous, so thank you LA for overpaying this joker so my team didn’t.