Con(nor)^2b(u)y

Connor Norby aka Con-Nor is again the Rockies pulling a fast one on an unsuspecting trade partner. Here’s the Rockies’ front office, “Who will we tantalizingly ruse this time? The Marlins? Okay, watch this,” then they do a move that you’re just left to wonder, “Are the Rockies so insanely dumb that they’re smart?” It’s a fair puzzle to logic over. Think of it like this, a person is so dumb that they become smart again. Sorta like Forrest Gump. That could be the Rockies. “Life’s like a box of chocolates. You never know what random outfielder or infielder we’re going to trade for that turns out good through no fault of our own.” It’s Rockies baseball, and we just have to learn to deal with it. They’re much dumber than us, making them much smarter. Their latest dumb-as-dirt-surprisingly-smart move was getting Connor Norby. They also had the good fortune of the Orioles letting Norby go originally to the Marlins, another team that can’t develop anyone. From the O’s to the Marlins to the Rockies, one player’s journey through three team’s systems and learning nothing. Norby’s strikeouts have not been great, but Coors helps the power and he has some surprising speed. At one point, he seemed to be destined to be a 30/15/.270 type player, but nothing for four years will quickly erase that hope. He has been hot though, and Con-Nor might just be the dumbest, smart pickup of the week. It’s stupid is as Rockies does. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Ethan Salas – Here’s what I said when he was called up by the Padres, “Itch just gave you his last Prospect Stash list where Salas (and Montes) appeared, and Itch said, “You can’t have too many catchers on a postseason roster, and Salas is slashing .325/.402/.554 with more walks than strikeouts through 22 Triple-A games. He’s been a major league ready defender for a while now and would be a welcome receiver for the pitching staff, and I’d like one of those Lord of the Rings-type staffs to beat Grey with.” Not cool, man! Salas had a line of 10/17/.296 in all minor league games and he’s 20. Just turned it in June! Been a while since we had a 20/20 catcher. Uh, not talking about age there. I’m here for it. Here being inside a storage locker in Reno. Could see grabbing him in any league where you want upside.” And that’s me quoting me!

Carson Kelly – Let’s hear it from the dawg pound for Carsenio Kelly!

Mickey Gasper – People should call him The Mick. That’s never been used before for baseball, has it?

Leo Bernal – Here’s what I said when he was called up by the Cards, “Rosters expanding isn’t what is used to be, but we got ourselves some decent ones for deep leagues (AL or NL-Only). Bernal went 16/9/.278 in Triple-A as a 22-year-old with a 19.9 K%. Plus, he’s from [David Lee Roth voice] Panama! Panamaaaaaaaaa! Panama! Cards could go to him as their starting catcher with Herrera DH’ing most days, and I could see grabbing Bernal in a deep, two-catcher league or NL-Only.” And that’s me quoting me!

Coby Mayo – “Psst, tell a friend, The Emulsification is not rancid.” That’s me whispering on a commercial for Miracle Whip, and Miracle Whip is the movement of Mayo’s bat through the zone.

Christian Encarnacion-Strand – I’d contend (for a featherweight title) that the last Wild Card spot has done more damage for MLB than any other stupid recent change. It’s very cute how the Orioles are pretending to be in the hunt for the playoffs, but that gives the front office cover for pretending to be successful. Even if they were to get to the playoffs, their front three starters are who, Bradish, Rogers and Baz? Okay, sure.

Edmundo Sosa – Went to look at the car finder at Edmundo’s and it was all lowriders. So, I bought one and had them put in Bad Bunny saying, “Oye!” for my car horn.

Angel Martinez – You know how Spanish-speaking people pronounce “Angel?” Ahn-hell. So, I go into CVS the other day asking for the hair hell and they don’t know what I’m saying. What the ahn-hell?!

Thomas Saggese – It’s Sah-jay-see, as in Sir-Grey-see Saggese turn into a hot schmotato right before our eyes.

Kaelen Culpepper – Here’s what I said the other day, “Being called up by the Twins. Have a couple huge call-ups this week, huh? September call-ups in August? Sounds like premature prospectabation! Guess they ain’t getting no rookie nookie! [lights a cigarette, basking in back-to-back puns] You know what’s not great (for me), they’re both shortstops. I had to decide between Lombard and Culpepper and I went with Lombard, but Culpepper is perfectly fine. Reminds when Carrigg and Braden Montgomery were called up simultaneously and I went with Braden at first, then switched to Carrigg. Hopefully, I don’t want to switch because I think Culpepper will be gone. Any hoo! He was 14/17/.271 in Triple-A with a 11.4 BB% and 18.7 K%. Check out Itch’s last Stash List (that featured Lombard and Culpepper), he featured more guys you should consider now. Culpepper looks like a future star for fantasy. Where have I heard that before about a Twins’ prospect? Oh, I know, for every one of them. I fell for it with Keaschall and Ober, you fell for it with Royce, Larnach, Kirilloff, and others. It even took Buxton a decade to become consistent. I’d grab Culpepper in every league for his power/speed/average potential.” And that’s me quoting me!

Cooper Pratt – He’s hot, according to the 7-day Player Rater, because he just came out of Wrigley aka Midwest Coors. Maybe we should call it Miller Park. Wait, can’t do that.

Brady House – Was surprised that he’s having himself a solid year, if you prorate it out. [Mr. Prorater slams his head through my window, shattering glass with his forehead, looking like Abdullah the Butcher] Mr. Prorater, why didn’t you open the window? “You’re right, I really hurt myself. Anyway, Brady’s on a 162-game pace of 22/5/.240. That’s not bad. Now, I think I need to go to the ER.”

Tristan Peters – His name reminded me of Tris Speaker, so I went to look at his stats. Speaker hit .383 with 222 hits one year, and neither led the league. He also hit ten homers. That did lead the league. He hit .388 another year. You guessed it, didn’t lead the league. How much has things changed? Tristan Peters has a solid Hit Tool, and he’s a .270 hitter. So funny how dumb some stats are from the early years of baseball. Speaker was facing guys who were carnies in the offseason and half the time they couldn’t throw to first on a ground out, because they had an illness and the first baseman said don’t throw to first because they were afraid of catching scurvy.

Hector Rodriguez – Too early to draw any real conclusions from Hect-Ro’s MLB stats, but he looks a lot like a 25-30/5-10/.250 hitter, which could make him a 2027 sleeper. I’m monocle’ing!

Tyrone Taylor – His appearance here is mostly to do with the 1927 Cubs loading it on earlier this week.

Jonah Cox – In his month-plus of MLB games, he’s been pouring on speed and power. So far, Cox has been electric. Hey, Electric Cox, wasn’t that an MGMT song?

Nathan Lukes – It’s fun to look at Cox — hey now! — and Lukes back-to-back, because Cox is electric for fantasy and Lukes is yawnstipating, but Lukes is actually sustainable, and likely more valuable in the long-term.

Lars Nootbaar – He’s been hot, so ignore what I’m about to say, but I have to think Nootbaar is in the top five for Guys Who You Thought Would Be Much Better For Their Career. His career shows how important Launch Angle can be.

Lazaro Montes – Just gave you my Lazaro Montes fantasy. It was written while hitting on 16. In blackjack! Geez.

Turner Hill – Can’t tell if Turner Hill is a brand of lunchmeat turkey or an ice cream brand. It’s definitely in the Shop-Rite.

Drew Gilbert – Has been solid in a platoon with Cox. It’s like the Giants were inspired by that Netflix show, American Vandal, for their Drew/Cox platoon.

Brett Bateman – He’s the leadoff man in Toronto with the solid contact and speed and Bateman has beautifully embossed business cards.

Yohandy Morales – Here’s what I said when he was called up by the Nats, “He’s been in Triple-A the whole year and went 25/6/.286. Watched a clip of him and he’s a big boy. Singing, “Big boy hitting ’em on the roof. Never seen a big boy hitting ’em on the roof!” If you know that reference, congrats, you’re in the .001%. Any hoo! Yohandy looks like a deep league guy until we see playing time, but I’m intrigued in keepers and dynasty. He’s got easy power. Thinking about adding him in an NL-Only league to platoon him with another outfielder for the Yohandy/Cox combo, but the Cancel Police shutting me down before I can even change my team name to I Like Fantasy Spurts.” And that’s me quoting me!

Zac Thornton – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to a swimsuit store.

Aaron Nola – This is also a Streamonator call. “Do you have swimming trunks that have an opening in the back for a plug? Excuse me, sir, an electrical plug.”

Andrew Kittredge – He got a save the other day when Colton Cowser robbed a game-winning home run, and I thought that’s absolutely perfect example of how much faith I’d have in Kittredge. Rico Garcia and Yennier Cano are there too.

Juan Morillo – Unlike some of these pen shituations, the DBags’ pen is solid (except for maybe Justin Martinez), and I’d be happy with any of them, and any of them could get saves. Morillo the merrier!

Calvin Faucher – Could be in a committee with The Staircase’s Michael Petersen and maybe MF DOOM’s alias, Victor Vodnik, or Tyler Zuber, owner of zero pairs of Zubaz (as far as I knowz).

SELL

Josh Naylor – Let’s see if I can go three for three with my Mariners sells. Oh, three for three for being wrong. I said Randy Arozarena was a sell, and he took it personal. I said Cal Raleigh was a drop, and the only giant ass that emerged from that was me. So, here we are either making myself looking like a fool for the third time with Mariners hitters (I actually told you to sell a couple Mariners starters, and that ended up being right, but it’s no fun talking about when I’m correct; I know. Instead, you’re likely thinking, “This guy’s got the advice of a hobo.” Well, I’m here to tell you ‘hobo advice’ or the ‘advice of a hobo’ are not actual phrases.) So, Josh Naylor reminds me of Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder only he’s gone full Bryson Stott. Never go full Bryson Stott. Unless of course you’re Bryson Stott. I can’t believe Naylor’s gone full Bryson Stott because you look at him and he could model Biscuit Pants. His stats are so boring for a 1st baseman. For an MI? Sure, but he’s not. Historically, it’s one of the weirdest career arcs. He’s decided to steal 30 bags, but now he’s hitting for power like he’s a 30-steal guy. He’s barely a top 30 1st baseman on the Player Rater, and his park is brutal for power, so I don’t see that getting better, and he’s become a neutral .260 hitter. It’s all very meh, unless you need the occasional steal. So, this is a drop not a sell, but if you’re in a keeper, I wouldn’t trade Josh Naylor for a catalog of this year’s newest Biscuit Pants, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.