It’s just science, guys; you put de la in front of anything and it’s elite. De La Soul agrees (RIP Trugoy the Dove). If I can’t just mic drop De La Soul to make my point and you want further evidence, let me submit Exhibits A and B, Bryan De La Cruz and Elly De La Cruz.
BDLC went 1-4 with his 5th HR of the season last night (and 3rd in 5 games), while EDLC is like the Wemby of MLB (an absolute alien), going 3-4 with his 6th HR, and also stole three bases (his 8th, 9th and 10th of the year). Imagine calling this guy a Schmohawk! (this is where I’m glad Grey doesn’t waste his weekend reading articles by the low guys on the totem pole). I wouldn’t be surprised to find out Ohtani’s middle name is de la.
Let’s see what else happened in fantasy baseball last night…
A.J. Puk–3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 9.22–Is it time to convert him back to a closer so he can salvage some fantasy relevance? Stretching him out as a starter looks like a Pukking mistake. If only the Marlins had anybody in the minors who could pitch effectively at the MLB level so that Miami could put Puk at the back end of the arm barn…
Jameson Taillon–W, 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.80–Activated from the IL, Taillon rewarded his fantasy owners (both of you!) with a great first start of the year. A shot of Jameson for any of you who started him tonight, though only one, since it was against the Marlins.
Luis Rengifo–2-4, 2B, SB (6), hitting .283–Ron Washington finally started playing him every day once he learned that Rengifo is Spanish for “Happy Dust.”
Jo Adell–3-4, RBI, SB (5), hitting .276–Post-post-post-post-post hype sleeper Jo Adell has always had top-level speed, but has he finally learned how to hit? Fantasy ‘perts must’ve called for his breakout 1,000 times. I award you 10 points if you got the Adele joke.
Tyler Anderson–7 IP, 1 ER, 2Ks, ERA at 1.42 The Halos didn’t have the offense necessary to win this game and wasted Anderson’s solid start. They should call him Adam Ember instead of Adam Cimber (0.1 IP, 4 ER) since he set Anderson’s nice start on fire.
Nick Lodolo–W (2), 6.1 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, ERA at 0.75–Lodolo’s gem is the reason the Halos wasted Anderson’s good effort. Two starts, two great payoffs for the fantasy owners who patiently held him. 16 Ks (in 12 IP) to 1 BB this year…prettay, prettay good.
Ceddanne Rafaela–1-4, HR (1), SB (2), hitting .167–It’s the first bash-and-dash of Rafaela’s career! If Rafaela was a ninja turtle, his weapon would be a bat, but he’d never hit any enemies.
Triston Casas–1-4, HR (6), hitting .244–the power is showing up as advertised/expected, but I think we’re a little underwhelmed with the AVG and RBI so far. It’s April *shrugs* lots of time for everything to get to where we’d like it.
Bryan Bello–6 IP, 1 hit, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.04–tell us again why you need to draft a starter early?
Oneil Cruz–0-4, hitting .222–can we start calling him Oneil de la Cruz so this MFer will start hitting?!?!
Spencer Turnbull–W (2), 7 IP, 1 hit, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.23–Turnbull’s medicals (and his response to his Triple-A assignment) had the Tigers scared to resign him, so they let him go and signed the decomposing corpse of Kenta Maeda instead. Can Tigers fans blame that on Al Avila too? No?
Garrett Crochet–3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.61–first 18 IP: 4 ER. Last 7.2 IP: 12 ER. The White Sux Stink that infects the hitters must be contagious! Mask up, if you still believe in that kind of absolute nonsense.
Alec Bohm–2-4, 2 HR (2, 3), 6 RBI–Alec’s the Bohm!
Trea Turner–3-4, batting .350–Remember when we complained about Treat’s slow start? Me neither. Dude is going to give us exactly what we wanted from a top pick.
Justin Verlander–W (1), 6 IP, 4Ks, 2 ER, ERA at 3.00–Welcome back! Great first look from JV, going 6 IP at a pretty efficient 78 pitches. I bet he couldn’t wait to get back to the ballpark and away from the ol’ ball and chain at home. Imagine having to see that same person night after night after night instead of the fellas in the locker room.
Kyle Tucker–2-3, 2 R, 2 BB, 2 SBs–As Grey likes to call him, Mr. H2H is just doing his thing. He will keep the HRs/SBs pretty much even each week this year, and he’s sitting at 5 HRs/4 SBs right now. One more bag to get this weekend, King Tuck. Looks like I’m headed to DraftKings for a SB prop bet today.
Josh Hader–1 IP, 1 ER, Save (2), ERA at 8.38–Just what we signed up for with the first closer off the board.
Mackenzie Gore–4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.60–The ‘Stros made him work, extending him to 98 pitches in this short-inning start. Houston really hits lefties well, so this start worried me for Gore (he was a sit for me, he says after the fact). Still full steam ahead for Mackenzie–I’m a Gore Who….nevermind. I’ll just say I’m a fan of Mackenzie Gore and workshop a different nickname.
Clay Holmes–1 IP, Save (8), ERA at 0.00–only six Ks on the year, but we knew Holmes wasn’t a K dominator like some of the top-tier closers. A MLB-leading 8 saves and nary an ER has definitely paid off your investment thus far, so we will forgive the middling K rate.
Jose Caballero–2-4, 2 SBs (6), hitting .286–A caballero is a Spanish gentleman. If Cabellero starts his own tequila brand, I nominate calling it Gentleman Joe. The name is yours, Jose, as long as you send me a gallon each holiday season. Oh, and keep swiping bags, Tampa Thief.
Juan Soto–1-4, HR (5), 3 RBI, hitting .347–Give him $500 million yesterday, Cashman.
Clarke Schmidt–5.1 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.15–And everybody said the Yankees needed to drop a bag on Blake Snell.
Brent Rooker–1-2, HR (3)–Just activated from the IL, and it took him a whopping one game to start doing Brent Rooker things again (meaning he struck out and homered).
Andres Gimenez–2-4, SB (3), batting .291–Totally boring, and totally valuable/useful as a set-and-forget middle infidel.
Josh Naylor–1-4, HR (5), hitting .319–I wasn’t buying Naylor taking a step forward in power this year and fancied him more of a 20-22 HR bat with an AVG that would help, but he feels kind of buy-highish.
Triston McKenzie–W (2), 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.00–so apparently you don’t need intact ligaments in your throwing arm elbow. Or just blame it on the A’ss.
Joe Boyle–6 IP, 7 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.23–throwing super hard and striking lots of guys out is only cool if you actually do the strike guys out part. And don’t give up 7 ER every 9 innings. Other than that, check out that velo on the radar gun, guys!
Travis d’Arnaud–3-6, 3 HRs (3), 6 RBI, hitting .245–a 3-HR game for the French Terminator? Let’s call this a menage-a-dong. Actually, let’s don’t. Great game though!
Michael Harris II–2-4, HR (3), hitting .289–I wish I had him everywhere, and I have him nowhere. Victor Scott (0-3, hitting sub-.100) needs to give his II to Harris and make him MHIIII.
Chris Sale–W (2), 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.38–I was surprised at the ERA; my head had it lower. Atlanta still has to be thrilled with the signing so far, and it’s great to see the Ks from Sale.
Marcus Semien–2-4, HR (4), hitting .295–There was an early Semien explosion, as Marcus led off the game by going yak off of Sale.
Alec Marsh–W (3), 5.2 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.22–Who didn’t see the red-hot Orioles offense being shut down by…Alec Marsh? I’m 100% behind the Royals being “for real” (at least as far as the AL Central is concerned) but I wish I had that same confidence in Swampy keeping this up.
MJ Melendez–4-4, HR (4), hitting .242–I highlighted Melendez in one of my pre-season articles about guys who we should expect more power from. I don’t know how many chances I’ll get to do these roundups, so I’m taking a victory lap right here. If I patted myself on the back any harder, my elbow ligaments would look like Sticks McKenzie’s.
Vinnie Pasquantino–1-4, HR (4), 3 runs, hitting .266–Dean Kremer messed around with Pasquatch and found out.
Adley Rutschman–3-5, HR (2), 3 RBI, hitting .297–Adley’s great and all, but if you drafted Adley that high, don’t you want…more?
Jack Flaherty–6 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.44–Flaherty was done in by crappy OF defense, otherwise you could’ve added a win to his line as well The fastball and slider are back, the Ks are back, and Flaherty is going to be a key cog in a pennant-chasing rotation–either for the Tigers in the ALC, or traded to a contender if Detroit isn’t in contention in July.
Jason Foley–1 IP, Save (6)–SAGNOF!
Kerry Carpenter–4-5, 2 RBI, hitting .343–this Carpenter’s best tool is a bat. Kudos to the Detroit hitting development team in the minors for helping turn this afterthought into a legitimate major league hitter. Can you give some tips to Tork?
Freddy Peralta–6 IP, 4 hits, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.90–Freddy KBB just doing what he does best: eating Oreos and mowing down opponents.
Yariel Rodriguez–4 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.35–Only blemish was a Fun The Jewels blast (his 6th) off of the Cuban import.
Francisco Lindor–1-4, 2 RBI, HR (2), hitting .156. *insert Grey’s smelling salts routine here*. It’s nice to see Lindor show some signs of life; he may be Mr. Smile, but he hasn’t given his fantasy owners much to smile about so far. Hopefully, this gets things percolating.
Shohei Ohtani–1-3, SB (6), hitting .360–so overrated, he didn’t even pitch or hit a homer!
Ketel Marte–4-6, hitting .349–oh, just 12 hits in his last four games. He’s going NBA Jam when you’re on fire all over these pitchers right now.
Blaze Alexander–3-5, HR (3), 5 RBI, hitting .340–Alexander’s bat was, uhh, blazing against the Giants as the D-backs put up 19 runs against this next guy and a bunch of relievers whose names I’m pretty sure are just ChatGPT generated.
Jordan Montgomery (6 IP, 1 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.50) and Blake Snell (4.2 IP, 9 hits, 5 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 11.57)–it’s the Boras Bowl! Jor-Mont looked great in his first outing for the D-backs, and Snell continues to look like he’s pitching with Triston McKenzie’s elbow ligaments. I know he’s getting the bag this year and next, but has anybody lost more future money than Snellzilla so far this year?
Yoshinobu Yamamoto–6 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.50–Yamamoto is *thisclose* to going on a three-month heater where he’s the best starter in MLB. Chalk a little of this up to transition cost, but it won’t be long.
