Grab Luke Gregerson!  Ah, that’s how you start a post.  Some sweet, sweet SAGNOF.  It’s like when I walk into a room and it just lights up.  Guys and four girls be going, “Ooh, what’s his name, and can I get his number?”  My mustache is yours.  *eye wink*  There’s plenty of me to go around.  On the other hand (wasn’t that the first hand?), there hasn’t been that many closer jobs changing hands (there’s those hands again).  This weekend us save chasers caught a lucky break when Sean Doolittle came down with a strained intercostal.  Yes, he strained the highway that runs down the side of Florida.  What the H do I know?  Handsome, that’s the H I know.  Now, go grab Gregerson and come back for some straight fantasy flavor from the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it, thank you).  UPDATE: A’s said they might go to Eric O’Flaherty, the dad from Freaks and Geeks.  I’d grab both Gregerson and O’Flaherty until the situation worked itself out.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Geovany Soto – Acquired by the A’s.  This now gives them four catchers, unless you also count Donaldson, who used to catch.  Thus begins the newest installment by Michael Lewis, Catchball.  “While the majority of clubs had caught up to the inequality in perceived value for players with a high OBP and started platooning all of their positions, teams hadn’t yet realized that having five guys on the field all calling pitches was the new market inefficiency.”   Jon Lester said, “I remember one time I got a signal from (Derek) Norris behind home, went into my wind-up to get a new signal from (Stephen) Vogt in left field, then, right before I delivered the ball home, (John) Jaso, on the bench as our DH, gave me the final pitch call.  It was disconcerting at first, but Beane knows what he’s doing, when he’s not lifting weights.”

Scott Kazmir – 3 IP, 7 ER.  T-minus 8 hours until it’s revealed he’s injured.

Josh Hamilton – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, and 2nd homer this weekend.  H2H owners of Hamilton rejoice!  Roto owners of Hamilton are playing fantasy football!

Michael Cuddyer – Hit the DL.  I thought he’d hit the DL next weekend after multiple setbacks.  I obviously underestimated him.  If MLB starts counting games missed due to the DL instead of Wins, the Rockies are going to be automatic contenders.

Michael McKenry – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer.  Meanwhile, Rosario caught a catnap.

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer.  Who says I won’t put Arenado in the 2nd round for 2015?  Who?  Well, I won’t.  But he’s going to be damn high.

Drew Stubbs – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 16th steal.  Every player should get one year where they get to play in Colorado.  Should be in the next players’ labor agreement.

Bryce Harper – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 7th homer.  When Harper wasn’t running into walls or teammates or barber’s shears, he was hitting.  That was never a problem.  Until this year.  Let’s be clear, he’s also not a potato chip in the shape of Matt Bush.  Since Harper adjusted his batting stance on July 18th (including yesterday’s gamer), he’s hitting .281 with 5 homers.  Like Goldilocks, he’s not out of the woods yet.  He’s striking out a lot in August (32%), but it’s not all Grimm either.  His homers per fly balls have stabilized and he’s making much better contact (28% line drive rate). If you have Harper, you gotta hope he’s out of whatever funk he was in earlier in the year with the batting stance adjustment.  I think in 2015 it might be the last time we get a bargain on him.

Stephen Strasburg – 4 IP, 5 ER.  Okay, only have so many apologies for young Nats wannabe-superstars.

Ian Desmond – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer.  One day he’ll get his due…Then the next day he’ll tear his rotator cuff.  Stupid laws of karma.

Angel Pagan – Sat out yesterday with calf tightness and hopes to be back today.  SAT Question:  Pagan and Cuddyer get on a tandem bicycle.  They will fall and injury themselves within A) Five feet B) Ten feet C) There’s no C.

Gregor Blanco – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 2nd homer.  The Giants could probably just go with Gregor instead of Pagan, but Angel is three years older and on the Giants that means something.  Sabean misinterprets Wins Above Replacement and just likes to go with WAR vets.

Tim Lincecum – 2 2/3 IP, 4 ER and could be bumped from the rotation.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  And the stoned, rail-thin too.

Yan Gomes – Hit the concussion DL.  Indians decided to play it safe with Gomes after he went into the manager and pitched him a cooking show called Yan Concussed.

Danny Salazar – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks.  When he puts it all together, I will be his biggest fan.  We are not at that point with Salazar yet.  He’s still very risky.

Trevor Bauer – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Speaking of risky, Bauer is like naming your kid after your ATM password.  Unless you put asterisks in place of certain letters on their birth certificate, it’s just unnecessary risk.

Jose Ramirez – 3-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting near-.400 in the last week.  You say hot schmotato, I say hot schmotato.  Let’s call the whole thing on!

Danny Santana – 2-for-5, 1 runs, 2 RBIs in what was an insane weekend overall by the Twins.  The Twins scored more this weekend than they had in the previous two years combined*.  *Calculator watch broke, and I rounded, but I think that’s accurate.

Kennys Vargas – 3-for-5, 1 run.  When the Twins show up at a game, they have a separate bus for all the Kennys.  The only girl that can handle so many of the same man is Andie MacDowell.  Kennys collected more RBIs this weekend than Mauer has all year.  That’s a lot smaller exaggeration than it sounds like.

Max Scherzer – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Beware the Ys of August.

Miguel Cabrera – Sat out on Sunday with a sore ankle.  He could’ve probably played, but after unveiling his new style of play of only hitting singles, he thought it was best if he sat out.  At the offseason ceremony when Puig became Charley Luau, did Miggy become Singles Poi?

Justin Verlander – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER vs. the Twins.  Sadly, that was his best outing in 6 weeks.

Victor Martinez – 3-for-6, 4 RBIs and his 25th homer.  Really embarrassed for bloggers who pretend to be journalists everywhere that no one has alleged V-Mart is on PEDs.  You people call yourselves faux journalists?

Rajai Davis – 2-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer.  The King of SAGNOF said in a press conference where Jarrod Dyson was the translator, “When Your Majesty, me, pours an ice bucket over my head, it’s a bucket filled with diamonds.  Now stop nominating me.”

Ian Kinsler – 2-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI and his 14th steal.  Please come out of your last month of dreck.  I’m asking nicely and thanking you kindly.

Aroldis Chapman – Threw four K-heavy innings from Thursday through Saturday, so Jonathan Broxton got the save yesterday.  If you were handcuffed to Broxton, you can lose him.  If you lost the handcuff key, that sucks but at least you’re not handcuffed to Rosie O’Donnell.

Alfredo Simon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA down to 3.26.  Reds should look at filling their entire rotation with guys that have been prone to nefarious behavior:  Cueto (kicking LaRue in the head), Simon (accused of murder in his home country), Latos (subjecting the world to his wife).

Todd Frazier – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 22nd homer.  Sorry, Billy Butler, but Todd’s the only Double D I want.

Jay Bruce – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 12th steal.  Maybe Bruce, Evan Longoria and Miguel Cabrera went to Tadahito Iguchi’s Middle Infield Fantasy camp this past offseason.  “Today, we’re joined by Josh Barfield, who, as his last name implies, could spray it around.”

Evan Gattis – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 20th homer.  More amazing than all the power he’s showing is he’s hitting .276 this year.  All while wearing a cardboard box for a shirt.  Incredible!

Phil Gosselin – 2-for-4.  On the fo’really, how did Fredi Gonzalez fall so out of favor with La Stella in the matter of three weeks?  It’s like the Braves management goes in to see Fredi, “We have this guy, La Stella, that had a .400-something OBP in the minors.”  Fredi, “Cool, I’ll give him nine days to prove himself.”

Jerome Williams – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA down to 1.77 on the Phils.  Back in the day, Jerome wasn’t good.  Jerome!  Jerome!  Put on that Bobby Womack!   Nah, girl, I’m going way back, like four starts ago, when Jerome was terrible on the Rangers.  Or six starts ago when he was terrible on the Astros.

Jimmy Rollins – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, after stealing his 25th and 26th base on Saturday.  Your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you, Rollins has more fantasy value than that shortstop that’s on your team.  Yeah, and better than that other one too.  Geez, you have three shortstops on your team?  Well, Rollins is better than him too.

Ben Revere – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 1 RBI and his 38th steal.  After the game, Revere said, “Let’s see Denard Span do that!  Assuming I’m not Denard Span.  I’m not, right?”

Justin Masterson – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA on the Cards up to 7.43.  I watched some of this game and Masterson was the victim of some bad luck.  It was totally bad luck that he had to face a major league team.  He should be facing a celebrity softball team or a minor league team.

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-3, 1 run and his 18th homer on Saturday, that’s three homers in the last ten games.  Can’t spell homer without an H, and you can’t spell Jhonny without an H, assuming you’re spelling it with an H.  Does any of that seem coincidental?

Yunel Escobar – 2-for-4, and was claimed off waivers by the A’s, but now they have to work out a trade and see if Yunel can catch.

Evan Longoria – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th steal.  Sweet, only 20 more steals and his 16 homers won’t be so bad.  I am thrilled.

Chris Archer – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.09.  Member how cacacuckoo I was for Cobb in the preseason?  Of course you do, unless you were struck on your head in the last five months.  Well, that’s how crazy I think I’m going to be for Archer.

Jacob deGrom – 6 IP, 5 ER.  As I said for the last seven years, pitchers returning from the DL are hella dangerous.  Well, technically, I’ve been saying ‘hella’ for the last 12 years.  I still wouldn’t go near deGrom until he throws a decent deGame.

Lucas Duda – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 25th and 26th homers.  He’s like the Pied Piper of hamsters, only he’s putting Visine in their drinking water and giving them the runs.  Wet Tail until you die!

Ruben Tejada – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer.  Paid off for the Mets to hold Tejada three years past the point where they wanted to.

Travis d’Arnaud – 2-for-5 and his 12th homer.  Hehe, I picked him up to replace Gomes.  My catcher scab wasn’t itchy, but it still feels good to run my nails over it.

David Wright – 1-for-2, 1 run, but left yesterday’s game with neck spasms.  The Mets should let him strengthen his neck by wearing the head of Mr. Met.

Hanley Ramirez – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the DL.  Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department showed up at work on Monday with a phallus drawn on his face in permanent marker, so he had lunch in his office, but screamed from behind a closed door, “Get Hanley in your lineup!”

Andrew Cashner – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 1 K.  He didn’t look right at all, and wouldn’t be surprised if he’s back on the DL again in the next two weeks.  I would hold him for now because of his home park and track record being more Mary Decker than Zola Budd.

Kevin Quackenbush – 1 IP, 3 ER on Saturday.  Joaquin Benoit threw a clean inning yesterday so Quakenbush can duck off.

Yasmani Grandal – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer.  Rizzo who?!  The player the Padres traded, which led to Grandal playing first yesterday.  I know, Random Italicized Voice.  It was a figure of speech.  ‘Rizzo who’ is a figure of speech?  What’s that a, gerund?

Tsuyoshi Wada – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.56.  I’m beginning to think I should upgrade Wada from streamer to must own.  Doesn’t have enough innings under his belt for full confidence, but his K-rate (8.1) and walk rate (2.2) are solid-bordering-on-excellent, and he looks like a guy you need to take a flyer on in almost all mixed leagues.

Arismendy Alcantara – 2-for-3 and a slam (4) and legs (7), hitting .228.  Sure, the average has been less than, uh, average, but he’s on pace for a 15-homer, 28-steal season if prorated.  If you’ve been reading the site for a minute, and that’s an Urban Dictionary minute that is actually a long time, you know I throw out average and am gonna be crazy excited for Arismendy next year.

Yu Darvish – Still has not started throwing, but the Rangers originally said he’s going to return tomorrow.  Hmm, maybe my original timetable of March is more accurate.

Eric Hosmer – Could resume swinging a bat on Monday.  Hopefully I don’t get a notification that he’s updated his LinkedIn too.  Leave me alone, LinkedIn!

Billy Butler – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, connecting off Scott Baker (5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K).  Not the first time Butler’s hit up a Baker.

Mike Fiers – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA’s at 1.54.  I dropped him about a week ago and Rudy picked him up.  After he did, he texted me, “Can’t believe you dropped Fiers.”  It was a fair comment.  I probably shouldn’t have, but I have Yordano, Teheran, Arrieta and Alex Wood, and can’t really afford to carry anymore starters because I’m chasing saves.  This brings me to my point in a very roundabout (Yes!) way.  You can ask me if you should drop so-and-so, but without knowing the full scope of your shituation, it’s not always clear cut.

Gerardo Parra – 2-for-4 as he played over Khris Davis.  If someone Gillooly’s Parra’s knees, I’m going to be a prime suspect.

Scooter Gennett – 2-for-4, 1 RBI and a homer on Saturday, his 9th.  Once Rickie Weeks is off the Brewers this offseason, my love for Scooter is gonna be on like Donkey Kong in Hong Kong while playing ping pong with Kolten Wong.

Pedro Alvarez – 0-for-3, 1 run and his 8th steal, and two homers (16, 17) and a steal on Saturday.  The Pirates seem content with a platoon of him and Gaby at first base, which is about as sad as if you were being platooned at 1st base in your office softball league with a girl named Gaby.  If Alvarez is getting hot, and the Pirates decide to let him go every day, I’d pick him up.  Too early to say yet, so for now you gotta be like a cyclops with a monocle.

Starling Marte – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting near-.450 in the last week with a handful of homers (if you have tiny hands).

Masahiro Tanaka – Will throw a simulated game on Thursday.  If he can complete the simulated game, he will save the princess and possibly go on a rehab assignment.  He’s on pace to throw one inning in the last game of the season.  Definitely worth it to risk his career for that.

Brett Gardner – Missed Sunday’s game with a sore ankle.  Ellsbury didn’t start with general soreness after getting run down by Major Fatigue.  Not at all coincidentally, Chris Sale (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks) pitched yesterday.

Chris Capuano – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Stream-o-Nator liked yesterday’s start by Capuano, my, Capuano, but doesn’t want anything to do with his next start, and I agree.

Alexei Ramirez – 1-for-5 and his 12th homer.  I wonder if Ozzie Guillen is enjoying Alexei’s fine season.  Ozzie always took a special pride in Alexei, but he’d never say pride because he felt like that word was gay.

Conor Gillaspie – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  On my NFBC team that is doing horribly, the lone bright spot is Gillaspie, which tells you more about how horrible my team is doing than anything else I could say.

Avisail Garcia – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer.  I just gave you my Avisail Garcia fantasy on Friday.  I wrote it while coming up with an excuse to not take a couples cooking class at Sur La Table.

David Ortiz – 1-for-3, 1 run, but left the game after he fouled a ball off his foot.  Call him Charles Durning cause he got hurt by a Tootsie.

Xander Bogaerts – Hit the 7-day DL with a concussion.  Bogaerts owners this year are starring in The Malcontent Falcon.

Will Middlebrooks – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs.  I think that might’ve been the most fantasy value he’s given in any game this year, but I’m going off memory.

Yoenis Cespedes – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI.  Too bad he can’t catch games, right, Billy Beane?

Mookie Betts – 2-for-3 and his 3rd steal and 2nd in as many games.  That’s about all I’d expect of him this year, but if he’s doing it, he’s definitely worth a look if you’re hard up for SAGNOF.

Corey Hart – Started a rehab assignment.  He was disappointed with the donuts in the back of the room, but he had plenty of guys to go outside and smoke with.  Oh, wait, it wasn’t court-appointed rehab.

Robinson Cano – Left yesterday’s game with dizziness.  Maybe he got a look at the size of his contract.  “Can to the izz-O, I told you not to look at that.”  That’s his agent, Jay-Z, calling him.

Dustin Ackley – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI, and a homer on Saturday, while batting over .300 in the last week.  He has 4 homers and 5 steals in the month of August.  Prorated, that’s a 25/30 player.  Okay, that’s playing stupid with sample sizes — that’s what she said!  Huh? — but he has been good for about seven weeks now.

Hisashi Iwakuma – 2 1/3 IP, 5 ER in Fenway.  This was the shortest outing of his career, and his 2nd shortest outing of his career was also against the Sawx.  Hisashi’s dashing — Sawx usurp USURP!

  1. Spammer Jay says:

    Is it safe to drop Bailey?

    • JeF With 1 F says:

      @Spammer Jay: In a redraft it is

    • Bye Felicia says:

      @Spammer Jay: if it’s a dead roster spot sure. I have him DL in one league though

    • Clint says:

      @Spammer Jay:

      I took a chance and dropped him for Minor in both my 12 team roto and 8 team h2h pts leagues (both of which have keepers). The Reds are out of it so I view him like Greg does Darvish: why risk it when the guy admits he’s had multiple ailments all year? Even if he does come back at this point, you’re looking at a minimal number of starts for him. Only guy I’m hanging onto that’s on that schedule’s Wacha.

  2. The JoGarza says:

    That Lester blurb was great, Grey. Good stuff as always.

    On the A’s shituation, beat writer Susan Slusser says Eric O’Flaherty has a strong chance of getting first crack to close. Melvin apparently wants to keep Gregerson in a set up role. I’d handcuff both if you have the roster space.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @The JoGarza: Yeah, good call, I updated the post

    • goodfold2 says:

      @The JoGarza: damn shame A. this was posted around 18 minutes earlier, and B. i read it at that time. good info though, as you beat the news sources to this by about 6 hours.

      • goodfold2 says:

        @goodfold2: wasn’t and didn’t should have been added to A and B.

  3. Harry says:

    Grey, I believe Cook is the add even though it is a closer – by – committee with Cook / Otero / O’ Flaherty since Bob Melvin said that Gregerson is still the set – up man.

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Harry: Sounds like it’s O’Flaherty

  4. TheMuppetManiac says:

    Would you drop Wily Peralta or Ervin Santana for Wada?

  5. Aaron says:

    The Cleveland Batter Time Outs would have taken one to the melon if I were McHugh on Saturday. I may have also told Castro to “accidentally” miss a high-heater, since that’s basically what Blue was calling strikes. He may not have had his best stuff, but it was a painful game to watch as a baseball fan. I think Carter needs some lasik, snort, Adderall, an ice-bucket challenge or some combination there of to wake the eff up when he’s hitting sometimes. Hanley Ramirez shouldn’t be your role model.

    ok… naptime.. :)

    ps. Sorry Wahoo fans. I don’t mean to be rude. As a good fantasy buddy of mine (who made the OBVIOUS and CLEARLY FORESEEN decision to pick up Brantley and Gomes this year) said to me… “hey… they can hit.”

  6. KillerB says:

    So I grabbed Smyly as bottom of the rotation. Should I swap him for Wada? This coming from a guy who has benefitted from Hisashi for 2 years now…

    • Cram It says:

      @KillerB: @KillerB: If those are your best options, I’d stream the spot.

      • KillerB says:

        @grey — this is for start of next year $1 keeper

    • J-FOH says:

      @KillerB: wada. When close I go NL

  7. Ante GALIC says:


    Gr8 stuff, man!

    Ended my misery with Wright and added Plouffe. Of course, there is no way that the Twinkies can continue hitting this much, or is it? I’ve also got Danny Santana and Joe Mauer (both off waivers) so have maybe too many hostess twinkies in my basket.

    On Doolittle, signed up Wada across the board. That’ll leave me with Street and Fiers on one team, Fiers, Chapman, Wood on another and Fiers, Chapman, and Jansen on my third team. Should be okay for RP for the stretch drive.

    Would you start Gray or Santana over a two-start Quintana?

    Thanks a million.


    • Bye Felicia says:

      @Ante GALIC: My magic 8 ball is telling me the Twinkies will continue their slaughter of potential playoff teams. So yes they’ll continue hitting. My magic 8 ball is actually cocaine, and I’m high so disregard everything I just told you…

  8. Mr. Rickey says:

    Gregerson or Casilla to replace Doolittle?

  9. MooseOutFront says:

    Particularly strong write-up today. I lol’d throughout, particularly at:
    Bus full of Kennys / Andie McDowell comment
    Kevin from ESPN yelling from behind a closed door
    leave me alone LinkedIn

    I appreciate what you do here.

  10. JeF With 1 F says:

    Giraffe’s have no neck.

  11. Tony Mags says:

    I have Shields and Pineda going against each other today. Throw both and hope for a win and a ND or sit Pineda?

  12. KK says:

    Keeper league, have 7 keepers, but if it comes down to picking between Machado at $11 and Arenado at $1, it’s gotta be arenado, right?

    • JeF With 1 F says:

      @KK: Yea id go with Arenado

    • Bye Felicia says:

      @KK: In a vaccum for me. Even if Manny was healthy. Coors makes the decision pretty easy. Now let’s imagine Giancarlo playing 80+ gms at Coors! * Drool*

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @KK: Arenado

  13. Greys #1 Fan says:

    Hey Grey,

    Do you think Doolittle maintains his closer job upon his return?

    • J-FOH says:

      @Greys #1 Fan: you never know with the A’s. If you have the DL space then hold on

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Greys #1 Fan: He should, but he could also be out for a month

  14. Johan Barleycorn says:

    Great post Grey.

    I need help deciding what to do with Manny Machado. I’d hate to drop him but I’m in first place and with the playoffs starting next week I need to lose all dead weight. I can keep five guys, and three are no doubters:

    Carlos Gomez (CF)
    Adam Jones (CF)
    E5 (1B)

    Here are my other keeper-worthy guys:

    J.Upton (LF)
    Manny (3B)
    Baez (2B, SS)
    Springer (CF, RF)
    Altuve (2B)
    Taveras (RF)

    I have two UTIL spots, so keeping multiple guys at one position isn’t a huge issue, and my league does use RF, CF, LF designations instead of OF. Would you keep Manny on board for the remainder of the season? He’d probably get cut for some playoff SP streaming if it came down to it. Thanks Grey!

    • Bye Felicia says:

      @Johan Barleycorn: The break up plan is Drop em like he’s hot!

    • Grey

      Grey says:

      @Johan Barleycorn: Win this year, if that means cutting Machado go for it

  15. Crazy old guy babbling in the corner says:

    Drop Cishek for Gregerson? Sure hes got tons of saves on the season, but his other stats are killing me lately…

    Second, drop odorizzi and/or Ryu for Smyly and/or Fiers?