Yesterday, the Mets exploded for 16 runs.  Leading the way was Todd Frazier going 3-for-6, 2 runs, 4 RBIs with a slam (12) and legs (7).  Actually, Frazier, Jose Bautista (1-for-3, 1 RBI), Jose Reyes (2-for-5, 2 runs) and Austin Jackson (2-for-4, 2 runs) are all starting to click!  Wait, that’s their bones and it’s from arthritis.  Shoot, my b.  The true star, however, Brandon Nimmo (5-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) rose from the depths of the deep, dark water.  That’s not a Finding Nemo allusion. He plays in Flushing and we know what water is associated with that.  Nimms — Can we call him that?  Sure, right? — is hitting near .350 in the last week, and homered a few games ago (precise!).  For most part, it’s been dank Nimms but he’s no longer unDeRWaTEr aND HitTinG WeLL.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dylan Bundy – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.99.  The Orioles’ pitching is so bad Jim Palmer is ripping up pictures of himself posed in underwear.

Jonathan Villar – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .288 on the O’s and .265 overall.  I saw a Brewer fan complaining that Villar could’ve been doing the same thing Schoop has done over the last few weeks.  Wonder how they feel about Scooter Gennett.

James Paxton – Hit the DL with a forearm contusion.  NO!!!  NOT A CONTUSION!!!  Wait, it says here a contusion is a bruise.  Oh, c’mon!

Jean Segura – 4-for-5, hitting .314.  2nd four-hit game by Segura in the last three games.  He must have an outside chance at the AL batting title.  *looks at Betts’ batting average*  Okay, Segura doesn’t really have a chance.

Dee Gordon – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer.  Scoreless game through 11 innings, then Gordon broke it wide open with a 367 foot blast!  After the game, Dee Gordon received a congratulatory call from the President of the Juan Pierre Fan Club, who happens to be Juan Pierre.

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs as he activated from the DL.  Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “If we can reserve parking spots, why can’t we reserve where we park our butts?  Bathroom on floor 2, stall three’s off limits, people.”

Vince Velasquez – 2 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.13.  He threw a cool 31 strikes and 32 balls during this game. Somewhere, Daniel Cabrera’s ears are ringing.

Ronald Acuna Jr. – Left after being hit on the elbow by Jose Urena.  Acuñooooooooooooo!!!

Dansby Swanson – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, and before crossing home plate he crossed himself and kissed his hand like Acuña would and I’m not crying, you’re crying!

Charlie Culberson – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th steal and has been one of the hottest fire emojis in the last week.  Don’t believe me?  I have a cure for your sketpicism.  On our 7-day Player Rater, he’s near top ten.

Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.84 in the NL and 4.22 overall.  No DH, pitchers hit (poorly) and you get double-switched before having your shizz blown up.  Plus, NL East vs. AL East.  Where do I sign up to draft Gausman for next year?

Ross Stripling – Hit the DL after visiting a back specialist.  Damn, the Dodgers are going out of their way to prove these aren’t fake injuries.  I keed.  Obviously, this isn’t good, and he’s likely out a few weeks.

Hyun-Jin Ryu – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.77, as he was activated from the DL.  As I told everyone who asked, I would absolutely grab Ryu in every league.  He was sidelined for months due to his groin — hey now! — not an arm injury.  That means his arm is extremely fresh.

Brandon Morrow – Set for mound work.  Better make sure you have your Groundskeeper Union dues in order!

Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam (18) and double legs (5, 6), hitting .265.  HR to the Rizzo!

Kyle Hendricks – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.11.  Solid start for Hendricks.  *you looking at 6 IP, 4 ER and wondering how that’s solid*  It’s solid for him.  *someone moseys up with their thumbs in their belt and chest puffed out*  Moseyer, “It was better before the bullpen allowed two more runs on his line.”  Thanks, Moseyer!

David Bote – 2-for-5, 2 runs, hitting .333, as he hit third.  David Bote hit one of the biggest regular season comeback homers of all-time on Monday, then sat the next game for Tommy La Stella.  So, Bote is great, but you explain to me what Maddon is doing.

Albert Almora Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer as he bats fifth.  Again, what is Maddon doing?  No foolsies, I think Ben Zobrist’s Robot Manager could manage the Cubs to the playoffs and anyone with a grasp of the game of baseball could do exactly the same job as Maddon.

Ryan Braun – Left yesterday’s game with rib cage tightness.  We should’ve known there was a problem when Braun declared Bruce Willis was his archenemy in Unbreakable.

Jose Altuve – Will take batting practice today.  Maybe if he’s lucky Bryce Harper’s dad will throw to him.

Evan Gattis – 3-for-4, and his 22nd and 23rd homer.  “I don’t think we can use his body for chum without first chopping it up–Taking it back!  Gattis is breathing, and that would be murder!”  Looks like Gattis is showing a pulse again after a pee-poor 2nd half thus far.

Yuli Gurriel – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer.  I’m mentioning him more to say, ‘Yes, I am cyclops’ing him,’ but not much else.

Tyler White – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer, hitting .286.  That’s four homers in the last week, and we need to stop worrying about why Kyle Tucker was called up to sit on the bench and grab White like we’re Phil Rizzuto in the booth.

Gerrit Cole – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.71.  “Cole mines gold in the Rockies, and more after the break.  Now that we’re away to commercial, I just wanted to say you are thicc in the best possible–We’re not at commercial?”  That’s your local sports anchor blooper.

Luis Cessa – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.60.  The Yankees need to go on a diet where they go without a Luis for about two weeks.  Film it and call it The Bigger Luis’er.

Miguel Andujar – 2-for-4 and his 19th homer, and his 5th homer in the last eight games.  I call that an Andujack!

Mallex Smith – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .297.  Juan Pierre had a busy Wednesday!

Tommy Pham – Will return today from the DL after fracturing his foot.  Pham returned from a fractured foot faster than Wil Myers from the hiccups.

Salvador Perez – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer.  He becomes the 5th Royal in franchise history with 4 consecutive 20-homer seasons with Balboni, Bo, Sweeney and Mayberry or BBSM, which also stands for the erotic pleasure from being miserable watching the Royals.

Kevin Pillar – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and homered on Tuesday.  Could be a schmotato risin’, gonna keep on risin’.

Melky Cabrera – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting near.350 in the last week with two homers this week.  “The other day I pointed out how hot he is, don’t make me go back there!” said in dad voice.

Shane Bieber – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.37.  You guys had a good ride.  You were able to tell your girlfriend, “Hey, check it out, his name is Bieber,” and she patronized you with a smile and now it’s time to drop him.

Victor Martinez – 1-for-1, hitting .244, and said he’s expecting to retire after this season.  This year for Martinez has been like when you’re in the shower and there’s no shampoo left so you fill the bottle with water to try to get a little bit more out of it.

Jordan Zimmermann – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.36.  The good news is you didn’t own him.  The bad news is you did own him.  The Mad Libs news is, “You did (too/not) own him!”

Carlos Rodon – 8 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.69.  The Stream-o-Nator liked him yesterday, but loves him in his next start and I see no reason why he shouldn’t be owned until further notice.  Plus, his ERA ends in 69 and you can’t spell notice without nice.  Coincidence?  Nice in there too!

Jose Abreu – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer, hitting .268.  Abreu is on pace for 28 HRs and 100 RBIs.  The most yawnstipating 1st baseman?  Think he might get the title.

Matt Davidson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .227.  The Marla Gibbs Line!  If your last name is the “son of David,” you have to go by “Baby Schwimmer,” it’s the rule.  As for Davidson, he is the type to get crazy hot for a week-long stretch.

Luis Avilan – 2/3 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd save.  *rips up Xavier Cedeno lottery tickets, sees Avilan is a lefty too, tries to tape together lottery tickets*  Honestly, there’s still little clarity on the White Sox bullpen.

Mike Leake – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Brett Anderson – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  They have a combined 3.90 ERA.  I know, what you’re thinking, “Combined ERAs, who cares?”  Excellent question, prematurely balding man.  I’m going to start with their families care.  Their teams care.  I bet they care.  CBS cares.  Says on a card in my wallet, health care.  That’s it for now, but I’m sure there’s more.

Chris Archer – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.65 on the Pirates.  Meh, the Pirates only gave up their best hitter and pitcher prospect and last year’s 1st round pick.

Elias Diaz – 2-for-3 and his 9th homer.  You know how I know the Pirates could compete with any team?  When they’re forced to play a DH, they have to play two catchers.  Ow!  Eye roll headache.

Logan Forsythe – 2-for-3, 1 run, 3 RBIs, hitting .386 on the Twins.  He’s also hitting .386 in August.  Weird.

Jose Berrios –  3 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.75.  He is so inconsistent I’m going to start call him Restaurant Iced Tea.  When you order restaurant iced tea, are you going to get sweetened?  Non-sweetened?  Black tea?  Green Tea?  Rooibos?!  Lipton!?  Snapple?!  No one has any idea what they’re getting!  That’s Berrios.

Marcell Ozuna – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer.  OZUNA so bad this year OZUNA doesn’t deserve cutesy short, 3rd person sentences like he’s in a Godzilla movie.  Go home, Ozuna, you’re drunk.

Austin Gomber – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 2.89.  I wildly overestimated the Nats or underestimated my Cards starters who I benched in Tout Wars this week for freakin’ Adam Conley.  Hey, archaeologist, why are you using one of those reflex knee hammers on my head?  Cause I’m a bonehead?  Ah, cool.

Matt Carpenter – Left after getting hit by a pitch.  How did Jose Urena hit Carpenter too?  I don’t know, but that’s what I’m believing!

Michael Wacha – Nearing a rehab assignment.  Sounds great, hope his Uber driver gets him there.  By the way, I’m signing up to be an Uber driver, but I’m going to pick up people on a mop made to look like a horsie.

 
  1. Simsbad says:
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    The other day I asked about some OF’s to stream this week and mentioned “Wild Card Melky”. You seemed to have brushed it off by saying “is he really a wild card though”. I wish I pulled the trigger on it. But I added Mazara and Pham this week so hopefully I can start both of them tomorrow.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Simsbad: Think they’re both back today

  2. Ante Galic says:
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    Grey!

    Loved the write-up, bittersweet with some hot chili pepper! Mayan recipe for success.

    a. Thank you for RYU! Thank you RYU, too. Damn Dodger BP is soooo bad.

    b. Thank you for Gausman!

    c. It’s all hands on deck today for the short schedule, so no lineup questions!

    d. Mark Twain quote of the day for August 16

    There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante Galic: A. And they’re so stacked B. Nice C. Good luck! D. Haha, nice

  3. Ashtray says:
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    Of course Gattis wakes up just as I sit him down in favor of some of that sweet rookie action. What a dick.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ashtray: I was thinking he must’ve screwed a few people yesterday

  4. Chris D says:
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    Hope you’re doing well Grey,

    First a rant: As an Acuna owner and Pirates fan, if I miss Acuna when the Braves play their 3 game series vs PGH starting Monday I will legit be pissed. He and the Braves are the one team I have waited all year to see (they are easily my favorite team, not named the Pirates). Acuna is such a fun player and exactly what baseball needs with his overall skill set/personality and general love of the game.

    What a joke Urena is to plunk a guy in a vital spot. If you have been getting lit up by Acuna and you really wanted to “send a message” just throw brush back pitch. Just because you and your team can’t figure out how to pitch to a 20 year old phenomenon, doesn’t warrant taking him out of the game when he is essentially defenseless. End Rant

    Now my question about another guy who infuriates me: Jose Quintana in a Dynasty league, what do you do with this guy? Ryu is out there, do I cut Q for him? He is the biggest elephant in the room with my pitching staff of guys who are supposed to be good, but utterly suck.

    Thanks being my baseball therapist and for your advice. Have a great rest of the day!

    • Justin Ralph says:
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      @Chris D: Drop Quintana for Ryu. Its like Grey said yesterday. You have to know when you got one wrong. Just like Castillo and Luke Weaver. Move on.

      Or as Cram would say. B**ch please. Drop him.

      • Cram It says:
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        @Justin Ralph: Thanks for doing my dirty work, JR.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Chris D: Agreed on the rant, it is so ridiculous, can’t imagine how Mattingly doesn’t step in and say, do not hit him, all he does has been better than your skank asses

      Grab Ryu, goodbye Quintana

      You too!

      • Chris D says:
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        @Grey: thanks to all you Gents on the advice. Q gone for Ryu. Need some stability for the playoffs coming up.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem

  5. Wally Pipp says:
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    No, I don’t want no scrub.
    A scrub’s an SP who can’t get no love from me.
    Getting pulled after just 5, pitch count’s 85.
    Trying to sabotage me.

    • stayinhot says:
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      @Wally Pipp: applause emoji

    • GrassyKnollRedding says:
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      @Wally Pipp: Haha! Awesome!

  6. For An Armenianless Vacation Come to Akron says:
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    putting challenge getting screwed at OAKtown for some reason, even though he’s been a good deal better than rodney esp, but also familia all year. now 4th in line. have these in 15 team roto dynasty holds + saves together: rondon, hand, putting challenge, romo, brach (just got to replace madson, who i got to replace kelvin).

    -drop putting challenge for any of:
    – rogers (tearing shit up at the TONS of volume MIN lately)
    – floro (sort of 8th inning now at LAD,
    – hunter
    – gearrin (now 8th inning at TEX town)
    – giles
    – wily P
    – mayers (appears to be the new overworked STL lefty, even with matheny gone that role has tons of volume over the years (siegrist/lyons))

  7. TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:
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    12 team h2h cats league, eddie rosario has had such a great overall year, but is it time to drop him? 3 outfield spots and one util. Rest of my outfield is trout, springer, acuna, soto, profar(elgibility everywhere). Thanks.

    • TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:
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      @TobiasFunkeAnalRapist: oh i have mallex smith too who has been unbenchable lately, thanks.

    • Christopher Coriell says:
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      @TobiasFunkeAnalRapist: careful…don’t bitch about Rosario like I did last week. Cram It will have some smart ass stupid comment about how great he is even tho he’s been terrible for two months.

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        Hehe

      • Cram It says:
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        @Christopher Coriell: Yawn. Ranked #33 in Yahoo. Yeah he stinks. Since when is making people understand how a baseball season goes, with ebbs and flows, a stupid comment? I never said he was great. I said you were getting huge value out of him for where you drafted him. So check yourself before I wreck yourself.

      • Cram It says:
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        @Christopher Coriell: Not that you’ll address my response directly. You stay passive-aggressive with your hatred towards me and I’ll just ignore it next time. Happy fantasy baseballing!

        • Christopher Coriell says:
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          @Cram It: Cram It. Hey dumb ass. I understand how baseball works. He’s been ebbing for 2 months after a hot start. I asked Grey, the expert, what he thought of Rosario last week and our dumb ass had to comment an idiotic response. You keep telling me where he’s ranked for the season. Maybe it’s you, the pseudo wanna be EXPERT who doesn’t understand baseball. Just a smart ass with a big mouth. As far as YOU wrecking ME? Please dummy! Don’t be as stupid as you are!

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            Can’t we all unite to hate Jose Urena?

            • Cram It says:
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              @Grey: I might need Urena on my NFBC team down the stretch. I don’t want to upset the apple cart. Acuna is fine, no real harm, no foul. Let them go back to playing nice.

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                Haha

          • Cram It says:
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            @Christopher Coriell Nope, you got me. I don’t understand baseball. Never played it in college. Never finished 1st in the RCL Master Standings. Never win thousands of dollars a year playing fantasy baseball. I just hangout on Razzball all day giving terrible advice. You know me so well.

            By the way, 5th grade called, and it wants its putdowns back.

            • Christopher Coriell says:
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              @Cram It: Cram It….regardless of your so called genius and financial accolades in fantasy baseball…NO ONE wants your dumbass comments regardless of your wealth of knowledge. We come here to enjoy Greys wit and wisdom. I’m absolutely certain that I’m not alone in saying that we don’t come to Razzball to hear from you!

              • Cram It says:
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                @Christopher Coriell: Not that I need to defend my skills to you, but you are absolutely wrong about being absolutely certain that no one wants my advice. I could pull examples for you, but you have no idea wtf you’re talking about so I’ll just feel embarrassed for you for being so wrong.

                Jesus Christ, I feel like I’m in the Foxnews comment section.

                • Slappy Jack says:
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                  @Cram It: tbf it seems like Cram only responds to layups and whatever he considers “dumb/obvious/annoying” questions. Basically anything his superior intellect gets triggered by,
                  I enjoy him in most cases
                  dont @me
                  cram be cram

            • DodgerWindowClosed says:
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              @Cram It:

              This is great! I had the same reaction to you at first Cram with your holier than thou, snarky junior high level sarcasm. But you know your stuff and I enjoyed learning to wade through your insecurities to get some solid fantasy advice.

              My guess: this fantasy stuff is the one area of success in your otherwise sad, underachieving life. But you give good advice! Keep up the good work.

          • DodgerWindowClosed says:
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            @Christopher Coriell:

            Nice! I had the same initial reaction to his rants. But the dude is smart. Take the advice, but leave the immaturity alone. You will get along alright! It is fun to tee him up every once in awhile too.

            • Christopher Coriell says:
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              @DodgerWindowClosed: I knew I wasn’t alone! I appreciate the comments guys but will skip over his comments and advice and enjoy Greys humor and knowledge!

  8. Dave D, Mayor of Sotoacuña says:
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    I am still grappling with the trauma of seeing Acuña drilled just as my team is toying with 1st place in my 15 team league. Bad Urine-ah. You really have pissed me off with that 97.5 mph fastball to open the game.

    He’s like Clemens without the skill, but maybe going ‘roids?

    Someone test him or at least toss a bag of urine on him.

  9. Slappy Jack says:
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    Acuna was totally going to charge the mound… then he changed his mind
    Probably for the best

    Prayer Hexagon engaged

    Why’d he get hit in the first place? showboating? bat flipping?
    How many games in a row do you have to hit a HR before you are allowed to publicly be happy about it?

    Why make an enemy of a 20 year old phenom that you have to play against in your division for the next 15 years?
    I got questions yo!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Slappy Jack: He prolly would’ve charged, if he wasn’t legitimately hurt — why can’t hitters celebrate… Football players do dances — what if the next batter started down 0-1 if his teammate celebrated?

      • Slappy Jack says:
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        @Grey: You hear Keith Hernandez was defending hitting Tildaddy on purpose??!?
        Is he still smoking crack?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          He used to be… What did he say was the reason? Tildaddy too good? I mean, what did he do? Seriously, I’m asking

          • Slappy Jack says:
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            @Grey: “They’re killing you. You’ve lost three games, he’s hit three home runs (actually 4). You’ve got to hit him,” Hernandez said. “I’m sorry. I mean, people are not going to like that, but you’ve got to hit him and knock him down — I mean seriously knock him down if you’re going to hit him.”

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              If that is the Marlins’ or the Mets’ theory, then honestly besides deGrom all of their pitchers have to knock down every hitter, right?

              • Dave D, Mayor of Sotoacuña says:
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                Yeah, it was Urine-ah’s highest velocity first pitch ever. In my view if a pitcher deliberately hits a batter why shouldn’t the batter be able to sling his bat in response?

                I respected Piazza tenfold more after standing up to Clemens.

                The best revenge would be for Acuña to take a page from Salvador Perez (Ardolis) or Kyle Seager (Shoemaker) and send a line drive back up the middle next time he faces the Urinator.

                Maybe imagine a bullseye on the pichers face.

                I am just glad Acuña didn’t get Conigliaro-ed.
                That would have sucked.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yeah, thankfully on Fear Strikes Out, oh my, I would’ve cried for weeks, it would’ve been so sad

                • Slappy Jack says:
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                  @Dave D, Mayor of Sotoacuña: I also have a theory that in Urena’s ineptitude , reaching for his fastest fastball to make Acuna look stupid …
                  backfired because he’s not actually a good pitcher and shizz didn’t go as planned

              • Slappy Jack says:
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                @Grey: Funny you should bring up DeGrom,
                Chipper Jones responded to Hernandez by saying, with that logic DeGrom should get plunked every start because he’s one of the hottest pitchers on the planet … or something similar

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yeah, that too… It’s ridiculous

        • Cram It says:
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          @Slappy Jack: I love Keith, but yeah, that was a ridiculous take. Not a good look.

  10. Jumponit says:
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    Thanks for the post – I’m in a 8 team H2H league. Is it time to drop Archer?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jumponit: Though, I’d look at his next matchups 1st

  11. Eric says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Please rank for saves as of now: Glover, Hildenberger, Steckenrider.

    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Eric: Steck, Hilden

      • troosh687 says:
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        @Grey: Follow up question – I’m assuming you’re ranking based on quality of their stuff and the likelihood of save opps? I’d have to imagine the Nats are going to put Glover in a better position to close out games than the Twins/Marlins?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Doolittle will likely be back in ten days, Glover may not be working the 7th inning in two weeks

          • troosh687 says:
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            @Grey: Heard. Thanks for the explanation man!

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              No problem

  12. Please pray Acuna and Carp are ok says:
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    Currently rostering Eflin, Pivetta, and Gibson. Would you drop any for CC (when he comes off DL), Gausman, or Brett Anderson?

    Also I’ve held onto Muncy as a bench bat just hoping he finds some way into playing time. But are you dropping him even for a Charlie Cuberson, hot schmotato type? Oh, how the mighty muncy has fallen.

    Have both Acuna and Carpenter so holding my breath. Initial x-rays supposedly look good but they also said that about my favorite pitcher – Trevor Bauer.

  13. Cable says:
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    H/H points ……Ramos sitting there in the FA pool, grabbed him after his 2nd AB the tough decision will be if and when G Sanchez comes back healthy