The Santander Winds Are Blowing Out

Usually start writing these posts after the game has concluded, but for the Orioles game yesterday, I started working on the Anthony Santander lede about five hours before the game ended. The game was like: Run, run, five runs, seven runs, eleven runs, then fifteen pitcher changes. Has the game ended? I don’t know, and, at this point, it’s no longer my concern. Anthony Santander (3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 32nd and 33rd homer) is my concern. He now has four homers in the last two games; six homers in four games; 33 homers in 153 games–Wait, that becomes less impressive again. Santander becomes the 2nd player in MLB history to homer from both sides of the plate in the same game four times in a season, joining Ken Caminiti, who did it during his MVP year. Six homers in a four-game span hasn’t been done since the hottest schmotato of all-time, Luke Scott. During Luke Scott’s run, he actually went on Fallon with a schmotato that resembled him. Crazy times. Lucky the season’s gonna end soon or Anthony Santander would pass Judge in…*does quick math*…twelve days. For 2023 fantasy, I bet Santander is still underrated even though he has a 18.6% strikeout rate (excellent for a power hitter), 14.5% HR/FB (not at all obscene), and expected stats that back up just about everything he’s doing. Is he Anthony Santander or Anonymity Santander? Damn, Guy Fawkes, don’t be so Anonymous. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ramon Urias – 3-for-3, and his 16th homer, and on his way to a cycle when he was pulled with knee pain. If he’s healthy, you bet Urias, I’d grab him.

Adley Rutschman – 1-for-5 and his 13th homer. Bdon and I go over Adley in this week’s podcast, and marvel at him. This wasn’t sponsored by Marvel, but, like Alfred E. Neuman, we’re all ears.

Triston Casas – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Already excited about Casas in 2023, when he hits 30 HRs and .180.

Lance Lynn – 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.16. Ugh, I can’t believe Tony La Russa sent Lynn a Cameo before the game to still mess him up!

Byron Buxton – Underwent arthroscopic surgery on his knee. Saw some people talking about how amazing Buxton was this year, considering he said he hurt himself at the end of Spring Training, so he was hurt all year, and my takeaway from that is, of course, he was hurt in Spring Training! He’s always hurt!

Ryan Jeffers – Activated from the IL, after fracturing his thumb. To show Baldelli he was ready to return, Jeffers gave a Fonzie “Ayyyy.”

Bailey Ober – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.18. I wrote a Bailey Ober sleeper post last year. Didn’t work out fully because of injuries, but I’m absolutely going to like him again in 2023.

Miles Mikolas – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.30. Let’s start with what we like about Miles Mikolas: Everything. Let’s now cover what we don’t like: Nothing to not like!

Rowdy Tellez – 1-for-4 and his 34th homer. For every player, you Google their name and the first suggestion is something like, “(player’s name) Jewish?” Even if the player’s name is like Howdy O’Goysmith. Rowdy Tellez, though, is Jewish and Google doesn’t offer up the “Jewish?” What’s happening here? Tellez the deal! Give us our guys!

Carlos Carrasco – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.95. Definitely wouldn’t start him again, if the Mets do, and, if I’m the Mets, I’m seriously considering using him out of the pen in the ‘offs on the offs chance he continues to suck.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 40th homer. Albombso!

Pablo Lopez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.90. Real story of yesterday’s Marlins game was Richard Bleier being called for three balks. Says a lot of your team when the big takeaway is balks. Any hoo! Streamonator loves Lopez’s last start of the year, and that’s the kind of start, if he makes it, it could be glorious if the Brewers are already locked into cruise-mode.

Garrett Cooper – Out for the year with a fractured pinkie finger. Cooper would hurt himself in a marshmallow factory.

Jose Altuve – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and his 27th and 28th homer. If Altuve was born about 100 years ago, people would be like, “Baseball is only a game for very tiny men.”

Alex Bregman – 2-for-5 and his 22nd homer. You’re damn skippy Google suggests “Jewish” for Bregman!

Jeremy Pena – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer. Has definitely cooled off in the 2nd half, but you got him for basically free! Stop with the complaining!

Daulton Varsho – 1-for-4 and his 27th homer. Fo sho!

Joc Pederson – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 23rd homer. Dude sucks at fantasy football, but he does get scorching hot.

J.D. Davis – 3-for-4 and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. Love that the Yankees announcers were talking last night about how sabermetrics have not figured out how to know when a player is hot yet. They haven’t, it’s true. I haven’t either, but I am forever searching for it. With that said, Jonathan Davis Davis seems hot hot.

Josh Jung – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer. Not sure where I’m getting this vibe, but I feel like the Rangers might do something stupid and sign, like, a Wilmer Flores-type to play 3rd next year as Jung is sent back to the minors.

Eugenio Suarez – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Elias Sports Bureau said yesterday had the most IL activations since 1973, when the entire Yankees team returned, after Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich gave them the clap.

Blake Snell – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.47. I can’t wait to see Snell in the playoffs. He’s either going to have a 7 IP, 13 Ks game or 3 IP, 6 ER. Nothing else is on the table.

Logan O’Hoppe – Angels are about to call up their top prospect, who is a catcher, and sounds like a non-alcoholic beer or a nickname for someone who commutes by plane from Boston to New York every day. You go from Logan to JFK every day? Then you’re a Logan O’Hoppe. So, he came over from the Phils, and had 26/7 in Double-A with great contact. Not faintly interested in redraft leagues, but might be a worth a stash in deep keepers.

Zack Greinke – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.98. That’s Zack Greinke with two Ks, for fantasy and spelling.

Hunter Greene – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.66 vs. Mitch Keller – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.92. This matchup was billed as, “Streamonator liked both of these guys, so my entire H2H matchup is contingent on a Reds/Pirates matchup. I’m not playing Wii, I’m saying whee!”

Jose Siri – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. This guy is so much better than Alexa!

Kyle Muller – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 8.03 as he was recalled. Braves, and all playoff-bound teams, are in “Let’s just have some guys throw some innings to get us to the playoffs then we’ll bring back our good pitchers” mode.

Ronald Acuna Jr. – 2-for-5 and his 14th and 15th homer. Usually I do some Tildaddy schtick, but he’s been so Bleh City. Like Party City’s weak-ass sister city, No Fun City. Take me down to the Paradise City he is not. I know he’s missed time, but 15 homers? Yo, Acuña, are you Alex Verdugo, bro?

Orlando Arcia – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Hot schmotato alert!

Nick Castellanos – 1-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. It’s worth noting Can’tstandyourass has been so bad, I didn’t even know he was on the IL, and I have him!

Zack Wheeler – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.92. I saw that Wheeler went six innings and I let out a small exhale that he must’ve been feeling healthy, then I saw it was on only 62 pitches and I cackled, farted and pointed blame at my dog.

Manuel Rodriguez – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.00, as he got his 3rd save. David Ross is still a fairly new manager, and isn’t off book yet, which is why he’s going to the Manuel.

Willson Contreras – 1-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I saw an article about how to get rid of Fritos feet for a dog, but, say your dog doesn’t have Fritos feet, how would you go about giving it to them?”

Jose Berrios – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.37. That’s Berrios’s A game this year.

George Springer – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 24th homer, and third homer in the last two games. Springer making his owners sprung.

DJ LeMahieu – Could be activated as early as today. Aaron Boone said Tuesday that “we’re about at that point of … let’s go give this thing a go.” He sounds like Matthew Modine in Short Cuts during perhaps one of the best scenes in one of the best movies of all-time.

Jameson Taillon – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.83. Streamonator likes Taillon’s final start of the year next week, but, honestly, I don’t know how much he pitches. Maybe he goes 5-ish innings, maybe he goes 3-4, maybe zero.

Aaron Judge – 0-for-1, 2 runs and 4 walks. Keep hearing Aaron Judge is finally getting the Barry Bonds treatment. Well, that sucks for Judge. Now he’s going to retire as one of the greatest hitters ever, then everyone is going to pretend he never played baseball.