All Day I Dream About SamBas

Am I the only one mad that MLB teams hold back their rookies, manipulating their service time? The funny thing about my anger when it pertains to baseball is that dissipates by the time I’m into the next sentence. What was I mad about out again? Oh, yeah, Samuel Basallo (1-for-4, 2 RBIs) just now being called up when he was ready since June! Ugh! And the wave of anger slides away from me like the tide. He had 23 homers and a .270 average in Triple-A and I’m so angry again! Meh, I guess he’s called up now. Adley Rutschman was injured earlier this year, Basallo could’ve been called up months ago, ugh, fighting away anger!!! I guess Adley was going to return and the O’s weren’t playing for anything since April. Basallo went 19/10/.278 last year as a 19-year-old clearly ready since April, you jerk offs!!! But I guess that was mostly in Double-A and the leap to the majors is rather big. He could’ve DH’d at least, what is wrong with this system???!!! Though, I guess they signed Tyler O’Neil. Who sucked?! I would grab Basallo in every league where you need a catcher. He’s been ready, while they played Alex Jackson, WTF! Basallo was able to hit well even in his first game. But he had a home run robbed!!! Now chill. Now mad! Chill. Mad! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Dylan Beavers – 1-for-4, 2 runs as he was called up. Just gave you my Dylan Beavers fantasy. It lacked any beaver puns. Damn.

Jordan Westburg – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 15th homer. Also, in this game, Gunnar Henderson had a grand slam robbed by Jesus, which is exactly what I said. Jesus Sanchez robbed Basallo too, which would’ve been his 1st big-league hit. Rude.

Dean Kremer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.97. Streamonator likes his next start, and he’s been solid dating back to May 1st with a 3.46 ERA in 100+ IP.

Josh Hader – Sounds done for the regular season. Astros’ medical staff said he has a “misplaced leg,” then when someone pointed out the Astros’ doctor was looking at his shoulder, they changed their diagnosis to a shoulder injury. Roster and hold tight Bryan Abreu.

Yordan Alvarez – Announced he would go out on a rehab assignment and could return in a week. Prior to this, he went to see a hypnotist to see if they can brainwash him into playing baseball again. Seemed to work, but as he met with reporters he was doing the chicken dance.

Cade Cavalli – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.20. Genuinely, the most perplexing guys are the ones that come up and do better in the majors than they ever did in the minors. There’s an initial instinct to write them off. By the way, Initial Instinct was not the prequel to Basic Instinct, starring Dakota Johnson. Though, Hollywood desperately wants Dakota Johnson to be the next Sharon Stone. Any hoo! The guys who do better in the majors than minors usually end up like Kyren Paris. Like a sadistic Rod Roddy, come on crashing down, and I don’t think Cavalli will avoid that fate, eventually.

Paul DeJong – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd homer in a week, and now hitting third for the Nats. Colonel Mustard was in Friday’s Buy and Mrs. Peacock wasn’t, so natch.

Zack Wheeler – Hit the IL with a blood clot near his shoulder. People say the word “moist” gives them the creeps, but my money’s on the word “clot.” Just hearing it is terrifying. I’d guess Wheeler’s season is over, and Phils will either back down to a five-man rotation or finally call up Andrew Painter.

Aaron Nola –  2 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 6.92 as he was activated from the IL. Picking up right where he left off. Chills.

Nick Castellanos – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 16th homer, hitting .253, hitting around .140 in August with one other homer. Greek God of Hard Contact is so bleh I forget if his nickname is supposed to be sarcastic.

Alec Bohm – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, as he was activated from the IL. He missed a month of time with a boo-boo. When asked if he wanted to go by Boo-Boo Bohm, he said he couldn’t because Black Eyed Peas threatened to sue.

Eric Lauer – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.76. Streamonator loved this start for Lauer and hates his next, but I like Lauer more. Sorry, robot!

Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.76. Imagining Eovaldi and Abbott on all my fantasy teams and riding on top of a van like Teen Wolf.

Marcus Semien – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, 2nd homer in as many games. Has Semien ever had any splash hits? A dry-heaving emoji.

Corey Seager – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 18th homer, hitting .258. Also, in this game, Wyatt Langford (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 17th homer, and Evan Carter (1-for-5, 2 RBIs) hit his 5th homer. Rangers have the most underachievers in history–Braves poke their head in, “Excuse me, that’s one place we excel.”

George Springer – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer. He returned this weekend from the concussion IL and thankfully it doesn’t seem like any sense about him not being this good was knocked into him.

Alejandro Kirk – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, 2nd homer this weekend. He also stole his 1st career MLB bag the other day, and received a standing ovation. A whole stadium of sarcasm. Beautiful.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 21st homer, hitting .300, 2nd homer in four games. After Kirk stole his 1st career bag, Vlad Jr. pulled the bag out of the ground and delivered it to him. Kirk was so disappointed when he found out it wasn’t made of chocolate, and chipped his tooth.

Shota Imanaga – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.06. Good to see him stop the regressional (Made-up Word of the Day!) bleeding, but his peripherals are still so awful. If I were in a keeper, I’d be looking to sell, because there’s no way I’ll like this guy next year. Something is off and it’s not being addressed.

Bubba Chandler – Pirates decided to not call Bubba just yet. Maybe they’re saving him for the playoffs (in 2033 when he’s on another team).

Jo Adell – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .228. Just thought of Adell in Bing Bong Stadium for every home game. Hello.

Nick Kurtz – 1-for-3 and his 25th homer. Kurtz’s last 30 games, .414, .504 OBP, 11 HRs, 27 RBIs. Kurtz so good.

Lawrence Butler – 2-for-5 and his 17th homer, hitting .232. Also, in this game, Shea Langeliers (1-for-5) and his 26th homer. We love Bing Bong Stadium, don’t we, fellas? Sorry, not you, Jeffrey Springs (4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.24).

Bryan Woo – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.02. Frequent commenter, Patdaddy1985 said, “Woo became the first pitcher since Cy Young to get this many starts deep into the year with at least 6 IP and 2 BBs or fewer in each start.” That’s a Woo.

George Kirby – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.22. The good news is we’ll get a nice discount next year.

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 47th homer. He was seen before the game signing a, well:

 

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Nolan McLean – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 8 Ks, as he was called up. Just gave you my Nolan McLean fantasy. It was written while recalling the McDLT.

Mark Vientos – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .232. He’s gotta be one of the most disappointing players this year. Just absolutely nothing from him. Around 650th overall on the Player Rater. What hot garbage.

Kyle Stowers – Hit the IL with a Grade 1 left side strain. That might end his season. I’m no doctor though, and also no doctors have every heard of the oblique, so there’s that.

Janson Junk – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.04 vs. Garrett Crochet – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.43. This matchup of Crochet/Junk received a strongly worded letter from Michaels Arts and Crafts Store from someone named Karen. Junk’s at 82 1/3 IP this year with nine walks. That’s excellent. Could see getting juiced with Junk next year in NL-Only leagues. Juiced With Junk is also a smoothie place that uses compost. By the way, Crochet leads all AL starters with 15 games of 8+ Ks, and leads MLB in Ks. This was quite the yarn.

Eric Wagaman – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer. Interesting that Wagaman’s playing for Miami, because he sounds like a Florida-based supermarket. “You go to Publix? Damn, ghetto much? I go to Wagaman’s.”

Jakob Marsee – 2-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .377. He came in as a pinch-hitter because–Why was he not starting? Marlins really need to get anyone else at-bats than Marsee to see what they have with him? Man, teams are so dumb.

Marcelo Mayer– Undergoing season-ending wrist surgery. Ugh, hope this doesn’t affect him next year. I’m McNot-loving-this.

Wilyer Abreu – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs an d his 22nd homer, but left the game with calf tightness. He had one of the more insane homers with Dane Myers treating his glove like it was Canseco’s head and knocking it over the bullpen wall.

Nathaniel Lowe – Signing with the Red Sox. They went out and added a guy who is an upgrade over Abraham Toro by the slimmest of millimeters.

Slade Cecconi – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.50. Fun fact! I am no longer pronouncing his name like Sade. He does not deserve it.

Logan Allen – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.87. Guards starters only go 4 2/3 IP now, apparently.

Jurickson Profar – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. Fourth homer in August, and hitting around .270. Not to get all Mr. Prorater here, but if he wasn’t suspended for 80 games (lol, a very small caveat), he’d be a 24-homer guy, like he was last year in that season that no one thought he’d repeat.

Davis Martin – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.94. D. Martin’s underlying stats aren’t very good. Ain’t that a kick in the head.

Lenyn Sosa – 1-for-5 and his 16th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. He’s been a hot schmotato for the better part of this month.

Jonathan India – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Just think if you grab Basallo, Sosa and India you can rename your team The Samosas.

Ryan Bergert – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.75, and now three straight decent starts on the Royals. Shame no one knows who the Royals’ pitching coach is. Maybe he prefers the anonymity.

Corbin Carroll – 2-for-4 and his 27th homer. Should be on pace for a 35/50 season. They took that away from us.

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-5 and his 16th homer, 2nd homer in four games, but they were in Coors so heart emoji Lou-Gu-Ju, but the schmotato has caveats.

Andrew Abbott – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.28. Every other pitcher has failed me in the 2nd half except for this guy. I’m Lou Costello yelling, “Hey, Abbott,” but lovingly.

William Contreras – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, as Pagan blew the save, which really sucked for me. Yes, this is about me! I needed that Abbott win and Pagan save.

Jose Quintana – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.32. Actually showing up as a positive on the Streamonator for his next start. A very rare sight for Quintana, even though he has been solid.

Justin Verlander – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.23. Verlander’s entire 2025 feels like it’s building a case to convince himself to pitch again in 2026. If he has no reason to go home to Kate Upton, what hope do the rest of us have?

Logan Webb – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.19. Webb gem.

Tyler Fitzgerald – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. Just opened his stats for last year because I faintly remembered him being relevant and briefly wondered if I was Mandela Effecting him.

Jackson Merrill – Left after rolling his ankle. Then Cody Bellinger tried to smoke it.

Dylan Cease – 3 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.61. All fail, Cease’r.

Ramon Laureano – 2-for-3 and his 19th homer, 3rd homer in four games. After he homered, Tatis asked a teammate, “What’s that called that Laureano just did?”

Yu Darvish – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.97 vs. Tyler Glasnow – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.12. Playoffs are gonna be hilarious with starters going 4 IP, and 12 relievers featured.

Mookie Betts – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 13th homer. Mookie Best! Okay, kinda Mookie Mid.

Andy Pages – 2-for-3 and his 20th homer. Also, in this game, Freddie Freeman (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 15th homer. You can just call them Fraggedy Frandy. Was so close to getting canceled as I typed that out.

Max Fried – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.26. Oh no no no no no! Not that! [walks into other room, puts TV loud so no one can hear me laugh like a hyena]

Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.30. Ugh, I prefer being the schadenfreudee vs. schadenfreude’d.

Byron Buxton – 3-for-5 and a slam (25) and legs (18), hitting .280. What’s the odds he can do this again next year? I’d guess a lot better than you expect. Sometimes guys outgrow “injury prone.”

Brooks Lee – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer. B. Lee, be water!

Royce Lewis – 1-for-2, 2 runs and his 6th homer, hitting .227. This guy needs to be studied. How’d he go from always-injured but great when healthy to just awful?

Chris Paddack – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.10. Used to play in a fantasy league where you were allowed to draft one player for someone else in your league — a poison pill — and they had to keep them on their team. So, you could draft the worst possible player for your number one frenenemy. That’s what the Twins did to the Tigers with Paddack.