Said like DJ Khaled, “Another one.” The Rays called up Willy Adames (1-for-2, 2 RBIs) as they placed Daniel Robertson on the DL. You might remember him better as Commander Willy Adames of the Battlestar Galactica. S’nerdy. “Hey, Grey, if your mustache wasn’t so full and well-groomed, I’d noogie you so hard.” That’s you reading my Battlestar Galactica reference. Sorry, guys and girls, there’s space for both of us. Bam! A line I think I’m quoting but prolly not. Any hoo! Captain Adames is a Xander Bogaerts-type, according to Prospector Ralph. On the top 100 fantasy baseball prospect list, he wrote, “One of toughest types to rank on top prospects lists. The middle infield prospect, who has always been young for his level, with advanced hitting, but neither standout speed or power. Adames might take a few seasons to find mixed leagues relevance, but he should develop enough power to be a very viable shortstop option by 2020. By which time Grey’s a distant memory and I run this ‘itch!” What is up with that, man?! Adames is the kind guy hard to get excited about if he’s a 15/10/.280 hitter, but since he’s only 22 years old, if he grows into more power, he could be a future high-end shortstop. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jake Bauers – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. In an incredible turn of events, I own Bauers. All of them! What a joy for me. *puts a bow tie on and goes for tea* No, I’m not a damsel, but I picked up Bauers for his home run. Doesn’t count? Okay, will leave the tea room now. You don’t have to shove! Bauers won’t get you in for high tea, apparently, but Bauers could hit for some power(s).
Matt Duffy – 2-for-5, 2 runs, and his 3rd steal, hitting .320 and hitting near-.400 in the last week. Hot schmotato alert!
Chris Archer – Shut down with a setback on his abdominal strain. Filling in for him will be (Mad Libs reliever name).
Ryan Yarbrough – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.90. He’s the world’s first reliever converted starter converted reliever/starter converted starter/starter.
Sam Gaviglio – 3 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.66. The scout watching him said, “Take the radar gun, leave the cannoli.”
Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games. Teoscar is alive with pleasure like a Newport cigarette! Not sure if we’re on a schmotato flight of fancy, but call me Nancy and make me schmancy!
Mookie Betts – 1-for-5 as he was activated from the DL. Thank you merciful, Fantasy Baseball Overlord. Your generosity can not be overstated.
Steven Wright – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.21. There was some discussion about Wright and streaming him and the Stream-o-Nator and stuff — lots of stuff! — in the comments yesterday, and I was of the mindset I can’t stream Wright anywhere. I just don’t trust a knuckleballer, because they could explode at any moment. Robot who is trying to learn our ways, “A knuckleballer stream could explode at any moment? Dee-boop-beep, is this about sex?”
Zach Britton – Activated from the DL. Buck Showalter said he wants to ease Britton into closing games. You know that friend of yours who hasn’t been laid in four years and you think is just asexual? It’s like him saying he wants to ease into dating. Yo, Showalter, you don’t really have that many closing opportunities to ease into.
Jonathan Schoop – 0-for-6, hitting .213. As Frequent commenter, SteveNZ said, “Are we sure Schoop doesn’t rhyme with poop?”
Dylan Bundy – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.66. If you started Bundy vs. the Sawx, you have bigger pants marbles than yours truly. Even with his ERA and Ks where they are, I don’t trust Bundy. Oh, and he’s been more than solid. This is on me more than it’s on him.
J.T. Realmuto – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs, and his 7th homer, hitting .301. Jerry Tomato was on the same field as Buster Posey (2-for-5, 1 run) last night and they had some words — “I can’t believe people draft catchers high.” “I know, so dumb.”
Madison Bumgarner – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.76. Against the Marlins? Mad-Bum should be Sad-Bum at his failings. Nothing more than failings. Failings at the game played with a glove.
Jeff Samardzija – Ready for rehab. With Samardzija, the news update should be more like, “Are you ready for Samardzija to rehab?”
Kenta Maeda – Cleared to start on Wednesday, but he didn’t rehab so he might not go deep in the game, which sounds like every pitcher in baseball minus about seven guys.
Shohei Ohtani – Angels are cautiously optimistic he can play again this year, at least as a hitter. What a mess. If he avoids surgery so he can hit again this year, he’s going to still need the surgery at some point or never pitch again. This sounds like the worst idea ever. Just let him have the surgery and sideline him for 13 months. You are messing with his career! Ugh, so frustrating. Also, Podcast Ralph and I go over Ohtani on the podcast that’s coming later today if you want more bleeding ulcers.
Mike Trout – 2-for-3 and his 20th and 21st homer, hitting .304. This guy might have a career playing baseball.
Albert Pujols – 1-for-4 and his 10th homer, hitting .256. I know, he’s Verb Ralph, meaning to vomit, but he is on pace for 25 HRs and 90 RBIs. He would be the first 72-year-old to reach either number.
Andrew Heaney – 3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.68. Fer crissakes, can Heaney stay on message? That message: be a good pitcher!
Robinson Cano – Mariners said Cano won’t be the everyday 2nd baseman when he returns. Damn, someone sounds like a bitter Betty. I get what he did wasn’t right, and Gordon is a fine 2nd baseman, but Denard Span and Guillermo Heredia need to stay in the lineup that badly that Gordon can’t move back to the outfield? Sounds a bit cockamamie and a little nuts — cockanuts?
Nelson Cruz – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, and his 4th homer in his last three games. Oh boy (or five girls), here we go with one of his 12 homers in 15 game streaks.
Elvis Andrus – Began his rehab stint. Ya know, rehab and Elvis have some pretty interesting Google results.
Eric Thames – Activated from the DL. He said of his six-week absence, “It kind of put things in perspective for me. That’s why I don’t like to get hurt. It’s lonely.” Then he sat on the bench all game, through 11 innings, by himself, and didn’t play.
Junior Guerra – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.71. Bit surprised at how few questions I get about Guerra. Look at Guerra’s ERA then look at, say, Luke Weaver’s, who I am asked about multiple times a day.
Jonathan Villar – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer, and his 2nd homer in his last three games. He’s also hitting .276 on the year. Oddly enough, he only has nine steals. Counsell usually likes to run too. Not sure what’s going on. What’s going on? Father, father, war is not the answer. Though, Guerra has been, so that’s a mixed signal.
Yu Darvish – Will throw off the mound today. Yu said, through a translator, “I’ll be ready to screw up some fantasy teams soon. Don’t translate that part. You did already, didn’t you?” The translator added, “Oopsie.”
Albert Almora – 3-for-6, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .323. In 58 games, he has two homers and one steal on the year. That is impressively yawnstipating. You almost have to be in awe of how bleh that is.
Jose Quintana – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.09. He entered May with a 5.74 ERA and left May with a 4.30 ERA. I’d say he’s turned his season around. i.e., you can just start him and don’t need to worry about what the Stream-o-Nator says on him or matchup (unless Coors).
Francisco Mejia – Recalled from Triple-A. He was hitting .214 in the minors this year with four homers, and he might only be up for a few games, and Gary Sanchez, who you weren’t supposed to draft but did anyway because he was going to be the 2nd coming of Gary the Apostle but ended up the Dirty Sanchez in Screech’s porn video, isn’t even good so stay low key on catchers. Even Mejia.
Robbie Ray – On track for a rehab start on Thursday at High-A Visalia. Sounds like a game to take a red eye to.
Patrick Corbin – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA up to 3.10. The Regression Fairies can spot a fashion faux pas from across the room, they go to the full service gas pump and they will destroy your ratios.
Jake Lamb – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .235. “Let’s just take the rolled-up carpet with the body out to the dumpster–WHOA! Hold on! Lamb is alive!”
Joe Musgrove – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.16. I would’ve been so happy if both starters in this game (also, Corbin) threw two 9-inning shutouts and one lost by an unearned run, but enough about me, more about Musgrove! Some regression due, but I’m happy to own him.
Paul DeJong – On pace to return by the end of the month, and fielded some grounders yesterday. Don’t pass on DeJong, or Grey poop on you.
Jack Flaherty – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. I like Flaherty a lot, but don’t own him, so wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing. All I know is a lot of people are asking to drop him. His ERA is 2.96! What are you dropping him for? 1997 David Cone? Get out of here!
Jose Martinez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, hitting .327. Since I pointed out Jo-Ma wasn’t hitting for much power, he’s done exactly that — five homers in the last five games. By the way, why is Rhys Hoskins not hitting for much power?
Marcell Ozuna – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer. I’ll bet some five pretend dollars that Ozuna still gets to 30 homers this year, which means he’s got a ton left in the tank.
Jordan Lyles – 6 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.83. Insert ‘Crying Because You Own Jordan’ meme.
Cory Spangenberg – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. I liked him better when he was Cory Spangenpancake.