Rockies are eligible for an extra draft pick if Zac Veen or Chase Dollander (more on him in a second) finish top three in the end-of-the-year awards, because they were called up within two weeks of Opening Day. So, the Rockies could manipulate their service time and still get rewarded with picks. Sounds dubious, as in “you do bilious shizz.” So, Zac Veen was the 9th overall pick in the 2020 draft. You remember that one, it was the one where everyone stood six feet from each other and talked over Zoom about Wuhan. Then Zac Veen spawned a spoonerism that had your uncle attacking your stepmom on Facebook. He was in Itch’s top 25 fantasy baseball prospects, and I wrote a whole post about my Zac Veen fantasy. He has 10/30/.240 potential. This year. If that goes to 15/40/.260, which it could, then you’re talking about, a top 50 player. Worth grabbing everywhere. The only thing stopping him is Bud Black and the universe’s conspiracy against the Rockies. For those finding us by googling “Conspiracy + stepmom on Facebook + Wuhan,” welcome! We don’t judge, but you don’t need to wear that aluminum-covered hat. The microwave can’t read your mind. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Chase Dollander – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks as he was called up by the Rockies. First names that are verbs always throw me. Noun first name? Cool. Adjective first names? Awesome! Verbs? It’s too much, man. It’s like, “You Chase that shizz, man, I’m not doing your work.” Dollander has been excellent in the minors. Here’s some Itch thoughts, “Dollander was on track to contend for top overall draft pick as a Tennessee sophomore with a 10-and-0 record alongside a 2.39 ERA and 0.79 WHIP across 79 innings. His junior season was a struggle (4.75 ERA, 1.20 WHIP across 89 innings), but he still went ninth overall to the Rockies in the 2023 draft. It’s proven to be a smart selection so far. Dollander closed out the 2024 season with 48 innings across nine Double-A starts, recording a 2.25 ERA and 1.10 WHIP with 58 strikeouts. Rockies pitchers are typically losing cards for our game, but the field has played more sporadically over the past few seasons, so I think there’s a chance for Dollander to find a way to navigate it thanks to plus command of a diverse, lab-compliant arsenal of fastball, curveball, changeup, slider, a leg sweeper to Grey’s face.” What? Chase seems like a fun one for NL-Only leagues, but I fear you might have big ol’ crackers in your cabeza if you get involved in mixed leagues.
Brenton Doyle – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer. That’s nice, but we’re 1% into the season, already dropped him for Kyren Paris!
Lawrence Butler – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Meh, it’s almost a full week and a day of games, he’s already been dropped for Michael Conforto!
Tyler Soderstrom – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Ahhh…Sparkling water!
Kris Bubic – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.71. Pronounced Boob-itch. Michael Scott GIF trying to stop from laughing. [time travels back to adolescent Grey] “Hey, I’m your older self.” “Oh my God, are we a professional baseball player?!” “Uh, not exactly.” “A professional wrestler.” “No.” “A professional TV watcher?” “There’s no such job.” “Oh, then why are you here?” “In a few decades, you’re going to come across a name Bubic and it’s pronounced ‘boob-itch,’ and you’re gonna have to act professional for your job to be taken seriously.” “What’s my job?” “A fantasy baseball blogger.” “I wanna kick my own older’s self ass.” So, another gem by Kris Bubic, where he put up 16 whiffs with a near-73 Whiff%. He only touches 93 on the four-seamer but that’s a setup for the 85 MPH change and 83 MPH sweeper, which are the damaging pitches. It’s been years since he’s thrown any kind of innings, but the breakout looks possible if he can stay on the mound. Or two mounds if you have to scratch that Bubic. [giggles] Damn, wish someone warned me not to laugh; I’m undercutting brilliance!
Ketel Marte – Hit the IL with a hamstring strain. DBacks called up Tim Tawa, because they forgot and/or didn’t know they had Jordan Lawlar. Tawa’s got some great deals on cylindrical hamburgers–[intern whispers]–Being told that’s Wawa and that’s 7-11 with the rolly hamburgers. Will table my “going to Tawa for a Slurpee” for now until we get further information. Tawa went 31/14 last year in the minors and 3/2 in only six games to start this year, and can all minor league teams move out of the PCL? It’s an absurd place to try to develop players. For what it’s Cronenworth, Prospectonator, which has the projections for every rookie, if they were to get a full season, has Tawa down for 16/9/.234. For now, I’d try Tawa in NL-Only leagues, and maybe 15-teamers if you lost Ketel and sobriety scares you.
Eduardo Rodriguez – 5 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 6.10. Legit no idea where those Ks came from but that’s attached a large, cartoon-like exclamation mark over his name and I’m monocle’ing hard, even grabbing in some deeper leagues.
Corbin Burnes – 5 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.79. [adjusts shorts] That Burnes.
Mitchell Parker – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 0.73. Four walks to two Ks makes me want to Parker on waivers in all but the deepest of leagues.
Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 6.35. Nola is the Phils’ #4. That’s not even a controversial statement.
Nick Castellanos – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer.
Castellanos always homers in a game during a tragic event but not like this, please pic.twitter.com/9xURVuFo1S
— Razzball (@Razzball) April 6, 2025
Cristopher Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Pitching’s so bad right now, I’m like, “5 2/3 IP and only 4 ER? Oh, heck’s yeah!”
Jose Alvarado – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.80 and his 2nd save. Jordan Romano (0 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 15.75) pitched the 7th. I haven’t been this let down by a Romano since the parmesan in the green bottle. Jordan Romano? Not the closer.
Blake Snell – Hit the IL with shoulder inflammation. Snell ya later! Sounds like they’re going with a bullpen game on Wednesday, then will reevaluate. A shoulder injury for a pitcher sounds like doomscrolling in the Oxford Medical Dictionary, but he was never throwing a full season anyway, so maybe we get a solid June thru September for Snell.
Teoscar Hernandez – 3-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer. Don’t love Teoscar SZN when it’s against my Sanchez SZN.
Roki Sasaki – 4 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.15, and out in 56 pitches. Can Dave Roberts tie his shoes wearing those kid gloves? Roki threw 111 IP last year; it’s not like he can’t throw 5 or, dare to dream, six innings in a start. Of course, I watched him, and he looked better. Zero barrels allowed and a splitter that appears unhittable if he commands his fastball to set it up. It’s all good, but let’s see 5 IP next time, Rokie-doki? I mean, 56 pitches is like what pitchers throw to warm up between innings. Come on, man.
Tyler Glasnow – 2 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.43. Completely unraveled when it started raining like a wicked witch.
Sean Murphy – Activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I’m back, bitches!”
AJ Smith-Shawver -4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.19, and out at 82 pitches. That’s almost two games worth of pitches for Roki. 82 pitches is like Roki if he thinks his team needs him to go into extra innings.
Chris Bassitt – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 0.71 vs. Griffin Canning – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.79. This matchup was billed as, “Bassitt/Canning should’ve been Alpo, but turned out to be a Fancy Feast.” Started both of these guys in one league, and Streamonator wouldn’t start either of them in their next matchup, and I might side with caution here.
Bowden Francis – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Not looking like a fluke from last year. Maybe he can talk to Ronel.
David Peterson – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.53. Mets starters leading the league in 4 2/3 IP starts or is it me? (It’s not me.)
Jacob deGrom – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.38. Heard the announcer say deGrom looked tired by the 6th inning. He was at 82 pitches! I’m about to have an Okay, Boomer moment, but can’t anyone throw 100 pitches anymore?
Corey Seager – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. If he’s only going to be healthy for 100 games, he better heat up.
Kumar Rocker – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 7.88. How can someone with his stuff have zero walks and only one K? That feels like a scoring error.
Drew Rasmussen – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.90. Gonna be cool when the only great starters this year can only throw 70 IP.
Ivan Herrera – Headed to the IL because we can’t have anything nice. I blame one of youse. Not sure yet who, but you best hope I can’t pinpoint who it is. Y’all getting IP blocked!
Rafael Devers – 5-for-9, 5 runs, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer. Sell! I’m not kidding.
Alex Bregman – 4-for-9, 3 runs, 6 RBIs and his 2nd homer. The home run to deep center was pretty, but I love how he goes off the Monster. That’s exactly why I was excited about him for the first time in his career. Also, love the Sawx homer celebration of putting on their mascot’s head. It’s like Yellowjackets, but they ate the mascot.
Hunter Dobbins – 5 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. Looked solid for his first career start, but Dobbins was up for just a spot start. My precious.
Tanner Bibee – 4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 6.52. But he threw 89 pitches. Lowercase yay!
Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Whatevs, he’s so the first five days of the season.
Logan O’Hoppe – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, and 4th straight game with a homer. Thoughtfully, with much consideration, “Maybe I shouldn’t have dropped him for Goodman.”
Kyren Paris – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (2) and legs (4). Paris giving Rengifo 2.0. Call him Rengoforthandprosperyoungman.
Jorge Soler – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. When you see his home runs, like I did yesterday, you’re like, “How does he not hit 40+ every year?”
Nestor Cortes – Hit the IL with elbow strain. Ya know how Scarface said Michelle Pfeiffer’s womb was polluted? Well, the Brewers’ entire rotation’s womb is polluted. Not to panic, but the Brewers have a one-starter rotation. I guess they get back Quintana soon, and Chad Chris KirkPatrick is NSYNC with their pitching needs, but then. Dot dot dot. I don’t know. I like Logan Henderson for NL-Only, but it’s pretty stank in the brew halls of Miller.
Chad Patrick – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.45. This start seemed more like the Reds are struggling than Chad Chris KirkPatrick looked good. As I said previously, “In Triple-A, Patrick went 2.90 ERA, 9.6 K/9, 2.6 BB/9 in 136 1/3 IP, and command is his number one attribute. Again, NL-Only, but I will monocle for you.” And that’s me quoting me! What’s odd (to me, at least), he’s had terrible command in the majors, but, when you compare him to, say, Corbin Burnes, he looks like an ace.
Jackson Chourio – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. Sans effort, just gorge.
Spencer Steer – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. That’s a good sign for his shoulder, but like Hansel & Gretel don’t think he’s out of the woods.
Robbie Ray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (5 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Hmm, end result was fine, but those BBs worry me more than Ralphie’s mom.
Jordan Hicks – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.38. Streamonator has him going to Old Stein Stadium and I wouldn’t start him in any mixed league.
Victor Robles – Left the game after crashing into the wall. Kool Aid Man makes it look so easy.
Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer. Don’t want to get too far out in front of my skies, but JRod is hitting in April.
Cal Raleigh – 3-for-4 and his 2nd homer, and 95th of his career which ties the M’s catcher record with Mike Zunino. Finally, we found who was Zunino’ing who.
Bryan Woo – 6 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Bryan Meh.
Tomoyuki Sugano – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.89. Not a bad start to his MLB career for having way less hype than other recent Asian imports — wish there was more of a tariff on Roki, so I wouldn’t have drafted him — Streamonator hates Sugano’s next, but I don’t see a problem with it.
Cade Povich – 6 IP, 4 ER, 13 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.10. Povich should go on Povich and reveal the Royals are his daddy.
Clarke Schmidt – Struck out seven in 3 1/3 IP in Double-A during his penultimate tune-up before returning. Actually, I don’t know if that was his penultimate rehab start, but it sounded so cool.
Will Warren – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.00. Clicked on the Yankees stats and sorted by Quality Starts, and the stats page asked me, “Are you being sarcastic?” Will Warren looks like yet another, “This guy’s gonna break out, didn’t you see his Spring Training?!” To become, “Hey, Grey handsome face, should I hold Will Warren or use Streamonator for his lineup spot?”
Andrew Heaney – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.50. Your NL All-Star Game Starter, let’s hear it for Andrew Heaney!
Dennis Santana – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.38, as he pitched the 8th, Ryan Borucki (2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 7.20.) got the 9th and was sucki. Derek Shelton, manager of the Pirates and my ulcer. Guess the Pirates’s Borucki couldn’t stop [checks notes] Trent Grisham. Okay, Grisham is a hot schmotato, but c’mon!
Martin Perez – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA 0.73. White Sox and Rockies starters have been better than the Yankees. El oh el.
Jackson Jobe – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.00. Will be interested to see if this guy can unlock something extraordinary at some point, but you don’t usually see a rookie pitcher look so yawnstipating with his pedigree. Usually you get: 4 IP, 3 ER, 9 Ks, not bleh, bleh, bleh.
Nick Pivetta – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.70. From 7 innings of one-hit ball to this. Nick Pivetta, you are: Bipolar Starter.
Kyle Hart – 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 11.12. Put this guy six feet under the Hart Foundation.
Jackson Merrill – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (1). Silence! Ja-Me gumb’ing up the works!
Matthew Boyd – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 0.00. Prolly wouldn’t expect more than 75 IP total, but you might get the prettiest 75 IP there is.
Kyle Tucker – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. Member way back roughly two weeks ago when you didn’t want to draft Tucker in the 1st round? Oops.
Bailey Ober – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 12.15. At least this time we saw Bailey Ober and not Bailey “take the over.”
Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. That’s nice, but we’re a week and a weekend into the season! I already dropped him for Carson Kelly.
Ronel Blanco – 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 9.45. It’s lovely when you don’t roster a guy when he’s unreasonably lucky for an entire year, then roster him the year the Regression Fairies talk about makeup foundation and stomp on your ratios.
Spencer Arrighetti – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.59. His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy. There’s vomit on his sweater already, he started Spencer Arrighetti.
