Shota Imanono

Trying to imagine Johnny Vander Meer, pitcher who threw two consecutive no-hitters-slash-ghost who follows around every pitcher after they throw one no-hitter, as he watches pitcher after pitcher get pulled with a no-hitter. JVM shaking his head, “I would’ve thrown 30 no-hitters back to back if I only needed to throw 7 innings.” Well, JVM, seven innings isn’t a no-hitter. Unless it was 2020 with doubleheaders–“What?!” Never mind that! Yesterday, Shota Imanaga (7 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.99) was lifted with 95 pitches. Throwing seven innings of no-hit ball is cool with me, but I don’t think we should discuss combined no-hitters anymore. Only ones of note are when the guy goes the distance. If we’re talking combined, then why not the reliever who throws nine perfect innings across nine different games? Or four batters who combine for a cycle? Is that not just as noteworthy? Yesterday, the Cubs did a thing we don’t talk about anymore. A combined something. Here I am not talking about it. Lates! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jorge Lopez – Hit the IL with a right groin strain. How many groins does this guy have? That’s a better question! Lopez’s many groins will help Porter Hodge’s saves.

Cody Bellinger – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer, hitting .267. During the Cubs thing that is not a thing, they also exploded for a bunch of runs. Dansby Swanson (3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) has been hotter than an Epstein in hell; Pete Crow-Armstrong (3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) might actually be hotter.

Bowden Francis – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.72. So. Dot dot dot. You’re telling me he’s not Pedro Martinez and Randy Johnson’s love child? Okay, I did not know that. Interesting. Selfishly, I kinda wanted him to keep his truly impossible run going so people would be drafting him like an ace next year. Now, I’m going the other way, and hoping he gets rocked so he’s undervalued. “It’s all about me.” That’s me looking at a spinning globe. In the end, Francis is solid, just not an ace. If yesterday is as bad as it gets, you could do worse.

Kyle Schwarber – 2-for-3 and his 32nd homer, and 4th homer in two games. Okay, who told Schwarber it was June?

Kody Clemens – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Jays watching Roger’s son homer, “Hey, how come we don’t have that 1998 All-Star’s kid?”

J.T. Realmuto – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer. Has been solid in August/September. Looked like a has-been April to July.

Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, This Sanchez vs. Francis could succinctly be called, “You got more than you even could’ve imagined from either.” Streamonator loves Sanchez’s next, eff why eye.

Jarren Duran – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI. He leads the majors in triples and doubles. Last one to do that was Lou Brock in ’68. That’s honestly wild. Duran is gonna be barking at me in the top 10 next year, and I don’t know if I can resist.

Kenley Jansen – 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.70. Why was he in the 8th inning of a losing game? To quote another Bostonian, why, why, why?

Tylor Megill – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.95, and lifted at 67 pitches which, contrary to what you think I’m gonna say, I’m fine with. He didn’t have it, and my leagues are innings caps, so better to be pulled without wasting innings. I sound so grounded!

Royce Lewis – 1-for-3 as he started at 2B. [eyes calendar] Can Lewis get enough games to get 2B eligibility for next year? “Look at their schedule not me!” That’s the calendar, who didn’t like that I eyed it.

Carlos Santana – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Oye schmotato yay!

Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, 3rd homer in a week. Could be a little schmotato–well, there’s nothing little about him, and I imagine he’s rostered everywhere of note.

Sonny Gray – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.84. Could’ve used that win, but the Cards can’t score because they refuse to start Jordan Walker, after saying point blank, “We’re going to start him every game.”

Matt Vierling – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 16th homer, hitting .262. Fun fact! Vierling’s rap name is Lil’ Vier.

Jackson Merrill – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 22nd homer, hitting .294. Have him nowhere this year, gonna have to pay up next year.

Yu Darvish – 2 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.51 as he was activated from the IL. The people asking about picking him up are very cute. I want to pinch their cheeks. Almost as cute as the people asking about Bobby Miller. Speaking of which…

Bobby Miller – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.79. [pulls mask off Bobby Miller] Oh my God! It’s Bronson Arroyo!

Mickey Moniak – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Moniak is one of the top hitters on the 7-day Player Rater. Mickey Moniak or Mickey Mantle? Impossible to say.

Niko Kavadas – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer. Damn, it’s gotta be cool for him to be living his dream. Well, his 2nd dream after his first about opening a souvlaki place.

Taylor Ward – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 21st homer, and 2nd homer in two games, third homer in three games and fourth homer in five games, and why is he hitting leadoff?

Eugenio Suarez – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 24th homer, 4th homer in a week. One of the hottest bats dating back to early July. Hitting 7th behind Pavin Smith. An emoji that thumbs up then dives in front of a train.

Corbin Carroll – 1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 25th adn 26th steal, and four steals in two games. This is all I ever wanted! Where was this the first five months? Was he waiting for fantasy football season?

Pavin Smith – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (4) and legs (1). Pavin? It must be infrastructure week.

Zac Gallen – 6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 4 walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.69. Thinking when there’s two games on the same day when a starter is pulled while throwing a no-hitter, it might be time to look at what’s going on with pitchers.

Tommy Pham – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Pham is Willie Mays one week after being traded, and Willie Mays Hayes two to eight weeks after.

Seth Lugo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.05. What I say in the next blurb for Lively, I would’ve said for Lugo, if this were a bad start, but Seth lives to see another day, unlikely Lively.

Ben Lively – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.07, and four of his last six outings have been incredibly meh if not downright awful. Think it’s time put down Lively, humanely.

Andres Munoz – Said he’s okay even though he has elbow soreness. Oh, just that old nugget. M’s seem in the playoff hunt which might last until the final week, so I imagine Munoz will continue. If the M’s fall out of it, he might be shut down.

Luis Urias – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 4th homer. Mariners scored 16 runs and the only one to do anything was the bottom of their order? Holy ticker tease!

Albert Suarez – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.49. You know what they always say when streaming vs. the White Sox. Don’t go to the well 110 times.

Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-4and his 35th homer. O’s broadcast said (i.e., don’t take my word for it) that Gunnar now has more homers than any other shortstop in a season. Not shocking as much for Ripken, but Miguel Tejada threw me.

Nicky Lopez – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. When Little Nicky Lopez hit his first homer of the season, leading off vs. Suarez, I shut the game off. There wasn’t even another game on yet, but I was done watching that. Also, in this game, Andrew Vaughn (2-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 16th homer and Dominic Fletcher (1-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 1st too. Pain.

MacKenzie Gore – 6 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.32 vs. Valente Bellozo – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.78. This matchup was billed as, “Why didn’t anyone tell me before the game that neither team’s hitting was showing up to the game?” Oh, I guess Streamonator kinda said that. It likes Gore’s next one too, if you’re wondering.

Kyle Tucker – Supposed to be activated on Thursday, but Astros’ manager Espada said Tucker is day-to-day. Yeah, we know. He’s been day-to-day since June 3rd. An actual report on June 5th, “Espada told reporters Tucker may not be ready to rejoin the lineup on Friday (in two days).”

Ty France – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and so hot in Cincy, he’s stealing bases — his 1st. Maybe ever. Did Elly steal one and the scorer gave it a French kiss?

Jonathan India – 1-for-3, 3 runs and his 14th homer. Reds put up massive number of runs as Arrighetti supplied meatballs, and I struggled a bit to find who the Reds’ offensive star was, which is never a great sign, but ended up finding India. Columbus and Grey? We are not the same.

Spencer Arrighetti – 2/3 IP, 9 ER, ERA at 5.26. Think it’s Arrighetti, but something’s not right. Inspecting closer to see…Oh no! It’s Spencer Zoodles!

Corey Seager – Hit the IL with a hip injury. C’mon! You can’t say on Tuesday a guy is going to be babied with “load management,” then IL him the next day! And they suspended Billy Eppler for making up injuries? What a joke. My guess is Seager’s done for the season, because he plays around 120 games and starts to get the shakes like he’s had too much coffee.

Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Damn, Yanks (musical comedy) could use a pitcher like that. Oh, that’s right, they used to have Eovaldi and he sucked for them. Oh well!

Marcus Stroman – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.03. Yesterday was a mostly brutal day to start pitchers, besides a few. Could Manfred at least warn us before putting the bouncy balls into play?

Juan Soto – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 38th homer. That’s a new career high in homers for Sexy Dr. Pepper! Well, technically, his 36th homer was a new career high, but technically technically every homer after is a career high.

Clay Holmes – Boone said he’ll get creative with the closer role. “Maybe it’s Clay Holmes, maybe it’s Jake Cousins, maybe it’s Luke Weaver. Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl…” It’s kinda hilarious how Boone is either softer than baby shizz or he thinks Holmes is. He can’t just say, “You’re out as closer, and Cousins or Weaver will close, because they’re infinitely better?” It’s not like Holmes hasn’t had chances. He has 11 blown saves! He’s basically Carlos Marmol. Call him Clayloss Marholmes.