Yesterday, Wil Myers went 2-for-4 and his 11th and 12th homers as he hits .294.  How many posts does Wil Myers have with his post-hype sleeper?  More than the postman at the postoffice marking his post-lunch post-time with some extra postage licking and complaints that they have their postbaccalaureate to sort postcards without postcodes wishing they were postcoital not dealing with postapocalyptic posturing about the postage for the postmortem envelope they pulled out of the garbage that now looks postmodern.   Nah’mean?!  That’s 14 posts, kid!  Damn, I should be on Def Poetry Jam.  I know you wish there were some sleepers you could unswallow, but Myers has been the one shining light in a sea of brown, cloaked Padres.  This could be the last year that he’s even a question mark and not owned from start to finish.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Drew Pomeranz – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.44.  Pomeranz’s ERA feels like it’s slowly removing a Band-Aid and at the end it’s still going to reopen the scab and be covered with hair stuck to it.

Julio Teheran – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. San Diego.  Coincidentally, Padres vs. Teheran was also the name of a Red Cross mission into Iran.  “Hey, look, I’m a Friar of falafel.”  That’s a Father in Iran working the room.  Teheran’s ERA is now down to 2.85, and his peripherals are also decent.  Heard rumors that the Royals might trade for him.  Sounds like the second coming of the Cueto trade from last year.  But, that’s neither here nor there, Teheran has a solid next matchup vs. the Reds.  (What, are all the terrible teams playing each other right now?)

Chase d’Arnaud – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI, hitting over-.350 in the last week with three multiple hit games in the past eight games, and four times reminding me that I drafted Travis d’Arnaud.  Worth grabbing Chase for a little schmotato action.

Ender Inciarte – 3-for-5, 2 runs.  Inciarte would like to thank the slow day of games yesterday for allowing him to get a blurb on Razzball.  He’d also like to thank his manager and his team at CAA.  Finally, his wife.  “Mi amore con grande corazon.  Yo lo tengo beisbol while you lo tengo the ninos.”  Damn, Ender got me like Pete Rose with two strikes — choked up.

Yordano VenturaRoyals have discussed trading Ventura due to his bad attitude.  Lastings Milledge has discussed signing him to his record label.

Edinson Volquez – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.25.  The entire Royals team seems to be suffering from the Regression Fairies, who bailed on going to Kansas City last year, opting for Provincetown instead.

Chris Tillman – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.01.  Yay, super, awesome, adjective, adjective, adjective, exclamation mark in larger font, but he goes to Fenway next.

Hyun-soo Kim – 1-for-4, 1 RBI and his 1st steal.  Since he’s hitting .372 in the U.S., and they say Korean baseball is like Double-A, then he’d be hitting .576 in Korea.  I’d show the math but it’s way too detailed and this blurb is already too circumlocutory.

Vince Velasquez – Pulled after two pitches with biceps soreness.  Just asking for those of us in Game Start leagues, you couldn’t feel something was wrong in warmups?  You let two pitches go and suddenly there’s soreness?  I could see pulling something suddenly or twisting something out of nowhere, but soreness?  Soreness doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Kris Bryant – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (14) and legs (2), hitting .284.  Remember the people in the preseason that were convinced Bryant was a stupid early round selection because his strikeouts were too high and I said don’t worry about it and they said you’re stupid?  Yeah, those people are enjoying themselves some Jose Abreu.

Javier Baez – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs, hitting .274 as he started at shortstop.  Would love to see him start in place of Russell, but doubt it happens.  I have no quarrel with Russell, but he’s boring me to pieces and Javier Baezinga gets me percolating.

John Lackey – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.63.  Watch the Cubs have four 20-game winners this year, which in the days of less innings and more relievers is unheard of.  Maybe John Lackey can even get an endorsement with Jockey underwear.

Jameson Taillon – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks as he was called up.  The non-Italian Taillon!  In semi-related news, I had a dream that Jeff Locke hit the DL after accidentally scratching his cornea on Jon Niese’s nose.  Okay, so Taillon’s line looks just okay.  Agreed.  Remember, this was also vs. the Mets.  You know, the team that closed Urias’s other eye.  Taillon looked comfortable, considering it was his first game.  He gave up a lame jack to Ty Kelly (who?), then returned to make Rene Rivera look terrible.  I know, it’s Rene Rivera, but still, the game could’ve went sideways at that point; it didn’t.  His opponent, Noah Syndergaard (6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks) looked worse, and totally flustered at certain points.  No, I’m not saying Taillon’s better than Snydergaard; it was one game.  Chillax.

Michael Conforto – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .246.  Conforto went ice cold like Vanilla Ice’s career after Ice, Ice Baby (irony?), but I believe in Conforto, and think he’s a solid buy low.

Kelly Johnson – Traded to the Mets for Akeel Morris, which sounds like the real name of a 90’s rapper.  “Should I make the $1,200 check out to Akeel Morris or Large Professor?”  That’s a concert promoter.  As for Johnson, um, yeah, cool.

Will Harris – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd save.  And just that fast Harris is the closer.  Highly doubt they go to anyone else if he’s converting chances.  Damn, Giles was one clean inning away from being the closer.

George Springer – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 14th homer.  Pop goes the Springer and Springer shows pop!

Yu Darvish – 5 IP, 1 ER, but pulled with shoulder tightness.  It’s official, I can’t have anything nice.  I need to travel to Mecca with Sadat X and that Muslim basketball player that had Tourette’s and could shoot free throws.  I need to get right with my karma.  I don’t deserve this–*swats away fly*  Wait, was that bad?  Come back, fly!

Adrian Beltre – Left with a sore hamstring.  He hurt himself running from first to second on Prince Fielder’s single.  Obviously, Beltre was startled, not expecting to run.

Josh Hamilton – A surgeon found an ACL injury while Hamilton was having an operation on his knee.  That’s right, Hamilton injured his knee while having his knee operated on.  Hamilton has a better chance of getting tickets to see a musical about him called Hamilton by the guy that made the other Hamilton than playing baseball again.

James Shields – 2 IP, 7 ER.  Aging pitcher who hasn’t looked good in over a year moves to the AL but faces an NL team, but one of the best NL teams, and all the bookmakers say, “What…WHAT?!”  All the bookmakers say, “What…WHAT?!”  Sorry, I was working on my Josh Hamilton musical, was inspired from the previous blurb.

Stephen Drew – 2-for-5 and his 4th homer.  He went back-to-back with Danny Espinosa (3-for-5, 3 runs).  Bittersweet for Trea Turner fans.  More bitter than sweet, more sweet than bitter.  Bitter than sweet.  A bittersweet surrender.

Ryan Zimmerman – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer.  The Ghost of Ryan Zimmerman has risen.  “I am the Ghost of Ryan Zimmerman.  Do you know how to get a stain out of some white sheets?”

Max Scherzer – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.57.  Honestly, I was surprised the White Sox got a hit off him.

Taijuan Walker – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA down to 3.48.  Hopefully you held him after his past two shellackings.  Shellacking, that is a word made for pitchers.  I wonder if that’s Vin Mazzaro’s middle name.

Chris Iannetta – 3-for-3, 4 RBIs and two homers (5, 6).  0.1% of fantasy owners go crazy!  Or, more aptly, Chris Iannetta’s mom owns one fantasy team.

Ketel Marte – 2-for-3, 2 runs and two steals (7, 8).  Within a week, he’ll be batting leadoff again.  Okay, within a week, he should be.  Don’t quibble, you quibbler!

Carlos Carrasco – 6 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.48.  Still think he’s getting the rust off his Kuntz, and would buy him low.  I love me some Carrasco.  Not as much as Tapatio, but a lot.

Kenta Maeda – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.70.  Kenta Maeda, roughly translated from Swahili means no wormies.  Too bad his name isn’t Hakuna Matata.

Brandon Belt – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, hitting .298.  Don’t take this the wrong way, but I keep thinking Belt is doing better.  Not that he’s doing bad, but better.

Santiago Casilla – Bochy, with his rather large head, decided to play matchups in the 9th inning.  Casilla started the 9th, then Javier Lopez, then Hunter Strickland got the save.  None of them looked bad.  Well, Casilla’s looked bad in the recent past.  I’d guess Casilla, Strickland, Gearrin, in that order, for saves, but obviously Casilla’s on thin ice while performing at SAGNOF Capades.

Nathan Eovaldi – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.42.  Eovaldi had a huge early lead, then pitched to the score.  Super.  Sorry, went to the bathroom.  Didn’t mean super.  Was gonna say, supervise me when I think about picking up Eovaldi so I don’t.

Carlos Beltran – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, and now has homers in three straight games.  The Rise of the Zombino starring Beltran and Susan Sarandon with this message, “Please now ignore everything bad I said about Hillary.”

Chris Parmelee – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and two homers (1, 2).  I wish I would’ve picked Parmelee up as a batty call.  Yes, I like whine with my cheese.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-3, 3 runs and his 3rd homer.  Priming himself for my pre-All-Star Game contest where former home run hitters face off in a home run derby.  C’mon, Ellsbury, you can beat Mauer!

Jefry Marte – 2-for-5 and his 2nd homer.  The Yankees and Angels scored 18 runs combined, and everyone that did something is on waivers.  What a giant effin’ ticker tease.

Chase Anderson – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.21.  That’s nice, but Chase is usually being Chase’d.  Early and often.

Rich Hill – No go for his start on Saturday, scratched due to his groin.  Weird, because most pitchers scratch their groin while pitching.

Jaime Garcia – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER vs. Alfredo Simon 5 IP, 6 ER.  This matchup was billed at That Jaime/Simon Game, which is also what Art Garfunkel used to say when Paul would pretend to forget his wallet at dinner.

Brandon Moss – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 12th and 13th homers.  Owned in 13% of ESPN leagues.  If you would just platoon Moss in and out of your lineup, it would be worth more than your cool-guy stashing of prospects.

Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer.  The Superfluous H is on the bhoard!

Matt Adams – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, hitting .333.  I still ranked him a bit too high in the preseason, I get that, but Fatt Adams hasn’t been bad.  As of now, he’s ahead of Jose Abreu on our Player Rater.  It hurts me to write that as much as it hurts you to read it.

Zack Cozart – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .303.  Mean’s while, Tucker Barnhart went 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer, hitting .259.  Cozart and Barnhart sound like parallel universe composers.  They’re composing The Magic Fluke.

Joe Mauer – 2-for-5, 3 runs and his 7th homer.  Someone’s ready for Ellsbury!

Brandon Kintzler – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 1st MLB save.  Finally, the Twins laid Kevin Jepsen to rest.  Sleep tight, Jepsen, sleep tight.  Inside a sealed container, preferably, that is put out to sea.  Paul Molitor said, after talking about his 39-game hitting streak, that Kintzler and Fernando Abad would share closing duties.  Kintzler has closing experience in the minors and has been effective.  Abad is a bad man, but I’d put him behind Kintzler for now.

Trevor Plouffe – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer.  Plouffe goes the dynamite!

Byung Ho Park – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th homer.  I wonder if there’s a lot of Ho Hums in Korea.  Deep Thoughts With Grey Albright.

Jake Odorizzi – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.47.  Other than two starts this year, Odorizzi has been solid, so why is it he’s doing nothing for me?  I mean, not literally.  Well, literally, he is doing nothing for me, because I don’t own him, but I mean he’s not exciting me.  Hmm, maybe it is because I don’t own him.  Yeah, I’ve painted myself into a logic corner.  Little help.

Corey Dickerson – 3-for-4 and two solo homers (10, 11), hitting .202.  Also, in this game, Rickie Weeks (2-for-4) hit his 3rd homer and Desmond Jennings (1-for-3) hit his 5th homer.  Feels like these three should be on the Island of Misfit Toys. “Kids used to love us and put us on their fantasy teams.  Now, we’re stuck here with the Snow Miser and Randal Grichuk.”

Archie Bradley – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA up to 5.22.  He should be named, Alas Bradley.  Make it easier since that’s what everyone calls him when he’s on their fantasy team.  Well, he’s seemed to rope us in again.  Stream-o-Nator hates his next matchup and I see no reason to hold onto him.

Drew SmylyRays will skip Smyly in their rotation next time around.  What that means essentially is the Rays would drop him if they could, but you’re holding onto him in a league where you can choose from 29 other teams’ pitchers.  You don’t think the Rays would grab Jerad Eickhoff, Michael Fulmer or Matt Shoemaker if they could?

Justin Smoak – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer.  I picked him up right before game time yesterday.  You, “Fantasy Master Lothario, in all of your brilliance and handsomeness how did you know to grab Smoak?  Was it the Hitter-Tron and its horniness for metal?  Was it your intuition?  Are you a witch?”  Easy, Razzball Reader, it was that I saw he was batting 4th and he was available.  Yup, hard methodology to teach.

Josh Donaldson – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer.  F5!

Troy Tulowitzki – Expects to return on June 13th.  When you’re injured 17 times a year, you get pretty good at coming up with a timetable.

Jordan Zimmermann – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  The Regression Fairies seem to back their PT Cruiser up to Zimmermann’s ratios once a month and unload all of their crap.

Nick Castellanos – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer.  Whatevs, you were so April/May!  Which sounds like a Marvel character.  “Spiderman, please don’t go.”  “I have to, April May, it’s my destiny.  Plus, what else am I supposed to do with web nets spinning out of my wrists?  Set up tennis courts?”

 
  1. KillerB says:
    (link)

    @grey – time to drop rodon? Or will I regret it? Bradley and Taillon are both available — which one would you grab (all keeper eligible)? Thanks.

    • KillerB says:
      (link)

      @KillerB: actually tallion gone but shoemaker, Roark, Bauer, Conley, eikoff, yordano and Glasnow all available in addition to Bradley. Any of them work adding over rodon?

    • B the Esq. says:
      (link)

      @KillerB: If its a keeper league, I would grab Glasnow if you can deal with him on the bench for a couple weeks.

    • knucks says:
      (link)

      @KillerB: Roark first then Shoe if redraft, but maybe Glasnow if keeper, as B noted here.

  2. tobiasfunkeanalrapist says:
    (link)

    Is it crazy to be considering dropping Franco for Martin if Martin looks like a 25/25 guy once again once he comes back? It would be for my Util spot and I have duvall for power so Franco might be the guy to drop. Thoughts? And as always keep up the good work my man.

  3. Eric says:
    (link)

    Hey Grey, was wondering what you thought of these potential trades in a 12 team OBP and QS Yahoo League:

    1) I give up Mookie Betts and Lawrie for Cano and Carrasco
    2) Give up Vizcaino for Puig

    I currently have Devon Travis, Machado, Villar, and Lawrie for my 2B, SS, and MI spots so Cano would slide in for Travis’ position. OF I have Betts, Martinez, Belt, Blackmon, and Brantley on the DL. I could use another ace to stabilize my young pitching staff (Salazar, Nola, Joe Ross, Walker, and Iwakuma)

    Thanks!

    • Jason E. says:
      (link)

      @Eric: I’d hold Mookie

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
      (link)

      @Eric: 1. Hold Mookie….2. Take Puig

    • B the Esq. says:
      (link)

      @Eric: Don’t trade Mookie. Vizcaino isnt anything special, but I don’t think Puig is much at all either….your OF is fine, if you want to move Viz try for an infielder, or maybe lower tier starter.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Eric: Agree with F

  4. Chris says:
    (link)

    Great read as always. I own giles & harris. Do I cut giles for kintzler or is the situation still to fluid in houston? Not sure how long perkins is out. Thx

    • Matt says:
      (link)

      @Chris: I had same situation and cut Giles.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Chris: Thanks! Yes, cut Giles

  5. Ryan says:
    (link)

    I need to drop one of these SP, which one should it be? Jimmy Nelson, CC Sabathia, Jaime Garcia

    Preferably I’d drop all three but unfortunately that isn’t possible. 12 team H2H

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
      (link)

      @Ryan: sab

    • B the Esq. says:
      (link)

      @Ryan: CC

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Ryan: Agree with others

  6. JakeTPE says:
    (link)

    Hi Grey,

    So with the news/performance this week for Yordano (since dropped), Smyly, Salazar, Rodon, and Yu, I was just wondering which sort of prayer octagon would be best for these guys?

    Thanks!

    • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
      (link)

      @JakeTPE: SON hates that mother, so unless deep h2h, NL only or large innings/games started roto (and deep league teamwise) probably no.

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
      (link)

      @JakeTPE: Time to get naked and sacrifice some chickens

      • bossmanjunior333 says:
        (link)

        @JeF WiTh 1 F:

        Crap…I forgot the chicken part

      • JakeTPE says:
        (link)

        @JeF WiTh 1 F: Ha! If that’s what it’s gonna take…

      • Mr. Snrub says:
        (link)

        @JeF WiTh 1 F: Step one complete, just need the chickens

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @JakeTPE: We need a Hands Across America-sized one

      • JakeTPE says:
        (link)

        @Grey:
        Yes! I’ll set it up!

  7. Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
    (link)

    accelerating my trade attempts to move a SP to bring up urias so i can add players (i’ll miss kintzler and i have no closer anymore). if beltre is really hurt and gallo sucks (it’s probably more likely profar just plays 3B in that instance though) it’ll have really sucked that i just traded franco for joc. dynasty 20 teamer with defensive stats, bunch of pitcher stuff too, holds, K/9, relief appearances, wins for RP etc. h2h
    C salvy
    1B fielder
    2B profar
    SS andrus
    3B beltre
    LF upton (now with CF)
    CF joc
    RF stanton
    util maz
    BN hicks/scooter/flowers
    DL choo (plays LF when back up, maz doesn’t seem like he’d be moving), forsythe
    NA dahl/gallo/brinson/delino
    SP darvish/liriano/hammel/archer/karns/straily (max 13 total pitchers)
    RP V2 (almost hope he’s RIGHT to DL)/tolleson/giles/diekman/salas/cedeno/estevez
    DL cobb
    NA urias
    got an offer out for fatt adams for karns or straily, will try jaso next, bour after. joseph too.

    1. got an offer of conforto + joseph for hammel. thinking my pitching is having too many problems right now (and my OF would be crazy crowded with everybody + conforto) with liriano/archer/V2 (possibly hurt)/darvish (lesser chance he’s really hurt) to move hammel in that deal. sound about right? if i did that deal hicks is easily dropped, scooter is when forsythe is back. flowers only around from salvy being hurt and off days for putouts.

    2. this rank look about right for guys i haven’t mentioned yet for straily or karns: jose ram, solarte, yesmany, prado? (i only targeted teams with at least 1 really bad SP)

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
      (link)

      @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: 7 RP slots, 5 SP slots, max 1 BN pitcher (when i say 13 total pitchers)

    • apoxonbothyourhouses says:
      (link)

      @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: Profar’s not playing 3B. Doubt his shoulder could handle it at the moment.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
        (link)

        @apoxonbothyourhouses: useful point, good thing i have gallo too then (worried gallo hits like .185). since profar will fairly quickly get 1B in yahoo (maybe) might go more for 3B guys in trades.

  8. Mike says:
    (link)

    Lol at the Hamilton piece.

    I mentioned to you yesterday that I traded Gio G. for Matt Harvey. However, I’ve got Gio until tomorrow and he’s toeing the rubber tonight. Start or sit him against the White Sox?

    • Mike says:
      (link)

      @Mike: just noticed that tom koehler is on the waiver wire and faces the Twins today. You think he’s worth a stream if I sit Gio?

      • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
        (link)

        @Mike: other person advised no on koehler yesterday.

      • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
        (link)

        @Mike: Im throwing Koehler tonight but its risky

  9. Mobin Can't Hack It says:
    (link)

    wow, i wish i owned smyly in leagues where shoemaker and fulmer and (maybe) eickhoff weren’t. “wavy lines seen across street emanating out of house basement where person in shallower league plays, wavy lines infect head nearly enough to drop smyly for c.anderson (best available in my smyly leagues)”

    • FKA Ralph says:
      (link)

      @Mobin Can’t Hack It:
      Smyly 64% owned (-9%)
      Shoemaker 40% owned (+8%)
      Fulmer 66% owned (+21%)
      Eickhoff 30% owned (-1%)

      Those are Yahoo! Numbers, so there are definitely leagues where Smyly is owned and all three of those guys are not. Until recently, that was sort of likely. Even now Smyly is way more owned than Shoemaker and Eickhoff.

      I wouldn’t drop Smyly for Anderson, but (assuming you mean Chase Anderson, not Cody Anderson) probably depends on league depth.

      • Wudaben says:
        (link)

        @FKA Ralph: I kinda want to drop Smyly in a league where I own Shoemaker, Rodon & Pineda so I know the feeling.

      • Mobin Can't Hack It says:
        (link)

        @FKA Ralph: i’m sure they exist, the wavy lines was a portal to a different league with a different owner. not one of MY leagues (and i’m in 19 yahoo leagues) has any of those 4 unowned.

  10. Joey says:
    (link)

    I”m surprised no mention of Beltre injury and Gallo watch starts again.

    • The Harrow says:
      (link)

      @Joey: might just move profar to 3B, he’s like the slightly older, less upsidey version of moncada, but profar CAN play SS too.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
      (link)

      @Joey: Surprised you didn’t see me mention him

  11. The Harrow says:
    (link)

    yeah, KC didn’t mind yordano back when he was both insane and good at least half the time. he’s just shitty and insane now, pretty obv they waited too long, should’ve moved him back when he was just insane with upside, like the hot girl at the bar with the switch blade, now he’s like a less injured but even more underwhelming-when-compared-to-talent puig who’s a pitcher, while also being a bigger asshole than puig (and from some “reports” that’s hard to be)