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During the slow Monday, when there was five games on the docket, and half of them were Yankees, I started thinking about some either/or’s.  Though maybe because I was listening to Elliott Smith — that guy was uplifting!  Luis Severino was out doing his norm — 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.20 and 0.93 WHIP with peripherals that are just as gorge — 10.7 K/9, 2.2 BB/9, 2.83 xFIP.  First either/or for you, wait for it, here it comes, follow the arrow –> Next year, Luis Severino or Kershaw?  Is it even close?  Don’t think it is.  Okay, next either/or, Luis Severino or every pitcher not named Max Scherzer?  Maybe, maybe not.  There’s pitchers with better peripherals than Severino right now — Scherzer, deGrom, Cole, Corbin, Kluber and Syndergaard.  Throwing the two Mets out because they’re injury risks; Corbin and Cole don’t have the track record; semicolons are fun.  That leaves us with Scherzer, Kluber and Severino.  So, three’s company, and Severino is Joyce DeWitt.  Come and knock on my door!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On Dancer!  On Prancer!  On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in.  Welcome, reader!  Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire.  You look festive.  I love that Rudolph tongue ring.  That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism.  That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2017 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away.  Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Jay Bruce.  Exciting!   In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2017 fantasy baseball season.  The biggest surprise from this list?  Marwin Gonzalez played how many games at 1st base?  Hayzeus Cristo!  I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2017 fantasy baseball drafts.  I’m a giver, snitches!  Happy Holidays!  I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position.  Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games.  10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers.  So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline).  Yes, Christmas came two days early this year.  Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position.  This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters.  Is G or H first?  Who knows, and, better yet, who cares?  Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking.  Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2017 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:

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The post could’ve been about Paulo Orlando; but it’s not, so Royals fans need not apply.  Well, they can, I don’t discriminate, I regulate every shade of OPS.  Anyway this post is about Orlando Arcia, and you should go add him if you need SS or MI help the rest of the season; let’s get that out of the way first.  We’ll dive into him (wait and see, it’s a neat trick) here in a minute but just thinking about Orlando makes me wonder why Orlando, FLA doesn’t have an MLB team.  True enough, Tampa is nearby (an hour and ten if you’re not driving with Grandpa) and they don’t draw well; the last time I was at a Rays game we spent most of our time playing pool in the cigar lounge, which was decent enough for a cigar bar in a terrible baseball stadium.

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When I was younger, I played for a Little League team, the Teaneck Yankees, our manager, who went simply by the name John Doe, would spend most of his days stealing the other teams’ signs, but when he gave us advice, through a translator hired by our sponsor, Halliburton, he’d say, “The most important function of the baseball hitter is to get the base.  The second most important function of the baseball hitter is to get the WMDs.”  I searched Fangraphs for a stat abbreviated WMDs but wasn’t able to find one.  Walk-Off Moonshot Dingers?  Windup Mechanics Delivery?  Weapons of Mass Ducksnorts?  Whatever the case, I want to focus on Coach Doe’s first function, get the base.  Since the All-Star break, there’s been few hitters who are getting the base like Ender Inciarte.  In that time, he’s hitting .360 with 35 runs.  That’s the 5th best average and 8th best runs. This is a guy who last year hit .303 in 524 ABs, so it’s not a fluke, or hirame if a sushi chef is reading.  Will he give much power?  Will a llama do a NY Times crossword?  No, he won’t.  But for average and runs, you can do much worse.  Now, is it a coincidence that Coach Doe was a ringer for Saddam Hussein and you can’t spell Ender Inciarte without CIA?  I don’t know.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

To paraphrase Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, “America has so many enemies:  Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, Josh Tomlin in away games, Justin Upton, Melvin Upton for the last two months, Clint Hurdle, the people on Twitter that take a trending topic and attach linkbait, Giancarlo Stanton’s groin when its injured, but not at all when its healthy, anyone that gets Mookie Betts out the once-in-a-blue-moon when someone can get him out, Clint Hurdle again, anyone that doesn’t appreciate blue raspberry, undesirable immigrants, by which I mean everyone that came after Carlos Martinez.”  Yesterday, Carlos Martinez went 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners with 13 Ks to lower his ERA to 3.07.  Thank you, come again!  From last year to this year, C-Mart’s strikeout rate is down (9.2 to 7.8), his walk rate is unchanged, his velocity is virtually the same and his xFIP is up due to a lucky BABIP.  So, what does that mean for Carlos Martinez 2017?  Random prediction alert!  I won’t be enthused about drafting him again next year, but he’ll likely be a solid #2 fantasy starter, i.e., good in a pinch, but not exciting, i.e., convenience forever, freshness never!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mike Napoli hit his 27th homer yesterday.  He now has five straight games with a home run.  On the year, he is top 30 for fantasy value on our Player Rater.  Dude is such butter right now brioche buns be jumping up on his back.  (Why am I not writing rap lyrics?)  Uh-oh, Napoli’s so hot, he’s bringing out my rap alter ego, B-Fire.  Napoli is such butter right now brioche buns be jumping up on his back!  Yo, he’s not whack like some homeboy going to a strip club with a quarter stack!  In fact!  Grey’s got more indoors, then you got outdoors, and technically there’s more room outdoors for you to have more but nope, my room’s got floors!  *dance, prance, romance off your pants*  My action lines got asterisks, smooth.  Your action lines got an asterisk with an excuse down below why you can’t move.  *said while bowing sushi chef-style*  Napoli.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s trade season! Most teams have either distinguished themselves as playoff teams or have been weeded out. The Reds are a team far out of a playoff picture and have been receiving inquiries about their players. Among those players is Anthony DeSclafani. However, the Reds President of Baseball Operations Walk Jockey, said that “clubs inquire about certain players, but they never want to trade anything.” DeSclafani has been pitching well, and clubs are going to have to pay up to get him. In his past 7 starts, DeScfani has 6 wins, 41 K and only 5 BB. Over this span he has averaged 21.7 fantasy points, and has gone over 6 innings in all but one start. He has also gave up 6 homers and today will be facing the Padres, who can clearly take the ball deep. The Padres may be slugging deep balls, but have been below .500 during that span. The Padres also strike out 24.6% against RHP and have only managed a 82 wRC+. DeSclafani and the Reds should be able to pull out the win against Friedrich and the Padres. And with that, I give you the rest of my DFS picks…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 1st to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Naquin the Chef looks determined without being ruthless.  Something heroic in his manner.  There’s a courage about him.  Comes across so calm.  Acts like he has a dream.  Full of passion.  Well, you know why.  Knock homers out of the box all the time.  Pitches know his repertoire, big fly.  Yeah, straight up, Naquin mess your whole team up.  It’s for real though, ball connect with stick, ditto.  We could trade places, ball lifted run around the bases.  Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.”  I almost didn’t write the title of the Naquin the Chef song, Infatuated Redfaces, but then I was like, “There’s a team named Redskins and a mascot named Chief Wahoo, I think I’m all right.”  Yesterday, Tyler Naquin kept it going with the insane run he’s been on — 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with two homers (11, 12).  He now has six homers in the last ten games.  That’s six homers in July to go with his six homers in June.  As I said back in spring training when I saw Naquin play, he had a nice stroke against righties, but looked kinda gnarly vs. lefties.  Looks like a 17/17 player that needs to platoon.  Right now, his power’s way above that, but will likely come down to earth at some point.  Of course, I’d still own him now.  Word up, peace, infatuated redfaces.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I have a serious question (not that serious).  Why does ESPN have a separate section to “Manage DL”apart from setting rosters?  It should work the same way as putting a guy on the bench, like Yahoo does.  Or just have no DL spots and larger rosters, like ottoneu.  ESPN works the same way on the app too, like why couldn’t they fix that for the app?  I don’t often go on the website for my ESPN leagues; really I don’t find it a good setup, and it’s never improved.  Yahoo I’ll look at a little more often because it’s easier to search for free agents.  Both sites are way better when looking at trades as there is a lot more information and Yahoo even has their feature about how it changes your future projections.  Also you can decline a trade and counter on the website, which you can’t do on the apps.

Furthermore I’m actually wondering how many people don’t even look at the website anymore; I’ve found it’s much easier to change lineups using the app for both sites.  Even more further how many people even have desktop/laptop computers and actually use them to play fantasy baseball?  I know I do but a lot of people in my leagues just use their phones.  In short I like Yahoo’s app better than ESPN, and I like ESPN’s website better than Yahoo’s.  What do you guys think?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Now that the closest baseball stadium to me is in Anaheim I’m watching more Angels games.  Truthfully I’m watching more MLB network, and then Cubs games, and then Angels games.  It’s still more than just the Mike Trout highlights I would normally but in any event I’ve seen some of this guy, Jefry Marte.  Jefry Marte?  Who is that?  And why can’t he spell Jeffrey right?

Well this Jefry is seeing time in left field for the Angels, who really stink out there to the tune of an MLB worst .550 OPS (thanks Yahoo!, as that tidbit is on his player page).  That is pathetic.  So they’re running Marte out there, who is normally a corner infielder.  Only 24 years old from the Dominican Republic, which is on the island of Hispaniola (which is such a fun word to say, especially if you throw a lisp in there), Marte has been around in his short career.  He originally started with Mets at age 17, played in the Futures game at the 2011 All-Star Game, was traded to the A’s for the not aptly named Collin Cowgill (he’s not a cow at 5’9, 190), and then was released by Oakland after the 2014 season.  Signed by Detroit two weeks later, he wound up being designated for assignment so the Tigers could sign Justin Upton (I can’t imagine that Detroit could foresee that Marte would be almost as good so far in 2016 as Upton) and traded to the Angels.

Marte did play in the majors in Detroit last year, hitting four homers in 80 at-bats; this season in limited action he’s hit four homers in 42 at-bats and has an OPS of 1.078; which is good.  His 4.5% BB and 29.5% K are not.  Those numbers last season on the Tigers were 8.9% BB and 24.4% K.  So he looks like a hacker.  A power hitting hacker in the same lineup as Mike Trout?  Are you sure I’m not really talking about Albert Pujols?  No, I’m not.  Not even I can recommend Albert anymore.  Just think, the Angels get him for how many more years?  Five more?  And full no-trade protection? Ha!

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Jake McGee hit the DL with a sprained MCL.  Damn, 1150 was a very bad year for him.  Wait, a new closer that no one owns is up for grabs!  When this news broke, I was sitting in a French cafe, wearing a beret to the side, flicking a Virginia Slim 120 like a French baller.  I immediately looked for Carlos Estevez, but he was gone.  Then I looked for Jason Motte — gone!  Then I looked for Boone Logan — there!  So, I grabbed him, then I wept quietly.  Was I really picking up the guy third down the SAGNOF totem for the Rockies?  I’m such a pitiful save vulture.  Get some dignity, man, you’re better than this, you’re rocking a beret and a Virginia Slim 120!  After Saturday’s game, Walt Weiss announced Estevez would be the closer, so now, even more pitifully, I will be dropping Boone Logan, who got me a cheap vulture save on Sunday due to Estevez being used too many days in a row.  That’s like the fantasy baseball walk of shame.  Everyone who sees you drop the guy that doesn’t get the closer job knows full well that you desperately tried to make the wrong guy work.  Now I have to pick up and drop twelve other guys to bury my move.  The fantasy baseball shame cycle!  As for Estevez, his outings will be like brother Emilio — short.  His performances may be like brother Charlie’s relationships — rocky.  Unlike his father, Martin, he will not be starring in an awful Netflix series canoodling with the DA from Law & Order.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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And, with the first pick of the MLB draft, the Philadelphia Phillies take… Someone that was born in 1998.  I have a bottle of ketchup older than that.  In fact, I think I have an entire shelf of condiments older.  Mickey Moniak or Grey’s Worcestershire sauce?   What?  That doesn’t ever go bad and it’s used for one thing.  I think I dated a girl in 1998 who wanted a Bloody Mary.  What else am I going to do with it?!  Lea & Perrins conspired to add it in the recipe of the Bloody Mary so everyone would have to buy it.  But you done messed up, Lea & Perrins, because there’s no use-by date!  Seinfeld pulls me aside like Bania, “You have fifteen minutes of Worcestershire sauce material, maybe you diversify?  What’s the deal with soy sauce?  If it’s soy, shouldn’t it be white?”  Wanna feel really old, look at Mickey Moniak.  He makes Christian Yelich look like a blue-hair.  I’m sure Prospector Ralph will be along on Sunday to talk about the MLB Draft in total, but the Phils grabbed Mickey Moniak, an eighteen-year-old lefty who has a line-drive stroke.  Said to have a high floor, which means low upside.  Hey, he actually might be just like Christian Yelich, two brothers from nearly this millennial.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?