And, with the first pick of the MLB draft, the Philadelphia Phillies take… Someone that was born in 1998.  I have a bottle of ketchup older than that.  In fact, I think I have an entire shelf of condiments older.  Mickey Moniak or Grey’s Worcestershire sauce?   What?  That doesn’t ever go bad and it’s used for one thing.  I think I dated a girl in 1998 who wanted a Bloody Mary.  What else am I going to do with it?!  Lea & Perrins conspired to add it in the recipe of the Bloody Mary so everyone would have to buy it.  But you done messed up, Lea & Perrins, because there’s no use-by date!  Seinfeld pulls me aside like Bania, “You have fifteen minutes of Worcestershire sauce material, maybe you diversify?  What’s the deal with soy sauce?  If it’s soy, shouldn’t it be white?”  Wanna feel really old, look at Mickey Moniak.  He makes Christian Yelich look like a blue-hair.  I’m sure Prospector Ralph will be along on Sunday to talk about the MLB Draft in total, but the Phils grabbed Mickey Moniak, an eighteen-year-old lefty who has a line-drive stroke.  Said to have a high floor, which means low upside.  Hey, he actually might be just like Christian Yelich, two brothers from nearly this millennial.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Will Harris – When asked if Harris were the closer, A.J. Hinch said, “Get him in fantasy baseball and see what happens.”  Wonder if Hinch thinks I should pick up Ketel Marte.

Jameson Taillon – Sent back down to the minors.  Will he be back shortly?  Do they make night vision goggles out of bat eyes?  I don’t know for either of these, but am anxious to find out.

Jeff Locke – 4 2/3 IP, 11 ER.  Bring back the non-Italian Taillon!

David Freese – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer.  Yeah, yeah, it was in Coors.  Speaking of which, the Pirates had a series at home vs. the Mets, a one-day game in Coors, then back home vs. the Cards, as their team’s schedule was designed to max out a Delta Rewards program.

DJ LeMahieu – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer.  You are bat shizz crazy like Milton Bradley if you don’t think owning Rockie hitters in Coors is good.

Charlie Blackmon – 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, hitting .302.   His Twitter handle is Chuck Nazty, and I get that you take what’s available when you want Chuck Nasty, but that is way too close to being the most doofus Nazi Twitter handle.  “Follow me at Chuck Nazy for all hot Aryan girl pix — Mine Humpf!”

Trevor Story – 2-for-5, 1 run, hitting .261.  He’s taken over the lead for the most strikeouts in baseball at 87.  Hard to hate on Rockies hitters, but I get the feeling that everyone who missed out on Story this year is going to draft him high next year and he’s going to hit .210.  Then again, Coors.

Blake Snell – Come on down, latest rookie nookie starter!  Possibly.  The Rays are being coy, but with Smyly’s velocity down and getting bumped, Snell could be on the way to The Big Show, who is, let’s be honest, no Big John Studd.

Yu Darvish – Was able to play catch yesterday.  Our oddly-shaped prayers worked!

Robinson Chirinos – Was activated from the DL.  What’s the opposite of uh-oh?  That, for Chirinos.

Prince Fielder – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .193.  Even a broken clock is right twice a day.  Unless you take the broken clock on a plane and fly east at 500 MPH, then that broken clock will be right every twenty minutes.  However, I don’t think Fielder is a broken clock on an airplane.

Rougned Odor – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer.  Odor is changing baseball parlance, because he’s making whiffs into a good thing.

Adrian Beltre – MRI shows a strained hamstring, but Beltre campaigned to come in as a pinch hitter yesterday, and did about as well as Ted Cruz.  Sounds like Beltre will avoid the DL for a week or so until he realizes he should just go on the DL.

Martin Perez – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 3.22.  Whoa, maybe I should reevaluate my dislike of Perez.  …And I still don’t like him.

Carlos Correa – Day-to-day with a sprained ankle.  Let’s check in on Prospector Ralph around eight seconds after Correa sprained his ankle… *Ralph bites down on a hamburger so he can hold it in his mouth without hands, grabs Alex Bregman in every league, takes right hand and high fives left hand, mumbles congratulations to his fantasy team, removes hamburger from mouth so his fantasy team can hear him*  Putting aside PR’s enthusiasm, Correa will probably avoid the DL.

Collin McHugh – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA up to 5.22.  Not to be all Loni Love on The Real, but the Astros should take A.J. Reed and move him for an arm.

Chris DenorfiaGiants signed him to a minor league contract.  Brian Sabean has never met an aging utility outfielder he does not love.  “Hey, when your suspension is over, give me a call.”  That’s Sabean wrapping up his phone call with Marlon Byrd.

Marcus Stroman – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA up to 4.94.  I think Stroman can be a solid starter in the major leagues, but you’re crummy with crackers if you’re waiting around for it right now.

Jose Bautista – 2-for-2, 2 runs, 1 RBI, hitting .234, but left the game with thigh tightness.  Probably got sore trying to run fast to first after a base on balls like every other leadoff hitter.

Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer, hitting .223.  He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but, of course, he will be.  The Hitter-Tron has an ‘erectrocution’ for me.  That’s when his metal rod feels a sexual current.

Chris Davis – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games (for him).  There’s about a 3-inch crack in the Buy Low window right now for Davis.  You should attack very fast, because you’re gonna look up in August and be like, “Damn, when did he get to 30 homers.”

Manny Machado – 2-for-5, 1 RBI, hitting .305.  Was suspended for four games for the fight.  So, if you connect on one good punch, you get three extra days?  Because Machado charged the mound, all Odor did was stand his ground.  What if you karate kick someone and no punches?  Is that more or less time?  A landed punch but on the testicles?  More or less time?  I’d love to know!

Yordano Ventura – Was suspended nine games for throwing at Machado.  Ventura will appeal his suspension.  On his way to the appeal, he will pick a fight with the Uber driver, the doorman at MLB headquarters, the elevator, Rob Manfred’s secretary and MLB’s chief baseball officer, Joe Torre, who is admittedly looking at Ventura funny.  Don’t look at Yordano funny!  Nothing funny here!

Billy Hamilton – Dealing with a potential concussion.  It happened back at the hotel when Eugenio hit him with a foam pillow, when he thought it was a feather pillow.  Jay Bruce is just as much to blame for yelling pillow fight.

Brandon Finnegan – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.77.  What he’s done so far is a good story like the time your aunt told you about her trip to the supermarket.  Okay, so it’s not a good story.  It gets worse, Finnegan’s not very good either.

Adam Wainwright – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.21.  Did you stream him after seeing the Stream-o-Nator liked him yesterday?  You didn’t?  You own him?  He has a 5.21 ERA and this isn’t 2010.  Yes, that also means you can openly talk about the Lost finale too.

Bartolo Colon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks in Miller Park.  Even more impressive because Colon pitched through disappointment for the entire game.  He misheard where he was pitching and thought he was headed where there was pork-flavored grains.

Curtis Granderson – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 11th homer, and 2nd homer in the past four games.  If he was dropped in your league (and I hope he was), then now would be the time to pick him back up.  Hot schmotato rising!

Scooter Gennett – 4-for-4, hitting near-.350 in the last week.  He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but he could be.  Enticing commodity!

Tyler Naquin – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer.  When you’re hot, you’re hot.  Or you were hot.  Naquin hit three homers in three games last week, then went hitless for two games.  He’s not a power hitter, but might have some light schmotato pop.

Robinson Cano – 3-for-5 and two solo homers (17, 18).  He’s kept his power going way past any point where I thought he would.  His biggest year for power was 2012 with 33 homers.  That year, he didn’t hit his 18th homer until June 27th, so, yeah, who knows where this is going.  Maybe he’s Becky with the good hair.

Tom Koehler – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.36.  There was a bunch of lackluster pitchers going yesterday and not a ton of offense either (except for the Marlins, of course).  Weird day, in general.  “Hey, c’mon, that’s not nice.”  Sorry, Thursday.  You have to admit though that you are the weirdest day. “Tuesday’s kinda weird.”  But you’re full-on weird!  “Fair enough.”

J.T. Realmuto – 3-for-4, 2 runs.  He’s hitting such a yawnstipating .306 on the season, that he hit eighth yesterday.  Even the Marlins prefer the 47-year-old Ichiro (2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI).

Marcell Ozuna – 4-for-5, 1 run, 3 RBIs.  OZUNA get blurb without hitting homer.  OZUNA finally make it.  OZUNA talking about the blanket he sewed.  OZUNA make it to warm up Giancarlo.

Giancarlo Stanton – 0-for-5 with four Ks, hitting .197.  I’m concerned.  I’ll admit it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s dealing with some nagging pain in his wrist.  I’d have a hard time selling him low, but I would push the range of players I’d accept for him in a trade to about the top 30 or so.

Mat Latos – Designated for assignment.  His assignment is to get his wife to stop calling the White Sox front office and asking, “Mat could play short, can you try him there?”  He’s not going to play short, Dallas Latos, let it go!

Justin Morneau – Signed by the White Sox and placed on the DL.  Isn’t that appropriate.

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.93 vs. Miguel Gonzalez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.57.  Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a Gonzalez went against a Gonzalez since Juan Gonzalez screamed into the mirror, “Take your medicine!” while being injected by Canseco.

Daniel Murphy – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, hitting .374.  “This player was cryogenically frozen directly after last season’s playoffs.”  “Who is Daniel Murphy?”  “Right again.”  “Okay, I’ll take Made Up Jeopardy Answers for $400.”

Jefry Marte – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 2nd in as many games.  Yeah, and The Sciosciapath didn’t even start him yesterday or leave him in after he hit a pinch-hit homer, so it’s hard to recommend him.

Jhoulys Chacin – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. Ivan Nova – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.39.  Quite the marquee matchup.  Chacin/Nova was less interesting than PBS’s Nova!

Brett Gardner – 3-for-4, 2 runs.  I said something about a week ago like, “If Gardner were to get hot, he’d be right on his usual pace.”  And that’s me paraphrasing me!  He’s hitting near-.550 in the last week and has raised his average from .217 to .261 in ten games.

Chris Coghlan – Traded back to the Cubs because Maddon loves players that can play everywhere.  When Brock Holt was having a statue dedicated to him in Philadelphia, Maddon went and interrupted the press conference telling Brock, “Why don’t you come play for a real man?”  Then screaming at John Farrell, “Shut up, old man!”  Then he made awkward passes at Adrian Gonzalez.

Rich Hill – Hit the DL with a strained groin.  Well, he was only going to pitch around 75 innings this year, so at some point something had to strike.  Sorry it struck his groin.  Not a lucky strike, like Jim Leyland enjoys smoking.

Arismendy Alcantara – Went the other way in the Cubs/A’s trade.  Not joking when I say the A’s and Cubs would be happy just trading Coghlan and Arismendy back and forth depending on upcoming matchups.  “Nah, you need a lefty bat for the series vs. the Pirates, you take him.”  “You sure?  I feel bad, we had Coghlan last weekend.”

 
  1. JakeTPE says:
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    Dear Grey,

    Hopefully that’s good news on Yu and Salazar *should* go on Sunday….

    …so why am I standing here naked holding a struggling chicken in each hand??!!!

    Have a great weekend, sir!

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @JakeTPE: Your naked holding chickens because you want to turn that “should” start to a “will” start….Don’t lose focus now.

      • knucks says:
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        @JeF WiTh 1 F: Look at the size of that neon chicken on the roof!!

      • JakeTPE says:
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        @JeF WiTh 1 F: You’re so right, JeF! Ready to do my best Rocky impersonation.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @JakeTPE: How many struggling chickens do you have?

      • JakeTPE says:
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        @Grey: Ha! I said chickens!! Who do you think I am, Andrelton Simmons’ cousin?

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Or Richard Simmons

  2. henncoop says:
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    Great stuff …brightens my work night. Obviously not too busy at the moment. I think my coworker may be concerned with my giggling to myself.
    Looking forward to the weekly Buy column later today …I am sure I will have some questions by then …have a good one Mr Grey

  3. TTRA1N says:
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    Drop Stroman for Paxton in a 10 tm roto keeper?

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @TTRA1N: You could drop Stroman but I doubt Paxton gives you much more

      • TTRA1N says:
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        @JeF WiTh 1 F: So you think he crazy spike in velo is a fluke??

        • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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          @TTRA1N: Yeah…It wont hurt you taking a shot on him…cant be much worse than Stroman has been

          • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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            @JeF WiTh 1 F: and when f-her’s back paxton might be completely done.

  4. Murph says:
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    Morning Grey!
    Better stash – Trea Turner or the non-Italian Taillon?
    Strickland or Paxton?
    Cut Segura when Leonys comes off the DL?
    Iglesias worth stashing on DL to replace Martin?
    (10 team redraft)

    I got hairy hands from rosterbating!
    Have a good weekend my friend….

    • Redlegz says:
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      @Murph: I think Iglesias is going to the bullpen when he’s ready to return… serious durability issues with his shoulder.

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @Murph: 1..Turner…2. depends on Needs but id take Strickland…3. Sure if you don’t need the SS…4. Iglesias is in the pen now so no.

      • Steve says:
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        @JeF WiTh 1 F: Strickland better stash than Smith for saves?

        • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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          @Steve: Id go Smith there for now…Counsel said he should be seeing save chances

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Murph: Taillon…Strickland…I’d want Segura…Forget Raisel

  5. jason bourne says:
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    Soy sauce is dark brown due to the fermentation process. My pitching is dark brown due to some other process. Maybe I can get Blake Snell or some other rook and bounce back from Vince Velasquez and Drew Smyly. LeMahieu got dropped in one of my leagues, too. You should get rid of the ketchup in your house to free your mind in the condiment world. Gracias, Grey.

  6. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!

    Great work, man!

    a. Started Naquin and Dr Freese yesterday because of the short schedule! Ty for Freese confirmation yesterday. Lind was also good yesterday just not as good. Don’t like Freese in general but I like everyone who plays in Coors.

    b. Horatio Caine (aka CSI Miami) quote of the day (June 10-12)

    (indistinct police radio transmission): Tollbooth witness couldn’t see the driver.
    Tripp: Said the car was charcoal gray.
    Horatio: What about the passenger?
    Tripp: Nothing, except she was female.
    Horatio: Female,no hard ID.
    Tripp: Our mystery girl did leave us this. Looks like blood.
    Recording: “He’s going to kill me!”
    Tripp: Think it’s a prank?
    Horatio: (cue the sunglasses) No such luck, Frank.

    Have a nice weekend!

    Cheers,
    Ante

  7. Toe Knee Arm Ass says:
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    Damn here I was waiting in line for the sunglasses.

  8. Oranje says:
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    Would you rather…T. Walker or J. Zimmerman for ROS?
    And…
    Would you rather…G. Stanton or S. Marte for ROS?

    Thanks.

  9. Uno Mas Cerveza says:
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    So how worried are the White Sox about Abreu to be picking up the ghost of Justin Morneau? I am stuck in the dreaded sell low on Abreu. I have other 1B options but need an outfielder. I have Maybin, Harrison, Chisenhall, Upton and Sanatana. Yeah and it is a 10th place team obviously!. Other than finding another hobby, who should I be targetingt for Abreu at this point?

    • Pu$$y Control says:
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      @Uno Mas Cerveza: I would recommend holding Abreu…if you are hellbent on selling him, I bet you could get Duvall. Dude will keep hitting homers and his owner probably got him on waivers and will be like…hey I can get top tier 1B for a dude I picked up off waivers…what a schmuck…accept. Then we get to wait and see if the gamble paid off.

      • Uno Mas Cerveza says:
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        @Pu$$y Control: Solid advice and much appreciated..trying to be patient with the guy but he looks horrific. He may be a Cuban 29 which means possibly 36 I guess. He cannot catch up to fastballs at this point.

        • Pu$$y Control says:
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          @Uno Mas Cerveza: I also have him and will go down with the ship if need be.

  10. Chadaristic says:
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    10 team H2H category dynasty league. The league has the ten normal categories, but also has OPS as an 11th category. I was offered Stanton, Josh Donaldson and Tanaka for Bryce and AJ Reed. What should I do here?

  11. John says:
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    I trade my springer hammel and Kenta for:
    1: chapman Estrada yan Gomes cano and brach.
    2: chapman Estrada yan Gomes Daniel Murphy and melancon.
    my outfield without springer would be Bryant Marte polanco and ozuna
    thanks!!

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @John: Id keep Springer

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @John: Agree with others

  12. Mr. Snrub says:
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    So true about Story, but I kinda feel that scouts ignored his power. He had an iso of .220-.250 3 of his last 4 years in the minors. That’s 35 homers, albeit less when he gets to the majors and strikes out 34% instead of 24%.

    Oh well, we all won’t be owning him anyways. I know I’m way too stubborn to give up on the grudge I’m gonna hold against him for letting all these chimps get out to a giant fantasy lead this year. “I read about some rookie doing well in Colorado, and he just started mashing it when the year started. I’m so good at fantasy baseball. Ooh Justin Morneau is back. Where’s my bananas, Snuka?”

    Now excuse me while I watch Giancarlo highlights while listening to Barry White’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”,

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mr. Snrub: Snuka has no idea, he has Alzheimer’s….

      • Mr. Snrub says:
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        @Grey: HAHAHA ouch… I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t a murderer

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          True

  13. Mr Andretti says:
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    in a standard 10 team league rosters set every day would u pick up margot and stash him?

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @Mr Andretti: I wouldn’t but depends how desperate you are

      • Mr Andretti says:
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        @Grey: ok thanks everyone ??

  14. JoeG414 says:
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    Any one like Holland tonight vs Sea ?
    Has pitch well the last month (other then the lack of K’s)
    G QS W L IP H ER BB HR K ERA WHIP
    Last 30 Days 4 4 2 2 25.7 19 7 3 6 13 2.45 0.97

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @JoeG414: I don’t

  15. Erik says:
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    I think 4 days for Machado says “We know you were provoked, but you still can’t charge the mound and punch the guy.” Nine days says: “You started it.”

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Erik: Yeah, but to be devil’s advocate, you know every pitchers’ intention when they hit a batter?

      • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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        @Grey: with yordano we do, dude’s a straight up sociopath (but to be fair that could be argued about anybody that throws baseballs at near 100 at somebody’s head)

  16. Wilson says:
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    Im in keeper league 10 teams 5×5 with QS and OBP
    I am struggling this year.

    My pitching scores are not good, i have only two starters (Schezer, Cole) and stream the rest.

    My OFs are Stanton, JD, J Upton, Marte, .. not bad but also not good (especially J Upton hasnt been heating ip)

    Im considering to trade Stanton for Kershaw.
    it s a sell low and im not sure if Kershaw’s owner will accept ot not. Ask your thoughts first. Thanks.

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @Wilson: Keep Stanton he will heat up and you’ll wish you had him

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Wilson: I’d take Kershaw

  17. Cheap Trout says:
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    I haven’t seen this in any reports yet, but Cano’s 2 HR brought his career total at 2B to 246, tying Joe Gordon for the AL record for second basemen. Gordon had 253, but only 246 were as a second baseman. Cano has 9 as DH and 2 as PH. Not the greatest record, but still!

  18. tyler says:
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    If snell gets the call, are you dropping Taillon or holding?
    Thanks!

    • Pu$$y Control says:
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      @tyler: I would hold Taillon. Snell has been issuing a lot of walks since his last mlb start. I’m not sure his next call up will be as fancy as his last one.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @tyler: I’d drop him for Snell

  19. Robert says:
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    I have been thinking about trading Stanton, so I am glad to see it brought up. Anyone else think it is time to trade him or will I regret it?

    • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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      @Robert: You’ll regret trading him low…depends what you get back though

      • Robert says:
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        @JeF WiTh 1 F: how about Stanton, Nola, Jeffress for Harper? The other team has been keeping Harper on the bench and needs pitching.

        • JeF WiTh 1 F says:
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          @Robert: Id take Harper

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Robert: I’d take Harper

  20. Gregarious says:
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    Which 2 would you start next week (weekly league…QS and Ws)?

    Fulmer @ KC
    Conley vs. COL
    Shoe @ OAK

    All three have just one start…thanks as always!

  21. Niceguybilly says:
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    I’ve been waiting to watch the Lost finale, figuring that like a fine wine it’ll get better with age. All the subtle clues, intricate plot lines and the delicate balance of characters stories of past, present and future will pay off in a glorious send off, one that will answer all my questions and leave me feeling satisfied. Ok, let’s finally watch.

    UPDATE
    Fuck

  22. nightpandas says:
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    Thoughts on Stephen Wright? going to continue ? Worth giving up a potential keeper in Contreras for to win this year?

    • Pu$$y Control says:
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      @Kendrick Llama: i like parra and peralta [email protected]nightpandas: nah. I wouldn’t give up much to have the future R.A. Dickey on my side. I know I know he had that one year…

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @nightpandas: If it helps you win and the Wright add makes you better sure. When it comes down to it Contreras is still a catcher. He’s not Buster Posey…..I think.

      • Mr. Snrub says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: Damn, Ralph is omnipresent. How did you know they were talking about you?

        P.S. In a deep league, who is the one call up that you love more than other prospectors, the “hidden gem” that you’d pay more faab for? Gimme gimme gimme!

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @Mr. Snrub: Hunter Renfroe and Nick Williams I’m higher on those guys than others are.

          • Mr. Snrub says:
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            @Ralph Lifshitz: Much appreciated Ralph! I’m going with fantasy baseball realism. I only have like 250 left in FAAB and gotta pick my battles.

      • Nightpandas says:
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        @Ralph Lifshitz: thanks for crossing streams Ralph!

  23. Great Bambino says:
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    14 team H2H redraft mixed league

    I have Evan Gattis now at catcher.

    Drop Russell Martin to activate Leonys Martin?

    Is Russell Martin disposable at this point?

    Thanks!