Not sure how many of you saw the other day, but Manny Machado and Fernando Tatis Jr. had it out in the dugout. Well, mostly Machado screaming at Tatis for him to be better. Tatis was arguing strike calls, and Machado was supposedly screaming at him to stop, otherwise Tatis might get booted from the game. Here’s a pic yesterday, after they supposedly made-up, but you don’t need a Rosetta Stone for Body Language to know this looks like a couple about to divvy up their belongings:
A true elder statesman Machado has become. He should run for “Parent” in the Parent-Teacher Association. Or “Teacher.” Whatever he wants to do, he can do now that he’s mastered “being a team player.” Machado, who has one of the worst home-to-first times, but not nearly a terrible 90-foot sprint speed. So what, you say. Well, that says to me, he can’t be bothered running to first, but when he wants to run hard, he has no problem doing it. Machado’s twelve steals tell me the same. He has the same home-to-first speed as Matt Carpenter, a guy who has only stolen 12 bags combined in the last four years. Yesterday, Manny Machado (3-for-5) led with his bat vs. mouth, homering twice (25, 26). For 2022, Machado seems capable of hitting 40 homers, .280 and stealing 15 bags or 15 homers, 3 steals and a .240 average while yelling at everyone to be better while he does worse. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Austin Nola – 2-for-4 and a homer. Guess how many homers he has. Go ahead guess. I’ll give you a hint, it’s the same number Machado hit in that game.
Tommy Pham – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your outfielders, so I won’t be drafting Pham next year.
Joe Musgrove – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.15. Should’ve stressed how important it was to use all your starts before September. Trying to find a decent starter now is like walking through a field of land mines and I ain’t Princess Di.
Kevin Gausman – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.92. Damn, Gausman is gassed, man.
Garrett Whitlock – Hit the IL with pectoral tightness. I have pec tightness too, after hitting the free weights on the way to the gun show!
Xander Bogaerts – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 23rd homer. His 1st half had me wondering if he’d make it out of the top 12 in 2022. His 2nd half has me concerned I might not be interested even if he falls into the top 40.
Marcus Stroman – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.00 as he went to Fenway. Stroman: Still a 3.75 ERA AL East starter, but also a 3.00 ERA NL East starter, which is all that matters.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-3 and his 34th homer. Albombso!
Mitch Keller – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.96. When that five-plus, eleven-baserunner ishkabibble is a top start of the evening, MLB pitching is on fumes in late-September.
Hunter Dozier – 1-for-4, and his 15th homer. 2nd verse, same as the first. It’s his third homer this week, and 2nd in three games, and he might just be the hottest schmotato in the land.
Cal Quantrill – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.82. Until the Kiermaier Rays/Jays drama broke right before that game, I was watching Quantrill before switching over, so I could see if Quantrill impressed me and, ya know what, he didn’t. I mean, not bad, don’t get me wrong, but was I blown away? No, I wasn’t. Of course, I’d start him no matter what the Streamonator said, since he’s been going well for months now. Also, as for the Rays/Jays drama, if you don’t know what happened, it’s a lot of nothing. Catcher Kirk dropped a defensive-alignment card, Kiermaier picked it up, and snuck it back to his team. Shady, I guess, but also so what? Now the Rays know how to pitch to Yandy Diaz? Kiermaier gets charged with a caught stealing? It does the Rays no good. Any hoo! Here’s Kiermaier about to make the swipe:
Here’s a promo still for my new true crime podcast pic.twitter.com/ZKsap1gbTH
— Razzball (@Razzball) September 21, 2021
Alek Manoah – 6 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners (6 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 3.36. This guy is so impressive, man and five Womanoahs. He didn’t have his best stuff, was wildly wild, uncontrollably without control, and that’s what made him more impressive. To shut down a top five offense without your A game? Um, yeah, I’m in love.
Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 21st homer, and 2nd homer in two days, and possibly the hottest bat after Hunter Dozier. *takes big breath in* Ah, September baseball.
Cody Bellinger – Hit the IL with a rib fracture. Words no longer do Bellinger’s season justice. Now, I’m left building a Scarecrow Bellinger and burning it to exorcise the demons he’s unleashed on my fantasy aura. Before drafting Bellinger next year, I better see him in March with bloody hands from cutting a foot off a rabbit.
Julio Urias – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.10. This start was 73 pitches, so to get through six is a bit of a feat, not to arouse Tarantino.
Trayce Thompson – 1-for-5 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in two games, which I know because this is the 2nd time I’m mentioning him, and I would never mention him if he weren’t hitting. Hot schmotato? P to the erhaps.
Nick Gordon – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (9). Clearly, Nick is the power hitter of the Gordons. The heavyweight compared to his brother, Dee. Weighing in at 123 pounds, Nick is taking down that pipsqueak!
Aledmys Diaz – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. Which is fine and/or dandy, but I have stakes with Siri and Marwin as they are my familiars.
Jose Altuve – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 29th homer, hitting .280. Altuve’s career high for homers is 31. Hopefully, he doesn’t *looks both ways, leans in slowly* come up short.
Jose Urquidy – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.56. The playoffs are gonna be: “With that pitch, he’s completed four innings. It’s doubtful we see him back out for the fifth, as he’s at 60 pitches.”
Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 45th homer. Okay, but Vlad Jr. went 2-for-4 with a long double. A double shows a guy who waits for his teammates to lift him up. To me, that’s inspiring and MVP-worthy.
Chris Bassitt – Will start on Thursday. Hmm, he didn’t have arm or shoulder or elbow or any injury like that. Ya know, he might be able to return and throw 6+ innings. I have no idea, but I could see grabbing him if you need the gamble.
Marco Gonzales – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.01. Last year, he was a top ten starter, because there was only a 2nd half. This year? He has a 2.53 ERA in the 2nd half (going into last night). Don’t even care what the Streamonator says, I’d start him.
J.P. Crawford – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .269. Not a ton recently, and no time to cyclops with a monocle. Where does that leave us? Where?! Don’t leave me with those hangers, Crawford!
Austin Riley – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 30th homer. Someone pointed out the other day how Riley doesn’t have one steal in his MLB career, which is pretty fantastically crazy, since even Nelson Cruz chucks tennis balls on his walker from time to time and steals a base.
Jorge Soler– 1-for-4 and his 24th homer, hitting .220. Soler, Rosario and Duvall just seem to play a combination 7 Minutes In Heaven and Spin The Bottle. Before each game, the bottle is spun. Whoever the bottle lands on, that person gets to score a home run.
Josh Rogers – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.16. In July, a Wetzel’s Pretzels employee, Josh Doe, saw Trevor Rogers (5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.67) walk into a teleportation booth and just as the teleportation was happening, Josh Doe jumped in and took the parts of Rogers that made him whole, and a viable starter, becoming Josh Rogers. Okay, seriously, I don’t know who Josh Rogers is but his peripherals suck, and someone knock Mattingly on the head so he has some sense to shut down Trevor Rogers.
Tyler Mahle – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.66. Yeah, that’s awesome. Very solid start against the freakin’ Pirates! Drop me in a tank of hungry piranhas and scream, “Dinner!”
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 31st homer, hitting .268. His home run’s exit velocity was 118.5 MPH, which just made me squint harder at his home run totals. How does he have less than 45 homers? He’s incapable of hitting anything softly.
Aaron Judge – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 36th homer. Also, in this game, Joey Gallo (1-for-4) hit his 38th homer. The Yanks are going to be so tough to beat in the playoffs if they face the Rangers.
Jordan Montgomery – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.55. Streamonator finds his next start to be a hilariously awful matchup and I don’t disagree.
Jack Flaherty – Threw to hitters on Tuesday. Just a nice game of frisbee toss. Oh, I’m hearing he threw as in pitched. So, he might return but it would be for an inning or two, at best, and no guarantee those innings are great.
Jake Woodford – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.92 vs. Brandon Woodruff – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.52. In a battle between Woodruff and Woodford, this game was built -ford/-ruff.
Dallas Keuchel – 5 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.18 vs. Tyler Alexander – 5 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.10. There were more ducks on the pond in this game than the Anaheim Ducks playing an outdoor game in SoCal. Look at Grey, working the hockey angle! Speaking of which, Viz has started his 2021-22 fantasy hockey rankings. On a side note, wanna wish Viz good luck as he will be our first writer in the World Series of Poker. Break a hand!
Victor Reyes – 4-for-4, 1 run, 2 RBI and his 5th steal. I like to sing Victor Reyes to the tune of Dr. Zaius. Don’t you?
Victor Reyes! Victor Reyes!
Victor Reyes! Victor Reyes!
Victor Reyes! Victor Reyes!
Oooooo, Victor Reyes!
