Please see our player page for Garrett Whitlock to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

The baseball world got some disappointing news Friday night when San Diego Padres shortstop slash motorcycle rider slash drug user slash all around cool guy Fernando Tatis Jr. was handed a 80 game suspension by Major League Baseball after testing positive for performance enhancing drugs. WTF FTJ, PEDs!? SMH. I can think of some other […]

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What’s poppin, Razzpimples? Bullpen update time! And not just bullpen updates, but trade updates! Maybe even more action will go down today. It’s the trade deadline, if’n ya didn’t know’d it, but I betcha know’d it, didn’t ya? Don’t forget, the Razzball Bullpen Chart is manned by yours truly and updated like every single second (not really, […]

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I used to work a night shift on Tuesdays in the summer, but it was an outdoor job, so I never got to watch the All-Star Game on TV. Usually, I’d go sneak some Dairy Queen or gas station ice cream as compensation. The All-Star Game never really moved the needle for me. I suppose being a Twins fan, there’s not much to watch on my end year after year. Yankees and Dodgers fans? The All-Star Game is just another primetime game for you guys. Last night, Apple TV offered me the elite matchup of the Pirates vs the Rockies, and YouTube TV offered me Red Sox vs Yankees. Truth be told, I’ve been blacked out of Twins and Brewers games for two years now. MLB wonders why there’s an audience problem. Meanwhile, I — a guy who ostensibly likes baseball — have watched more Minnesota United soccer games than Minnesota Twins games in the past half decade. Go you Loons! ENYWHEY. If the All-Star Game is your thing, enjoy it. Me? I suppose it’s the one time a year I can watch some Twins and Brewers without being blacked out. 

This is a fantasy baseball break, so let’s do the obligatory thing where we evaluate my pre-season picks, recap the hits my system made, and gloss over my misses like you’re five Heineken’s deep at a dinner party.

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To try to appeal more to teenage boys, the Rangers should install a giant lotion bottle in center field, and each time Marcus Semien homers, it explodes with lotion onto the fans in the bleachers. Yesterday, there would be a lot of facials from Semien, as he went 7-for-8, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and a triple slam (4, 5, 6) and double legs (9, 10). Halleberrylujah. That might actually be the single greatest day ever. Could Semien be coming out of his early-season funk like Jason Biggs once came out of a tube sock? Okay, those other words were likely avoidable. Is Semien about to explode? Again, avoidable! Is Semien about to explode in a good way in all his glory, whole and pulsating. Okay, more very avoidable words! Here’s what I thought on our Youtube channel. Click that and click subscribe so I can feed my children (Ted, a dog).

Before you say, this rooster, Grey, is caca-cuckoo crazy. Entering yesterday’s games, he had an expected batting average of .201, and one of the worst exit velocities in the major. Everything across the board on his page is saying he really was this bad. Not unlucky. Could he turn it all around? Does Marcus Semien sound like a bath towel that you tell your mom you got paste on? Yes and yes! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Rockies aren’t good at home anymore and it’s so funny. Like, that’s the joke. The Rockies. Excuse me, the Jokies. Is that a thing? It is now! Bud Black is a joke, the entire organization is a joke. From top to bottom, just jokey joke jokes. The Jokies’ owner, Dick Monfort says, “Can’t believe we’ve got Kris Bryant locked up until he’s 37. We are so smart,” as Monfort pushes on a door that says pull. Also, and I know I joke a lot about the Jokies, so I have to tell you this is absolutely true, Dick Monfort appointed one of the majors’ youngest scouting directors. Who is this overachiever? His son! He appointed his son the scouting director. What’s his qualifications? I just told you! He’s his son! Any hoo! Edward Cabrera (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 9 Ks) threw a gem in Coors, in his first start up with the team. The command is pretty worrisome here. In Triple-A, he had a 4.6 BB/9 with a 4.56 ERA. I’m actually surprised he was promoted. The stuff is electric, but he could have some absolute roofies. Outside of NL-Only, I’d be concerned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Yusei…

I only hear what I want to. *sob-snorting* I thought what I felt was simple! *mumbling words I don’t know* Turn the MLB dot com on! Yusei is on. *mumbling more words I don’t know* I think that Yusei’s throwing, but I’m thrown. Is Yusei…oh…kay? *mumbling more words I don’t know* You try to give away a keeper, or keep me cause you know you’re just so scared to lose, and Yusei…Stay.

It’s kinda crazy how much Lisa Loeb was singing about Yusei Kikuchi (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.38) when he was only three years old. Yusei’s command is usually around a 3.5 BB/9, but this year so far it’s 5.6. His Ks are still so far’king good — 9.3 K/9, and his velocity is fine (95 MPH on the speedball), and he seemed like he wasn’t controlling the cutter/slider well early on, and it was forcing him to throw the fastball more. So hitters were sitting dead-red on the chugga-chugga, and it wasn’t working. In his last three starts, things have been better, and Yusei isn’t just a Gen X anthem for lost love angst. Yusei…Stay on my teams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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No hitters are funny, aren’t they? They’re baseball at its finest. Baseball thrives off of statistical anomalies. It’s why there’s so many Jayson Stark-types that spit at ya stuff like, “This is the first time a player has hit into a double play while his 1st base coach was in the 1st base coach’s box talking on a bluetooth to his mistress,” and other oddities. The no-hitter highlights the oddity. It takes great pitching to no-hit a team, but varying amounts of luck. Reid Detmers was on the leaning side of the scale for an extreme amount of luck. Well-struck balls right at fielders. Hit ’em where they ain’t the Rays ain’t did. It’s also incredibly funny that Detmers’s peripherals got worse from a no hitter, but you throw 9 IP, 0 ER, 1 walk and only two strikeouts, and that will happen. His ERA is now down to 3.77. A solid, unremarkable unhittable performance. One of baseball’s oddities. It’s another oddity that the highlight of a no-hitter was a home run by Anthony Rendon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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May the Fourth was with Rowdy-D2, as he had the night, that every hitter used to have in 2019, 4-for-6, 8 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer. Anyone who asks, I say grab Rowdy Tellez. You down to Jarred Kelenic or Rowdy Tellez and I’m Tellez who I want who I really really want. Wanna see who’s hot? Look at the 7-day Player Rater. Don’t have to scroll far down for Tellez. Wanna see a gorgeous Statcast page? Look at Tellez’s. I wrote a sleeper post last year for him, but my one caveat was: Does he have playing time? He struggled to find it; Jays shipped him off and now he won’t be denied, especially not on the planet of Tater-ooine:

Sorry, these are just so cringe that I can’t resist. Also, having a great night, and now deserves a Colt 45, was Andrew Cutchrissian (4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs):

Okay, okay, one more, and this is the worst one, which makes it the best, Luis Chewurias:

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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